Unbelievable!

[Brad and Vika 129]

My problem is not what they tell me about having an MOB. I could care less about what others say or think, but I am very worried about what these people will tell my future wife. I am not sure that she is ready for the harsh reality, especially after people find out our "large" age difference (by USCs standards).

I worry that she is going to crumble under pressure ...

Unless you tend to hang around some pretty rude/clueless people, I doubt very much this is going to be a problem. People will joke with you about it (for whatever values of "joke" you care to assign), but most people are going to know better around her than to call her a mail order bride or what have you.

It helps to talk a bit about that stuff early on, but I agree that she probably won't see nearly as much of it as you will.

[justashooter 430]

My wife loves to get in on the action - "Yes. I come here for be married zis fat, nasty, greasy, stupid, primitive man whis no money who make me work for pay his f'king bills and live in $#!tty little apartment whis no heat and only cook and clean and take care about his fat @$$ and do nothing fun and have such a boring life and do nothing."

now that's sig worthy (sig line, that is)

[Brad and Vika 129]

My wife loves to get in on the action - "Yes. I come here for be married zis fat, nasty, greasy, stupid, primitive man whis no money who make me work for pay his f'king bills and live in $#!tty little apartment whis no heat and only cook and clean and take care about his fat @$$ and do nothing fun and have such a boring life and do nothing."

now that's sig worthy (sig line, that is)

It's a quote. I think those words were etched in stone over the main gate at Ellis Island. Still debate over the subject was a USC at the time.

[baron555 934]

Brad, it appears we met our ladies the same way. I found mine at Walmart. really, she's a cashier.

I also bristle whenever I hear someone start in with the MOB ####### and they usually change their tune by the time I'm done "explaining" things.

My problem is not what they tell me about having an MOB. I could care less about what others say or think, but I am very worried about what these people will tell my future wife. I am not sure that she is ready for the harsh reality, especially after people find out our "large" age difference (by USCs standards).

I worry that she is going to crumble under pressure ...

To some I say: "Internet Sale"

To those close to me: "We met on the Internet"

To others, I tell the truth: "I searched on the Internet for a Hot Blond Russian Woman but found a Hot Blond Russian Crazy Woman. Crazy because she is agreeing to come over to be with me.

I am the Crazy American Man because I was crazy enough to ask her. We will be the Crazy Couple.

Slim, your wife and my future should not be allowed to get together. I believe that if this was to happen, they would band together and it would be the Apocalypse !!

[slim 1,514]

There's a lot of Apocalyptic talk going on around here.

But, rest easy everyone. I'm not going to reproduce anytime soon, so we have plenty of good years left here in the world as we know it. Now if you ever see me post a thread entitled "crazy squared", grab your BOB and head for the hills.

I believe we're OK if our wives or all of us hang out together because that's just crazy plus crazy or crazy times crazy. It's when we start having little kids that we have to see what's really going on. Thomas is first in line, and if I was him, (and he's probably already done it) it' be checking little man's head for any suspicious looking birth marks, particularly anything resembling at least one number six.

[justashooter 430]

My problem is not what they tell me about having an MOB. I could care less about what others say or think, but I am very worried about what these people will tell my future wife. I am not sure that she is ready for the harsh reality, especially after people find out our "large" age difference (by USCs standards).

I worry that she is going to crumble under pressure ...

my wife had a bit of an identity crisis right after she arrived, partly because i was still traveling extensively, so was gone for 4 months of the first year of our marriage while she was stuck waiting in USA for AP. once she had AP i took her with me back to china, where we had lived for 2 years before getting married. in the meantime american nut-jobs had her quite confused.

she stayed with my brother part of the time i was gone, and met "christians" in his kayaking club. they were really "fundamentalists", and i cursed my brother for introducing her to them. the ####### they taught her changed her naive outlook, and it took me six months to get her deprogrammed.

she did learn from the experience, and is less easily swayed, but let's face it, immigrants will listen to anyone that is kind to them, even nut jobs.

[mox 298]

she did learn from the experience, and is less easily swayed, but let's face it, immigrants will listen to anyone that is kind to them, even nut jobs.

I'm not sure what you mean by that. Not knowing the full situation, it sounds to me like she had probably grown up a little sheltered and trusted them because your brother trusted them. I can say that the immigrants in my immediate circle would have reacted quite differently. People are people, just because they're an immigrant doesn't mean they're going to cling to the first life raft-looking thing that floats by. And I think just about anybody in this forum will tell you that the last thing a FSU immigrant is going to do is trust somebody who is kind to them. Just the opposite, actually.

[clueless_in_usa 8]

she did learn from the experience, and is less easily swayed, but let's face it, immigrants will listen to anyone that is kind to them, even nut jobs.

I'm not sure what you mean by that. Not knowing the full situation, it sounds to me like she had probably grown up a little sheltered and trusted them because your brother trusted them. I can say that the immigrants in my immediate circle would have reacted quite differently. People are people, just because they're an immigrant doesn't mean they're going to cling to the first life raft-looking thing that floats by. And I think just about anybody in this forum will tell you that the last thing a FSU immigrant is going to do is trust somebody who is kind to them. Just the opposite, actually.

But Russian SOs tend to trust their Russian counterparts living in the USA almost blindly, even when their advice might be questionable, or even illegal. I know by experience!

[English Muffin 59]

she did learn from the experience, and is less easily swayed, but let's face it, immigrants will listen to anyone that is kind to them, even nut jobs.

Are you referring to every single immigrant ever?

You're the biggest nut job I know and I never listen to you.

[mox 298]

But Russian SOs tend to trust their Russian counterparts living in the USA almost blindly, even when their advice might be questionable, or even illegal. I know by experience!

*Especially* if it's illegal. Blind faith in your SO makes sense, or at least to a point. <Insert diatribe on how she uprooted her entire life and left her family and friends behind because she loves and trusts you blah blah blah here> Blind faith or even trust in just about anyone else is something I've never seen from a FSU citizen. But I can actually see how this could happen with Chinese immigrants, where they have been conditioned to defer to those who their family designates as trustworthy, or those who are in power. There's a great book called Outliers that explains why Asian airlines have (or had) a higher crash rate than Western airlines, and it has a lot to do with how much deference they pay to the established pecking order. It's the kind of adherence to authority you're just not going to see from your Russian SO.

Edited July 16, 2009 by mox

[AKguy 1]

I can go with the FSU SO's being more standoffish and questioning of people. That actually played into my favor in meeting her. I'm shy and it took me over a month to get up the cahones to talk to her. But we'd played the smiling bit for a long while. All the guys that came up to her at 1st sight she told to get lost. And now I tell them to get lost.

And I can somewhat agree with them also being more trusting of fellow FSU folk... especially when the friend pool is small and they're out of their element. Anna would acknowledge some of the people she was hanging out with weren't the best (shop lifters, pot heads, overstaying on their visas), but they were still more familiar to her because of their backgrounds and language. She'd tried to tell me it was ok to overstay her visa last year because some of the people she knew did it and didn't get in trouble. (Our relationship was in high gear and it was time for her to fly back home). I didn't know jack about the visa processes then, but I knew this was not a good idea depending on what happened in our future. If I'd known then what I know now, she wouldn't have left, we'd gotten married and we would have done an AOS without question... anyway. They are smart girls (can't vouch for the guys), and I think with some help and a little guidance they will make good choices. They chose us didn't they? ... maybe that was their first mistake.

[clueless_in_usa 8]

I was talking to a good Russian friend here in the USA (holding a valid J-1 visa). She was asking me what ways I know for her to stay in the USA after her legal status expires. I mentioned the F-1, and H-1 routes (she already has a University degree). then she mentioned to me: "I can also get a Green Card with a fictitious marriage!"

After I explained the problems she could face by doing such a stupid (and illegal) activity, she still replied: all my (Russian) friends know that doing so is the easiest way, and they usually recommend me to follow this route, because it is very easy.

There seems to be a special training in Russia about all the "illegal" activities they can get away with in the USA

What amazes me the most, is that even after explaining the risks and consequences, they still believe that what their fellow Russians say is probably their best option.

At least that has been my experience.

[BluesTraveler 0]

I was talking to a good Russian friend here in the USA (holding a valid J-1 visa). She was asking me what ways I know for her to stay in the USA after her legal status expires. I mentioned the F-1, and H-1 routes (she already has a University degree). then she mentioned to me: "I can also get a Green Card with a fictitious marriage!"

Normally not. J1 holders usually have a 2 year requirement. They MUST leave the USA and return to their home country for 2 years.

[clueless_in_usa 8]

I was talking to a good Russian friend here in the USA (holding a valid J-1 visa). She was asking me what ways I know for her to stay in the USA after her legal status expires. I mentioned the F-1, and H-1 routes (she already has a University degree). then she mentioned to me: "I can also get a Green Card with a fictitious marriage!"

Normally not. J1 holders usually have a 2 year requirement. They MUST leave the USA and return to their home country for 2 years.

Only if the government of the USA, or the home country pays for the program. The majority of J-1that enter the USA (for example, nannies) do not have such requirement.

[Brad and Vika 129]

But Russian SOs tend to trust their Russian counterparts living in the USA almost blindly, even when their advice might be questionable, or even illegal. I know by experience!

*Especially* if it's illegal. Blind faith in your SO makes sense, or at least to a point. <Insert diatribe on how she uprooted her entire life and left her family and friends behind because she loves and trusts you blah blah blah here> Blind faith or even trust in just about anyone else is something I've never seen from a FSU citizen. But I can actually see how this could happen with Chinese immigrants, where they have been conditioned to defer to those who their family designates as trustworthy, or those who are in power. There's a great book called Outliers that explains why Asian airlines have (or had) a higher crash rate than Western airlines, and it has a lot to do with how much deference they pay to the established pecking order. It's the kind of adherence to authority you're just not going to see from your Russian SO.

I think counterparts means other Russians in the community.