Change my name for more proof?

[Love To Teach 161]

We were recently refused our CR1. Although we have not yet been given the reason why, I am trying to think ahead.

 

I think that they thought my husband was a green card chaser, OR we didn't have a bonafide relationship, even with a ton of evidence, 6.5 years together, and going on my 8th trip to see him soon. They asked the most questions about my 4 previous marriages, telling him "and you are the fifth one." Other than that, everything was normal questions. 

 

My question: Although we have intermingled finances, etc., do you think it would show more proof if I changed my name to his? I avoided doing this because of having to change all the credit cards, driver's license, etc. although I could probably just add his last name to my present name and not have to change every single document.

 

Thanks for any advice!

Edited June 24, 2017 by Love To Teach

[Michael2017 368]

I asked the same question to our paralegal, and he answered that name change is a matter of choice and not needed. Personally , I think, it does add a little more evidence to the case, but is not an essential part. 

[Coco8 1,039]

You should find out if there is any red flag and the reason for denial (if that happens). If there is, changing your name might not be evidence enough or the right type of evidence. 

 

 

[Love To Teach 161]

I wonder how much the country a person applies to matters. For example, I have 4 previous marriages, 2 when I was really young. I don't think that's a huge deal here compared to Pakistan. During my husband's interview, the Pakistani man honed in on that. It makes me wonder if they thought I was the Scarlett Woman or something.

[Love To Teach 161]

Yes, it's hard to wait. Somebody said it could be months before we find out. There need to be laws to prevent that kind of never-ending stress. I guess I will be totally surprised when I find out the reason because we had plenty of evidence. Another person on here said they told her the reason was that a Muslim can't marry a Christian. This is so not true, nor legally correct.

[Michael2017 368]

Well, being the 5th husband is in his culture not a desired thing. If you are also older then him, they may conclude that such a marriage would have not happened in Pakistan and therefore, he is only in for the GC. Are you older than him? Did you meet online first?

Edited June 24, 2017 by Michael2017

[millefleur 5,035]

I changed my name to strengthen our case because we had some 'red flags'. I have no way to prove if it helped but I think it definitely added because our case went much smoother than I anticipated.

 

I'd definitely change my name if I were you. It certainly can't hurt at this point.

 

If there's a religious difference issue, can either of you convert to the other's religion? That might help too.

[Villanelle 4,121]

Many things are country (Embassy) dependent. Theres a reason why they conduct CR interviews in the persons home country. Its because they know the cultural norms there. For example in the PI its very common for young women to seek out older established men to marry. A May-December romance there is accepted as the cultural norm and no eyebrows are raised. In other countries its a big deal. 

 

Based on where your spouse is located is it expected that the woman take on the mans last name? If you dont take his name would his friend or family make a face about it? If so then its probably better to change it. Otherwise he has to explain how he is going against the cultural norms and is fine with you not changing your name. Also have you changed your last name in any of the previous marriages? If you had and now you are not it can raise a question about how serious you are about this marriage. 

[Love To Teach 161]

I am 66, and he is 50, so we are not kids. I'm a long-term teacher. He has traveled extensively as a tour owner, so he is somewhat "westernized." His youngest child is 16, almost out of high school, so that's not a big deal. His family does not really interfere in his business. He owns two businesses, so he is usually busy, has already put two of his kids through Cambridge there in Pak, and leads his own life. So it's not like he is overly-tied to his family and friends. We met online by chance, as I stumbled onto it through facebook. He was there basically non-aggressively advertising his tour business. He is a small  tour guide owner, so he usually has repeat customers from all over the world. I tell you that because they did ask him why he only had 4 or 5 "friends" so far on that site. He had only been on there for a short time when we met. In fact, our first conversations for a long time were about traveling, etc. He usually just meets people that are interested in traveling. If they become a customer, great. If not, that's ok also. I had no intention of getting involved romantically. We were friends for 1.5 years before we even met in person. So it's not like we rushed into marriage. We met 6.5 years ago, have been married 1.5 years. He is well-educated also. I did bring over somebody from Morocco, which turned out to be a hard lesson learned. But I have proof that he was abusive, and that I had to divorce him. But none of this can be changed, so how do you appeal? Heck, life happens....

 

I have changed my name before, but I can't even imagine that being an issue. His kids and mom love me and are glad he's happy. They need to understand that every person there does not follow all of their traditional cultural norms, especially in this day and age.

 

The thing is, he begs me all the time to move there or somewhere else, such as Eastern Europe. He doesn't care where we live, but I have lots of obligations here, including a brother with MD, my job, big dog, house, etc.

Edited June 24, 2017 by Love To Teach

[Michael2017 368]

2 minutes ago, Love To Teach said:

I am 66, and he is 50, so we are not kids. I'm a long-term teacher. He has traveled extensively as a tour owner, so he is somewhat "westernized." His youngest child is 16, almost out of high school, so that's not a big deal. His family does not really interfere in his business. He owns two businesses, so he is usually busy, has already put two of his kids through Cambridge there in Pak, and leads his own life. So it's not like he is overly-tied to his family and friends. We met online by chance, as I stumbled onto it through facebook. He was there basically non-aggressively advertising his tour business. He is a small  tour guide owner, so he usually has repeat customers from all over the world. I tell you that because they did ask him why he only had 4 or 5 "friends" so far on that site. He had only been on there for a short time when we met. In fact, our first conversations for a long time were about traveling, etc. He usually just meets people that are interested in traveling. If they become a customer, great. If not, that's ok also. I had no intention of getting involved romantically. We were friends for 1.5 years before we even met in person. So it's not like we rushed into marriage. We met 6.5 years ago, have been married 1.5 years. He is well-educated also. I did bring over somebody from Morocco, which turned out to be a hard lesson learned. But I have proof that he was abusive, and that I had to divorce him. But none of this can be changed, so how do you appeal? Heck, life happens....

 

I have changed my name before, but I can't even imagine that being an issue. His kids and mom love me and are glad he's happy.

Well, your story is full of red flags, that each of them could be a problem but so many at once caused the CO to refuse:

 

1. 5th Man

2. You are 16 year older then him. This does not usually happen in islamic countries.

3. You have a different religion. Not impossible to happen but rare.

4. You met online.

5. Most important, you have brought over already someone else. This is a big big red flag.  Very often, a second petition is refused.

If you have relatively little face time, this would be the next red flag.

 

So, with all above, not sure if a name change will help but it cant hurt. Now they will send your case back to USCIS, and they will contact you.

You will need to answer to them. They will decide if they send the case back to the embassy or revoke it based on your answers to their questions.

 

[millefleur 5,035]

What's the situation with his ex-wife? Maybe they're skeptical of that?

 

It's also strange to me that there was more than one interviewer...? I was at my husband's interview here and we only had one interviewer (an American lady). Maybe that's just a difference between embassies?

[Love To Teach 161]

I have visited him 7 times, from 2.5 to 5 weeks, so I can't imagine that we don't have face time. I am leaving next week for my 8th visit. I can't change my past or his, so what are we to do? The man I brought over was abusive, and I had to have him arrested. I had no choice but to divorce him. We were together less than 2 years, and I have proof he was abusive. 

 

His ex-wife really doesn't care whether he remarries or not. They co-parent their kids without any issues. In fact, she does not live too far away. The kids stay at whichever house they want to, usually with him.

 

I removed some stuff because if they read these sites, I don't want to make them mad.  It's just a difficult embassy to deal with for many reasons. I don't understand why the Americans at the embassy can't help us or meet with us.

 

I will be at the next interview if we get one. Sometimes I wonder if they can refuse us until one of us dies....so sad.

Edited June 25, 2017 by Love To Teach

[Lemonslice 4,554]

If he's really going to go outside cultural norms, maybe he could take your name.

[Love To Teach 161]

I don't know if you are being sarcastic or not (lol) but we have even talked about that. I think they would have a heart attack at the embassy.

 

But,  and I do mean seriously, what in the world can we do to convince them? Just keep filing over and over til we're dead?

Edited June 25, 2017 by Love To Teach

[Michael2017 368]

2 minutes ago, Love To Teach said:

I don't know if you are being sarcastic or not (lol) but we have even talked about that. I think they would have a heart attack at the embassy.

 

But,  and I do mean seriously, what in the world can we do to convince them? Just keep filing over and over til we're dead?

1, Islamic married women do not change their names, therefore, it is no cultural necessarily for you to change the name.

2. You can only increase face time, and document it well. Photos with his family, boarding passes, and hell of documentation that you spend lots of time together. For now, it can take several months until you hear from USCIS, so nothing you can do unless the interview was recently and you could get in toch with the embassy and ask them for a 2. interview with you present. If the interview was longer ago, it is most properly already on the way to USCIS. Such cases can take years to get a final decision, so don`t think on any fast solution. You could go an live in a 3. country, e.g. UAE as solution.