thai bride price Thai bride sin sod amounts

[Ula Svensson 8]

I have a general question for those more experienced members and I welcome any and all feedback... I know a Thai girl and love her, at least for what i know of her, we've talked online for almost a year, but haven't met yet... she finally gave me the sin sod amount that she claims was what her mother wants, yet says her mother says its all up to her... In typical Thai fashion, she doesn't want to upset her mother... I don't want to tell you all the amount because I know its way too high but i will tell you after I see some comments. I did expect to pay sin sod and its not a big deal even though I'm from California and it's not something I believe in, just want to honor their cultural ways and dreams. So she's 30 years old, a nurse in what I believe is a government run old folks home, she's never been married and has no kids, her family are rural farmers with very little and she works far too many hours to support herself her parents, younger sister and brother who doesn't live at home but is always having trouble with the police there and hitting her up for money, etc... She's beautiful to me but not the stereotypical beauty queen. Again, she says she doesn't care about sin sod on one hand but doesn't want to upset her mother and family on the other.. SO what is a fair sin sod amount for this girls family?? If anyone needs further details about her just ask and i will do my best to tell you.. Thank you so much 

[TBoneTX 43,058]

Country-specific thread is moved from Off Topic to the Thailand regional forum.

[cyclone27 710]

Typically sin sod is only for show and is returned once ceremonies are complete. (Bragging rights for the family to the village(

[Ula Svensson 8]

6 hours ago, calyorker said:

Yes, I know in many cases it's just for show and will be returned and in my case,  she did say that her mother would "probably return half or so", but from all my research, even that half is way more than an acceptable amount,  so that's why I'm just looking for some feedback on a fair amount for the girl in the description... thank you cyclone27! I do want to add that this girl is working around 18 hours per day at this elderly center (we do video chat while she's there for a few brief moments, then also from her home) and her mother has told her to build the family a new house with het money!  and she truly believes its her sole responsibility... this infuriates me because she's a vey good girl... I know it's historically the culture for the  eldest daughter to take care of the parents,  etc. But I care for this girl and hate to see her work herself sick all the time for her selfish,  lazy family! 

 

[cyclone27 710]

Well your description of the family and age of the daughter I would say no more than a few thousand dollars. This is generous especially with a tradition that is becoming increasingly rare.

[Ula Svensson 8]

yes that's about what I thought and know from my research... she said her mom wants 1.5 million bhat... PLUS jewelry.  hehe I told her no one will ever pay that no matter how much money they have

[cyclone27 710]

Ouch 1.5mil?   Definitely taking the piss!!!!  (Farang price - certainly would never get that from a Thai lad more like I stated above)

 

[Ula Svensson 8]

haha yes I know I'm the Farang but you know what, she knows I'm on disability and everything is temporary now for me... so she still insists that the sin sod is not important for her. And she's intent on building this house for them all by herself because I always ask her what I can do to help..  Because of her government job, bank account and properties in her name, she is able to travel on a tourist visa anytime, that she has already been assured by them so she says she want's to meet some time next year.. But now anything less would upset her mother and things would never be smooth between us... hmm I don't know mate.. Cheers!

[fordguy61mi 76]

The mere fact that her Mom is asking for that huge of an amount is a bad sign for the future. I can see her trying to get money for the family from you all the time if you marry her daughter. But if you intend to, know that It really doesn't matter that the sinsod doesn't matter to your girl. She reveres her parents above everything and will do whatever it takes to abide by their wishes. You can negotiate with the mother. Sinsod is not supposed to be a rigid price. Now as to how much you should pay. You didn't mention if your girl is a virgin or not. That makes a difference. Let's assume she is not. So your girl is already 30 and no virgin. Has a decent job, but no hiso by any stretch. She must have university education to be a nurse. But her family is from a poor farm background, also not hiso. The fact that she has never been married and no kids raises the sinsod amount. I'd guess all things in consideration, I'd tell the mom, after explaining that her daughter isn't young, isn't a virgin, has no high profile job, and comes from a poor background, that not much sinsod should be required. You are willing to come up with 100,000 baht and some jewelry. See what her counter-offer is. I personally wouldn't go higher than 200,000, but offer the 100,000 first. Explain to her that although you understand how much she value's her daughter, the kind of sinsod she is asking for is reserved for elite high profile hiso family's daughters, not hers. I guess I'm lucky that my girl's mom said she didn't need any sinsod. Good luck to you and let us know what the final amount came to.

Edited July 25, 2017 by fordguy61mi

[Ula Svensson 8]

HI Fordguy, thanks so much, yes that's all exactly the way I have been thinking this... She's definitely a virgin, she's scared to talk about it and she's a real nerd and that's one if the things that I like about her, she' a really good girl and I don't think she's faking, it would take allot to get over on me... Any talk of money ruins things for the future I think, the trust, the passion, what would it be next? ...That will always be in my mind, it's like a dark cloud... hmm ok thanks you for your input! What a beautiful young lady you found, you're a great looking couple! I'll keep you posted..

[Ning 619]

19 hours ago, calyorker said:

I have a general question for those more experienced members and I welcome any and all feedback... I know a Thai girl and love her, at least for what i know of her, we've talked online for almost a year, but haven't met yet... she finally gave me the sin sod amount that she claims was what her mother wants, yet says her mother says its all up to her... In typical Thai fashion, she doesn't want to upset her mother... I don't want to tell you all the amount because I know its way too high but i will tell you after I see some comments. I did expect to pay sin sod and its not a big deal even though I'm from California and it's not something I believe in, just want to honor their cultural ways and dreams. So she's 30 years old, a nurse in what I believe is a government run old folks home, she's never been married and has no kids, her family are rural farmers with very little and she works far too many hours to support herself her parents, younger sister and brother who doesn't live at home but is always having trouble with the police there and hitting her up for money, etc... She's beautiful to me but not the stereotypical beauty queen. Again, she says she doesn't care about sin sod on one hand but doesn't want to upset her mother and family on the other.. SO what is a fair sin sod amount for this girls family?? If anyone needs further details about her just ask and i will do my best to tell you.. Thank you so much 

This is a subject that few understand outside of Thailand. You are fixated on the money & even the amount which is typical of those that don't understand. . Find on Amazon the book,Thailand Fever. Have her find it in Thailand too. Read it & have her formulate questions from the Thai side to help you understand things about her. 

You are in love with a girl you never met & she is bringing up sin sod so early in what will turn out to be a long path to a relationship. Paying a fee this early is never done & I would question why she is bringing it up. I caution you to stay completely out of the subject of money until you have learned some things. 

She says she doesn't care but she does. Thais are never direct. Her parents are pushing her to find out what you are willing to pay. Tell them there will be no discussion of money at all until you have established a relationship. That must be built of a foundation of trust & mutual respect. There is no price to pay for that other than emotional costs. 

You ask what a fair amount would be for sin sod. That is very difficult to determine but it is to be no more than you can afford. The concept that you will be given the money back should be understood because its unlikely. The family needs to look good in front of friends but they are Thai & should know how. Keep in mind if you marry you will be expected to help the family in many different ways down the road. 

[Ula Svensson 8]

hi ning, thanks for your input. I understand quite a bit. I'm not fixated on the money. I'm in love with what of know of her so far, as I had said...

She didn't bring up the sin sod and she didn't want to but since we are starting to plan for the future, something any sensible person would do, especially when thinking about a long term relationship does... She knew I'd never pay that much, even if I had it, which she knows I don't because I told her I'm on disability...

She's the one saying that she doesn't want to talk about it and this topic I posed to the community is just for me to confirm everything I already know, I've seen hundreds of videos on youtube by farangs from every country in the world about life in Thailand and every aspect of the culture and expectations.. There's also hundreds of videos by Thais and talking about the realities of it all, so I do do my homework and take a little bit from everyone with a grain of salt..

You spoke of foundations built on trust and respect hehe, that's my main point here is that even though it's a semi "cultural" phenomenon, any bartering for cash throws all of that right out of the window and ofcourse there would be negotiations and she would ensure that if they promised to give some back they would or the rest of their lives would be miserable.. I know and would insist on taking care of them by visiting and sending a check every month at least for a while and she doesn't want to ever return to Thailand after she emigrates to the US, which she will...

Obviously I WILL be able to afford any cost that agreed upon.. If things don't work out between us, I can assure you it won't be the money issues, it will be that she simply doesn't want to leave her families side and the way they slave and break her to the bone to do everything for all of them, that's a big reason why I want to help her, she's really upset and miserable all the time...

anyways, thank you again

 

[KULtoATL 1,551]

No that I know about Thai sinsod concept but I looked it up online and it's supposed to be a marriage dowry. I'm curious, unless you're engaged to be married, why would the talks of sinsod come up so soon?? Is that normal in Thai culture @Ning? Just want to learn about it and I mean no offence.

[George & Roth 1,485]

My fiancé is from neighboring Cambodia. I know some may get asked for money and nowadays it usually pays for wedding party costs. I'm strongly against it and the in laws didn't ask for it. 

 

My missus is a nurse as well, but in the dental field. She will be a dental hygienist and send a bit back to the family. I feel happy she will help them, even more because they don't ask for anything despite having nothing.  

 

That said I know others that paid, was closer to a few grand. 

 

 

[Ula Svensson 8]

Hey George and Roth!, hey that sounds great! What a beautiful family you have! The best of luck to you all!