What are your 'friends' saying?

[one...two...tree 2,762]

The problem, Steven, is who is you audience? Most of the poor saps here are already under the spells of the Asian beauties, and wouldn't have it any other way. For them, we need to think positive. The folks you need to warn are the ones that still have their faculties, and wallets, intact.

I see your point there, sir, however, I'm not trying to warn anyone. I'm calling a spade a spade. Here's the typical scenario: A middle-aged American male divorce', after unsuccessful attempts at finding a compatible partner he finds attractive, decides to give one of these international dating sites a try. Perhaps he knows someone married to a Filipina or he's heard the rumors that they make "excellent wives," so he joins. Within the first day, perhaps hours, he's both shocked and amazed, not only at the number of beautiful, young Filipinas eager to marry, but who are writing or ringing him to chat. All this newfound attention feels wonderful, so he ventures into the thick of it, chatting with this girl or that one. Most of them are all so charming - no bad attitudes, like some of the American women he knows. With so many to choose, he starts to narrow down his search, eliminating all the potential choices much like the reality show, The Bachelor. There's already talk of going over there to meet them. Finally, he narrows it down to one lucky girl, and proceeds to plan his trip to the Philippines. He might already be thinking about the process to get her over here. It all happens very quickly and with very little courtship effort. Very enticing for men who've grown tired of the American dating scene. Who can blame them? I can't. There is a downside, however. And that's when he eventually realizes that she doesn't quite live up to the sales pitch that first lured him in, and unfortunately, for most of these guys, they don't have the luxury of spending much time with her in person, before making the decision to bring her over. Yet these very same men will not only defend those stereotypes of Filipinas, but will get defensive when being stereotyped themselves. There's a bit of double-standard going on, but not surprising, given the fact that most of these men went searching for women who are a throwback to an era before the feminist movement.

Edited July 20, 2011 by DFH

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

I see your point there, sir, however, I'm not trying to warn anyone. I'm calling a spade a spade. Here's the typical scenario: A middle-aged American male divorce', after unsuccessful attempts at finding a compatible partner he finds attractive, decides to give one of these international dating sites a try. Perhaps he knows someone married to a Filipina or he's heard the rumors that they make "excellent wives," so he joins. Within the first day, perhaps hours, he's both shocked and amazed, not only at the number of beautiful, young Filipinas eager to marry, but who are writing or ringing him to chat. All this newfound attention feels wonderful, so he ventures into the thick of it, chatting with this girl or that one. Most of them are all so charming - no bad attitudes, like some of the American women he knows. With so many to choose, he starts to narrow down his search, eliminating all the potential choices much like the reality show, The Bachelor. There's already talk of going over there to meet them. Finally, he narrows it down to one lucky girl, and proceeds to plan his trip to the Philippines. He might already be thinking about the process to get her over here. It all happens very quickly and with very little courtship effort. Very enticing for men who've grown tired of the American dating scene. Who can blame them? I can't. There is a downside, however. And that's when he eventually realizes that she doesn't quite live up to the sales pitch that first lured him in, and unfortunately, for most of these guys, they don't have the luxury of spending much time with her in person, before making the decision to bring her over. Yet these very same men will not only defend those stereotypes of Filipinas, but will get defensive when being stereotyped themselves. There's a bit of double-standard going on, but not surprising, given the fact that most of these men went searching for women who are a throwback to an era before the feminist movement.

So, the femanons really are to blame.

I knew it!

[Dan and Judy 614]

Marriage equality is a natural evolution out of the need for women to be able survive should the marriage not last or if the husband dies.

what happened to the good old days when the widow would just be burned along with the body of her dead husband?

[Crisostomo Ibarra 1]

Most of the poor saps here are already under the spells of the Asian beauties ...

This poor sap here ain't under the spell of no Asian beauty. I die for Latinas.

[gretchen_darren 67]

I went shopping at the Mills mall last night for my girl. I went into 3 stores looking for things for her. And in two stores I even showed photos on her. One store recognized the clothes on her as being from their store. They loved it. I am sure there are questions in the back of their mind, but they also saw photos of us together. the babershop also wnats to meet her. We were talking about things. Many do not believe I have a girl that is so beautiful, so wonderful. But I am so happy.

I have been thinking of a foreign bride for a long long long time, BEFORE I married my first wife. So looking for a foreign girl is NOT something I just FELL into. I am just a very conservative person. Very old-fashioned. As for how girls dress. Well I look at the photos they pose. Every guy is looking at those photos. I want a the demon behind closed doors, but I also want the conservative out in public. I girl who looks nice, but also dresses well. She knows what she is looking for, and her photos show her sense of style and confidence. And most Filipinas in the area I was at, do not have the figure posted. Some do, but very very very few that I saw.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Are you guys really buying this stuff from "DFH" He changes his name more than most people change their undies. WOW, 24 posts per day man! Congrats!

I don't think Steven is trolling. He believes what he believes. I am curious why he feels a need to press the issue regardless of thread / discussion relevance. (sorta) Reminds me of a street corner evangelist. Who is he preaching to and why?

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

I've stated before and I'll state again - I think international dating (or electronic dating in its various forms) can be a good thing, but it comes with its own precautions, one being that it thrives on selling stereotypes of Filipinas, which in turn seems to attract certain types of men. Why does that make some of the men here flinch? It is what it is. I don't doubt that many of these Fil/Am marriages have been great so far. Hey, as long as both sides are adults and have the capacity to know what they are getting themselves into, go for it. But you can't put frosting on a piece of ####### and call it dessert....unless you're Divine from those John Waters films.

IMO, this is a given. "Buyer beware" comes with anything in life. I'm not flinching. I'm trying to understand your motivation. When I read your posts / comments regarding IDS...most of the time I read it as another innuendo... suggesting that most of the men and women participating (in IDS) are either vulnerable "schlubs" (men) or predators ("certain types of women")...furthermore...I interpret your message to make the site itself responsible because of the lures it casts.

I don't deny..."sex sells" is an advertising agenda world wide. Men and women marry for various reasons. Who should decide anothers position / approach to identifying his/her mate? I do think a basic element of choice is visual..more so for men than women.

Perhaps I am projecting as well. Perhaps I am somewhat naive. I do know that many predators travel to PI with agendas I consider to be immoral. I also think many of these predators become the prey..Kudos for Karma!

IMO. IDS provides a venue that allows the "good boys and girls" a chance to meet in a "safe" way. IDS provides a great filtering mechanism and forces conversation which leads to compatibility discussion.

There is no perfect scenario but I would encourage any1, charming or not, to consider trying out the search venue provided by IDS.

Edited July 20, 2011 by ~happyndinlove~

[one...two...tree 2,762]

IMO, this is a given. "Buyer beware" comes with anything in life. I'm not flinching. I'm trying to understand your motivation. When I read your posts / comments regarding IDS...most of the time I read it as another innuendo... suggesting that most of the men and women participating (in IDS) are either vulnerable "schlubs" (men) or predators ("certain types of women")...furthermore...I interpret your message to make the site itself responsible because of the lures it casts.

I don't deny..."sex sells" is an advertising agenda world wide. Men and women marry for various reasons. Who should decide anothers position / approach to identifying his/her mate? I do think a basic element of choice is visual..more so for men than women.

Perhaps I am projecting as well. Perhaps I am somewhat naive. I do know that many predators travel to fili with agendas I consider to be immoral. I also think many of these predators become the prey..Kudos for Karma!

IMO. IDS provides a venue that allows the "good boys and girls" a chance to meet in a "safe" way. IDS provides a great filtering mechanism and forces conversation which leads to compatibility discussion.

There is no perfect scenario but I would encourage any1, charming or not, to consider trying out the search venue provided by IDS.

I agree with you that international dating sites can and have created some great relationships. But Mike, while you seem focused on my pointing out the double standard that goes on with many of the men here with regard to stereotypes, you don't seem to have the same level of intolerance for when guys here continue to perpetuate the stereotypes of Filipinas. Perhaps it is because you too were influenced by some of the sales pitch of the international dating industry, I don't know, but I wouldn't necessarily blame you if you did. Marketing works.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

I agree with you that international dating sites can and have created some great relationships. But Mike, while you seem focused on my pointing out the double standard that goes on with many of the men here with regard to stereotypes, you don't seem to have the same level of intolerance for when guys here continue to perpetuate the stereotypes of Filipinas. Perhaps it is because you too were influenced by some of the sales pitch of the international dating industry, I don't know, but I wouldn't necessarily blame you if you did. Marketing works.

Steve;

I have been warned, thread banned, site suspended and leveraged with ultimatums (by mods) for my "chronic" TOS violation responses, my "vigilante" approach and offensive / baiting posts. Almost every incident ..I targeted those that perpetuate the stereotypes.

(if) It seems that I have become sudbued (as of late)...well...it's because the mods have told me to. I am trying to learn a more compliant TOS posting style. Meaning...improve my skill at veiled barbery.

I find it difficult to disguise disgust and prefer frankness over diplomacy. That doesn't make me very TOS friendly.

Edited July 20, 2011 by ~happyndinlove~

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Steve;

I have been warned, thread banned, site suspended and leveraged with ultimatums (by mods) for my "chronic" TOS violation responses, my "vigilante" approach and offensive / baiting posts. Almost every time it is because I have targeted those that perpetuate the stereotypes.

(if) It seems that I have become sudbued (as of late)...well...it's because the mods have told me to. I am trying to learn a more compliant TOS posting style. Meaning...improve my skill at veiled barbery.

I find it difficult to disguise disgust and prefer frankness over diplomacy. That doesn't make me very TOS friendly.

It all depends which Facebook group you belong to.

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

There is a downside, however. ...and unfortunately, for most of these guys, they don't have the luxury of spending much time with her in person, before making the decision to bring her over.

First let me say, you are a tad full of it for saying that. I was with my ex wife (USC) for approx 5 months before we got married. And were married for 18 year. I have Indian friends who NEVER MET until they were standing at the altar, and they are still married, 50 years later. And another one whose family is currently choosing his wife for him, and all he asks of them is that he get to meet her and talk before the wedding, and to have a final say in actually getting married. (I'm not saying it is a wise idea to meet and get married right away, just that waiting and "getting to know each other" isn't all that it's cracked up to be. It's what a couple puts into a relationship that matters, whether they are married or dating).

I am curious... why are you always harping on standards, double standards, Fil-Am relationships, online dating sites, etc., when you are yourself married to a Pinay? It's almost like you think it's a bad thing, and yet you did it. So why always harp on it? Why not just wish people well, regardless of HOW they meet, or of how quickly they choose to get married, or of their age differences? Are you that unhappy with your marriage, that you feel the need to warn others away? It would be interesting to hear your wife's thoughts sometimes on here. How come she never posts?

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

It all depends which Facebook group you belong to.

Well, I'm at a disadvantage because I'm not a "clique" player. I am a "your friendly rogue next door".

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

Well, I'm at a disadvantage because I'm not a "clique" player. I am a "your friendly rogue next door".

I must admit, you have been more hospitable lately. Congrats on the progress!

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

I must admit, you have been more hospitable lately. Congrats on the progress!

That's the turtle telling the rabbit...You're Fast!

Thanks and Peace.

[BJZags 17]

I'm sure there are. Some international dating sites are better than others, but generally speaking, they tend to use the same sales pitch across the board.

Are the international dating sites that much different to the other "main-stream" sites such as eHarmony that is constantly being advertised on late-night cable television? I'd argue the find the foreign/submissive/whatever girl of your dreams "sales pitch" is no better or worse than the find the perfect girl for you "based on 99 character traits that are proven to make a relationship last" pitch. Both, in effect, are pitching a load of BS that some people may or may not buy into.