Extremely home sick

[coraliesolms 47]

I totally understand. I moved to Canada from South Africa and then from Can to USA... Im doubly homesick. I live in Boonville, Missouri and even though Ive worked here for a year, I dont have any friends other than my hubby's family... and I think I will ALWAYS be called a "forner" (foreigner), even when I get my citizenship. My parents are coming to visit from SA next year and Im totally counting down the days until I have a little piece of home with me again.

Im sorry you are hurting... at least we have visa journey to vent!!

Chin up girl!!

[Sprailenes 47]

It's weird to have a good home and a good marriage and yet to not be completely happy because something is STILL missing. People think you should always be happy - it's hard.

It's like postpartum depression all over again... you got this wonderful baby but you can't stop crying.

I can honestly say that having two amazing Canadian expat friends has helped me a ton - we get together every now and then and just talk and it's such a relief - I always leave feeling like a weight is off of me because I am not alone and I am not the only one who thinks spelling "cheque" as "check" is just plain wrong.

PS: I'm from South Jersey... we get the nitwits down here too.

[coraliesolms 47]

Well, my husband doesnt understand this, but I honestly felt a bigger "culture shock" moving from Canada to the US than I did when I moved from SA to Canada. Canadians are understanding and forgiving. When I used a quirky "foreign" expression that Canadians arent used to, nobody made a big deal out of it. Here in the USA if I spell Cheque and Colour the way Im used to spelling them my whole life, people get snippy. And when I say something thats not "american" I get the "thats not how we say it here in the USA... we gotta quit you of being a forner"....

It is definately hard to move to the USA, Im pretty happy here because my hubby is wonderful, but there are definately moments where I just feel like I wanna go home and hang out with my friends!

[Krikit 1,163]

My USC husband says he feels a change in the atmosphere whenever he's in Canada.... a more laid back, comfortable feeling. He loves it there.

[EasternDE 35]

And when I say something thats not "american" I get the "thats not how we say it here in the USA... we gotta quit you of being a forner"....

I even heard "You're in the US now, you have to bend!"

Sorry, no, but I will stand straight.

Those people are usually idiots though, I think we should ignore them.

But you know, there is a part of fantasy in this.

Don't get me wrong, I feel the same. What really scares me is that I actually do not want to raise my children here.

I want to offer them what I had in France.

But I know there is a part of fantasy, and if I would go back right now, I would miss home, the home I have with my husband here in the US!

It has been a little more than a year that I moved here. We had no plans to move to France one day at first.

But with time, I explained my husband the differences of culture, what I like or dislike here, how it would be better for our children to grow up in France (free education is a big asset of course).

And yes, there are some nights when I cry missing my country, he also say we will go there.

It does not happen often but once in a while. Like a long mourning. Because that is what is happening to us we have to mourn our old life/country/family/friends.

I think it takes many years... But I am also sure that one day, home will simply be here.

I know because all the old immigrants I know say so. They do not know when it happened but they say one day, it is just home.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Glad you talk to your husband Laura!

My husband loves going'back home' as he says when we go up to see my family....just tonight he was saying maybe we'll be able to buy my parent's place when we retire. (For Thetreble - it's the farmhouse across from Brigadoon school if you remember )

he just likes that he can drive fast and everyone is still driving faster than him on the 401 - haha!

Edited June 2, 2011 by Udella&Wiz

[Shorah 2]

Its funny how so many of us fight so long through this process to get ourselves here and then we find ourselves wanting to go back.

Its hard, my husbands feelings are hurt by my homesickness. I'm pretty sure I'm making him feel like hes not enough.

He thinks that it doesn't matter where we live as long as we're together.

Its hard for him to understand because hes not the one who actually made the move.

[thetreble 19]

It's weird to have a good home and a good marriage and yet to not be completely happy because something is STILL missing. People think you should always be happy - it's hard.

It's like postpartum depression all over again... you got this wonderful baby but you can't stop crying.

I can honestly say that having two amazing Canadian expat friends has helped me a ton - we get together every now and then and just talk and it's such a relief - I always leave feeling like a weight is off of me because I am not alone and I am not the only one who thinks spelling "cheque" as "check" is just plain wrong.

PS: I'm from South Jersey... we get the nitwits down here too.

Having you and Jill has made it A LOT easier. I'm so glad we get together. Laura, you should join us.

he just likes that he can drive fast and everyone is still driving faster than him on the 401 - haha!

Truer words have never been spoken. haha

Edited June 2, 2011 by thetreble

[thetreble 19]

Its funny how so many of us fight so long through this process to get ourselves here and then we find ourselves wanting to go back.

Its hard, my husbands feelings are hurt by my homesickness. I'm pretty sure I'm making him feel like hes not enough.

He thinks that it doesn't matter where we live as long as we're together.

Its hard for him to understand because hes not the one who actually made the move.

It can be very hard for the US spouse to understand the gut-wrenching pain of leaving your country behind. My husband has struggled with it too and he's a really good guy. I think it's even tougher because most Americans I meet have either lived and/or traveled exclusively in the US. I have some friends here who have never been further than Pennsylvania! So, I think that also adds to the general misunderstanding of how hard it is to move somewhere without employment, friends, family or your cultural staples. Who doesn't miss eatin' a poutine after they have been drunk at 3am? haha

[Gypsyangel 11]

I can relate to the homesickness. I've been here almost three years (South Jersey) and though I like a lot about it, I'm always missing Canada. You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone!

The last time I was in Canada was in April. I had a weird feeling because everyone's lives have gone on without me, things change (wow that wasn't there before!), my Canadian credit cards wouldn't work because I didn't know my PIN (How do I get a PIN?) That's new. I came away with this vague feeling of not belonging there either. When I got home, I felt really lost because I felt I didn't belong in Canada and feel I don't belong here. Not a good feeling. It really threw me into a funk. My husband really doesn't get it.

There is nothing like that feeling of crossing the border into Canada. Woo hoo. It's such a feeling of relief to be in Canada amongst Canadians. So much kinder and gentler.

I have a dream of spending half the year in Canada and half here, but it's half-baked. I'm not ready to go back yet, but we'll see.

PS. Guys, I know what you mean about New Jersey, and I'm glad I'm not in North Jersey. In South Jersey, I find people are pretty friendly. When I'm out and about people are always striking up conversations with me. More so than in Toronto. My husband is always asking me, "Who is that?" "I dunno".

Nasty drivers here though. Holy moly! If one more woman in her mini van tries to stare me down I'm gonna have to ... I dunno ... stare right back. And try going to a concert around here, people are so aggressive and rude -- I don't get it. Awhile ago I was at a show at a small venue and this woman kept pushing me until I said, "You know where you're trying to stand? Well, I'm already standing there." She got all huffy. Only in NJ (and some parts of Pennsylvania). My husband tells me to get my Jersey up, but the Canadian in me just rolls her eyes.

[Krikit 1,163]

If one more woman in her mini van tries to stare me down I'm gonna have to ... I dunno ... stare right back.

[thetreble 19]

hahah. I hear you gypsy. It's not the friendliest of places. If we didn't come from that "Cheers" culture where everyone knows everyone and you are sort of willing to talk to anyone, it maybe wouldn't see so odd to us. I just find people extremely confrontational here. People have very strong sets of extreme beliefs, too, so you have to be careful what you say. In Canada, I always feel like I can have discussions, like proper discussions, with friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances without too many judgement being passed. This is certainly the land of judgement.

[ADMIRE 3]

Now i miss Canada too, and don't even come from nor ever been there???

[Veronik 19]

It can be very hard for the US spouse to understand the gut-wrenching pain of leaving your country behind. My husband has struggled with it too and he's a really good guy. I think it's even tougher because most Americans I meet have either lived and/or traveled exclusively in the US. I have some friends here who have never been further than Pennsylvania! So, I think that also adds to the general misunderstanding of how hard it is to move somewhere without employment, friends, family or your cultural staples. Who doesn't miss eatin' a poutine after they have been drunk at 3am? haha

So true!

[thetreble 19]

Now i miss Canada too, and don't even come from nor ever been there???

It happens every time. haha