How In The World Did It Come To This?

[pushbrk 12,092]

I apologise if someone took offence to the directness of my post. However, I have my reasons for saying the things I did. I am 47, and have spent most of my life alone. Every minute I waste weighs heavily on me, because it brings me closer to the end of my life. I already know I won't be able to have a family, and the idea of spending another six or seven months apart from the man I love can weigh very heavily on me. I am not a young girl who still has to learn the meaning of patience. Believe, me, I have had lots of opportunities to do so, and in much worse situations.

I won't comment on other posts, because I have very peculiar ideas on the way the world works, which would be pointless to discuss here. However, I would like to remind you that not everyone is able to visit their partner often during the enforced separation, and that I don't think that forcing people to marry just in order to be together is not always a good idea. As to moving to other countries instead of the US, there may be serious reasons behind a couple's choice.

Just a final remark.... I am way better off financially than my fiancé, and also well-educated and qualified enough not to be likely to become a public charge. I am very sorry if what I have said was offensive to anyone, but I can't help feeling negatively about the hoops we are made to jump.

I'm certainly not offended. Your post above indicates you have a fair enough understanding that YOUR feelings are about YOU. I would simply comment that nobody forced anybody to get married. Nobody forced anybody to begin romance with a foreigner. Those are choices we make for ourselves. Certain choices bring complications. I hope you find your choices also bring you lasting happiness.

[pushbrk 12,092]

I don't know how unprepared or uninformed people manage to hold things together as they are hit by one unforseen bit of information about the process after another.

Word. (and pushbrk I wish we could talk your wife into posting sometime. You always talk about your relationship in the most clinical terms, but I just know you're a big teddy bear... )

When my OH and I started chatting online, I didn't seriously think I was going to get...well, serious. But as time progressed and we became more involved, I started looking into seeing what it would take for her to visit the US. As it turned out, there's no way in hell she was going to be allowed to visit. But in researching that, I found out just how difficult it is to bring someone over here to marry. That realization was like looking into the maw of a vast empty pit. It seemed to me there was really no future for us, as I couldn't possibly see her wanting to wait so long, and quite frankly, for me to put my entire life on hold for it. But the longer we knew each other, the more I entertained the process. When I finally went to visit her, the deal was sealed. I'd have waited 10 years for her if that's what it took.

If I'd have gone into it knowing nothing, jeez. I honestly don't know what I'd have done. It may not have changed my mind, but I'd be much worse for the wear. The waiting and waiting and waiting is tough, but at least I know about it and can anticipate the next series of delays. She's much better at the whole waiting part thing than I am (I think it's a Russian thing, they're always waiting for things to get better), but I've learned to be a lot calmer about the things I can't really control.

Ok, she's now dictating.

I am pushbrk wife. I really miss my laogong I wait in China. Really fear interview because want to go to USA live with laogong. Interview really easy, so I happy. USA interview man really really handsome, really good. I like. Man know I and my laogong marriage is no fake, really.

I also fear interview green card because my friend say interview ask husband what color panties wife wear and is make love good. After I know really easy green card interview. Man is also really good man. We now go to see my grandson and pick up green card in Michelle's mail today.

My laogong tell me no worry because we marriage is really no fake because I really really love my laogong. I know my marriage laogong is forever. I no worry. I love my husband because he is good hearted, clever and handsome. Also he make me laugh. I really happy. Now we live really really happy. Ok? Now give me go kitchen?

[Jeraly 3]

I think that this process, no matter how many of us bemoan it, has taught my OH and myself a lot about our relationship, our strengths, weaknesses and ourselves. We have grown as individuals and as a couple. People might think I am crazy but I love the fact we have had to go through this. Of course I hate it too But it has made me even more certain that this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

[mox 298]

I no worry. I love my husband because he is good hearted, clever and handsome. Also he make me laugh. I really happy. Now we live really really happy. Ok? Now give me go kitchen?[/b]

Pushbrk you made my day. I couldn't stop laughing at the last line for a full minute. Heck I'm still laughing. That was absolutely priceless. You two have got to be a great couple. It's seeing little snippets of relationships like this that make all the drawbacks of a foreign relationship pale in comparison to the advantages.

Edited February 5, 2008 by mox

[Jeraly 3]

pushbrk your wife sounds like a sweetheart

[SqdnGuns 21]

Do any of you ever wonder how it is that you are in the position that you are at the mercy of your Government regarding your marriage? Maybe if everyone had to go through a similar process our divorce rate wouldn't be so high.

I never wonder how it is because as my relationship was in its first days, I started doing some research on what I was getting myself into. I knew before I ever saw my now wife on the webcam and heard her voice that if the relationship matured, we would be faced with an (optimistically) 6 to 10 month separation while we went through the visa process. I knew enough about the pitfalls to know the separation could be much longer and that there would be spans of months with no apparent progress. My wife knew the same, because she already had two friends ahead of us in the process, one in the US and one half way through.

I don't know how unprepared or uninformed people manage to hold things together as they are hit by one unforseen bit of information about the process after another.

BINGO..........always so sensible, good man!

[BabyBlueSusie 1]

I think that this process, no matter how many of us bemoan it, has taught my OH and myself a lot about our relationship, our strengths, weaknesses and ourselves. We have grown as individuals and as a couple. People might think I am crazy but I love the fact we have had to go through this. Of course I hate it too But it has made me even more certain that this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

i agree totally

i did learn a lot about his silly @ss mostly i learned that hes pretty incompetent when it comes to these sorts of things, but i love him anyway

Edited February 5, 2008 by babybluesusie

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

Could not have said it better! Great post my friend! No need to say any more.

I don't know how unprepared or uninformed people manage to hold things together as they are hit by one unforseen bit of information about the process after another.

Word. (and pushbrk I wish we could talk your wife into posting sometime. You always talk about your relationship in the most clinical terms, but I just know you're a big teddy bear... )

When my OH and I started chatting online, I didn't seriously think I was going to get...well, serious. But as time progressed and we became more involved, I started looking into seeing what it would take for her to visit the US. As it turned out, there's no way in hell she was going to be allowed to visit. But in researching that, I found out just how difficult it is to bring someone over here to marry. That realization was like looking into the maw of a vast empty pit. It seemed to me there was really no future for us, as I couldn't possibly see her wanting to wait so long, and quite frankly, for me to put my entire life on hold for it. But the longer we knew each other, the more I entertained the process. When I finally went to visit her, the deal was sealed. I'd have waited 10 years for her if that's what it took.

If I'd have gone into it knowing nothing, jeez. I honestly don't know what I'd have done. It may not have changed my mind, but I'd be much worse for the wear. The waiting and waiting and waiting is tough, but at least I know about it and can anticipate the next series of delays. She's much better at the whole waiting part thing than I am (I think it's a Russian thing, they're always waiting for things to get better), but I've learned to be a lot calmer about the things I can't really control.

[rebeccajo 14]

I am pushbrk wife. I really miss my laogong I wait in China. Really fear interview because want to go to USA live with laogong. Interview really easy, so I happy. USA interview man really really handsome, really good. I like. Man know I and my laogong marriage is no fake, really.

I also fear interview green card because my friend say interview ask husband what color panties wife wear and is make love good. After I know really easy green card interview. Man is also really good man. We now go to see my grandson and pick up green card in Michelle's mail today.

My laogong tell me no worry because we marriage is really no fake because I really really love my laogong. I know my marriage laogong is forever. I no worry. I love my husband because he is good hearted, clever and handsome. Also he make me laugh. I really happy. Now we live really really happy. Ok? Now give me go kitchen?

LOL.....this is really sweet and cute!

[mariapoe 0]

I don't know how unprepared or uninformed people manage to hold things together as they are hit by one unforseen bit of information about the process after another.

Word. (and pushbrk I wish we could talk your wife into posting sometime. You always talk about your relationship in the most clinical terms, but I just know you're a big teddy bear... )

When my OH and I started chatting online, I didn't seriously think I was going to get...well, serious. But as time progressed and we became more involved, I started looking into seeing what it would take for her to visit the US. As it turned out, there's no way in hell she was going to be allowed to visit. But in researching that, I found out just how difficult it is to bring someone over here to marry. That realization was like looking into the maw of a vast empty pit. It seemed to me there was really no future for us, as I couldn't possibly see her wanting to wait so long, and quite frankly, for me to put my entire life on hold for it. But the longer we knew each other, the more I entertained the process. When I finally went to visit her, the deal was sealed. I'd have waited 10 years for her if that's what it took.

If I'd have gone into it knowing nothing, jeez. I honestly don't know what I'd have done. It may not have changed my mind, but I'd be much worse for the wear. The waiting and waiting and waiting is tough, but at least I know about it and can anticipate the next series of delays. She's much better at the whole waiting part thing than I am (I think it's a Russian thing, they're always waiting for things to get better), but I've learned to be a lot calmer about the things I can't really control.

It's funny you wrote about a Russian thing. I just thought about it reading this post about an hour ago. I started typing a comment but then decided not to finish it..... I meant to say that some people, especially from advanced and economically developed countries as US, expect everything to be as fast and as easy as to get cash from ATM. No offense, but many people take lots of things for granted, so when they face a challenge like this, they start panicking and dramatazing a bit. It's hard but it's not the hardest thing in the world. Russians, on the other hand, have had a tough history and especially recent developments have made them even stronger and more patient. We here grew with Russian literature/history full of sad love stories, so suffering of waiting like this, we just follow the old tradition I'm Ukrainian but it's we all stem from the same root. I'm in Ukraine right now and I see people struggling all over the place, so I try not to complain about my waiting situation very much and just be patient.

[Usui Takumi 1,562]

Reading through this, I've just realised something. Most of the k1 applicants have always had a long distance relationship the whole time they've known each other haven't they?

Edited February 5, 2008 by lancer1655

[Chica Yeyé 41]

basically, we are free to marry who we want *, but they decide who can immigrate and how and when.

*providing both are of legal age, of opposite sex, and unmarried at the time and not related too closely.

Chris

Excellent points that we usually don't even think about Chris

[SqdnGuns 21]

Reading through this, I've just realized something. Most of the k1 applicants have always had a long distance relationship the whole time they've known each other haven't they?

Not in this case. My fiancee moved back to the Philippines with me after I did some work in Thailand. We moved back to Thailand last January but I had to come back to the states due to a death in the family a few weeks later.

She'll be here in a few months now!!

[pushbrk 12,092]

I am pushbrk wife. I really miss my laogong I wait in China. Really fear interview because want to go to USA live with laogong. Interview really easy, so I happy. USA interview man really really handsome, really good. I like. Man know I and my laogong marriage is no fake, really.

I also fear interview green card because my friend say interview ask husband what color panties wife wear and is make love good. After I know really easy green card interview. Man is also really good man. We now go to see my grandson and pick up green card in Michelle's mail today.

My laogong tell me no worry because we marriage is really no fake because I really really love my laogong. I know my marriage laogong is forever. I no worry. I love my husband because he is good hearted, clever and handsome. Also he make me laugh. I really happy. Now we live really really happy. Ok? Now give me go kitchen?

LOL.....this is really sweet and cute!

Just like her. Michelle is my daughter. We used her address during AOS as an "in care of" because we thought we were moving. The green cards were there with the proper 10 year validity but unfortunately my wife's says she's from Taiwan. Daughter's is correct though. Other good news is Michelle announced another grand child is in the oven. Jaden is 13 months, Nicole will have a daughter, Ryan, due Feb 20 and the third is due August 10.

[Jeraly 3]

Aww!! congrats!!!