How In The World Did It Come To This?

[truffles 2]

I certainly sympathise with everyone...i remember the days of waiting and checking uscis website for updates.

Frustration at RFE's but i was grateful for this website - it offered a lot support advice and reassurances - i knew i wasnt alone in this - good luck to you all.

[Ms. Hellwig 0]

Who was doing a background on the Pilgrims? Obviously not the Natives.

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1055662/posts

I must say I laughed when I read this post. The irony is humorous.

[Brian & Kathy 0]

Great reply!

Who was doing a background on the Pilgrims? Obviously not the Natives.

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1055662/posts

It is now 2008. For the most part, tribal societies have been replaced with soveriegn national governments. You are a citizen of a soveriegn United States of America, in the present tense. Discussions on pilgrims and natives are for the off-topic forum but there's plenty of evidence native Americans faced more difficulty marrying outside the tribe than inside for quite similar reasons. Even so, it was generally easier to marry into another tribe than to immigrate to another tribe by choice, like tribe A is kicking the butts of tribe B plus they eat dear instead of corn and fish, so brother B tribe decides he wants to joing the A's and eat meat.

You want to go back in history a bit further, you'll find marrying somebody not of your own home town was significantly more difficult, if only due to the travel involved. These things are choices that come with added difficulties. You make the choice, you deal with the difficulties just like its been throughout history.

[BishopMnA 0]

I'm a patient person by nature, and this process did test that patience at times. I can certainly empathize with everyone going through this!

However, after going through so much of it now, I have to say that I think it is a good process. Maybe that is 20/20 vision in hindsight though...

Much of my frustration that accompanied the process was a by-product of my own application. Once I studied the process more thoroughly, it became pretty easy. Our entire 129F - Greencard process went through smoothly, but slowly. In truth though, we were only 'forced' to be apart for 6 months (the K-1 portion of the process). And, I visited her alot during those times. We were able to do the AOS while we were together in the US, so that wasn't so bad

Have patience! Before you know you'll be married in the states and with a greencard

Peace,

Mark-N-AAm

[cellarlily 0]

Sometimes I think the process really weeds out the people who are doing it for the wrong reasons. If you truly love your fiance(e)/spouse, you will endure the process, no matter how long it takes or hard it is. Yeah, we have to put up with a lot, but we kind of knew that we would entering into a foreign relationship. I knew we'd have hurdles, and as much as USCIS has given us the run-around, I'm happy that we are together now and that there was a process (no matter how flawed) for him to come and be with me.

I think similar processes should be put in place for USC-to-USC marriages to make sure the "sanctity" of marriage is upheld. Unfortunately, sanctity only seems to matter when it's an issue of same-sex couples wanting to marry. Like someone said earlier, if regular marriages had to go through any kind of scrutiny like we do, we'd have much healthier families in this country.

[rebeccajo 14]

Do any of you ever wonder how it is that you are in the position that you are at the mercy of your Government regarding your marriage? Maybe if everyone had to go through a similar process our divorce rate wouldn't be so high.

Well, I got in this position because I was sitting at my computer talking to a guy who ended up telling me he lived in Ireland.

It never occured to me it would be easy for us to have a long term committed relationship. After all, he was a citizen of another nation. I didn't have a clue what our options were and I was REALLY disappointed to learn there was no such thing as a 'boyfriend visa'. But I sure wasn't surprised that if we wanted to live together there was going to be paperwork involved.

I have been disappointed in delays especially non-sensical ones like waiting 500+ days for my husband's greencard because his FBI security clearance was not complete. If my husband were an 'evil-doer' the US government gave him plenty of time to get the job done, all the while otherwise blessing his presence in our homeland.

After being in an 'international relationship' for a while now, my husband and I both agree that the process itself is no indicator of how successful a relationship might be. LDR's are very romantic and there's a lot of longing for the other individual when you are apart. Day to day reunited living is a complete different thing. If the people in the relationship aren't really who they say they are, or if either of them have deluded themselves about the other, the relationship is going to fail. Just like any marriage between two people who met, courted, and married in the same time zone.

[zqt3344 21]

Actually I think all people getting married as two US citizens should have to go through a lot more to get married than what they do currently, it is a total joke, especially for such a serious life long committment. No wonder so many marriages fail or there are so many divorces when so many people should have not been married in the first place! A lot of those divorce rates would decrease and more people would do a much better job of making certain they were truly committed to that other person for their natural born life! It ought to be a federal law! Why not if we have to all go through it why not US citizens?

Do any of you ever wonder how it is that you are in the position that you are at the mercy of your Government regarding your marriage? Maybe if everyone had to go through a similar process our divorce rate wouldn't be so high.

[HighwayStar 0]

I apologise if someone took offence to the directness of my post. However, I have my reasons for saying the things I did. I am 47, and have spent most of my life alone. Every minute I waste weighs heavily on me, because it brings me closer to the end of my life. I already know I won't be able to have a family, and the idea of spending another six or seven months apart from the man I love can weigh very heavily on me. I am not a young girl who still has to learn the meaning of patience. Believe, me, I have had lots of opportunities to do so, and in much worse situations.

I won't comment on other posts, because I have very peculiar ideas on the way the world works, which would be pointless to discuss here. However, I would like to remind you that not everyone is able to visit their partner often during the enforced separation, and that I don't think that forcing people to marry just in order to be together is not always a good idea. As to moving to other countries instead of the US, there may be serious reasons behind a couple's choice.

Just a final remark.... I am way better off financially than my fiancé, and also well-educated and qualified enough not to be likely to become a public charge. I am very sorry if what I have said was offensive to anyone, but I can't help feeling negatively about the hoops we are made to jump.

[mox 298]

I don't know how unprepared or uninformed people manage to hold things together as they are hit by one unforseen bit of information about the process after another.

Word. (and pushbrk I wish we could talk your wife into posting sometime. You always talk about your relationship in the most clinical terms, but I just know you're a big teddy bear... )

When my OH and I started chatting online, I didn't seriously think I was going to get...well, serious. But as time progressed and we became more involved, I started looking into seeing what it would take for her to visit the US. As it turned out, there's no way in hell she was going to be allowed to visit. But in researching that, I found out just how difficult it is to bring someone over here to marry. That realization was like looking into the maw of a vast empty pit. It seemed to me there was really no future for us, as I couldn't possibly see her wanting to wait so long, and quite frankly, for me to put my entire life on hold for it. But the longer we knew each other, the more I entertained the process. When I finally went to visit her, the deal was sealed. I'd have waited 10 years for her if that's what it took.

If I'd have gone into it knowing nothing, jeez. I honestly don't know what I'd have done. It may not have changed my mind, but I'd be much worse for the wear. The waiting and waiting and waiting is tough, but at least I know about it and can anticipate the next series of delays. She's much better at the whole waiting part thing than I am (I think it's a Russian thing, they're always waiting for things to get better), but I've learned to be a lot calmer about the things I can't really control.

[Dr. Obvious 49]

I apologise if someone took offence to the directness of my post. However, I have my reasons for saying the things I did. I am 47, and have spent most of my life alone. Every minute I waste weighs heavily on me, because it brings me closer to the end of my life. I already know I won't be able to have a family, and the idea of spending another six or seven months apart from the man I love can weigh very heavily on me. I am not a young girl who still has to learn the meaning of patience. Believe, me, I have had lots of opportunities to do so, and in much worse situations.

I won't comment on other posts, because I have very peculiar ideas on the way the world works, which would be pointless to discuss here. However, I would like to remind you that not everyone is able to visit their partner often during the enforced separation, and that I don't think that forcing people to marry just in order to be together is not always a good idea. As to moving to other countries instead of the US, there may be serious reasons behind a couple's choice.

Just a final remark.... I am way better off financially than my fiancé, and also well-educated and qualified enough not to be likely to become a public charge. I am very sorry if what I have said was offensive to anyone, but I can't help feeling negatively about the hoops we are made to jump.

Then why doesn't he move to Italy if the laws are easier and you are the one better off? Why go through the trouble when you don't have to? I am just curious.

[mox 298]

I apologise if someone took offence to the directness of my post. However, I have my reasons for saying the things I did. I am 47, and have spent most of my life alone. Every minute I waste weighs heavily on me, because it brings me closer to the end of my life. I already know I won't be able to have a family, and the idea of spending another six or seven months apart from the man I love can weigh very heavily on me. I am not a young girl who still has to learn the meaning of patience. Believe, me, I have had lots of opportunities to do so, and in much worse situations.

I won't comment on other posts, because I have very peculiar ideas on the way the world works, which would be pointless to discuss here. However, I would like to remind you that not everyone is able to visit their partner often during the enforced separation, and that I don't think that forcing people to marry just in order to be together is not always a good idea. As to moving to other countries instead of the US, there may be serious reasons behind a couple's choice.

Just a final remark.... I am way better off financially than my fiancé, and also well-educated and qualified enough not to be likely to become a public charge. I am very sorry if what I have said was offensive to anyone, but I can't help feeling negatively about the hoops we are made to jump.

I don't think anyone was offended by your post. I do in fact agree with you on a conceptual level, although from a purely pragmatic level I also agree with pushbrk's reply. (I'll speak for him and say he wasn't offended...he's always grouchy. )

I'm in the same boat you are. I can't go visit my OH while we wait either. I think many of us are in that same circumstance. Best of luck to you, and I hope you and your partner will be together soon!

[chris4gretchen 1]

basically, we are free to marry who we want *, but they decide who can immigrate and how and when.

*providing both are of legal age, of opposite sex, and unmarried at the time and not related too closely.

Chris

Edited February 5, 2008 by chris4gretchen

[rebeccajo 14]

Highway Star...

I didn't see anybody disagreeing with your posts. They were just adding other thoughts. I'm confused by your second post.

PS - I was 47 when my husband and I married also.

[HighwayStar 0]

I am sorry if someone was confused by my second post. I thought some of you were offended by my criticism of the US. If you knew me, you would know I am much more critical of my own home country.

Which brings me to the question of why my fiancé doesn't move to Italy. There is a very simple reason, and it is called work. The job market in Italy is not very favourable to foreigners who don't speak Italian, and even Italians have trouble in finding decent-paying jobs. My fiancé has a very good trade in the US, and he has lots of other possibilities - and, until his ex wife remarries, has to pay a substantial part of his income as child support. In Italy, I would probably have to support him for months, if not forever. I could support him, but not his children. There are other Italian-American couples on VJ who have made the same decision, and exactly for the same reasons.

[rebeccajo 14]

HS -

Your husband will have to pay child support until his children either reach their majority or their education is finished. He will still be obligated for support of those children even if his ex remarries.