K-1 Married but refuses to send in AOS

[soulprovider915 4]

Here is the situation:

My Wife's Aunt K-1 Married: 12/11/2011 Well within the 90 days. Also 7 Year Old K-2 Kid. (previous marriage) Her husband keeps finding a reason why he can't send the AOS paperwork in and it's becoming very tense and slightly mentally abusive in their house. Are there any options or recourse? I'm hoping this resolves itself, but I have to get informed because my wife and I are going to be the ones dealing directly with the fall out. Any help would be appreciated.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

The immigrant files the AOS by themselves actually - all that is required from the citizen is the I-864 (which is a lot to be fair). She could start filling out the paperwork herself.

[soulprovider915 4]

The immigrant files the AOS by themselves actually - all that is required from the citizen is the I-864 (which is a lot to be fair). She could start filling out the paperwork herself.

I have all of the paper work filled out and I'm waiting to see what's going on. I wish I could do the I-864 for her using my finances. Plus the removal of conditions interview would be an issue.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Here is the situation:

My Wife's Aunt K-1 Married: 12/11/2011 Well within the 90 days. Also 7 Year Old K-2 Kid. (previous marriage) Her husband keeps finding a reason why he can't send the AOS paperwork in and it's becoming very tense and slightly mentally abusive in their house. Are there any options or recourse? I'm hoping this resolves itself, but I have to get informed because my wife and I are going to be the ones dealing directly with the fall out. Any help would be appreciated.

You wrote the date wrong because it's not even December 2011 here so she can't have married then.

What's the issue with the forms? Completely the I-864? Or paying the fee? If the fees an issue you could try offering because it's not cheap to do it for two people and at least that way she'd have started the process. But the I-864 needs to be done by him and him alone.

[soulprovider915 4]

You wrote the date wrong because it's not even December 2011 here so she can't have married then.

What's the issue with the forms? Completely the I-864? Or paying the fee? If the fees an issue you could try offering because it's not cheap to do it for two people and at least that way she'd have started the process. But the I-864 needs to be done by him and him alone.

It was 12/11/2010. I think he's playing a game. I don't think it's the money. That's why I'm asking if this goes south what options are there? There are no issues with filling out the forms. I have them already filled out.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

It was 12/11/2010. I think he's playing a game. I don't think it's the money. That's why I'm asking if this goes south what options are there? There are no issues with filling out the forms. I have them already filled out.

Well she hasn't been abused. They're arguing over this but that's not abuse so her only option is to go home. Some people claim that withholding status is abuse but it's not really in my opinion because he is just as entitled as she is to change his mind about the relationship/immigration process. He doesn't want her to stay and she's choosing to stay, she's not being forced to stay, she's choosing to. It sucks but she's allowed to change her mind and so is he and it appears he has. She hasn't been here long so it's not like she's put down heavy roots here so leaving shouldn't be a huge issue. The kid is young enough that s/he'll just feel it was a holiday 'cause it's not too long a time yet. She should give him an ultimatum, he either AOS's her or she leaves. She's choosing to overstay and the longer she stays out of status the worse it will get for HER.

Edited May 10, 2011 by Vanessa&Tony

[TBoneTX 45,522]

Well she hasn't been abused. They're arguing over this but that's not abuse so her only option is to go home. Some people claim that withholding status is abuse but it's not really in my opinion because he is just as entitled as she is to change his mind about the relationship/immigration process. He doesn't want her to stay and she's choosing to stay, she's not being forced to stay, she's choosing to. It sucks but she's allowed to change her mind and so is he and it appears he has. She hasn't been here long so it's not like she's put down heavy roots here so leaving shouldn't be a huge issue. The kid is young enough that s/he'll just feel it was a holiday 'cause it's not too long a time yet. She should give him an ultimatum, he either AOS's her or she leaves. She's choosing to overstay and the longer she stays out of status the worse it will get for HER.

Whoa... this is an extremely un-V.-like post.

OP, detailed information about the situation is lacking until you provide it, but it sounds as though counseling should be a top priority. If they won't consider formal marriage counseling, then friends of each should intensely interact with them, individually at first and then together, to try to unearth and then defuse whatever is underlying the situation. The key term is "intensely," meaning not just poking around, but taking clear interest and not stopping until the chief and subordinate issues are completely understood. Sometimes it can help even when an arguing couple realizes that others care about them as a couple.

[Anh map 2,098]

It was 12/11/2010. I think he's playing a game. I don't think it's the money. That's why I'm asking if this goes south what options are there? There are no issues with filling out the forms. I have them already filled out.

Without documented abuse/ abuse allegations she's in a tough spot. There isn't much of an option for her, though recent rulings do open a window of sorts for K1's adjusting status without the petitioner.

What game do you believe the husband is playing? Regrets the marriage? Unsatisfied with the marriage? Being controlling? Insecure? The first many months are full of stress and adjustments for both the immigrant(s) and USC. Hopefully they can see their ways clear to doing some work on their relationship to get back what brought them together. Often the realities of life together aren't nearly as exciting as the long distance love. Any way someone can facilitate a discussion? (family, friend, clergy)

OK, so I will pose the question for all those thinking it: If the recent marriage goes south wouldn't she prefer to return to her home where she is familiar with everything and has lived her whole life with her child? Or has she bonded with life in the US to such an extent over the past 6-8 months that she can no longer think of any place else as home? (please, no flaming responses) It's always a thought when the couple is quick to throw in the towel.

You state that you are worried about having to pick up the pieces if the marriage doesn't last. Perhaps having a straight forward conversation with your aunt about her limited options for staying may be a catalyst for their dialog. And a chat with the husband about the stress being felt by his wife (and likely the child). Get them to see this as a relationship issue first, not an immigration issue.

Best of luck.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Whoa... this is an extremely un-V.-like post.

OP, detailed information about the situation is lacking until you provide it, but it sounds as though counseling should be a top priority. If they won't consider formal marriage counseling, then friends of each should intensely interact with them, individually at first and then together, to try to unearth and then defuse whatever is underlying the situation. The key term is "intensely," meaning not just poking around, but taking clear interest and not stopping until the chief and subordinate issues are completely understood. Sometimes it can help even when an arguing couple realizes that others care about them as a couple.

Yeah I'm a big poo head I know. Could have worded it differently but my main point is the OP appeared to be (though could just be me) fishing for someone to mention VAWA. So many people jump on the VAWA bandwagon any time something isn't going the way they want and I was trying to point out (ineloquently) that just because he wasn't doing the GC doesn't mean he HAD to or that the OP's friend or whatever should accuse him of abuse for not doing it.

I do find it odd that he doesn't want to get the GC and that he's being so resistant given how arduous the visa process is. You're right that counselling is needed. But I also think if he's not getting it for her then why stay? I just honestly, sincerely don't get that. Had tony not AOS'd me I'd be home. I came for him, not the GC. I've been here long enough that I might consider staying now till I got USC but I suppose that depends on the situation. Just on 6 months in I would definitely have gone home.

[soulprovider915 4]

Yeah I'm a big poo head I know. Could have worded it differently but my main point is the OP appeared to be (though could just be me) fishing for someone to mention VAWA. So many people jump on the VAWA bandwagon any time something isn't going the way they want and I was trying to point out (ineloquently) that just because he wasn't doing the GC doesn't mean he HAD to or that the OP's friend or whatever should accuse him of abuse for not doing it.

I do find it odd that he doesn't want to get the GC and that he's being so resistant given how arduous the visa process is. You're right that counselling is needed. But I also think if he's not getting it for her then why stay? I just honestly, sincerely don't get that. Had tony not AOS'd me I'd be home. I came for him, not the GC. I've been here long enough that I might consider staying now till I got USC but I suppose that depends on the situation. Just on 6 months in I would definitely have gone home.

If I wanted to go fishing I'd go to the Long Island Sound with my Fishing pole. Who are you to judge what I'm thinking? This is supposed to be a helpful website of people in like situations. Please don't assume what I'm thinking. I just wanted to see if anyone had a similar situation. There is a little girl involved here that I've know since she was a baby in Ecuador. I'm mainly looking out for her. These two have been in this situation before. I've explained to them that this is normal. I get scared because if something does happen, I'm the one that will take care of them until they either go back or try to recover all or some of her financial investments in the marriage. If you sold everything you had to come here like a business and a house you'd have nothing to go back too after 6 months here. Please keep your opinions to yourself and just answer the question. He is using the AOS as leverage. If he's mad for even a second he'll mention that he won't send them in. I think that's pretty abusive. So again if you think you've answered the question then stop posting how you feel or what you would do. I personally don't care.

[soulprovider915 4]

Without documented abuse/ abuse allegations she's in a tough spot. There isn't much of an option for her, though recent rulings do open a window of sorts for K1's adjusting status without the petitioner.

What game do you believe the husband is playing? Regrets the marriage? Unsatisfied with the marriage? Being controlling? Insecure? The first many months are full of stress and adjustments for both the immigrant(s) and USC. Hopefully they can see their ways clear to doing some work on their relationship to get back what brought them together. Often the realities of life together aren't nearly as exciting as the long distance love. Any way someone can facilitate a discussion? (family, friend, clergy)

OK, so I will pose the question for all those thinking it: If the recent marriage goes south wouldn't she prefer to return to her home where she is familiar with everything and has lived her whole life with her child? Or has she bonded with life in the US to such an extent over the past 6-8 months that she can no longer think of any place else as home? (please, no flaming responses) It's always a thought when the couple is quick to throw in the towel.

You state that you are worried about having to pick up the pieces if the marriage doesn't last. Perhaps having a straight forward conversation with your aunt about her limited options for staying may be a catalyst for their dialog. And a chat with the husband about the stress being felt by his wife (and likely the child). Get them to see this as a relationship issue first, not an immigration issue.

Best of luck.

Being married 8 years to a K-1 I understand what you're saying. I've played the mediator before with good success. I think they both have to mature. Insecurity on his part I would guess as the problem. I get along with him very well. I told them that culture clash is common. I just don't want the little girl to get hurt. Her Aunt sold everything to come here. A business and a house. So she has nothing to go back too. She also has a lot invested financially in the marriage. She would need some of that money to get started again. This should work out. I just wanted to get ahead of it just in case.

[soulprovider915 4]

Whoa... this is an extremely un-V.-like post.

OP, detailed information about the situation is lacking until you provide it, but it sounds as though counseling should be a top priority. If they won't consider formal marriage counseling, then friends of each should intensely interact with them, individually at first and then together, to try to unearth and then defuse whatever is underlying the situation. The key term is "intensely," meaning not just poking around, but taking clear interest and not stopping until the chief and subordinate issues are completely understood. Sometimes it can help even when an arguing couple realizes that others care about them as a couple.

I see the Ecuador sign. I don't even have to say another word. You'd understand. My observation is that he needs to realize that he is a family unit now and she needs to realize that Ecuadorian Customs get left behind. We both know the deal. They both listen when I speak to them. I just hope it turns around. They go a few months without any issues and the Pow!!! the world comes apart and I'm running for the super glue. I have to play translator when she has to say something and can't word it right and vice versa. Communication is a culprit as well.

[Jamaica2009 4]

If I wanted to go fishing I'd go to the Long Island Sound with my Fishing pole. Who are you to judge what I'm thinking? This is supposed to be a helpful website of people in like situations. Please don't assume what I'm thinking. I just wanted to see if anyone had a similar situation. There is a little girl involved here that I've know since she was a baby in Ecuador. I'm mainly looking out for her. These two have been in this situation before. I've explained to them that this is normal. I get scared because if something does happen, I'm the one that will take care of them until they either go back or try to recover all or some of her financial investments in the marriage. If you sold everything you had to come here like a business and a house you'd have nothing to go back too after 6 months here. Please keep your opinions to yourself and just answer the question. He is using the AOS as leverage. If he's mad for even a second he'll mention that he won't send them in. I think that's pretty abusive. So again if you think you've answered the question then stop posting how you feel or what you would do. I personally don't care.

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

This is all I will say in this matter, you needs to be careful of how much involvement you put into this marriage of their. If you continue to be the glue, you will remain stuck with their problems. It seems that they need to try solving these problems on their own and whatever the results are, it's what they will have to be satisfied with, I am sure you are mature enough to realized that a 3rd party can never fix a broken marriage. This doesn't seem to be about fixing an immigration problem it seems that they need to fix their marriage. So, I can see the reluctant the husband has in sending in documents that will have him obligated for the next 10 years to 2 people. Fix the marriage first, then the AOS papers will be secondary.

Good luck on moving forward.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

He is using the AOS as leverage. If he's mad for even a second he'll mention that he won't send them in.

Leverage for what?

Seriously, from what you've described it seems as if the main issues here are marital, and the immigration factor is just complicating things. If they can't get the marital issues sorted out then the immigration factor becomes relatively moot. Yes, she left everything to come here, but if she get's divorced then there isn't anything for her in the US either. Whether in Ecuador or the US, she'd be starting from scratch. The focus now should be on seeing if the marriage can be salvaged.

I wanted to make one other observation about the "recent rulings" that Anh Map mentioned. A few people have mentioned this particular ruling by the EOIR, and I think they are misreading it.

There was a time when a K1 was automatically granted permanent resident status when they arrived in the US and married. Congress decided this path was being abused by foreign fiancees who would file for divorce immediately after they received their green card. Congress addressed this in 1996 by requiring K1's to be granted conditional permanent residence until they had been married two years, and then apply to have the conditions removed. If they divorced in the meantime then they were required to submit proof that they entered the marriage in good faith.

The ruling I believe Anh Map was referring to was Matter of Alfred Sesay. In that ruling, the EOIR determined that Sesay could adjust status in spite of the fact that he was divorced from his wife, the K1 petitioner. They concluded that the requirements were met when he married the petitioner within 90 days, as the K1 visa requires. However, they specifically said that he was eligible because section 216 of the INA did not apply to him - the section dealing with conditional permanent residence - because he divorced after he had been married for two years. In the opinion of the EOIR, the intent of Congress had been met when his marriage passed the two year mark.

People have attempted to read this decision as meaning that a K1 can adjust status without the assistance or cooperation of the K1 petitioner. I think they are misreading it. If they are married then INA 213 applies - they need an affidavit of support from the petitioner. If they are divorced after less than two years of marriage then INA 216 applies - they could only adjust to conditional permanent resident, and they must be married in order to do that. The only time they could adjust without any assistance from the petitioner is if the marriage lasted more than two years and ended in divorce.