A Moroccan man just gave me some advice...you may not like it tho....

[Rosesarered 11]

I am divorcing my Moroccan husband of 7 years and although it took me the last 3 years to get the courage to end it as I was just very unhappy in the marriage (my husband was nothing like the man I thought I had married from morocco once he was here) he was always nice, polite, cordial (great at customer service) we also worked together in my business for 4.5 years he never wanted to go do anything accept hang around the house or sleep. Prefered to stay home and cook meals and we rarely ate a meal out it was basically no fun at all and I felt like I was going to die!

Anyways...a Moroccan friend of mine gave me this advice which shocked me! he urged me to listen to him and believe him and said he tells American women this all the time but they rarely listen until it's too late and than they cry to him that they should have listened! his advice...Do not marry any Moroccan man especially if he is younger.

he said it is well known in morocco that the men lie to women to get a visa, than (maybe what my husband did to me) they will try to do things to make their wife unhappy so she will divorce them so they will be free. He said they will tell you anything and they practice learning what works to make women fall in love with them.

He said no Moroccan man wants an olfpder wife unless she is rich so he can get her money and if she is older iphe will wait to get her wealth. He said they all want a virgin wife from morocco. He kept apologizing for telling me this and for what I went through with my husband but he was very adamant about it. He said it makes him feel bad because he see' sit all the time and it is a disgusting tradition his people are known for. I was sickened and of course I am heart broken but it makes sense to me now. My husband whom goes to the mosque all the time and was very jealous of me....is looking for sex on craigslist lol (does not know I get the messages) and he is a completely different guy than the one he was in front of my face! It's shocking! I just hope I save someone else even one woman from wasting 7 years of her youth. I know no one whom is still with their husbands from when I was on here years ago. if it's too good to be true...guess again....

[etrangais 926]

I'm really sorry to read this as I am also from Morocco.

I assure you that not all Moroccan man are the same. As with every nationality and ethnicity, there are the good and the bad.

If you meet somebody online for couple of months and may be go visit him/her once and spend some time with him, do you really think you know them enough to actually tie the knot with them?

the red flags should be very visible to you:

does he have a job back home?

age difference

is he trying to rush you to get married

and more things that could trigger suspicions.

I agree that lots of Moroccan man that are trying to hook-up with girls online are only after one thing: a visa to get out, just like every other scam out there.

so, are all Moroccan men the same? NO. Are all Moroccan men good? NO. are all Moroccan men bad? NO.

They are just people looking forward to getting their loves better and sometimes, the "how" does not matter. JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.

Would I encourage American ladies to marry from abroad, especially if they don't know the person well enough? A BIG FAT NO. Moroccan or not Moroccan, don't take the chance, unless the know the person well.

[Rosesarered 11]

Etrangais how much time do you think is needed to know someone who lives so far away? I mean talking online, writing letters, visiting for a few weeks or a month once in awhile it's still easy for someone who is knowledgeable in saying everything they know a woman wants to hear and doing things to make her feel he really loves her. Until you are living together for many mos it's impossible to know their real personallity if they are trying to hide it. I know one thing I thought made my husband seem like he cared was always wanting to know who I was with and what I did and every detail of my day. Also he acted jealous of men whom were not my family and did not like them to touch me or talk a lot to me. It made me think he was serious about me. He also took me all over morocco to meet all of his family. but than once here in the USA he joined a mosque and all of his attention was on the going on at the mosque and left me cooking at home or shopping by myself or he'd go shop by himself and never wanted to spend a dime on anything just for fun. He did start sending all of him money home to build some apartments/homes with his family that are developers in morocco and it seemed like he always had something that he needed to use his money for but not for us here. He was very different to me before he came here. It was all about us and our life. My friend from morocco said this is a well known thing men there do and he kept appologising to me because it happened to me? But wow I would never have believed it, How could I have seen this coming??? my husband used to tell me the same stuff my friend is telling me but about Moroccan men, when I would tell him about women that were used for a visa. He would say those women made a bad choice and that he did not need a visa he just wanted me to be his wife so we could begin our life together. I. Hated the lady that denied him his visa at his interview. She told him she did not believe he loved me and that he was using me for a visa. It was the first and only time I ever saw him cry. He said she made him look like a bad man. Seeing him so emotional made me even more think he was an honest guy. WOW.....

[etrangais 926]

Believe me when I say this: I really feel bad about what happened to you and feel really really sorry for you!

One thing that actually chocked me in your story is that he waited 7 years before he showed his true colors.

I bet you he ensured he had his naturalization process completed before he showed his bad side.

Anyway: my advise to women in general is to avoid getting scammed by people online.

A woman has to be desperate (I hope I'm not offending you because I'm saying this) to actually hook up with somebody online, somebody that lives millions of miles away.

This does not put the blame on you in anyways, but it only proves that we have to get to know people well before we get emotionally involved.

Anyway, please accept my apologies for what your husband did to you, and trust me when I say not all Moroccan men are the same: There is the good, the bad and the ugly. I guess your ex falls on the ugly part.

[SaharaSunset 165]

Oooo...Its been a while since we've had a juicy topic like this...

Rosesarered, based on your conclusions about Moroccan men, you probably shouldn't trust this Moroccan man "friend" that's telling you to beware of Moroccan men. He's probably be doing the very same thing that all Moroccan men who "befriend" older American women are doing, he's just trying to snag a visa. my thoughts to you Rosesarered is to cut your losses and stop trusting ANY Moroccan man that would be "friends" with a non-virgin, over age 30, American woman -including your current Moroccan man friend who's so kindly warning you about Moroccan men.

Edited January 5, 2014 by SaharaSunset

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Using older people to get to the US is more common than anyone here wants to admit. If it goes against the cultural norm the chances are even higher than the USC is being used for a quick pass to the US. From high fraud countries it is easy for the beneficiary to behave like a butt and make the marriage worthless. Many have their next spouse waiting to join them through the whole process. If you keep your ears to the ground you will find at least 10 countries where more than half of the marriages dissolve before 5 years are over ( or just after in states where to lessor spouse gets a more favorable settlement after the 5 year mark ) Every USC should take time to examine the norms in the non USC's culture and understand that they aren't so special that their spouse is going to go against what they were brought up with.

[razspaz13 30]

so sad to hear, I married a man from overseas that I chatted with online for 10 months before meeting in person, we are now married 14 years. Honesty, trust, respect regardless of country of origin religion etc go a long way, wish you all the best

[Sarah Elle-Même 660]

Like my father always says "if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is".

My fiancé, who is nearly my age, doesn't believe any of the older American younger Arab couples are real. That's his opinion as a young Arab male. I don't agree, though I can definitely see that some groups of men are more likely to be scammers. Lack of options in home countries really seem to motivate some people. It's sad. However, I've seen some [what I'd term] "odd" couples who are true kindred spirits and live very happily together. They are not the norm, but what they have is special and beautiful.

Women [all single/divorced women] do need to learn to read the writing on the wall. It's not just Moroccan, not just foreign, not just young men who can use and abuse you and your life savings. There are predators out there in society or on the internet, ready to take advantage of people who seem vulnerable enough. But their actions during courtship and in the first few months and perhaps years can be very illuminating if you are willing to be observant and not obtuse. It's hard to think clearly when you are in the throes of love, but nobody can do a better job of protecting you and yours than you yourself.

Edited January 5, 2014 by Sarah and Adnan

[momof1 205]

Does this Miroccan friend have status in the US ? If not, beware. He could be grooming you and setting you up to be used. By telling you how other moroccan men are he is attempting to prove he is not like them when he very well may be.

[etrangais 926]

OP, can you please tell us a little more about him and a little bit more about you.

I bet it will be very clear to all that you should have seen this coming miles and miles away.

I'm not saying that you are at fault for trusting him, but you were naïve. Right now being naïve is almost a crime.

[Rosesarered 11]

I agree with everyone here.I think it's possible my guy had 2 plans. 1- if we we're happy together he would stay until we weren't. 2- if we were not happy together he would switch to plan B which was (or may have been as I uncovered the evidence ) live on a shoe string don't spend a penny else using whatever excuse gets the results, lie about his actual income and send it all to morocco to build his life there. Meanwhile hookup with girls to remedy physical needs (because I was not interested in him because he was completely emotionally and physically cold to me) So instead of working on our relationship and trying actively to become better partners, he chose avoidance ( which made it worse) and began using my life as a stepping stone instead of being my actual friend. In any culture even ours this would be a bad partner true. But My belief is that if he REALLY was so crazy in love with me and only wanted a life with me (his wife) and we were working together on that life, I think he would have put in even a small bit of effort when issues arouse instead of giving up and taking care of himself. I am not bitter at him exactly (I know some will want to see it that way especially those in the midst of their visa journey) I lost love for him early on when I realized he was not the man I thought I had he was and tried to still adjust to the man he actually was. I waited many years to divorce because I was really trying to turn it around but after I noticed the western union money grams and the text messages with women he was meeting instead of going to the mosque etc.... I couldn't live with him. My warning is this.........He (many of them from those countries) Claimed he was a good muslim and in their religion they can only sleep with their wife (we did not sleep together until we were married) So I trusted him. He said that Allah knew people's hearts and minds and a good muslim does not lie or hurt others blah blah blah (I know I know) but these are the things we talked about on line all the time! The goodness of people's character and religion and family and the importance of our family's etc..... Of course he thought I was beautiful and looked young when I told him my real age (I lied online so he thought I was younger) I only weigh 110 lbs so I am not a heavy older woman I look very young because I am European and we age like that. But even when I would mention the age difference to him he would tell me a lot of men from his country marry foreign women and do not care about age, that's age is nothing only your heart matters and what kind of person you are etc..... I asked about the really over weight women marrying the thin men he said if they are a good wife it does not matter. Etc....ll. All signs pointed to yes for me to let my guard down. And he was so polite and respectful. Actually he always was even here. After all the years with him I love the culture of his country, learned to cook the meals (still do) I read the Quran and coincided myself both muslim and Christian etc.... Would love another muslim man especially from his culture if he is already here i t he states and has his papers! Honestly my warning is due to some other guys from my husbands country telling me what is commonly the cycle there with these relationships. They knew I was sad about my marriage ending and they convinced me that it was a planned thing by my husband. They pointed out every thing that went wrong and said it was sooo common. They have websites that help coach them and offer poetry and English phrases to help them proclaim their affections. They know who to pay to get their marriage papers and documents processed quickly once your their marrying them. They know how to save documentation and pictures as proof that you love them and store them on SIM cards or other media as proof in case when they get here the us cites in changes there mind or things go bad. Honestly I never would have believed that my husband would have sex with other women because of his religious beliefs! But reading his communication back and forth with many misc women he is only looking for sex. Telling them when he is getting off work and giving them his cell number. And they were not nice girls either, they were ads just for sex...lol could have been men from what they sounded like....very aggressive . He was a completely different guy from the pious, modest, muslim guy I thought I had married!

Edited January 5, 2014 by Rosesarered

[etrangais 926]

what he did is completely wrong per the religion of Islam. Abusing /using you to realize his goals is completely wrong.

[Mithra 1,185]

I'm going to guess that the only MENA men who think older women/younger men relationships are cool and legit are the ones in that sort of relationship. My husband doesn't buy them either. But then scams happen within similarly aged couples, too. All anyone can do is be cautious and look out for themselves.

[Rosesarered 11]

Yeah I was totally naive. I had just been learning as I went along and it was an emotional roller coaster! I guess I just wish to help even one girl/ woman from going thru this. I know when you want love you become blind. I just never heard a man talk like this and seem so sincere so I was hoodwinked . It's like a bad dream. I don't want anyone to go thru this and it's my nature and heart to want to warn poor lonely women.

Mithra: "The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. Haha true

Edited January 5, 2014 by Rosesarered

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Yeah I was totally naive. I had just been learning as I went along and it was an emotional roller coaster! I guess I just wish to help even one girl/ woman from going thru this. I know when you want love you become blind. I just never heard a man talk like this and seem so sincere so I was hoodwinked . It's like a bad dream. I don't want anyone to go thru this and it's my nature and heart to want to warn poor lonely women.

Mithra: "The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. Haha true

The desire to help does nothing, people in the immigration process are so blinded by lust that nothing will open their eyes. In the SubSarahan group there are people that don't like the hate when warning people they are being scammed they actually drop me a PM to speak up in case I missed the topic. We have seen the 419 classics of my fiance/spouse has been in an accident after being mugged and is in a coma in the hospital people refuse to see the light when told to run quickly you are being scammed and robbed. It is beyond amazing what someone is willing to overlook in exchange for some over the top person attention.