What did I do wrong?

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Wish you best of luck but I have no experience to relate.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Tampo is not pulling back so the argument ceases; tampo is preventing an argument before it starts.

You think that's healthy? That's sounds to me like emotional withdrawal. It might be cultural that Filipinos generally shy away from confrontation, but I can see that trait being exploited and interpreted as emotional immaturity (she's can't handle the tough issues within the marriage), while the husband can just take it on the chin.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

You need to make her understand she is your wife. You are the man of the house. Show her you care but not too much. That could prolly be a reason why she is bratty too. Don't spoil her too much. She needs to "woman up".

What do you mean by "you are the man of the house?" That he has the final say in things?

[TiklingGuy 211]

Lol! This topic has made me laugh now for days! For all the white American Philippine culture experts that have posted, tampo or tampon whatever!! It's all BS!! Man and Woman in a marriage is the same all over the world. If a man pisses in a woman's cheerios or vce versa, there is going to be attitudes about it. the Op was on an important business call, his wife was talking to loud, he asked her to shut her face, she got mad. Asian, African, Canadian, European or American, it doesn't matter.

[magdasal 19]

You think that's healthy? That's sounds to me like emotional withdrawal. It might be cultural that Filipinos generally shy away from confrontation, but I can see that trait being exploited and interpreted as emotional immaturity (she's can't handle the tough issues within the marriage), while the husband can just take it on the chin.

Well, at least there is a cultural explanation for that behavior and it's normal within the culture...no psycho behavior. I can't stand it myself...and managed to find a filipina wife who doesn't do tampo...or throw things around the room. They are actually out there.

Nevertheless, the reasons for tampo make sense and it's a lot better than dodging dishes, pots & pans, laptops or knives.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Well, at least there is a cultural explanation for that behavior and it's normal within the culture...no psycho behavior. I can't stand it myself...and managed to find a filipina wife who doesn't do tampo...or throw things around the room. They are actually out there.

Nevertheless, the reasons for tampo make sense and it's a lot better than dodging dishes, pots & pans, laptops or knives.

Some of the men have said they find it to be a desirable trait. If she remains silent when she disagrees with the husband, that's a golden ticket for a guy who likes to have the final say.

Edited July 18, 2011 by 8TBVBN

[gretchen_darren 67]

not that he has the final say on things. the "man of the house" means he wears the pants and she wears the dresses. There was a saying in my fiancee's family. the man used to say, "if the girls stop wearing the dresses and wear the pants, then men will stop wearing the pants and wear the dresses. there HAS to be some dresses in this house." All it means is the men are the leader in the house. taking charge of getting things done and taken care of. he makes sure there money, food, cars are taken care of. A man of the house means you DO the work necessary to provide for the family. Does not mena you are an iron fist dominating ruler. Far from it, it means the buck stops with you. the OP is dealing with tampo issues, where his wife is thinking she is being ignored. She thought she would prove a point by swinging at him, and found out he was paying attention. the problem is her swinging, But also the problem is why is it going on? She is acting like spoiled brat, but why? We are jumping to conclusions here without knowing much more then what is posted.... the key point is why....

I would also suggest some people learn the terms properly when using them: misogyny is the hatred or dislike of all women. and philogyny is the fondness, love, admiration towards women.

[magdasal 19]

Some of the men have said they find it to be a desirable trait. If she remains silent when she disagrees with the husband, that's a golden ticket for a guy who likes to have the final say.

Well, it's certainly an open path for misunderstandings. One if the big things I learned, knowing quite a few guys married to filipinas (and Asians in general), is that silence is most definitely not consent. A filipina may not openly disagree with her man, especially in public, but that in no way means he's carried the day. The dissenting opinion just gets expressed in more subtle and perhaps sometimes, more destructive ways. Bottom line, like any married couple, both sides have to come to an understanding or one way or another, there will be trouble.

[gretchen_darren 67]

Well, at least there is a cultural explanation for that behavior and it's normal within the culture...no psycho behavior. I can't stand it myself...and managed to find a filipina wife who doesn't do tampo...or throw things around the room. They are actually out there.

Nevertheless, the reasons for tampo make sense and it's a lot better than dodging dishes, pots & pans, laptops or knives.

now I know why knives are not something you find in the dinner table......

[Ban Hammer 12,842]

one post making it personal removed. next member making it personal gets bounced out of the thread.

[Eric-Pris 1,602]

11) if all else fails, and you have good relations with her family. They think you are a good man. (if the family does not like you or you are on shaky ground with the family, do not do these steps)

a) contact her family and provide a list of all she has broken in Philippine peso costs. Tell her family you cannot afford because of what she is doing. If you are sending money, tell them no money can be sent for a few months.

b)take her home to her village, and talk with her parents and family. Explain to her parents and extended family, YOU have had enough of HER tantrums. So them a list of EVERYTHING she has broken. if she wants to leave you, you will leave HER there in the village taking HER green card and other items with you to turn in at the US Embassy. the last thing she wants is HER family to know how badly SHE is treating YOU or how much she has broken.

Looks like she just got her 10-yr greencard recently, so he's not taking anything. Maybe that could be the reason for her attitude change. She got the prize shre was after all along.

[B_J 2,752]

You think that's healthy? That's sounds to me like emotional withdrawal. It might be cultural that Filipinos generally shy away from confrontation, but I can see that trait being exploited and interpreted as emotional immaturity (she's can't handle the tough issues within the marriage), while the husband can just take it on the chin.

Some of the men have said they find it to be a desirable trait. If she remains silent when she disagrees with the husband, that's a golden ticket for a guy who likes to have the final say.

You are seriously trying too hard.

I pointed out in my post that, if I had the option of a woman being quiet when she's upset or a woman who screams at me when she's upset, then I'd prefer the quiet one. I have no idea why you consider that emotional immaturity. And please don't confuse quiet with meek and submissive. Just because she is quiet doesn't mean I get to have the final say in anything. It just means we can handle issues without yelling and screaming at each other. If that makes us happy, I don't see why that's an issue for anyone else.

[magdasal 19]

I know it's been said here before, so I'll just add my vote along with those who have already said it...what the OP is describing here is definitely not tampo. It's well beyond that and serious and I don't know the answer.

[Tahoma 2,291]

Its not the first time it has happened.

Looks like she just got her 10-yr greencard recently, so he's not taking anything. Maybe that could be the reason for her attitude change. She got the prize shre was after all along.

She was doing the same thing before she got her green card.

[magdasal 19]

This is what really stands out for me. This is huge:

She is now mad at me saying she wants to leave me because I was rude. She says she wants to leave me saying that she doesn't love me anymore.

Aggressive and violent acts aside, that is not culturally normal in a happy FilAm relationship. That is very significant. Impossible from the distance of a web site to diagnose that, but the OP should take that very seriously. It may be medication...it may be something far worse, but that is not normal. That requires professional attention...a priest, marriage counselor or heavier. I'm not making excuses for her behavior either...just a big red flashing neon sign on this one that something is going very, very wrong and the OP needs to find out what it is.

Edited July 18, 2011 by magdasal