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is it normal that my In laws have never been in touch with me?

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Hello everybody.

I want to share something that makes me a little worried. I dont know if somebody is in the same situation.

I know my husband for 6 years, we are married 2.5 years. Our marriage goes well. The thing that makes me worried is that His family seems not to care about getting in touch with me. I have never talked to them, nobody from his side came to our wedding, and things like that. I have get in touch thru e mail to some young nephews that got curious about me but thats all.

I try to be very polite to them, I send gifts for them with my husband, e cards for christmas, mother´s day, birthdays. etc. But i have never ever got a "Thanks" reply or a simple e mail from his parents or siblins. I ask my husband about it and he comes with things like They are shy to write me back because of their spelling being not that good, or they are not familiar with computers or they are too busy and only says Thanks thru my husband.

When he is with me and call his family sometimes they will says HI thru my husband but never ask to talk with me on the phone not even on our wedding day!

So what do you think? Is it normal? do they hate me? am I not good enough for them? Prejudice??

My husband always says how his family cant wait to meet me. I think: Come on! really? if they never bother to get in touch with me or know me.

I am a very well educated person, got degrees, speak some languages. I know they can feel kinda intimidated for this but still, my husband is not. So why his family acts that way?

I feel afraid to move there even more knowing how they react with me. I try not give it too much importance because i dont want to make my husband worried or knowing him he might get mad at his family and i dont want that.

So what can i do? What should i expect when i move there?

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Australia
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Is it down to a culture divide? I mean, what cultures do yourself and your husband/his family come from?

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Proud Dual Citizen of Australia and the USA!

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Hello everybody.

I want to share something that makes me a little worried. I dont know if somebody is in the same situation.

I know my husband for 6 years, we are married 2.5 years. Our marriage goes well. The thing that makes me worried is that His family seems not to care about getting in touch with me. I have never talked to them, nobody from his side came to our wedding, and things like that. I have get in touch thru e mail to some young nephews that got curious about me but thats all.

I try to be very polite to them, I send gifts for them with my husband, e cards for christmas, mother´s day, birthdays. etc. But i have never ever got a "Thanks" reply or a simple e mail from his parents or siblins. I ask my husband about it and he comes with things like They are shy to write me back because of their spelling being not that good, or they are not familiar with computers or they are too busy and only says Thanks thru my husband.

When he is with me and call his family sometimes they will says HI thru my husband but never ask to talk with me on the phone not even on our wedding day!

So what do you think? Is it normal? do they hate me? am I not good enough for them? Prejudice??

My husband always says how his family cant wait to meet me. I think: Come on! really? if they never bother to get in touch with me or know me.

I am a very well educated person, got degrees, speak some languages. I know they can feel kinda intimidated for this but still, my husband is not. So why his family acts that way?

I feel afraid to move there even more knowing how they react with me. I try not give it too much importance because i dont want to make my husband worried or knowing him he might get mad at his family and i dont want that.

So what can i do? What should i expect when i move there?

So you haven't arrived in the US yet. Does your husband resides with his family, or will you'll live alone? Ask your husband to do a 3 way call between him/you and the family. This way you can get to speak to them with hubby on the phone. This way you can gage everyones comfort level with each other.

If hubby won't agree to this, well this will give you some answers as to where some of the problems might exist.

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Hello everybody.

I want to share something that makes me a little worried. I dont know if somebody is in the same situation.

I know my husband for 6 years, we are married 2.5 years. Our marriage goes well. The thing that makes me worried is that His family seems not to care about getting in touch with me. I have never talked to them, nobody from his side came to our wedding, and things like that. I have get in touch thru e mail to some young nephews that got curious about me but thats all.

I try to be very polite to them, I send gifts for them with my husband, e cards for christmas, mother´s day, birthdays. etc. But i have never ever got a "Thanks" reply or a simple e mail from his parents or siblins. I ask my husband about it and he comes with things like They are shy to write me back because of their spelling being not that good, or they are not familiar with computers or they are too busy and only says Thanks thru my husband.

When he is with me and call his family sometimes they will says HI thru my husband but never ask to talk with me on the phone not even on our wedding day!

So what do you think? Is it normal? do they hate me? am I not good enough for them? Prejudice??

My husband always says how his family cant wait to meet me. I think: Come on! really? if they never bother to get in touch with me or know me.

I am a very well educated person, got degrees, speak some languages. I know they can feel kinda intimidated for this but still, my husband is not. So why his family acts that way?

I feel afraid to move there even more knowing how they react with me. I try not give it too much importance because i dont want to make my husband worried or knowing him he might get mad at his family and i dont want that.

So what can i do? What should i expect when i move there?

I have been married to my husband for nearly a year and I have not really been around his family at all. Part of that is because my husband doesnt want me around his family. His mom suffers from OCD and has some issues. His brother just got released from jail and his other brother has a lot of drama. Hes not close with any of his extended family because he wasn't raised with them so I dont get to be around his family at all.

I dont feel bad at all. I trust my husband. If he thought it was necessary hed have me around his family but its not so we dont.

Where are you from and where is he from? It may be a cultural thing. They may not approve. Sounds like you are outside of the US. Maybe they need to see you before they embrace you. Even though my mother in law has issues...she said to my husband when he told her her was getting married.....do you have love....and when he said yes she said good as you need love in marriage and that was as good as it got. lol.

Dont worry yourself about it too much. Once they meet you and see how good you are for their son....they will love you.

You married the man not the family. Dont forget that :P

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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Romania
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If I understand well you are not in the Us yet. If this is the case don't worry. While I was 'dating' I only saw my future in laws 2 times. They just needed more time to know me better. Now we see each other more often.

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I had a similar thing happen to me - his family never came to our wedding - not even a congratulations on marriage card. We always bought things for them when traveling - not even a thank you.

I understood what it was about once I met them - and am glad to stay away from them. Seems I'm not good enough because I'm better educated, have better working experience, better job and friends all over the States.

From what I experienced when first visiting before the final move here and then after the move, we're better keeping to our own lives. And that's what we're doing.

My advice - stay away from in-laws and if you have to be at a family event stay courteous. I find a way to have something planned on that particular day and let my husband go if he wants to - most of the time he stays with me.

ROC 2009
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Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Egypt
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Hello everybody.

I want to share something that makes me a little worried. I dont know if somebody is in the same situation.

I know my husband for 6 years, we are married 2.5 years. Our marriage goes well. The thing that makes me worried is that His family seems not to care about getting in touch with me. I have never talked to them, nobody from his side came to our wedding, and things like that. I have get in touch thru e mail to some young nephews that got curious about me but thats all.

I try to be very polite to them, I send gifts for them with my husband, e cards for christmas, mother´s day, birthdays. etc. But i have never ever got a "Thanks" reply or a simple e mail from his parents or siblins. I ask my husband about it and he comes with things like They are shy to write me back because of their spelling being not that good, or they are not familiar with computers or they are too busy and only says Thanks thru my husband.

When he is with me and call his family sometimes they will says HI thru my husband but never ask to talk with me on the phone not even on our wedding day!

So what do you think? Is it normal? do they hate me? am I not good enough for them? Prejudice??

My husband always says how his family cant wait to meet me. I think: Come on! really? if they never bother to get in touch with me or know me.

I am a very well educated person, got degrees, speak some languages. I know they can feel kinda intimidated for this but still, my husband is not. So why his family acts that way?

I feel afraid to move there even more knowing how they react with me. I try not give it too much importance because i dont want to make my husband worried or knowing him he might get mad at his family and i dont want that.

So what can i do? What should i expect when i move there?

just be careful it doesnt seem good it smells fishy good luck

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So you haven't arrived in the US yet. Does your husband resides with his family, or will you'll live alone? Ask your husband to do a 3 way call between him/you and the family. This way you can get to speak to them with hubby on the phone. This way you can gage everyones comfort level with each other.

If hubby won't agree to this, well this will give you some answers as to where some of the problems might exist.

I havent arrive to the US yet, im waiting to get the interview date.

He is very close to his family, and they all live kinda close to each other. But luckly my hubby lives alone in his own house.

I honestly get a little nervous about pushing them to talk to me. Still i will think about yur suggestion. Thanks!

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If I understand well you are not in the Us yet. If this is the case don't worry. While I was 'dating' I only saw my future in laws 2 times. They just needed more time to know me better. Now we see each other more often.

Yes thats what im hopping, maybe they will like me when they get to know me. We will see.

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I had a similar thing happen to me - his family never came to our wedding - not even a congratulations on marriage card. We always bought things for them when traveling - not even a thank you.

I understood what it was about once I met them - and am glad to stay away from them. Seems I'm not good enough because I'm better educated, have better working experience, better job and friends all over the States.

From what I experienced when first visiting before the final move here and then after the move, we're better keeping to our own lives. And that's what we're doing.

My advice - stay away from in-laws and if you have to be at a family event stay courteous. I find a way to have something planned on that particular day and let my husband go if he wants to - most of the time he stays with me.

Yeah, once i move if they keep that attitude , i think i will tell my husband to move to another city. I dont want to make him be apart from his family but if they dont treat me nice i will do that.

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Canada
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My husband's family was leery of our relationship at first. He had been married before and they were very fond of his ex-wife and unhappy when they divorced. When he told them about me, their response was 'Well, we'll wait until we meet her before we decide anything". There were no welcoming overtures or letters or phone calls or anything. We got no acknowledgment on our marriage from them either, and I was here for 5 months before I had a chance to meet any of them - or talk to anyone other than his Mom on the phone when he called her every week. When they finally met me and saw how good my husband and I were together, they relaxed and we began to build our own relationships together. I definitely feel like I am part of the family now and his family have gone a long way to make me feel like that. It just took them time to get used to the idea of my husband's new marriage, and to meet me.

I suspect your in-laws are waiting until they have the chance to meet you in person before they try to get close as well. Some people are like that, and some families are quite protective of their members. Keep on doing what you are doing, and hopefully, when they have the chance to meet you in person they will grow to love you as much as your husband does.

Good luck.

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Hello!

Every family is very unique in its own way, just as every case here on VJ is.

Some families dont understand why thier sons or daughters would go to such great lenghts to marry a foreign bride (or groom) when they say "there are plenty of fish right here.

Some are happy and excited for us and do anything to support and help.

Some are indifferent and just dont seem to care either way, not good, not bad.

In our case, (I am the baby of the family - yet I am 46 hehe), my folks are in their 80's. They just wanted to see me happy before thier days here wind down. Now it has been like a rejuvination for them.

My mom was going to teach Doan how to cook but on the flip side, Doan has taught my mom to cook Vietnamese food and we eat it almost every day. My aunt was goint to teach her to knit yet theu are amazed at her skills even though she was never taught.

My dad was to a point where he hardly would get our of his chair but now he greets her at the door every day (we live walking distance to my folks). It's like he has a new reason to rise each day and he has perked up quite a bit.

We spend time each day with my folks. Now that I have finally found happiness I too am a new man and the happiness and energy rubs off on everyone!

Things will work out one way or another. It is either meant to be or not. They may be worried and just not understand. They may fear their are differences and it can be overwhelming for some.

The most important thing is that you and hubby share all your love and support each other, take things one day at a time and I wish you the very best in your future life together.

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