i need help!!! im cracking here!

[strawberry42 0]

im a usa citizen born here ,, i brought my middle eastern husband here to usa about 1 and half years ago, all was like a beautiful love story, flying back and forth to see him, fighting our way through the journey with all papers doing all to bring him home, well finally he got here, what a joyous time, untill a few months after he got here, we started argueing, he didnt like my friends or my kids werent respectable, or just anything,,we would fight then make up back and forth but the fights got worse, he even would hit me , slap my face and say allah swt says its ok to do to correct me, i first thought maybe hes just upset cause he couldnt find work or maybe culture shock,he started making friends and wouldnt let me klknow who they were, got a cell phone and wouldnt tell me who he was talking too, changed his password on his yahoo and wouldnt let me know the password, now granted i knew it befor and yes i would open it but when hes got a woman on there i want to know whats going on u know? and since im not allowed to talk to men or have them on my id i think it should be the same for him, his argument is that its his brothers wife sister so its ok, but in thier culture he can marry her by law and shes not married and his same age so i dont think its right, anyway,,, the arguments got worse the slaps got harder till finally i called the police and they put him in jail,he got oout and threatened to turn off the electric and water unless i signed a paper stateing that he never hit me and i had a mental problem,and if i didnt do it he would turn all off, i owed the electric and water company and i couldnt pay them by my name so i signed this paper and he even made me go to a mental hospital to have more evidence that i was nuts so he could show it to a judge and get the charges dropeed, big mistake i made!he kept all these papers in his brief case and has held it over my head for months,, he tells me do as i say or i will turn everything off and show these papers to your boss at work,, to everyone and to immigration to prove your nuts!im working my butt off paying all the bills keeping up with the home and my kids and its just got me frazzled,

my tax return is comming soon inshallah so i can put everything in my name so he cant hurt me with this again, but i forgot to mention that hes the only one with a car so if we get in a argument he wont take me to work,i have to walk 4 miles total to my job in the freezing weather,

and to make things even worse,my breast cancer returned to my back and my lung and when they biopsied it they found a disease called crytococosis and what does he tell me??? its a curse from alllah swt, and hes punishing u for being bad woman, if i ask him to help me aroound the house he gets mad , calls me many names and makes me cry and if i cry he tells me im a baby,, quit your damm whining and so on,,,

now 2day hes told me since we got in a big argument that not only is he turning everything off ,,, hes gonna show my mental records which he wont give back to me,, to the immigration ppl and tell them im nuts,hes gonna file for a divorce and remarry,, even if its only islamiclly,and hes gonna press charges against me for mental abuse,saying that i put him in jail for no reason and hes got the papers to proove it and to proove im crazy,

he said that as soon as he sends uscis the divorce papers he will get his 10 year greencard immidiately even though the anniversary date is not till july 2 of this year,

hes told me if he even thinks im cheating which no im not but he said if he even suspects it he can kill me and the man and go to paradise,

i made a huge huge mistake, what started off as a beautiful love story has now turned into a nightmare, my friends arent allowed to come over, i cant leave the house without his permission, my kids are so hurt from all this, my questions are,,,,,,,,,,

can he get a 10 year green card immidiately after showing our divorce papers??

can he press charges for mental abuse??

can he have my medical records without my consent?

im here im crying and im scared, and just for the record we dont have bank accounts in each others names cause he wont allow me on it, we dont have bills in each others names, we dont have pictures recently of me and him and the kids, just some picks from a year ago ,i need help pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ,, how do i escape all this,, thanks

[caly 48]

Sorry to hear you are going through this. To answer one of your questions, he will be able to remove conditions (get the 10 year green card) on his own IF he can prove that the marriage was entered into in good faith. From what you've said, it doesn't seem like he will have much in the way of this (no photos/joint accounts/bills etc..)

More importantly, you need to get yourself and your kids out of this situation. Is there a shelter or a mosque in your area where you can go to seek help?

You might want to read some of the threads in the "Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits" section on the site. That's where you'll find other threads with issues similar to yours. I'm sure a moderator will come by and move this thread into that section of the forums where people much more knowledgeable on the subject will be able to give you some more concrete advice.

Edited January 21, 2012 by caly

[strawberry42 0]

Sorry to hear you are going through this. To answer one of your questions, he will be able to remove conditions (get the 10 year green card) on his own IF he can prove that the marriage was entered into in good faith. From what you've said, it doesn't seem like he will have much in the way of this (no photos/joint accounts/bills etc..)

More importantly, you need to get yourself and your kids out of this situation. Is there a shelter or a mosque in your area where you can go to seek help?

m waiting on the shelter to call me i left them a voice mail and i did the same for the mosque as well,.hes talked in hurting my oldest son who is 22 and all things and im just so scared , he started to change about a month after arriving in usa, i feel like im in a big nightmare of a movie on lifetime

[ceadsearc 515]

Do you believe he was just using you for a green card? That's how it sounds to me, but I don't know. If so, you should take all your evidence, and contact USCIS about it.

[strawberry42 0]

Do you believe he was just using you for a green card? That's how it sounds to me, but I don't know. If so, you should take all your evidence, and contact USCIS about it.

well for the first 2 years of our relationship it was wonderful then a month after hes here he flipped, i dont care of he stays in usa or not really, im more afraid of the safety of me and the kids and he has a foid card and been talking in getting a hand gun, its just to scarey and i wish i would get this phone call now from the shelter

[Penguin_ie 5,986]

*** Moving from AOS to Effects of Major Changes ****

[ceadsearc 515]

I hope they call you soon. I would suggest you also look into a lawyer to help you file for divorce, you may be able to find one to help you pro-bono and there is a good chance the shelter may have a list of such lawyers. Yes, he may be able to remove conditions without you but if that isn't your concern, then don't even stress about it, just worry about getting yourself and kids out of the situation.

[strawberry42 0]

well for the first 2 years of our relationship it was wonderful then a month after hes here he flipped, i dont care of he stays in usa or not really, im more afraid of the safety of me and the kids and he has a foid card and been talking in getting a hand gun, its just to scarey and i wish i would get this phone call now from the shelter

he just keeps throwing in my face his visa, how he can stay here how he can get it so quickly by divorcing me and prooving im nuts, and wanting to show all the world my records and blah blah, i feel like a failure, even now im afraid he will see my words on vj, he even goes into the pc to see where i go , see all the calls i make on my phone, i got in trouble for smiling to much at my work when he came to pick me up,ive beeen told im stupid crazy retarded ignorant, fat ugly disgusting, cursed by allah swt with cancer and disease, no one would want me, and on and on

[Darnell 8,478]

he's been coached by some one else, and it's showing. His intent all along has been to gather the right evidence for an abuse case, and leave you, after he has his first green card in hand.

Find the local catholic charities office in your town, get immediate referral for a battered woman's shelter - let them know you need an intake today.

[Darnell 8,478]

fwiw - the medical documents he has on you - please understand those were obtained under duress (your duress), thinking you need to do what your husband tells you. I'm not knocking you about this, only to mention that when/if things get into court, please remember to state that those medical/mental records were generated at his behest, and were held under your duress.

Catholic Charities can also get you an attorney, help you file all the police reports that YOU NEED TO FILE ON HIM.

[Tim/Mav 305]

Just Courious. You said he was thrown in Jail. To do that the Authorities would have to make a charge. Was that Assualt 4 ? It is a Crime. What was the Charge and how did that go meaning "Final Outcome" and a Record. ?

[Ihavequestions 419]

he's been coached by some one else, and it's showing. His intent all along has been to gather the right evidence for an abuse case, and leave you, after he has his first green card in hand.

Find the local catholic charities office in your town, get immediate referral for a battered woman's shelter - let them know you need an intake today.

I agree.

You're being used and abused.

If you don't hear from the shelter soon, very soon, call the police because he's threatening you and your children and get a restraining order.

Sorry to say, this marriage is beyond saving. He's shown himself. Protect yourself and your family NOW.

[reecy 2]

sorry to hear what you are going through. i agree..u need to protect yourself and your children. i may be wrong but i think EXCELLENT communication helps you see the other persons strengths and weaknesses before marriage. there is always things you will learn day by day but enough to make you know whether or not you will be making a huge mistake. then again... not forgetting...some people are great actors.

[SmilesAbroad 27]

im a usa citizen born here ,, i brought my middle eastern husband here to usa about 1 and half years ago, all was like a beautiful love story, flying back and forth to see him, fighting our way through the journey with all papers doing all to bring him home, well finally he got here, what a joyous time, untill a few months after he got here, we started argueing, he didnt like my friends or my kids werent respectable, or just anything,,we would fight then make up back and forth but the fights got worse, he even would hit me , slap my face and say allah swt says its ok to do to correct me, i first thought maybe hes just upset cause he couldnt find work or maybe culture shock,he started making friends and wouldnt let me klknow who they were, got a cell phone and wouldnt tell me who he was talking too, changed his password on his yahoo and wouldnt let me know the password, now granted i knew it befor and yes i would open it but when hes got a woman on there i want to know whats going on u know? and since im not allowed to talk to men or have them on my id i think it should be the same for him, his argument is that its his brothers wife sister so its ok, but in thier culture he can marry her by law and shes not married and his same age so i dont think its right, anyway,,, the arguments got worse the slaps got harder till finally i called the police and they put him in jail,he got oout and threatened to turn off the electric and water unless i signed a paper stateing that he never hit me and i had a mental problem,and if i didnt do it he would turn all off, i owed the electric and water company and i couldnt pay them by my name so i signed this paper and he even made me go to a mental hospital to have more evidence that i was nuts so he could show it to a judge and get the charges dropeed, big mistake i made!he kept all these papers in his brief case and has held it over my head for months,, he tells me do as i say or i will turn everything off and show these papers to your boss at work,, to everyone and to immigration to prove your nuts!im working my butt off paying all the bills keeping up with the home and my kids and its just got me frazzled,

my tax return is comming soon inshallah so i can put everything in my name so he cant hurt me with this again, but i forgot to mention that hes the only one with a car so if we get in a argument he wont take me to work,i have to walk 4 miles total to my job in the freezing weather,

and to make things even worse,my breast cancer returned to my back and my lung and when they biopsied it they found a disease called crytococosis and what does he tell me??? its a curse from alllah swt, and hes punishing u for being bad woman, if i ask him to help me aroound the house he gets mad , calls me many names and makes me cry and if i cry he tells me im a baby,, quit your damm whining and so on,,,

now 2day hes told me since we got in a big argument that not only is he turning everything off ,,, hes gonna show my mental records which he wont give back to me,, to the immigration ppl and tell them im nuts,hes gonna file for a divorce and remarry,, even if its only islamiclly,and hes gonna press charges against me for mental abuse,saying that i put him in jail for no reason and hes got the papers to proove it and to proove im crazy,

he said that as soon as he sends uscis the divorce papers he will get his 10 year greencard immidiately even though the anniversary date is not till july 2 of this year,

hes told me if he even thinks im cheating which no im not but he said if he even suspects it he can kill me and the man and go to paradise,

i made a huge huge mistake, what started off as a beautiful love story has now turned into a nightmare, my friends arent allowed to come over, i cant leave the house without his permission, my kids are so hurt from all this, my questions are,,,,,,,,,,

can he get a 10 year green card immidiately after showing our divorce papers??

can he press charges for mental abuse??

can he have my medical records without my consent?

im here im crying and im scared, and just for the record we dont have bank accounts in each others names cause he wont allow me on it, we dont have bills in each others names, we dont have pictures recently of me and him and the kids, just some picks from a year ago ,i need help pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ,, how do i escape all this,, thanks

Oh my gosh you sweet angel He is telling you SO MANY MANY LIES. I am a muslim sister myself. Did you know anything about Islam when you married him???? It sounds like you didnt (dont) know anything Right now based on what you told me you can talk to local imams at the mosque and sue for divorce. Please message me and I will help you out. Let me tell you some things that will help you since you don't seem to know them. THE MAN WHO ACCUSES A WOMAN OF CHEATING FALSELY WILL GO TO HELL. The rule is clearly stated in the Qur'an. It is called one of the WORST sins. He must formally accuse you to an Imam under oath to Allah (swt) FOUR TIMES to make up for the absence of FOUR WITNESSES to the crime. BUT if the WIFE SWEARS FOUR TIMES THAT THE HUSBAND IS LIEING, YOU ARE CLEARED AND HE IS IN TROUBLE FOR ACCUSING YOU FALSELY. From everything you just told me, he is a BAD muslim. YOU HAVE SEVERAL ISLAMIC GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE. TALK TO AN IMAM PLEASE. Under Islamic rules he HAS TO PROVIDE FOR YOU. THAT MEANS MONEY, CAR, GAS, ELECTRIC. WHATEVER YOU NEED AT ALL. IF YOU STEAL MONEY FROM HIM TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF IT IS NOT THEFT BY THE RULES OF ISLAM. The Qu'ran clearly gives you the right to steal his money without any punishment (from Allah) the laws of the country may be different and you should adhere to them, however any Imam will support your right to money, a car, and electricity if your husband has the means to provide them to you. IF HE DOES NOT DO THIS YOU CAN SUE HIM FOR DIVORCE. Also the part of the Qur'an which permits *a light slap or a tap* comes from an arabic word that technically means to percuss, like how you tap a drum. AND THAT IS AFTER HE TELLS YOU HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH SOMETHING AND STOPS SHARING YOUR BED. If he didn't take the first two steps then he cannot hit you in any way, and if he hits you in any manner not equivalent to a tap (it should never be more than something akin to a poke, to grab your attention that he has a problem with something you are doing). If you both cannot resolve that issue you need mediators from your family and talk to an Imam. But at this point, you are beyond mediation because he has refused to provide for you and has lied against you. TALK TO AN IMAM RIGHT AWAY. If there are no GOOD Imams in your area please talk to me. And also, he is NOT allowed to talk to a non mahram, a non member of his family or not his wife, you are CORRECT. PLEASE MESSAGE ME ASAP. I will pray for you!

[SmilesAbroad 27]

he just keeps throwing in my face his visa, how he can stay here how he can get it so quickly by divorcing me and prooving im nuts, and wanting to show all the world my records and blah blah, i feel like a failure, even now im afraid he will see my words on vj, he even goes into the pc to see where i go , see all the calls i make on my phone, i got in trouble for smiling to much at my work when he came to pick me up,ive beeen told im stupid crazy retarded ignorant, fat ugly disgusting, cursed by allah swt with cancer and disease, no one would want me, and on and on

PLEASE SEEK HELP FROM AN IMAM. Get shelter any way you can to get away from him, then IMMEDIATELY go speak to any Imam you can find (I can give you more information on this) and tell him everything. He will support you in your claims to a divorce and the word of a religious leader backing you against your husband will help support a claim that you were under duress in the marriage, and that the husband used religion to manipulate you and without an apparent knowledge of the religion. An Imam can help you prove in a court case that your husband did not follow Islamic marriage rules whatsoever and thus testify to the fact your husband used you for immigration purposes. He may try to get asylum as an abuse victim, but just get away as soon as possible and then contact an Imam to support your case. What conditions did you or he make on the Nikkah contract? Did he fulfill your mahr? Do you have a divorce mahr too? If you message me more about your marriage contract conditions, I can help you better. Good luck sister.

Edited January 22, 2012 by Kyda