Sudden CHANGE!!! What do I do!?

[Boiler 43,516]

We live in a multi cultural, some cultures have very different norms.

Oddly this would include a male marrying a much older female.

Unless it would appear she offered immigration benefits.

[sandinista! 1,816]

He wasn't discussing it, he was advocating it.

But you are correct, that was off topic. Back to encouraging the OP to drop this loser like a hot rock.

You don't get off that easy. That last post of yours was ridiculous. If that's where your train of thought really heads to, and that's how ignorant you really are, I think it's important that everybody reading this thread is truly aware of your mindset, so they can ignore anything you're contributing. No one here has anything worthwhile to learn or consider from the likes of you, if that's how you think.

[Rufus2012 175]

You don't get off that easy. That last post of yours was ridiculous. If that's where your train of thought really heads to, and that's how ignorant you really are, I think it's important that everybody reading this thread is truly aware of your mindset, so they can ignore anything you're contributing. No one here has anything worthwhile to learn or consider from the likes of you, if that's how you think.

You don't know a damned thing about me. But go ahead and spew the typical PC rebuttal to any criticism of islam, you just prove my point.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

You don't know a damned thing about me. But go ahead and spew the typical PC rebuttal to any criticism of islam, you just prove my point.

You don't know anything about Islam and have no credibility to criticize it. I know that much about you.

[Rufus2012 175]

You don't know anything about Islam and have no credibility to criticize it. I know that much about you.

Sure, go ahead and jump to conclusions based on one post you don't like. Who's the bigot here?

[MalaysianGirl 26]

please?

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Sure, go ahead and jump to conclusions based on one post you don't like. Who's the bigot here?

Nothing bigoted about what I posted. you jumped in to criticize a faith you know only from anti-Islam websites. Why do you think that makes you some kind of expert to be taken seriously?

[Rufus2012 175]

Nothing bigoted about what I posted. you jumped in to criticize a faith you know only from anti-Islam websites. Why do you think that makes you some kind of expert to be taken seriously?

Feel free to have the last word, this has gotten off topic (and for that, and only that, I apologize).

If you want to continue this discussion, send me an email or start a thread in one of the off topic forums.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Feel free to have the last word, this has gotten off topic (and for that, and only that, I apologize).

If you want to continue this discussion, send me an email or start a thread in one of the off topic forums.

Stick to subjects you actually know something about and no apologizes or emails will be necessary.

[Ban Hammer 12,845]

post with caution....

[momof1 205]

How do I say this gently? I don't think I can so here it goes. He's using you. What in the world does a twenty something guy who can likely get married to any 18-20 year old Algerian girl want with a 40 year old deaf woman? I'm not being mean or picking on you, but you have to think about this. This is the biggest issue I see. How do you communicate? Does he know sign language? Is he planning on learning sign language? You cannot type/chat to eachother when he's in your home and if you're having communication difficulties now it will only get worse when you don't have those tools to help.

I've not heard one single mention of emotion or of love between you two. All I can see is you arguing with yourself about not accepting his behavior and then in the next post you accepting it until the last moment. Do you realize how crazy this all sounds?

And, all the BS that he's talking about is typical cultural Algerian #######. Most of my BILs aren't very religious. They vary from practicing to not practicing at all. And a few in the middle who pray and fast but that's about it. Each and every one of them though try to shield the women in the family in the same way you described. They don't tell people their first names, they do the haggling in the market for them, and they'd knock some guy out if he was smiling/talking to one of them. The problem is that they have no exposure to the outside world. This is the way it is for most people. That's how they were raised and they go with it. My husband lived abroad just enough years(1995 to present) to rid himself of enough of these habits to not make him a controlling #######. I think these are huge warning signs that you should not ignore. If you aren't really prepared to live the rest of your relationship this way then he should stay there. Take him as he is or don't take him at all. When you plan on changing someones behavior you will be the loser.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

I think the OP has been given really good advice. What she does with it is entirely up to her. I keep coming back to read in hopes that she had her eyes open to what everyone has said. Its sad when people are given really accurate advice & it gets thrown to the wind.

I really hope for the best for you Em, & IMO-that doesnt include him.

Oh & Stacie & Momof1 ... you ladies post rock!

Edited October 31, 2011 by ~PalmTreeGurl~

[great123 0]

So true. My argumentative point with folks who declare themselves to follow SUNNA contradict themselves especially when they live in "standard" homes, driving cars, using electrical appliances.... To follow sunna would be "living in a tent with no running water, no electricity, no zipper, no electric appliances, and etc" and use a camel for transport.

That kinda baffles me. This is the 21st century and I don't see places that are "camel friendly" or "camel-ready."

No offense to ANYONE.

AHH That explains! Thank you again.

SUNNA that's not mean to use camel or to not driving cars........you don't understand what is SUNNA you misunderstanding the meaning.

SUNNA is so clear as the sun is so clear, take some times and read about it.......

any way it's not my business I only wanted to point out Islam is so clear and what your husband told you is all true.

how you will feel if you see your husband with a woman ....bad feelings...our husband know only one woman(their wifes), and our women know only one man(their husbands). our eyes and ears are so clean and that's why there is a lot off blessing between the husband and wife. and we love each so much.

So Sunna is to protect our feelings and our right and for the people whom follow Sunna are so happy we don't have any

problems of looking about happiness here and there, there is only one way for happiness AlhamdoliAllah.

This is my opinion and I respect your opinion and the others members opinion too and this is your life and the choice is yours.

Congratulation for your fiancée approval.

[In a tizzy 7]

I think the OP has been given really good advice. What she does with it is entirely up to her. I keep coming back to read in hopes that she had her eyes open to what everyone has said. Its sad when people are given really accurate advice & it gets thrown to the wind.

I really hope for the best for you Em, & IMO-that doesnt include him.

Oh & Stacie & Momof1 ... you ladies post rock!

PalmTreeGurl,

Yes, I feel assured that I have enough information to go from there, especially having the Customs & Border Patrol's contact info, the Embassy has been contacted, and the beneficiary has been contacted.

Moreover, I have already been in contact with a lawyer that specializes in sharia marriage contract/pre-nup of some sort (AS a back up).

Many of those solid advices I recieved have been duly noted

Thank you again. E

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

Its a disaster & heartbreak waiting to happen. I wont congrats him at all. I honestly hope he really doesnt come over here. I've seen enough relationships where I thought "yah my friends are going to last forever" & they havent- I sure dont think one like this will. Communication & respect is very important in relationships. The red flags are everywhere on this fella.

And btw, did he ever contact you yet about the details of his interview? Like what questions he was asked?

Edited October 31, 2011 by ~PalmTreeGurl~