ex

[*Robert* 2]

If it were me and my hubby refused to handle the situation then I would, right quick.

Three little words should do it - "Back....off....b!tch".

Though I like that approach as well... it should be only after she knees her jerk off husband in the nuts, then go an ####### slap the C of an ex gf!!!

[nyc 0]

I was in a similar situation when I was still dating.

A woman was hitting on my boyfriend,

almost in front of me and he was saying I'm exaggerating, etc.

I made a huge mistake and one evening I made a scene.

The worst idea ever!!!

I came accross as stupid and she, oh poor she, I was shouting at her.

Please don't make the same mistake.

He married you.

Kill with kindness, even if it's hard, don't say anything for a while.

If things continue go ahead and talk to your husband, very very kindly about it.

Good luck!

Anna

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

Kill with kindness, even if it's hard, don't say anything for a while.

** that! Find a guys desk to sit on and chat for awhile and see how much your hubby likes that.

[djcess 0]

Kill with kindness, even if it's hard, don't say anything for a while.

** that! Find a guys desk to sit on and chat for awhile and see how much your hubby likes that.

hell yeah!!!

[mercuryroad 0]

Sitting on his desk.......no problem

Calling him at night......problem

This girl sounds like a classic competitor.......the good news is that you already won but it would be nice if the players would exit the field.

This might sound a little wierd, but your man is in a little awkward of a situation. If suddenly she is quits stopping by because you said something then he looks whipped and it appears something was going on. If he doesn't tell her to back off then he might look inappropriate to his coworkers unless of course this has been a normal situation and nobody thinks anything of it.

I think the key in this situation is to step back and look at it from a work perspective as well as a relationship perspective because they will be different and have different considerations. This is one of the hazards of working at the same place as your SO.

Keep the professional atmosphere.....professional. Nothing wrong with sitting on the desk.

Keep the personal relationship......personal. No more calls at night.

[Princesa 0]

Heartbeat,

I know the way you feel. My husband also had an ex-girlfriend and they remained as friends. It broke my heart to know that they were still going out while we were dating. He "explained" to me the situation, they broke several years ago, but they ocassionally went out... I didn't like it AT ALL!!! But as someone wrote before, you have won! He is your husband now and she better starts to understand that.

I simply talked to my husband about it and how I was feeling about this "friendship". He doesn't longer go out with her... and we didn't even invite her to our wedding. He said it would have been uncomfortable for her... I felt bad he said that because he didn't think about my feeling but hers Anyway, this is the past and now she is erased from the map!!!

My two cents will be: Talk to him about your feelings. As far as I understand he is not promoting this, it's her! NEVER ever fight with her, that just will promote more problems... and who knows if the "go and sit on others guys desk" advice will work, but be open and honest with your hubby and ask him: "How would you feel if I were the one sitting on other guy's desk?" I bet he will understand!

Good luck!!!

[Fandango 1,439]

I don't think the probbo is the ex, but the fact that your man is allowing her to upset you.

I have absolutely no advice for this. I'm gobsmacked.

[*Robert* 2]

I don't think the probbo is the ex, but the fact that your man is allowing her to upset you.

I have absolutely no advice for this. I'm gobsmacked.

*pushes Lisa back into the boxing ring*

You can do it!!!

[JenT 0]

I don't think the probbo is the ex, but the fact that your man is allowing her to upset you.

I have absolutely no advice for this. I'm gobsmacked.

I'm with you, LisaD... as I was reading this post, I was wondering where the respect is in this marriage. He clearly has none for his wife's feelings, and that speaks VOLUMES. Someone who puts his 'professional reputation' ahead of his marriage has his priorities seriously confused.

While I do not agree with others who are so easily advising to 'kick him to the curb', the situation that needs to be addressed is not the ex but the lack of respect. Once that is straightened out, there should be no further issue about the ex.

If he continues to refuse to acknowledge the OP's feelings, then she needs to make a choice as to whether she can accept that for the rest of her life... the lack of respect will manifest itself in other ways, if it hasn't already.

[*Robert* 2]

I don't think the probbo is the ex, but the fact that your man is allowing her to upset you.

I have absolutely no advice for this. I'm gobsmacked.

I'm with you, LisaD... as I was reading this post, I was wondering where the respect is in this marriage. He clearly has none for his wife's feelings, and that speaks VOLUMES. Someone who puts his 'professional reputation' ahead of his marriage has his priorities seriously confused.

While I do not agree with others who are so easily advising to 'kick him to the curb', the situation that needs to be addressed is not the ex but the lack of respect. Once that is straightened out, there should be no further issue about the ex.

If he continues to refuse to acknowledge the OP's feelings, then she needs to make a choice as to whether she can accept that for the rest of her life... the lack of respect will manifest itself in other ways, if it hasn't already.

agree!

this is just the first step to many other problems, beginning with verbal and emotional abuse, which has already started, and may very well end up with physical abuse. if she continues to let him treat her this way emotionally, then it is just a matter of time before he takes it to the next level. the ex is a #######... but not the cause. like the OPs husband, the ex has no respect for the OP either! It's like they are both laughing in her face!!!

How Wude!!!

[yogib37 3]

when was the moment in time, the vj turned into "dear abby'?

It is not Dear abby.. but it is Dr. Dean collum

you can be in the national papers every day giving that wonderful insite of yours

[MichelleandCraig 1]

nyc...absolutely!!!! no offence intended, but perhaps you could *consider* changing your sig color?? I have a very difficult time reading it, and others may as well. :)

Edited May 13, 2006 by MichelleandCraig

[MrMrsKnight 0]

I don't think the probbo is the ex, but the fact that your man is allowing her to upset you.

I have absolutely no advice for this. I'm gobsmacked.

That's how I see it too! I know it's easier to get mad at her, because you love your husband. But he should never allow you to feel this bad, at least before trying to consider what you have to say!

Talk to him again, no need to fight, just talk to him and explain why you feel really bad about the situation.

I know you probably hate seeing that they're still close friends in front of everyone at work... that it probably makes you feel 2 inches tall. But talk to him and ask him to cut back a little...

I wish you good luck and strength!!

[Fixer 0]

This girl sounds like a classic competitor.......the good news is that you already won but it would be nice if the players would exit the field.

No one wins in relationships. Relationships are a process, not a destination, and if they are treated as a game that is won or lost it tends to eliminate further efforts after the 'prize' is won. There are no trophies in love.

That being said, it sounds like the OP's hubby still has some feelings for his ex, even though he doesn't want to admit it. My advice to her, taken with a teaspoon of salt, is to ask him on how he feels and not take, "But I'm with you now," as an acceptable answer. She should not try being directly confrontational (because this guy seems to be the type that will go passive if confronted) but to just reason with him as an equal and try not to make him get defensive. The OP should share what she sees the ex doing and get him to acknowledge it through reason.

The problem is not the what, but the why. He obviously wants the attention from his ex, but what he needs to come to understand is that he shouldn't want that attention. Simply not cheating isn't the point. It doesn't take a lot of effort to avoid accidentally falling and placing your ####### inside someone who isn't your wife (despite what some guys say). It is a matter of letting his wife satisfy his need for attention instead of letting some other woman do it simply because that other woman WANTS to pay him so much attention. The guy is dense and apparently needy so have him stand on his own two feet and do things because he understands WHY they need to be done for himself and not just because the OP wants it to happen.

I am not the most perceptive person myself when it comes to women flirting with me so I can, to an extent, understand this guy's problem. However, the refusal to consider the OPs opinions of the matter and wanting to just sweep everything under the rug to maintain the current situation is unacceptable. Problems do not go away simply because you refuse to acknowledge them. Guy needs to grow a spine and deal with the feelings that he seems to still have in conjunction with his ex (even if they aren't physical, they are present) before he can completely commit himself to the OP.

[aussiewench 9]

No one wins in relationships. Relationships are a process, not a destination, and if they are treated as a game that is won or lost it tends to eliminate further efforts after the 'prize' is won. There are no trophies in love.

That being said, it sounds like the OP's hubby still has some feelings for his ex, even though he doesn't want to admit it. My advice to her, taken with a teaspoon of salt, is to ask him on how he feels and not take, "But I'm with you now," as an acceptable answer. She should not try being directly confrontational (because this guy seems to be the type that will go passive if confronted) but to just reason with him as an equal and try not to make him get defensive. The OP should share what she sees the ex doing and get him to acknowledge it through reason.

The problem is not the what, but the why. He obviously wants the attention from his ex, but what he needs to come to understand is that he shouldn't want that attention. Simply not cheating isn't the point. It doesn't take a lot of effort to avoid accidentally falling and placing your ####### inside someone who isn't your wife (despite what some guys say). It is a matter of letting his wife satisfy his need for attention instead of letting some other woman do it simply because that other woman WANTS to pay him so much attention. The guy is dense and apparently needy so have him stand on his own two feet and do things because he understands WHY they need to be done for himself and not just because the OP wants it to happen.

I am not the most perceptive person myself when it comes to women flirting with me so I can, to an extent, understand this guy's problem. However, the refusal to consider the OPs opinions of the matter and wanting to just sweep everything under the rug to maintain the current situation is unacceptable. Problems do not go away simply because you refuse to acknowledge them. Guy needs to grow a spine and deal with the feelings that he seems to still have in conjunction with his ex (even if they aren't physical, they are present) before he can completely commit himself to the OP.

I think you said that very well