My story...

[together4evr 360]

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=328466&view=findpost&p=4890656

rebeccajo,

how do you get a link inside a post? I tried and it did not work...

[TracyTN 237]

rebeccajo,

how do you get a link inside a post? I tried and it did not work...

Click on the post # hyperlink for a direct link.

[san diego 407]

I am sorry you are going thru this. Keep your eyes open, research to know what you are looking for, and don't give up (on your marriage) yet.

Oh, the people who are slamming Sam, without thought, might remember he has an account here too, and more than likely will read all this.

Good luck to you both.

I do not think it is relevant if he is a member. In fact, I think, it would be useful for him to read this as it may change his prospective and change his behavior and may still save his marriage. Nobody is slamming him. Just merely stating facts and making relevant conclusions. I think this is a time for him to become a man. This is part of getting married: becoming a responsible human being.

[JudyKCski 12]

Dee really sorry for what you have been though. I do agree that if your husband grew up with that sort of abusive behavior it may have been passed onto him OR he knows the difference between right and wrong and can steer clear of it.

Another thought and I am not condoning their behavior however I had a step-grandmother who was from Virginia too... they have very odd customs that have been handed down though the ages - some of the ideas they have are absolutely astounding - some are 'hill people' with very strange customs and ideas. Perhaps you should have a discussion with your husband and ask him if there is anything else as far as beliefs in the area.

There are some people who do actually believe if you cross a black cats path it will give you bad luck. I DO know that in Virginia (some areas) you better not even think of rocking a rocking chair without someone in it - alot of people actually believe in "Old wives tales". There must be some sort of a belief if you are outside at night maybe the boogey man will get you or something of that sort ask your hubby and find out. Also, some areas have really strange laws.. holding hands - public displays of affection and such.

Sorry for rambling.. I actually did ask my fiance when I was in Norway about local laws etc - I did not want to be one arrested for what I can normally do at home. haha

Good luck!

[Stuart and Thea 95]

DeeDee, I said it before, you are the one that was acting like a lady, and the grandmother was the one acting like a "common #######" only in America, they call it white trash. To use you like a slave, to try to beat you into submission and debase you, and to try to break up your marriage is ridiculous. To be honest, knowing you, I'm surprised that you WERE so submissive, and honestly, I picture you streaming off several colourful Romanian words to her instead. That you didn't, (not even knock out a tooth) shows maturity on your part, and I'm proud of you for that.

As to the abusive family that Sam apparently has, well, that doesn't look too good. Neither does the upbringing that you had. You and Sam are a family of two, and need to be constantly vigilant for either of you falling into both rages, and impotency, which is more how I saw Sam's not defending you, than him not wanting to. It's hard to recognise something for what it is, especially when you live with it. It took their treatment of you for him to actually notice how they've been for so long, and good on him for standing up for you once he did. Hopefully he'll stand up for himself now as well as recognise in himself those tendencies.

Counseling is a good idea for you both, especially as Sam could use the self esteem help and after this thread, you might need some security that he's committed to making it work with you. I know you both love each other, but you're both young, and this is HARD. To have doubts based on someone having a bad upbringing just makes it harder, so do yourselves a favour and look into it. As for money, and supporting yourself, there's a lot of work out there if you just keep looking...

[Lytha 2]

Stay strong! Stick together, thats most important! I'm sure you will work things out!

The best of luck with it!

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

When it comes to family I have one rule of thumb... Immediate Nuclear Family (Spouse & Kids) are #1. The rest can wait in line behind them, that's for everything.

[NicciNono 1]

Well, maybe you did something that looked like you were fishy. I wonder why your husband yelled "she ran off" in the first place. Report her for hitting you, but you should keep your room clean and her house clean while living in it. Anyway, just dont talk to her again and get a job and get your own house. Good luck.

[skiptex 225]

ooh yea.. calling police will provide a record if ever needed.. they may have also called them on you.. so i would not be around them again.. in private..

[LookyWhatIFound 38]

Good luck DeeDee and Sam, you two are both very strong and very young. Most important thing, stick with each other and stick strong cause it seems you two have only each other.

[DeeDee&Sam 68]

well it took me a while to get back in here cause we were busy driving around for stuff.

well, the first thing i have to say is that my marriage is fine. me and sam have absolutely no communication problems. his grandma didnt like me even before i got here even if she didnt know me, my mom in law told me that.

2) his family is not abusive. his grandma is. his mom, sister, friends, defend me like pit bulls and now they are trying to help us out however they can. his mom apologised to me for saying that thing about marring him for the GC and said she believed what her mom told her (those lies) and she took us away when she found out about everything that happened.

3) my husband is a jewel. he got freaked out back then cause he couldnt see me in the grass and we live 10 feet from the forest we have wild animals all over he didnt think i took off. he didnt know his grandma got psysical with me, i told him that evening everything that happened, and that she made me give the ring back to him. he told me he didnt know what to say or do when she was throwing all those words in my face and i understand and forgive him for that cause he was as lost as i was.

sam will NEVER get abusive with me. he's a very loving and caring person, he works 10 hours a day 6 days a week to give both of us a good life. he has the best paying job around thats why we cant move to another state, probably we will when we'll have money saved.

as for a baby, i wont get one until next year probably because we dont afford it right now, babies cost a lot. i trust my husband with all my heart and i know he will never get abusive with me or our children, he's a very tender and sensitive person. we did not apply for AOS yet, i dont even have a SSN we'll go apply for it probably on friday. we took all the documents away from there and put them safe in a binder in my luggage.

his famiy is NOT supporting us. we didnt have co-sponsors for k1, we did it ourselves. the only thing was a place to live until we found a rent. we live in the countryside and its very hard to get a house for rent in here. now we found one and they r trying to rent it just so we wont be able to move

@skiptex: they can call the police on me all they want because i did NOTHING. i aways stayed in my place, never bothered anyone, never replied back when i was insulted, never got in their way. when she got physical with me i didnt back off, i didnt say a word, didnt lay a finger on her. she never liked me before she met me that was the problem. and she got to an extreme

i dunno why someone posted the thing about me punching that girl in the face. i was a teen and it was a reflex, is not related to this.

i made this topic for people that were in similar situations. we're working our way through it step by step. our marriage is not in danger we're more loving and bonded

[Dan & Jenni 457]

well it took me a while to get back in here cause we were busy driving around for stuff.

well, the first thing i have to say is that my marriage is fine. me and sam have absolutely no communication problems. his grandma didnt like me even before i got here even if she didnt know me, my mom in law told me that.

2) his family is not abusive. his grandma is. his mom, sister, friends, defend me like pit bulls and now they are trying to help us out however they can. his mom apologised to me for saying that thing about marring him for the GC and said she believed what her mom told her (those lies) and she took us away when she found out about everything that happened.

3) my husband is a jewel. he got freaked out back then cause he couldnt see me in the grass and we live 10 feet from the forest we have wild animals all over he didnt think i took off. he didnt know his grandma got psysical with me, i told him that evening everything that happened, and that she made me give the ring back to him. he told me he didnt know what to say or do when she was throwing all those words in my face and i understand and forgive him for that cause he was as lost as i was.

sam will NEVER get abusive with me. he's a very loving and caring person, he works 10 hours a day 6 days a week to give both of us a good life. he has the best paying job around thats why we cant move to another state, probably we will when we'll have money saved.

as for a baby, i wont get one until next year probably because we dont afford it right now, babies cost a lot. i trust my husband with all my heart and i know he will never get abusive with me or our children, he's a very tender and sensitive person. we did not apply for AOS yet, i dont even have a SSN we'll go apply for it probably on friday. we took all the documents away from there and put them safe in a binder in my luggage.

his famiy is NOT supporting us. we didnt have co-sponsors for k1, we did it ourselves. the only thing was a place to live until we found a rent. we live in the countryside and its very hard to get a house for rent in here. now we found one and they r trying to rent it just so we wont be able to move

@skiptex: they can call the police on me all they want because i did NOTHING. i aways stayed in my place, never bothered anyone, never replied back when i was insulted, never got in their way. when she got physical with me i didnt back off, i didnt say a word, didnt lay a finger on her. she never liked me before she met me that was the problem. and she got to an extreme

i dunno why someone posted the thing about me punching that girl in the face. i was a teen and it was a reflex, is not related to this.

i made this topic for people that were in similar situations. we're working our way through it step by step. our marriage is not in danger we're more loving and bonded

[JohnandWendyB 21]

i decided to post this because some people might learn something from my experience. im romanian, i moved to virginia on 17th september to be with my (back then) future husband. i love him to death, i knew we wouldnt afford a house right away so we moved in with his grandma, with his mom and aunts coming at the house often. i knew his mom for months cause we talked on messenger very often and we were getting along great. well things were perfect there, we were all sunshines and rainbows even if his grandma was giving me freaky looks eveytime she saw me. on 27th september we went at the court house and got married only with his mom in there. we got back and told everyone else we got married, all of them congratulated and hugged us. they told me how much they loved me, and how happy sam is with me.

well 3 nights ago, my husband was playing on the computer so i went outside , layed on the grass and watched the stars. my husband run and woke his mom up saying i run in the woods and this caused a huge scandal. i got forbidden to go out after 10pm (even in the yard) his grandma saying she'll lock me up outside on the porch in the cold (is freezing here at night cause we live in the mountains. that night i made up with my husband very easy, we were all loving. in the morning his mom started knocking at our door, woke us up and told us to move outside, so we did. now the fun begun. his mom acused me for marring him for the freakin greencard and told me she's sending me back home. his grandma told my husband (in front of me) that i said my engagement ring with diamonds is actually just a friendship ring and ill keep it only until im getting a bigger one. i kept shouting at her thats a lie, and she shouldnt lie like that in front of me. she said im the one im lying when i didnt even bring up to discution my engagement ring since i got here. she told my husband that im the biggest mistake of his life and she knows he'll never be happy and we should divorce imediately ( we were married for 4 days and we were insanely happy until that happened). she told me in front of him that i can go and f**k whoever i want because she doesnt care and he doesnt care either. my husband wasnt defending me at all he just stood there staring not saying a word. now the horrible part came. i went to my room to be alone, she came in after like 30 minutes and pulled me out of the bed, pulled me off by hair and legs and shoved me in the kitchen and made me wash all their dishes and do laundry, fold all the clothes and stuff. when i was washing dishes she made me give my husband back the engagement ring he gave me last year. i did it without telling him why. after that she got psysical again, she grabbed my neck and squeezed it saying she was gonna beat me up and kick me in the street. after i washed all the dishes she made us clean the room, change the mattress, take all the trash. she forbid us NOT to close the door at OUR freakin' room. we did all that in silence. when we were done i was left alone in that room for hours. it was 8pm and i didnt eat anything all day. she was telling him in the other room to go sleep at his cousin and leave me there all alone ( i didnt even have sheets on the bed). she kept calling me a wh**re and little b***h. my husband refused to leave m,e in there. he came in our room and hugged me and we were both sitting there crying. i told him im his wife, and i have no family in there and he should defend me and take care of me because i cant defend myself in front of his whole family especially when they r so damn agressive cause i dont wanna end up in jail if i lay a hand on them.

well yesterday when we woke up, we avoided everyone. we took our cigs, coffee and hid in the backyard without saying a word. when we came back inside in our room, his grandma called him and she said she wants an apology from ME. my husband said hell no, you have to apologise to her for being psysical, for hitting her and for making u do all your dirty work. she said she wants "that w***e" out of her house so my husband said "if she's leaving im leaving too" so he came in and started looking for rents. his mom came home and found out what happened, she found out her mom hit me and she made a huge scandal. she kicked all of us out (we didnt have any place to go) and she shouted she doesnt want to see that lil' b***h (me) in her house ever again. my husband turned aro9und pissed as hell and he said you dont call my wife like that ever again u ^%^&$%*^& and if you lay your hand on her again you'll get in jail. he tried to get out of the house with 2 big luggage and she slammed the door into his back, he almost fell on the stairs and got hit in the back with the door. his mom came here running, put us and our stuff in the car and took us away from there with the speed of light. now we're living at her house for the next 1-2 weeks until we can move to our own p[lace. we found a very cheap house for rent. and now guess what, his grandma and aunts want to rent it just so we wont get it. eveything is so backwards here.

now i wrote all this in case you move in with your spouse's family. no matter how nice they are DONT!!!! trust them and always have a plan B. they were super nice to me at first. this all happened because of NOTHING. i didnt do anything to anyone i was very polite, i was nice to everyone, gave them all the space in the world. they still hated me. they called me a money sucker even if they saw i cried for the damn medicine bills when i got sick last week cause i didnt want my husband to pay a cent for me.

really take care if u do that and try to get a place of your own as soon as possible because they can break your relationship apart in a second. thank god me and my husband are more bonded than ever and we dont wanna see her ever again

So sorry to hear this happened to you! I used to work at a Domestic Violence shelter and we had women come in with horror stories of what occurred after they immigrated. I know alot of Americans are afraid of getting taken advantage of just for a green card which happens alot but there is never any excuse for being horrible to people. I am glad you all found a place to be and have a plan to get your own place. Good luck and keep us updated!

[JohnandWendyB 21]

DeeDee, I said it before, you are the one that was acting like a lady, and the grandmother was the one acting like a "common #######" only in America, they call it white trash. To use you like a slave, to try to beat you into submission and debase you, and to try to break up your marriage is ridiculous. To be honest, knowing you, I'm surprised that you WERE so submissive, and honestly, I picture you streaming off several colourful Romanian words to her instead. That you didn't, (not even knock out a tooth) shows maturity on your part, and I'm proud of you for that.

As to the abusive family that Sam apparently has, well, that doesn't look too good. Neither does the upbringing that you had. You and Sam are a family of two, and need to be constantly vigilant for either of you falling into both rages, and impotency, which is more how I saw Sam's not defending you, than him not wanting to. It's hard to recognise something for what it is, especially when you live with it. It took their treatment of you for him to actually notice how they've been for so long, and good on him for standing up for you once he did. Hopefully he'll stand up for himself now as well as recognise in himself those tendencies.

Counseling is a good idea for you both, especially as Sam could use the self esteem help and after this thread, you might need some security that he's committed to making it work with you. I know you both love each other, but you're both young, and this is HARD. To have doubts based on someone having a bad upbringing just makes it harder, so do yourselves a favour and look into it. As for money, and supporting yourself, there's a lot of work out there if you just keep looking...

[Golden Gate 530]

well it took me a while to get back in here cause we were busy driving around for stuff.

well, the first thing i have to say is that my marriage is fine. me and sam have absolutely no communication problems. his grandma didnt like me even before i got here even if she didnt know me, my mom in law told me that.

2) his family is not abusive. his grandma is. his mom, sister, friends, defend me like pit bulls and now they are trying to help us out however they can. his mom apologised to me for saying that thing about marring him for the GC and said she believed what her mom told her (those lies) and she took us away when she found out about everything that happened.

3) my husband is a jewel. he got freaked out back then cause he couldnt see me in the grass and we live 10 feet from the forest we have wild animals all over he didnt think i took off. he didnt know his grandma got psysical with me, i told him that evening everything that happened, and that she made me give the ring back to him. he told me he didnt know what to say or do when she was throwing all those words in my face and i understand and forgive him for that cause he was as lost as i was.

sam will NEVER get abusive with me. he's a very loving and caring person, he works 10 hours a day 6 days a week to give both of us a good life. he has the best paying job around thats why we cant move to another state, probably we will when we'll have money saved.

as for a baby, i wont get one until next year probably because we dont afford it right now, babies cost a lot. i trust my husband with all my heart and i know he will never get abusive with me or our children, he's a very tender and sensitive person. we did not apply for AOS yet, i dont even have a SSN we'll go apply for it probably on friday. we took all the documents away from there and put them safe in a binder in my luggage.

his famiy is NOT supporting us. we didnt have co-sponsors for k1, we did it ourselves. the only thing was a place to live until we found a rent. we live in the countryside and its very hard to get a house for rent in here. now we found one and they r trying to rent it just so we wont be able to move

@skiptex: they can call the police on me all they want because i did NOTHING. i aways stayed in my place, never bothered anyone, never replied back when i was insulted, never got in their way. when she got physical with me i didnt back off, i didnt say a word, didnt lay a finger on her. she never liked me before she met me that was the problem. and she got to an extreme

i dunno why someone posted the thing about me punching that girl in the face. i was a teen and it was a reflex, is not related to this.

i made this topic for people that were in similar situations. we're working our way through it step by step. our marriage is not in danger we're more loving and bonded

Thanks for explaining! Everything is more clear. Still not sure who is trying to stop you from moving to that house, though. Sounds like you both are on the same page, and I would try to avoid that grandmother. My dad's girlfriend is a bit wacko and I know we aren't going to be spending a great deal of time with her when my fiance comes. Good luck to you and wish you only the best!