How In The World Did It Come To This?

[Jeraly 4]

I think that this process, no matter how many of us bemoan it, has taught my OH and myself a lot about our relationship, our strengths, weaknesses and ourselves. We have grown as individuals and as a couple. People might think I am crazy but I love the fact we have had to go through this. Of course I hate it too But it has made me even more certain that this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

[Jeraly 4]

pushbrk your wife sounds like a sweetheart

[SqdnGuns 21]

Do any of you ever wonder how it is that you are in the position that you are at the mercy of your Government regarding your marriage? Maybe if everyone had to go through a similar process our divorce rate wouldn't be so high.

I never wonder how it is because as my relationship was in its first days, I started doing some research on what I was getting myself into. I knew before I ever saw my now wife on the webcam and heard her voice that if the relationship matured, we would be faced with an (optimistically) 6 to 10 month separation while we went through the visa process. I knew enough about the pitfalls to know the separation could be much longer and that there would be spans of months with no apparent progress. My wife knew the same, because she already had two friends ahead of us in the process, one in the US and one half way through.

I don't know how unprepared or uninformed people manage to hold things together as they are hit by one unforseen bit of information about the process after another.

BINGO..........always so sensible, good man!

[BabyBlueSusie 1]

I think that this process, no matter how many of us bemoan it, has taught my OH and myself a lot about our relationship, our strengths, weaknesses and ourselves. We have grown as individuals and as a couple. People might think I am crazy but I love the fact we have had to go through this. Of course I hate it too But it has made me even more certain that this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

i agree totally

i did learn a lot about his silly @ss mostly i learned that hes pretty incompetent when it comes to these sorts of things, but i love him anyway

Edited February 5, 2008 by babybluesusie

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

Could not have said it better! Great post my friend! No need to say any more.

I don't know how unprepared or uninformed people manage to hold things together as they are hit by one unforseen bit of information about the process after another.

Word. (and pushbrk I wish we could talk your wife into posting sometime. You always talk about your relationship in the most clinical terms, but I just know you're a big teddy bear... )

When my OH and I started chatting online, I didn't seriously think I was going to get...well, serious. But as time progressed and we became more involved, I started looking into seeing what it would take for her to visit the US. As it turned out, there's no way in hell she was going to be allowed to visit. But in researching that, I found out just how difficult it is to bring someone over here to marry. That realization was like looking into the maw of a vast empty pit. It seemed to me there was really no future for us, as I couldn't possibly see her wanting to wait so long, and quite frankly, for me to put my entire life on hold for it. But the longer we knew each other, the more I entertained the process. When I finally went to visit her, the deal was sealed. I'd have waited 10 years for her if that's what it took.

If I'd have gone into it knowing nothing, jeez. I honestly don't know what I'd have done. It may not have changed my mind, but I'd be much worse for the wear. The waiting and waiting and waiting is tough, but at least I know about it and can anticipate the next series of delays. She's much better at the whole waiting part thing than I am (I think it's a Russian thing, they're always waiting for things to get better), but I've learned to be a lot calmer about the things I can't really control.

[rebeccajo 14]

I am pushbrk wife. I really miss my laogong I wait in China. Really fear interview because want to go to USA live with laogong. Interview really easy, so I happy. USA interview man really really handsome, really good. I like. Man know I and my laogong marriage is no fake, really.

I also fear interview green card because my friend say interview ask husband what color panties wife wear and is make love good. After I know really easy green card interview. Man is also really good man. We now go to see my grandson and pick up green card in Michelle's mail today.

My laogong tell me no worry because we marriage is really no fake because I really really love my laogong. I know my marriage laogong is forever. I no worry. I love my husband because he is good hearted, clever and handsome. Also he make me laugh. I really happy. Now we live really really happy. Ok? Now give me go kitchen?

LOL.....this is really sweet and cute!

[mariapoe 0]

I don't know how unprepared or uninformed people manage to hold things together as they are hit by one unforseen bit of information about the process after another.

Word. (and pushbrk I wish we could talk your wife into posting sometime. You always talk about your relationship in the most clinical terms, but I just know you're a big teddy bear... )

When my OH and I started chatting online, I didn't seriously think I was going to get...well, serious. But as time progressed and we became more involved, I started looking into seeing what it would take for her to visit the US. As it turned out, there's no way in hell she was going to be allowed to visit. But in researching that, I found out just how difficult it is to bring someone over here to marry. That realization was like looking into the maw of a vast empty pit. It seemed to me there was really no future for us, as I couldn't possibly see her wanting to wait so long, and quite frankly, for me to put my entire life on hold for it. But the longer we knew each other, the more I entertained the process. When I finally went to visit her, the deal was sealed. I'd have waited 10 years for her if that's what it took.

If I'd have gone into it knowing nothing, jeez. I honestly don't know what I'd have done. It may not have changed my mind, but I'd be much worse for the wear. The waiting and waiting and waiting is tough, but at least I know about it and can anticipate the next series of delays. She's much better at the whole waiting part thing than I am (I think it's a Russian thing, they're always waiting for things to get better), but I've learned to be a lot calmer about the things I can't really control.

It's funny you wrote about a Russian thing. I just thought about it reading this post about an hour ago. I started typing a comment but then decided not to finish it..... I meant to say that some people, especially from advanced and economically developed countries as US, expect everything to be as fast and as easy as to get cash from ATM. No offense, but many people take lots of things for granted, so when they face a challenge like this, they start panicking and dramatazing a bit. It's hard but it's not the hardest thing in the world. Russians, on the other hand, have had a tough history and especially recent developments have made them even stronger and more patient. We here grew with Russian literature/history full of sad love stories, so suffering of waiting like this, we just follow the old tradition I'm Ukrainian but it's we all stem from the same root. I'm in Ukraine right now and I see people struggling all over the place, so I try not to complain about my waiting situation very much and just be patient.

[Usui Takumi 1,562]

Reading through this, I've just realised something. Most of the k1 applicants have always had a long distance relationship the whole time they've known each other haven't they?

Edited February 5, 2008 by lancer1655

[Chica Yeyé 41]

basically, we are free to marry who we want *, but they decide who can immigrate and how and when.

*providing both are of legal age, of opposite sex, and unmarried at the time and not related too closely.

Chris

Excellent points that we usually don't even think about Chris

[SqdnGuns 21]

Reading through this, I've just realized something. Most of the k1 applicants have always had a long distance relationship the whole time they've known each other haven't they?

Not in this case. My fiancee moved back to the Philippines with me after I did some work in Thailand. We moved back to Thailand last January but I had to come back to the states due to a death in the family a few weeks later.

She'll be here in a few months now!!

[pushbrk 13,876]

I am pushbrk wife. I really miss my laogong I wait in China. Really fear interview because want to go to USA live with laogong. Interview really easy, so I happy. USA interview man really really handsome, really good. I like. Man know I and my laogong marriage is no fake, really.

I also fear interview green card because my friend say interview ask husband what color panties wife wear and is make love good. After I know really easy green card interview. Man is also really good man. We now go to see my grandson and pick up green card in Michelle's mail today.

My laogong tell me no worry because we marriage is really no fake because I really really love my laogong. I know my marriage laogong is forever. I no worry. I love my husband because he is good hearted, clever and handsome. Also he make me laugh. I really happy. Now we live really really happy. Ok? Now give me go kitchen?

LOL.....this is really sweet and cute!

Just like her. Michelle is my daughter. We used her address during AOS as an "in care of" because we thought we were moving. The green cards were there with the proper 10 year validity but unfortunately my wife's says she's from Taiwan. Daughter's is correct though. Other good news is Michelle announced another grand child is in the oven. Jaden is 13 months, Nicole will have a daughter, Ryan, due Feb 20 and the third is due August 10.

[Jeraly 4]

Aww!! congrats!!!

[Yoink 7]

Sending out my pettion tommorrow and if she arrives in the US in 7months which seems to be a fair length then we will have been apart (POTENTIALLY)for 7 months out of 19 months since we started dating.

Side note....

I calculated that I spend 82 dollars just to complete the I-129F petition... not including the filing fee or the postage to send it.. I mean for developing pictures, passport photos, buying ink cartriges and paper for the friend who's printer and copier we were using and for travel to pick up important documents, and supplies like paperclips

Probably doesnt help that i am in Israel where it is super expensive for office related things

Also like to add that I am going over to Federal Express tommorrow where I assume to get a 2-3 day priority mailing to the U.S. is gonna cost me $50+

Lets face it it is harder for the non USC in this situation.. they have to deal with a complete un-known beauracracy, language issues, the wait the confusion the fear of medicals and interviews... All this while most of us are in the country we grew up in with support structures in place. I'll add that I am living with my fiance outside the U.S. but in April I have to return and the seperation begins. Also, she is technically in a third country ( not the country she grew up in or the U.S.

I dont think my situation is unique... I think that a lot of us meet someone and decide to get married and then run into this road block cause most of us when falling in love dont just decide to stumble across this or USCIS.org and know whats going on. We decide we wnat to marry and then check out the info and then we realize we have to wait.

Did anyone here actually send out a I-129F prior to asking or getting asked by thier significant other to marry them. That seems strange and even stranger when you think that two people have to have that conversation... "well if you ask me one day to marry or if I ask you lets fill out this paperwork so things will be quicker" who does that?

[dbears 1]

Do any of you ever wonder how it is that you are in the position that you are at the mercy of your Government regarding your marriage? Maybe if everyone had to go through a similar process our divorce rate wouldn't be so high.

As most people have said in the previous post, it has been our choice from the start. And as my guy always say, every hardship we've gone through and still going through, all the loneliness and separation will be all worth it in the end.

This separation and nerve-wracking waiting for visa is simply strengthening our LOVE and COMMITMENT for each other! We're almost 3 years in this long distance relationship, what is another 6-9 months waiting compared to the PROMISE OF A LIFETIME!

As the saying goes: How can you truly appreciate happiness when you have never experienced sadness and loneliness!

[Teacher Mark 53]

I was both surprised and pleased by how quick this post took off. My comment about the Pilgrims and background checks was obviously simplistic and sarcastic. It was intended to be. Hey, I gotta' be me.

My favorite course in College was Contemporary Moral Problems. It was taught by a man named Chris Vanneson who was a Bulgarian Immigrant. This guy knew more about American History and History in general than the whole class combined. He also spoke 6 languages including Latin. His father had been drug out of his house in the middle of the night and either shot or tortured. Chris was in the Bulgarian Army on guard duty when he saw an opportunity and escaped. His eventual destination was obviously America.

I love stories like his. It makes me proud of my Country and the opportunities that our forefathers have provided for us. We reap the benefits of their hard work and the luck that has shined upon our Country. I am an American. I do not want to live anywhere else. It has been instilled upon me from birth that we are a "can do" nation. When "can do" turns into "no you can't" I don't really like it alot. Especially when I feel I am right or that my motives are pure. In short, I expect positive results when dealing with our public institutions.

I am also a Veteran. I got lucky. There were no wars when I served. The closest I came was in 1986 when we bombed Libya. I was stationed in Germany when the orders came down for us to mobilize. We had no idea what was going on. We assumed that the Russians were attacking which would have meant an almost certain death for us as we would have been overwhelmed. The only thing we had to stop them would have been Tactical Nukes, which wouldn't have been a very good thing (duh). I remember thinking "Hey, this isn't what I signed up for"! In retrospect I was completely wrong. It was what I signed up for. It was a not so calculated gamble that worked out well for me and I am grateful. I feel for the families of the Armed Forces today, but I can assure you that most of them would tell you that it is their job. We trust that our leaders are going to do the right thing with our forces. Whether they are or not is still being determined. History will be the judge of that, but I must admit that it doesn't look real good right now.

I knew what I was getting into. I watched my cousin go through this process a few years ago. I watched with a combined sense of fascination, amusement and bewilderment. He was obviously in love and after a few years he got he her. Sorry, way to long. I finally decided that I was tired of being alone, so I set out on my journey (which turned into our journey).

I understand that there are many reasons why the Government proceeds with caution. I also understand that there is technology available to to tell if a person is lying. Why is it not utilized at the petitioners expense? I wouldn't believe some of the stories on this site if I didn't know a little about the process. There has got to be a better way.

So there it is. My humble opinions. Sorry if they are rambling. Once again, I gotta' be me.

Edited February 6, 2008 by WideAwakeInTheUSA