ex

[heartbeat 0]

My husband, his ex girlf friend and I work in the same place. Even though their relationship finished before he met me, they still talk a lot. She frequently comes to his desk. One morning I was walking by his desk and I saw her with her butt sitting on my husband's desk. When I told my husband that that is indecent - he said that everything was ok and that I was the one who was wrong. He said that this is a reason to look for another job. I asked him to stop any personal contact with her but he does not want to "ruin" his reputation because he wants to be a good man to everyone.

This morning my husband and I were alone in the office talking, when here she comes. She did not say anything just looked at us and then she left, then she came back- as she did not expect me there. I know she calls him also.

What do you think I should do about this? Who is wrong?

Heartbeat

[iceyspots 0]

Her sitting on his desk is an unacceptable action in a professional environment.

[TracyTN 237]

From the outside looking in, its hard for us to say who is right and who is wrong. That said, considering you asked him to stop personal contact with her and he hasn't (or won't) is very alarming.

But above all, you should not discount your women's intuition.

Edited May 12, 2006 by TracyTN

[ceriserose 1]

My husband, his ex girlf friend and I work in the same place. Even though their relationship finished before he met me, they still talk a lot. She frequently comes to his desk. One morning I was walking by his desk and I saw her with her butt sitting on my husband's desk. When I told my husband that that is indecent - he said that everything was ok and that I was the one who was wrong. He said that this is a reason to look for another job. I asked him to stop any personal contact with her but he does not want to "ruin" his reputation because he wants to be a good man to everyone.

This morning my husband and I were alone in the office talking, when here she comes. She did not say anything just looked at us and then she left, then she came back- as she did not expect me there. I know she calls him also.

What do you think I should do about this? Who is wrong?

Heartbeat

There is no right or wrong...there's only what works for each individual couple. If you are clearly stating what you're comfortable with regarding them and he's not listening, then you may need to discuss it when you're both calm and away from the workplace. Explain how much it's bothering you and why.

It may be that he just doesn't realize your position. Of course, my comments are based on the assumption that you aren't overreacting to general and innocent conversation between them. You may need to think about why it upsets you (i.e. what do you think is going on, are you suspicious of them for no reason or for good reason?) and decide if you're response is appropriate for the situation.

My best advice is to talk about it openly and when you're not stressed out/in public.

I wish you luck.

[heartbeat 0]

"Her sitting on his desk is an unacceptable action in a professional environment."

I thought so too. However he says that she does not "like" him and that I should not worry. What happens if she likes him or wants to revenge? You see my point? He does not say that they are not going to be together again because he has me but because she does not like him. Hmmm.....

[joej 0]

Her sitting on his desk is an unacceptable action in a professional environment.

I agree. He should tell her to get her big a** off his desk. Does he have another chair around there? Just wondering if she skipped the chair and went straight for a seat on his desk. The three of you working together sounds like a recipe for disaster. He may feel wierd about asking her to go away and quit calling him, or maybe he just likes the attention. Either way, it is up to him to let her know that her behavior is unacceptable. Once he does that, and if she keeps it up, then that is another issue.

[heartbeat 0]

No That won't hapen. He told me straight that he is not going to tell her to leave him alone so she will always be welcome to his desk.

However I wonder why she calls his cell at 8 pm. What is in her mind to do that?

Heartbeat

[MichelleandCraig 1]

An ex of mine lives kittycorner from us, across the street!!! Our relationship ended in 'that' way quite a long time before I even met Craig, but we remained friends. We also worked together, aside from being neighbors. It wasn't easy, as we were VERY good FRIENDS, but when Craig wasn't altogether comfortable with the friendship, it was(more or less) terminated. As in...we barely talk anymore and only Craig OR myself says hello in passing...if we're outside, at the store, etc. I couldn't understand, and thought it was silly at first..and was annoyed..as I knew the relationship was well past that level...and he had been a good friend to me, and vice versa. When I put myself in Craig's place, however, and imagined HIS ex, blah blah blah..I was NOT too happy. Yes, I'm not embarassed or ashamed to say I CAN be a jealous person!! Ah well. Anyway..maybe if you tell your hubby to imagine the same scenario reversed, it might help. Take care, and hope it all works out for you. M.

after reading..PS..IMO, the 8pm calls are ENTIRELY unacceptable. He needs to make that clear to HER, or she will keep doing it. I understand your position. M.

Edited May 12, 2006 by MichelleandCraig

[Aymerlu 3]

I think it depends on how both of you feel. Obviously you are uncomfortable with her being around and he should respect that. Ask him how he would feel if the table was turned? He walks in and see your ex sitting on your desk and he calls you. I think the woman should respect both of you also and back off. She knows you are married, so she needs to find someone elses desk to sit on. And he$$ NO would I look for another job while that was going on. Like I tell people here I totally trust my man, but I don't trust other women with my man. I know how some women work. Shoot....there are some of my friends I would not let around my man, which is sad to say.

Talk it over and tell your husband how you feel. I hope everything works out.

[nayalamb 0]

don't let her get you all upset. when you see her on his desk, be nice and act like everything is cool. then pull out a chair for her and go "here you go, dear. i'm sure that desk is not very comfortable."

or next time she comes around, jump on the desk before she can!

or send a memo asking people to stop causing excess wear and tear by using the desks as extra seating, which is not what they are intended for.

and i do agree with ceriserose, have a serious heart to heart so he understands why it bugs you. and encourage him to STRONGLY encourage her to keep her distance physically and telecommunicatively. if she has respect for him and his marriage, she would not want to cause any problems, right? so she should be fine with slinking back into her corner.

i wish you well.

[AnaAndDaniel 0]

He should tell her to get her big a** off his desk.

How do you know she has a big a**? Did I miss a picture around here?

Daniel

:energetic:

[iceyspots 0]

An ex of mine lives kittycorner from us, across the street!!! Our relationship ended in 'that' way quite a long time before I even met Craig, but we remained friends. We also worked together, aside from being neighbors. It wasn't easy, as we were VERY good FRIENDS, but when Craig wasn't altogether comfortable with the friendship, it was(more or less) terminated. As in...we barely talk anymore and only Craig OR myself says hello in passing...if we're outside, at the store, etc. I couldn't understand, and thought it was silly at first..and was annoyed..as I knew the relationship was well past that level...and he had been a good friend to me, and vice versa. When I put myself in Craig's place, however, and imagined HIS ex, blah blah blah..I was NOT too happy. Yes, I'm not embarassed or ashamed to say I CAN be a jealous person!! Ah well. Anyway..maybe if you tell your hubby to imagine the same scenario reversed, it might help. Take care, and hope it all works out for you. M.

after reading..PS..IMO, the 8pm calls are ENTIRELY unacceptable. He needs to make that clear to HER, or she will keep doing it. I understand your position. M.

Exactly.. work stays at work.. There's nothing THAT crucial where he needs to be contacted during his personal time.

[heartbeat 0]

Thanks for all the answers. I told him that I am going to tell her to stay away from him - since he said that he is not going to do it, but he did not let me do it. SO I don't understand why he is proctecting her so much.

He does not care if I am jealous or if I am sad. But of course he would hate to be in my place. So I hate when he makes judgements where he only care about himself and his position but not about what I feel - like he worries more about what she will say if he tells her something like leave me alone or what his coworkers think about him. So I have to shut up and live with this even though it bothers me a lot.

Thanks

Heartbeat

[AnaAndDaniel 0]

seriously speaking, try to keep a level head about it all. feeding off our emotions can leads us to where we do not want to go.

good luck.

Daniel

:energetic:

[almaty 19]

when was the moment in time, the vj turned into "dear abby'?