need advice / dont trust my husband anymore

[Shermeen&Adam 0]

If you and your husband later choose to divorce, you are still responsible for him yes.

I think that the fact you are here asking strangers for advice is evidence enough that you think something is wrong. When you're living apart from your spouse and are in the middle of an immigration process, it is stressful and emotional. That being said, you absolutely have to be able to trust one another, that goes for any marriage, and if you don't trust your husband then it is necessary that you talk to one another.

Why would you suspect that we would marry you just to get a greencard, is his ex not able to provide one if they were to marry?

Unless you would be able to show that your husband entered into the marriage soley for the basis of immigration, once approved and in the US, there is not anything you could do to stop him being with his ex and remaining in the US. I suppose there is a great deal to think about. Just as a side question, why is he temporarily living in Australia? It is considered less of a "high risk" country than Brail and has a faster processing time so as advised, it might be a good idea to wait on supplying forms and documents until you are 100% sure.

Good Luck xx

[Aztec&Taino 144]

[T&R 3]

hi all

im so hapy i found this forum because can get maybe your opinion about my case!

Im US citizen and recently got married. My husband is from brasil but temporary live in australia.

We sent our I-130 / cr1 in august last year and waiting for it to be approved.

My hubby is nice person,every day is sending me messages about our love and saying how he can not live without me!

Recently,my australian friend who works with him told me he saw him talking on the phone with someone in US and it was not me.

I dont want to go into details now but found out that my hubby's ex.girlfriend lives in NY and he visited her last year,1 month before our wedding date.

He acctualy came to visit me here in US but i know he stayed in NY 3 more days, instead just changing the plane.

I talked to him recently about it, he admited his ex live in NY but hes saying they are just friends now and i should not worry.

There are also some other indications about him keeping in touch with his ex.

Now i am so worried, i love him,but im very suspicious now he want me to use just to get into US and then leave me.

I know that i have to submit affidavit of support soon and after he gets to US im responsabile for him. But what if he leave me after comming here and accuse me for something and then go to live with his ex?

Will i still be financally responsabile for him?

He is going back to brasil soon and he is asking me to send him statement from my friends saying our marriege is in bona fide. I asked him why he needs it he said he will need it to show at interview in US ambassy.

Im just worry that he wants it so once gets into US he can prove he entered into marriage in bona fide.

Maybe im just paranoid about all of this,i love him very much, but there are some strong indications (i have not listed them all here) that im not only person he loves.

any advice?

Hi Maria67,

I'm sorry you are going through this. It's hard for us to advice you about what you should do, but I have one saying which I really believe: Where there is smoke, there is fire.

Sorry.

[TravellingNomad 12]

why don't you ask him about what he thinks about you just moving to australia where he's at? just to see what he says. if he tries to change your mind with some out of this world excuse(s)...be very wary. because if his main goal is really for the two of you to be together...he would not care which country you guys will be in...just as long as you are together. besides...it's not like australia is a terrible place to immigrate to and live in with your SO.

[milimelo 4,245]

Don't forget -once I-130 petition is approved, you have one year to complete the process in NVC. If you have doubts, definitely put a hold on the processing until you resolve the uncertainties.

Re: husband asking for proof of bonafide marriage statement from your friends - hold off on that for a while until you know to go ahead with this or not.

What's the US status of his ex - any chance of finding out?

[Wayne and Claudia 40]

I am so sorry men are bastards..anyways I would involve financial stuff into it...and I would talk to the ither women and trick her and make sure I am convinced...Its not abt bringing someone to US its abt u being used for someone else's happiness....If I were u i would take more time to be sure how much love is involved from other side..

Best of Luck deal it with patience...keep ur eyes and ears open at all times

Wow, I bet your husband just adores you. Anyway, all men are not bastards, some of us are harmless little fuzz balls. As for the OP: It sounds as if you know what to do. I like the idea of calling the girlfriend but would go further and ask for his entire cell phone statement. Slowing the process down is also a great thing. He should pay at the least half of the fees.

If it walks like a duck, quack likes a duck and swims like a duck it's not an elephant: IT'S A DUCK!!!!

Good luck to you.

[JudyKCski 12]

Well, first off I agree with alot of the above statements. There is a minute chance they are just friends - however - I agree go with your gut. I also find it strange he would spend days away instead of a more direct flight to you.

I also think it is a good idea not to rush into the support thing - as they said you have time.

Play the devils advocate and tell him that you think Austrailia is a good idea and want to move there! That should throw a wrench into his plans - you will be able to tell by him if he thinks it is a good idea or not. If he agrees then maybe they ARE just friends - however I tend to think he will want instead to come to the US.

He most likely is just playing you along (sorry) and you have no clue if the Ex could have afforded to get him to the US.

Yes, some men can be bad BUT I am a woman and believe me I DO NOT TRUST OTHER WOMEN (except for my daughter and my mother) - you are a woman yourself .. they can be very scheming and self-centered.

Good luck

[coraliesolms 47]

Well, the silver lining here is that you found out before all of this really got sticky. You hold ALL the cards here, you really do have him by the short and curlies on this one. My husband and I have eachothers email passwords, facebook passwords.. so on and so forth. We have nothing to hide from eachother.

I would ask for his email password, and for this womans phone number. If he says he doesnt want to give it to you, then its time to yank the immigration application. If he is hiding things from you and acting squirrelly now before he even gets here, its only going ot get infinately worse once he is here, GC in hand.

Im sorry you have to deal with this. Just be happy this came apart at the seams now, and not later.

[san diego 407]

I personally think that this may ruin your relationship. If you married him you trusted him originally, right? In your e-mail I did not see true indicators of him cheating on you or sneaking behind your back. I think if you love him you should go ahead with the process. Otherwise he will get an idea that you do not trust him and this is devastating for future relationship. I would rather jump in and regret rather then regret that you did not do it.

[Done--Really 331]

Easy for you to say SD, but this isn't a normal situation that she can get out of with a simple divorce--this is a BIG TIME financial commitment with no way out. You are pretty cavalier with someone else's life.

[Tero 105]

I am so sorry men are bastards..anyways I would involve financial stuff into it...and I would talk to the ither women and trick her and make sure I am convinced...Its not abt bringing someone to US its abt u being used for someone else's happiness....If I were u i would take more time to be sure how much love is involved from other side..

Best of Luck deal it with patience...keep ur eyes and ears open at all times

Obviously, you are not happy with your relationship as well. Maybe you should work on yours first before offering advice to the OP. And I think you need that "Best of luck" more than the OP.

[goodyears 2]

ok well i'm gonna be very honest here but honey, just the fact you posted your question on this forum asking for advice from strangers, means you already know what's going on.

My advice - run. Don't walk away from it all, but run.

You're missing one of the two huge,main things you must have to be able to go through this process - trust in your significant other.

Second thing would would be patience

[Jim&Natasha 24]

why don't you ask him about what he thinks about you just moving to australia where he's at? just to see what he says. if he tries to change your mind with some out of this world excuse(s)...be very wary. because if his main goal is really for the two of you to be together...he would not care which country you guys will be in...just as long as you are together. besides...it's not like australia is a terrible place to immigrate to and live in with your SO.

The advice above is GOLDEN!! Don't screw around with the stuff involving the girlfriend. But make it a plausible scenario, like you had an employer in Australia, near his city, ask you to come work for them, and it's a great job, and they told you they could take care of all the Visa stuff for the next 10 years. If he's excited, you're good. If he tries to talk you out of it, huge red flag.

The ideas about having him come up with money won't tell you anything useful if he has no money. Possibly not if he did have money either.

You married this guy. If he did cheat a little with his ex, and/or other women, but was the kind of man who could clean up his act and keep his vows to you from the point of entering the USA, could you live with his past cheating? Or if you knew for a fact he cheated in the past, would that make you end it right now?

You're already worried sick over this. I say that's not healthy for you. The reason for having a man in your life would be to feel positive emotions, not a constant knot in your stomach. If you are constantly feeling that way, perhaps ending the relationship and starting over on your search for a man who has the positives without the negatives would be best.

[ptgarner1 8]

I am so sorry men are bastards..anyways I would involve financial stuff into it...and I would talk to the ither women and trick her and make sure I am convinced...Its not abt bringing someone to US its abt u being used for someone else's happiness....If I were u i would take more time to be sure how much love is involved from other side..

Best of Luck deal it with patience...keep ur eyes and ears open at all times

yes of course we are all bastards...even the nice ones...our mothers raised us to be this way! Dont trust any man who spends 3 days with another woman...seriously....in spite of what chidren are taught in kindergarden...some things are not meant to be shared.

[Richie Rich 70]

I am so sorry men are bastards..anyways I would involve financial stuff into it...and I would talk to the ither women and trick her and make sure I am convinced...Its not abt bringing someone to US its abt u being used for someone else's happiness....If I were u i would take more time to be sure how much love is involved from other side..

Best of Luck deal it with patience...keep ur eyes and ears open at all times

-what u said is utterly ridicilous and uncalled for . If u dont have anything constructive to say --just shut yr mouth