Cheating Fiance

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

What ever happened to the

sock puppet troll

OP, anyways? Any thoughts?

Edited February 7, 2010 by Lone Ranger

[SunDrop 59]

What ever happened to the

sock puppet troll

OP, anyways? Any thoughts?

Mebbe he took advice given and is currently erm... banging out his troubles....

[Calypso 465]

Mebbe he took advice given and is currently erm... banging out his troubles....

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

Mebbe he took advice given and is currently erm... banging out his troubles....

Either that or he's taken his matter into his own hands.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

What ever happened to the

sock puppet troll

OP, anyways? Any thoughts?

This place needed a little drama.

[luckytxn 2,265]

Once a ####### always a #######. She went out clubbing, allowed herself to get chatted up, get horned up, go and do the deed and NOW seeks forgiveness. She is a total ####### and will always be so.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

I have been apart from my fiance for about 5 months. We've been together for 2 years, and both lived in her native country originally. We were with each other every day and had an amazing relationship with a fantastic connection. Unfortunately, I had to return to the US for a plethora of reasons. I wanted her to come with me, but of course we've been forced to wait because of the K1 visa process.

We've been getting along well using Skype, emailing every day and talking on the phone. But a few weeks ago, I'd noticed something changed. She started to seem more distant, and I immediately knew something was wrong. I confronted her about it, and she confessed to me that she'd met a guy at a nightclub, and she was feeling alone and emotionally vulnerable. She slept with him.

Damn, the agony. But she told me she felt terrible about it and that she really loved me, and was angry with herself for having allowed it to happen. My take?

Well, 5 months is a long time. But somehow I've managed to keep faithful to her, so I can't help but feel really upset about this. However, I also know that we're all human, and it's tough for me just to write her off because of it, especially considering she told me the truth when she could have kept it a secret.

Against my better judgment, I forgave her and told her I still love her, and that if she'll have me as her husband, I still want her to be my wife. But I told her I don't feel comfortable with her going to nightclubs, because I think it's tough to avoid the temptation in that kind of environment when you're feeling vulnerable. She didn't like this, because she enjoys going out and dancing with her friends. I understand that, and I don't want to keep her from enjoying the company of her friends. But now everytime she goes out, I feel so anxious about it that I can hardly sleep.

Does this mean it's time to say good-bye? Am I being unreasonable by telling her I'm not comfortable with her going to clubs? Should I just suck it up and try to trust her again?

We've only got about a month and a half left of waiting ... so I'm really at a loss as to what to do. I love her, and I know that she loves me. But is she too lacking in maturity and self-control to build a happy marriage together? I don't want to be completely blind here ... I am in love with the girl.

Some third party opinions are much appreciated. Thanks!

You had two years together where you were together everyday as you say. Then you are apart for 5 months when she cheats because of what? You are not there everyday to make her accountable? She already admitted the justification was an environment of temptation that she put herself in and her emotional vulnerability. So she knows what caused it but won't remedy it with the simple solution that you requested. She does sound needy in that she needs someone around her. She also doesn't sound respectful to you in that she slept with someone else and she isn't respecting your request to not have her go out to nightclubs anymore. Perhaps she is emotionally immature for the relationship. She traded two years of an invested relationship in person for a one night stand. If she is only considering herself in the relationship, while knowing a timeline when you'd be back together and she can't remain faithful even with that knowledge, then she may never be satisfied no matter what you request of her or do.

I think the answers you seek are in your own words: "Against my better judgment, I forgave her..."

Edited February 7, 2010 by ~Flower~

[Teacher Mark 53]

Once a ####### always a #######. She went out clubbing, allowed herself to get chatted up, get horned up, go and do the deed and NOW seeks forgiveness. She is a total ####### and will always be so.

Well I WAS going to go get something to eat...

[TaiwanLover 0]

Man that's a tough one

Edited February 7, 2010 by TaiwanLover

[Unsettled 0]

Wow, I didn't expect such an overwhelming response!

Thank-you so much, I really feel there were a lot of very valid points made.

First of all, I do want to point out that it's true that I never even considered for a second looking for comfort on those nights where I was missing a warm body next to me. I really love her, and it wasn't hard for me to be faithful to her.

I can understand why she "slipped", but I agree that it is incredibly disrespectful of her to continue frequenting clubs even though she knows this makes me uncomfortable, especially so soon after this happened. Furthermore, I wasn't asking her to give up going to clubs forever, just for the next month and a half, and I gather from the responses that no one sees this as unreasonable. The fact that she does seems to show she's out of touch with common decency.

Breaking up is hard to do, but I think that's what has to happen here. You're right, I shouldn't feel as though I'm the one trying to make up to her, she should be trying her best to earn back my trust, and she failed to do this pretty miserably.

I had really believed she was a lot better than this, so it is disappointing.

Thanks again for everyone's input, it really confirmed a lot of what I was feeling about this.

I'm gonna sleep on it before I decide for sure what I'm going to do. But I think I've just gotta bite the bullet and cut her loose, as hard as it will be...

[scandal 951]

Wow, I didn't expect such an overwhelming response!

That's what happens when you post on OT.. everyone's got an opinion

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Wow, I didn't expect such an overwhelming response!

Thank-you so much, I really feel there were a lot of very valid points made.

First of all, I do want to point out that it's true that I never even considered for a second looking for comfort on those nights where I was missing a warm body next to me. I really love her, and it wasn't hard for me to be faithful to her.

I can understand why she "slipped", but I agree that it is incredibly disrespectful of her to continue frequenting clubs even though she knows this makes me uncomfortable, especially so soon after this happened. Furthermore, I wasn't asking her to give up going to clubs forever, just for the next month and a half, and I gather from the responses that no one sees this as unreasonable. The fact that she does seems to show she's out of touch with common decency.

Breaking up is hard to do, but I think that's what has to happen here. You're right, I shouldn't feel as though I'm the one trying to make up to her, she should be trying her best to earn back my trust, and she failed to do this pretty miserably.

I had really believed she was a lot better than this, so it is disappointing.

Thanks again for everyone's input, it really confirmed a lot of what I was feeling about this.

I'm gonna sleep on it before I decide for sure what I'm going to do. But I think I've just gotta bite the bullet and cut her loose, as hard as it will be...

Honestly I'd forgotten about the month and a half left. Jesus. 45 days is nothing.

I know it's a difficult decision but I suggest before you speak to her that you write down how you're feeling. Every time I've tried to break up with people I always end up feeling bad that they're upset and crying and I try and give them "one more chance". I forget the bad points and instead allow them to "draw me back in" with promises of better, or reminders of the good time. I end up regretting it but feeling like I can't back-track when I promised I'd try. My ex-bf was the best at "I'll change" but it shouldn't take an ultimatum for him to want to be "better" for me just as it shouldn't be for you.

Once she's there you've signed paperwork to keep her around and that's a BIG risk.

It's not a big ask to have someone be completely faithful to you. You need to remember that you're feeling now is completely valid and I doubt time will change that. You might get lonely, you might get sad, but eventually you will love again and that someone will value being with you.

Best of luck and best wishes

[Calypso 465]

You might get lonely, you might get sad, but eventually you will love again and that someone will value being with you.

You have it.

[spookyturtle 9,466]

Try to get some ####### from her, then dump her.

[mRx 16]

But I think I've just gotta bite the bullet and cut her loose, as hard as it will be...

Sounds like you're making the right choice.

If you can't trust her the same, then there's no point to salvage the relationship.