What are your 'friends' saying?

[rlogan 2,036]

The "negative judgments" you are fretting about don't have anything to do with your woman being a Filipina. Older US men married to younger US women get the same things said about them, you know. You are the one putting the racist spin on it.

What an odd attack. I really can't make sense of what you are saying except first the belittling comment about "fretting". This is a thread about what "friends" of immigrant spouses are saying. You are fretting about fretting in a thread about fretting.

How I am putting "racist spin" on something? That makes no sense. Domestic women are not immigrant woman. So why you would inject them into a discussion about immigrant women is a mystery. I am the one pointing out, through an author of a book on the subject, a bigoted or racist stereotype that is promoted about women who immigrate for marriage. So to you, that is me putting "racist spin" on something? Maybe you can explain the logic there?

There are plenty of young, beautiful women

In your opinion. You are entitled to it. But your opinion is irrelevant to my little weiner's calculus. He likes the asian girls, and the Filipinas with the Spanish blood mixed in there are bigtime catnip for Mr. Happy. He doesn't care what you think.

Could you explain why your opinion should matter to mr. Weiner? I mean the biological mechanics of it. I'm not quite seeing it. Get me from the starting position where I am looking at a girl I find unattractive to the position where I have a big old woodie. But I am not allowed to close my eyes and imagine my wife in a schoolgirl outfit.

in the US who are lower on the educational ladder than the male participants of this thread. They would be happy to be "kept" by an older man with loads of life insurance. I don't know if you all went looking for them or not. If so, why were they judged "unworthy".

Come on, give it to me straight. Without any cultural or racist spin.

You have put me into some kind of label. Whoever these people are that you refer to when you say: "you all went looking". I met my wife just doing my thing, which was traveling to remote jungles/wilderness areas and trying to meet the most primitive people I could. Live with them for a while and experience their lifestyle. It was an odd thing to do maybe but I lived many years of really crazy adventures.

Along the way doing what I called "adventuring", I met my wife. I don't have any obligation to look for a woman beyond where I am already going and what I am doing. I trained hard to do the things I was into. It was dangerous. The babe factor was off the charts though, that's for sure. Definitely a great bonus deal. Same thing with sports. I trained hard and won titles, and so the cheerleaders took favor upon me. Being called to justify doing the cheerleaders is absurd, really - the logic is so elementary as to need no explanation. Maximum laziness, really in a way. Someone have a better idea than doing the cheerleaders?

For me at least, any explanation of why I have a Filipina wife is the same. Sure, by way of information I can explain how we met. But when it crosses the line of being asked to justify to anyone else - it's absurd.

Well, I won't go on because you seem to have a chip on your shoulder based on ideas about me that are certainly wrong. We just may not be communicating at all. I have no malice here so take care anyway.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

rlogan -

These were serious questions and not attacks.

From what you write, it seems your lifestyle has been different than many of us in these forums. How much of your life have you spent traveling about? If the answer is "quite a bit", then your "attraction" to foreign females is probably based upon the attraction to other cultures.

I may have misread some of your writings in the past as it appears a lot of things are said with tongue in cheek.

*shrugs*

There's a big difference in cultural perceptions of a person who has actually lived in another culture, versus the perceptions of people who haven't but are only married to a foreigner. I'm one of the ones who is "just married" to one. I can wax elegantly about the virtues of Great Britain and their men, but I really don't know sh*t from sh*nola about that because I never lived there.

So, I'm pretty sure a lot of the men talking about their foreign wives are in the same boat as me. I think it's more than a little weird for them to form opinions about the entire female Filipina (or Ukrainian or Belarusian or Thai or whatever) culture based on their relationship with THEIR wife. And based upon limited experience in their wife's country. And based upon their personal negative experiences with US women. IMO, when a guy rags on about US women and how he's been done wrong by them, it makes him look - well, pretty sad. Like, come on, you mean to tell me you cannot get a decent date in the US? One only has to have Human Psychology 101 to learn that when a person blames their troubles squarely on some ambiguous cluster of society, then they are in denial about their own shortcomings.

As I said somewhere else, it would be like me assuming all men from Great Britain are fabulous and all men from the US are jerks. So, maybe I was wrong in addressing my questions to you. They are questions though, I have of many people on VJ with spouses from many countries.

Finally, in reference to your revelations about what is attractive to you, I will confess to more than a slight attraction to the lilting accent of the Irish. Or the voice of an Englishman. So - whatever floats your boat.

[Darnell 8,478]

Yay - whatever floats yer boat ! Whew! Finally, an ending statement. I've been looking forward to it, for a bit now.

Thanks so much, Rebecca Jo !

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Yay - whatever floats yer boat ! Whew! Finally, an ending statement. I've been looking forward to it, for a bit now.

Thanks so much, Rebecca Jo !

Pins and needles?

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Yay - whatever floats yer boat ! Whew! Finally, an ending statement. I've been looking forward to it, for a bit now.

Thanks so much, Rebecca Jo !

Thanks so much Darnell! :thumbs:

[Darnell 8,478]

Yay ! Closure Rocks !

[JoBri 545]

Take out the money, and just ignore it. the problem is the focus. MONEY MONEY MONEY. it is all one moeny. Let us just face the fact. MONEY is NOT the relationship. Everyone seems to be saying,, he has money. Whether he is wealthy in this country or another country. If wealth is such a thing, and money is such an object, then why, oh why tell me girls are not beating down my door in the good ole USA???? the problem with other countries or cultures in other is not that the girls want to leave their country. But that there are not enough guys to choose form. The girls outnumber the guys tremendously. In Russia, many girls if not married by 25, rarely do marry. In the Philippines, many girls are married by age 21. Please note, I am not saying all girls, or most. but very many girls are married young. This affects the girls there. Some girls have higher standards. Yes, there are some scammers, but guys have to be able to detect this. But the main reason for most girls is to find a guy for a long lasting relationship. One of my tests is to spend one or two days "penniless" when visiting the girl. I literally set it up to where I cannot get money out of the bank. (at least from checking, there is money in savings.) If the girl runs, then she is not the girl for me.

My wife had a great career making far more money than I do. She was the youngest principal in her district in Metro Manila and the Superintendant wanted her to be Superintendant one day. She had political connections too. She was also an heiress, having inherited a large amount of land from her grandparents. I couldnt afford to be going to the Philippines. She couldnt get a Tourist Visa. So she sent me her money she would have used for a tourist visa and had me come there. She insisted on paying for the hotel too so that I wouldn't "have anything to worry about...just enjoy being there". She had no desire to come to the USA. She wanted me to move there. I didnt want to go there with my parents elderly and still living. So she gave it all up to come here, resigning her position. That was a very difficult thing for her to do since it was her dream since college to do what she was able to do at such a young age. Her grandfather was an Army officer in WW2 and a principal. Her aunt was a mother superior and a principal. It is what she most wanted to do, to also be a principal.

Now we scrape by with very little, but we are happy together. She is working 2 jobs and insists on me going to school. When I finish school she wishes to go back to school while I work.

Anyways, what I am trying to say is my wife gave up a lot out of love. And when I saw the sacrifices she was making I felt sure of our relationship. I bet a lot of the people who tried to be sceptic of our marriage at first never had someone who loved them so much as to give up so much. Just my guess. I am truly blessed.

[JoBri 545]

My wife had a great career making far more money than I do. She was the youngest principal in her district in Metro Manila and the Superintendant wanted her to be Superintendant one day. She had political connections too. She was also an heiress, having inherited a large amount of land from her grandparents. I couldnt afford to be going to the Philippines. She couldnt get a Tourist Visa. So she sent me her money she would have used for a tourist visa and had me come there. She insisted on paying for the hotel too so that I wouldn't "have anything to worry about...just enjoy being there". She had no desire to come to the USA. She wanted me to move there. I didnt want to go there with my parents elderly and still living. So she gave it all up to come here, resigning her position. That was a very difficult thing for her to do since it was her dream since college to do what she was able to do at such a young age. Her grandfather was an Army officer in WW2 and a principal. Her aunt was a mother superior and a principal. It is what she most wanted to do, to also be a principal.

Now we scrape by with very little, but we are happy together. She is working 2 jobs and insists on me going to school. When I finish school she wishes to go back to school while I work.

Anyways, what I am trying to say is my wife gave up a lot out of love. And when I saw the sacrifices she was making I felt sure of our relationship. I bet a lot of the people who tried to be sceptic of our marriage at first never had someone who loved them so much as to give up so much. Just my guess. I am truly blessed.

I only say about all the above because in the context of marrying for "money" it is still hard to digest what all she gave up for me, and our marriage is going on 4 years now. even here in VJ some idiots want to try to rain on other people's parade. They want to try to plant seeds of doubt. I notice that in at least one other long term member here who does that to other people. Just forget those kinds of people. Look to God, look in your heart, and look into the heart of the one you love, and dont let those negative people try to occupy space in your head rent-free. Those kinds of very negative and manipulative people you just need to stear clear of. they just want to mess with your happiness and life because their own life is so unhappy, and misery loves company.

[Darnell 8,478]

I love to forget those kinds of people. Usually in front of a 6 circle target, 50 meter range - tis nice !

[garmar 0]

Just to add to the list of comments I've heard.

-You will be kidnapped when you go there and held for ransom.

-It never works with younger girls because you can't relate on any level (From a 40+ ex)

-Well if you can keep her for a year then at least you will have a year of fun.

-Young is where it's at brother. Go for it & enjoy the good aspects of that. (From a good friend)

-Are you planning on bringing her out and meeting your friends? (duh..No I plan on chaining her up in my basement lol)

-I thought you had higher standard than that (from a jealous potential gf. who happens to be uneducated and unemployed)

-I guess you have a new daughter now (from my very spoiled but loving daughter. Thank God her opinion is slowly changing)

-You are going to be adopting an entire family. (not sure just how valid that comment may turn out to be)

-Congratulations...You seem really happy and she's absolutely beautiful. (from someone who truly cares)

- What happens when you are 70 and she still wants to have fun? (From Mom... My answer was she'll be 50 Mom & she said oh that's true)

-The the only thing that really matters is love. (from almost everyone whether they agree or not)

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

It's true that some of my closest friends had their reservations when Anna & I were getting together. They knew I was 99% sure I was going to marry her within a few days of our first in person meeting and a few even reminded me that I'm under no obligation to do that.

I had an ex-girlfriend even get upset with me because I wouldn't wait longer for her. I just got tired of being strung along.

When I landed in Manila I was so nervous, I couldn't find her in the crowd and though "Oh Sh!t, I'm here all alone!". It's pretty easy to lose her i a crowd of short brown people with black hair ;-)

Within minutes I knew that I was in the right place with the right person.

Now 2 & 1/2 years later just ask any of my family & friends if I made a mistake.

I don't care what anyone else thinks when they see us together, sure she's 26 & I'm 41 so what!

[BJZags 17]

When I landed in Manila I was so nervous, I couldn't find her in the crowd and though "Oh Sh!t, I'm here all alone!". It's pretty easy to lose her i a crowd of short brown people with black hair ;-)

Seems like we have a similar story. Having conversed with my now-wife for eight-months before first meeting in-person, I always figured if she did show up at the airport, then she was the girl for me. Even my most conservative cousins from the mid-west said marrying her after this online "adventure" made a certain amount of sense, as I likely knew her just as well, or better than someone I'd been dating in the US.

[JoBri 545]

When I landed in Manila I was so nervous, I couldn't find her in the crowd and though "Oh Sh!t, I'm here all alone!". It's pretty easy to lose her i a crowd of short brown people with black hair ;-)

Hehe... I had same experience. I was lost and didnt know what I would do if I couldnt find her too. Thank goodness I heard my name paged, and thank goodness the security guy helped me find her at no charge by calling her phone for me and then actually telling me to wait there and then took off to find her for me in the crowd and bring her to me.

Anyways, in response to what I saw someone else write, I wasnt looking for a beautiful filipina either. I didnt want ANY relationship with someone from the Philippines. But when I saw her face in a picture I saw goodness in heart and it really struck my own heart and touched me deep inside. Then when we talked in the months to come it was so easy and I felt so comfortable and I just wanted to pour out everything inside me and learn all I could about her, because to learn about her brought delight and joy to me.

Anyways... We met accidentally, online, and the first time I ignored her. Thank God He was able to get in there and bring us together in spite of me pushing her away and her forgetting who I was.

Edited July 19, 2011 by Brijo

[gretchen_darren 67]

Anyways... We met accidentally, online, and the first time I ignored her. Thank God He was able to get in there and bring us together in spite of me pushing her away and her forgetting who I was.

Well, I know the feeling. I was studying Russian. I was talking to Russian girls. And developing what it was I was looking for. I was looking for a girl that paid attentino to our conversations. She talked of things. But she did not talk of money. I was looking for a girl who would meet me at the airport. Who wanted me. I went to Ukraine, and I left single. Go Figure that one out. I still can't. With all the girls looking... but then again I stayed on OLD Odessa, and just enjoyed seeing hte historic places and sites. I really do not like Filipino food. I have a hard time with what they eat. I love Polish, Ukraine, and Russian food. So how did I end up with a Filipina? Just say I knew the culture. And she reeally won my heart. Not with her looks, not with her beauty. But with her soul. It felt more right with her, and no stuggle then with the all the other girls in my life both in america and in Russia. It just was easy. She threw herself into the relationship. No holds barred. Nothing held back. She risked it all. She made a point to talk with me daily. She made a point to let me know she was thinking of me. Now if a day goes by without talking to her, I feel like I am withdrawing from drugs. I get shaky, nervous, cranky. I need to talk with her each day. It is just something we do now. And now we are counting the days until we see each other again as well as the days until she is here. She is an addiction to me. Her love is my drug. And if being this way is wrong. If it ticks off the entire feminist group for being so. Then I really don't care. I love what she has made of me. How she has helped me to be a better man. To actually stand up and be a man. Behind every great man is an even greater woman. I believe that saying. It is true. I may be a great man. But behind me, and with me is an even greater woman. I stand in awe of her. she is content with me leading. I will do my best to make her happy, because of how happy she makes me with her love. I feel spoiled rotten by her. I love how she loves me. I had a girl love me like that a loong time ago, and I miss her. I regretted losing that girl big time. BUt now I have Gretchen. She is wonderful. And even more then the other girls in my life before. Gretchen is the kind of girl my sister, my mom, and my grandmother are. they encourage their man to server God. My family may not like her age. But when they see her heart, they will not have a choice but to fall in love with her as well.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

My family may not like her age. But when they see her heart, they will not have a choice but to fall in love with her as well.

Do you honestly think she's ready at such a young age, with no previous relationship experience? I wish you two the best, but IMHO, if I were the CO, I would take pause over those facts as well as the very fast courtship.