need advice / dont trust my husband anymore

[maria67 0]

hi all

im so hapy i found this forum because can get maybe your opinion about my case!

Im US citizen and recently got married. My husband is from brasil but temporary live in australia.

We sent our I-130 / cr1 in august last year and waiting for it to be approved.

My hubby is nice person,every day is sending me messages about our love and saying how he can not live without me!

Recently,my australian friend who works with him told me he saw him talking on the phone with someone in US and it was not me.

I dont want to go into details now but found out that my hubby's ex.girlfriend lives in NY and he visited her last year,1 month before our wedding date.

He acctualy came to visit me here in US but i know he stayed in NY 3 more days, instead just changing the plane.

I talked to him recently about it, he admited his ex live in NY but hes saying they are just friends now and i should not worry.

There are also some other indications about him keeping in touch with his ex.

Now i am so worried, i love him,but im very suspicious now he want me to use just to get into US and then leave me.

I know that i have to submit affidavit of support soon and after he gets to US im responsabile for him. But what if he leave me after comming here and accuse me for something and then go to live with his ex?

Will i still be financally responsabile for him?

He is going back to brasil soon and he is asking me to send him statement from my friends saying our marriege is in bona fide. I asked him why he needs it he said he will need it to show at interview in US ambassy.

Im just worry that he wants it so once gets into US he can prove he entered into marriage in bona fide.

Maybe im just paranoid about all of this,i love him very much, but there are some strong indications (i have not listed them all here) that im not only person he loves.

any advice?

Edited February 2, 2011 by maria67

[Paloma&Adam 1]

There's not really an easy way to deal with this. First and foremost, maybe you should try to have a good talk with your husband about your suspicions and concerns.

Once you sign and file an I-864, there is a contract between you and your husband for you to support him at 125% above the federal poverty level regardless if you get divorced.

I would perhaps seek the professional advice of a reputable attorney . I really do hope there is nothing funny going on with your husband, that would be awful, but I will agree it does sound suspicious if he's doing things behind your back. On the other hand, you might just be a little paranoid and everything could be fine.

I really wish you luck.

Edited February 2, 2011 by Paloma&Adam

[tany1157 161]

I am sorry you are going through this...that being said...TRUST YOUR GUT!....I know you love him, but personally, I would not tolerate sneaking around....and yes, you can have a heart to heart with him...but he will only work hard to convince you there is nothing going on....him staying in NY right before your marriage??? Even if they are only friends, it is very fishy...my husband wouldn't spend time alone with another woman, only if friends, out of respect for me, and I feel the same way about hanging around with men. But only you know your relationship, but please, trust your gut on this one...

Best of luck to you

[And_Sam 44]

Wow that is a sticky situation. As far as supporting your husband, regardless if you do separate or divorce, you are financially responsible for him for 10 years.

Since he isn't here with you yet, I would definitely make sure you are 100% sure you want him here. What if you tell your husband that you want the phone number of the ex in NY so you can talk to her yourself? Of course you will be getting all kinds of "you don't trust me" from your husband. If it was me, I would make sure before I commit to bringing him to the US.

Good luck!

[Done--Really 331]

The fact that you asked for advice tells me you already know what to do, and are looking for confirmation. Tell him that you can't continue--you are making a ten-year commitment and it looks like he is making no commitment at all. Does he have money or assets--ask him to transfer ten year's of support to you now--you know the answer to that. Or if not ten years, five, but you get the idea. Ask him to put some financial skin into the mix--I know you would prefer emotional commitment, but that is just so many words at this point--make him ante up and then make you decision based on his reaction.

Edited February 2, 2011 by magical

[Tim/Mav 305]

I would have serious concerns. Not just the emotional, but the financial. A Cheat is a Cheat. I would give it more time. You can see the spider web but the spider is always hiding. Just a thought.

[tru_loves_journey 117]

I'm sorry you have to face this. Talking to him is a good idea. Get the other woman's phone number see what she says to you about the situation. If they're agreeing together not to let you in on their plans then you may never get the information you want from her. When you talk to this woman, Don't ask was he with you? Tell her this.. I know my husband was with you, then she will begin to talk. Trick her into telling you her side of the story. Good Luck in your investigating him.

[amazing2010 0]

I am so sorry men are bastards..anyways I would involve financial stuff into it...and I would talk to the ither women and trick her and make sure I am convinced...Its not abt bringing someone to US its abt u being used for someone else's happiness....If I were u i would take more time to be sure how much love is involved from other side..

Best of Luck deal it with patience...keep ur eyes and ears open at all times

[catracha85 6]

If you are having doubts of his love,

Simply stop for a few months with the

Process. If he really loves you, he won't

Mind. In the mean time you should see his

Reaction, if he changes with you, if he

Still care and show interest. If you can

Make a trip in order to fix things and talk

About the situation face to face, would

Be great also. Talking by phone and chat

You know that is never the same to a face

To face serious talk. Also as they said

Before, ask him to help you paying the fees

Of the process. Calling the girl to ask her

What's going on between your hubby and her

I believe that has no sense. At least that

Is noy my style. If your are going to kick

someone's #### that your husband not her....

My humble opinion!

[Kay-che 0]

maybe he had it plan all along!!! MAYBE

both of them could be in on it,even if you get the ex number and have a talk with her,she might lie about it.

i agree with Magical

In the end its up to you

Be very careful

my husband co-worker wife left him a month after she arrive in Florida,she went to her ex-bf who lives in Boston.

it happens all the time,just be careful

[maria67 0]

thank you for all your advices...

And yes,now i have serious financial concerns.

He does not have money,im paying everything,to make things worse i just bought a house with my money and i live in community state where everything is half/half.

He will not give me her phone number , i know him, and he will get mad if i ask.

im too far in this process now and i still love him, i wish i knew immigration rules before all of this, i tought for 2 years he has to be married and then remove his conditional status, but i see now he can do all kind of things,like say im bad to him and then even ask him to support him.

As i said maybe im paranoid about this after hearing all horor stories from friends and internet, but the fact that girl (his ex) exist and he didn told me about her is just no good.

I have a friend who was in very simmilar situation,his foreign spose left him after only 2 months and he is still in process of divorcing from him, after 2 years.

I would go really crazy if someone ruin my life like that.

But just out of curiosity, if person who was sponsored works, and make even more money then petitioner,he or she can still ask for support? And what if that person leave his wife/husband and lets say one day go to the hospital? bill can be sometimes very very costly...... Who pays that bill? Petitioner?

[Done--Really 331]

This isn't a question of divorce and support--it is simply that when you sign the I-864 you are committing to the US government that you WILL support him for ten years at 125% of the poverty level until he gives up his green card or leaves the country. That may mean nothing, but it also means that you are on the hook if it is required.

If you get divorced, the level of support relative to the divorce will be set by the terms of the divorce, but that has NOTHING to do with the fact that the I-864 commits you no matter what else happens.

Take it very, very seriously--you can potentially be in a financial mess--don't take the risk unless you are 100% convinced that he is committed to you emotionally and financially--you are making a major financial commitment to him that cannot be withdrawn even if you split up.

Just remember--married or not, he cannot come here if you do not follow through with all the required documents--you have ALL the power right now, so use it to your advantage. Once you file the additional papers and they are accepted, the power shifts to him. There is NO hurry to file the papers, so be very, very careful--you are making a very long term decision.

Edited February 2, 2011 by magical

[TBoneTX 43,285]

I am so sorry men are bastards..

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

I am so sorry men are bastards..

Really? And your husband, father, brother(s) are one of those MEN?

[RICARDO4EVA2 194]

I am so sorry men are bastards..anyways I would involve financial stuff into it...and I would talk to the ither women and trick her and make sure I am convinced...Its not abt bringing someone to US its abt u being used for someone else's happiness....If I were u i would take more time to be sure how much love is involved from other side..

Best of Luck deal it with patience...keep ur eyes and ears open at all times

And were are yours from..? :bonk: :bonk: