worried and depressed (going to waterloo wi)

[diane79 14]

Hi everybody.

I havent started my K1 visa yet, ill do it in december bc we have to wait 6 months after my fiance´s divorce before filling the application.

The thing is. Ill go to live in a small town in wisconsin, called Waterloo. I have always lived in big cities, and i am used to this kind of life. Also, im very independant. I have worked since i was 18 and i never asked anybody for help.

Now im worried bc i wont be able to work for a while in the USA for a while, around 5 or 6 months maybe.

I dont like much the idea of depending of my husband (by then), staying at home alone watching tv or sleeping while he's out working.

I feel as if im going to be in jail in this town. there isnt much to do there except for going to the park. i cant go anywhere bc this town is far from madison for going by foot, i need a car, which i dont have, and it will also take me a while to get a driver license.

I wanted to take english classes, but they r in madison, and i dont have a way to arrive there, so i cant take them.

he says he can take me and drop me in madison, and when he finishes working, pick me up, but, come on!!!! im not going to wait for him for hours just doing nothing. Also, i dont like the idea of him driving me everywhere as if i was a 10-year-old girl. I wish i could do all those things alone, not depending of him, and the idea of not having other option than depending on him, depresses me. I know it could sound childish and stubborn, but, i dont want to depend on him, and i would rather stay home alone doing nothing than letting him drive me everywhere.

Also, im worried bc i wont be able to work, to earn my own money, bc ill need the work permit... ive been even thinking of working "illegally" for a while until i get the green card. I dont care if i have to do any kind of job and if the salary is low. this place is full of farms, and i would suck a cow udder with my own mouth for $5 an hour just to have my own money and be out of home and keep myself busy and meet new people. I dont want him and her daugther to be the only ppl i know and i talk with.

Also, i hate that he likes to live far from downtown, even in those smalls towns. He likes to live leaving the town, isollated, bc he likes the peace and quiet, and i dont!!!! i feel like if the house will be in the middle of a desert island. The only thing ill see is fields, a park, and few houses, when i would like to live in a neighborhood with more houses, and more ppl, and where i can find "life" in it.

We have been fighting for this "house" issue the whole weekend, i feel like if he wants me to accept all these things bc for him they r normal, but he doesnt really understand me, even if he says he does. he doesnt know how hard is changing ur life, going to live to another country, feel alone, make new friends, etc... i have passed through this before, bc im living in a country which is not my home country.

to be honest, im starting to have second thoughts. Things would be different if i could at least do things on my own, like going to study english, or windows shopping, or visiting places, etc. but i cant.

i dont do anything more else than crying the last 3 days. I feel depressed. I dont know what to do, In one hand i dont want to lose him, but in the other hand, i wish things were different, that i could go to a place where i can be independant, able to do my own things without asking him for help. I just see myself 5 months locked in a house doing nothing but sleeping or watching tv. I know this is temporary, but i cant be like that, bc i dont like to be lazy all the time.

Im sorry for this long post. I dont know if this is the right place to write it. i just needed to talk with someone and say what i feel. maybe some of u have passed through this when u arrived the USA and can give me some advice. maybe im just making a mountain out of a molehill

[JohnR! 5,495]

IMHO, consider calling off the engagement and not marrying him. Your post is filled with scenarios that you believe will make you unhappy. You mention your fiance a couple of times and associated with the expectation of a bad experience. It seems obvious he won't change his lifestyle for you and expects you to make all the concessions. IMHO this is a recipe for a very unhappy marriage.

I don't mean to be insensitive or cruel and I apologize if that's how I sound, but it seems there is nothing in this relationship for you. Pragmatically, people need far more than love to make a happy union.

Good luck whatever your decision.

[kzielu 1,147]

Well, reading your post I would ask the question whether you're really a good match with two completely different lifestyles that you both like.

I believe many people feel same way - that they want to be independent and not sit around doing nothing for few months, but it's the reality of immigration on K-1 and there's nothing your fiance can do about it - you have to accept it.

[ItsGonnaBeWorthIt 191]

I live in Milwaukee and moving to Watertown about I think 20min from where your at in waterloo... did you know you couldn't work before you left? did you know that you would have to depend on him until you get on your own feet? did you know things might be different before you came? just wondering if you guys talked about all that? I know when people are in love they forget about talking about life in general and so focused on " I love you' " I want to be with you" but marriage is not the wedding day...its the day after..... so for me I think its just something that's temp, I since its temp and marriage is life long I wouldn't make a huge argument on temp things ...before you know it you'll be on your own, driving your own car, working, being busy! one thing America will have you is busy! lol ... so I say take this time and relax.. enjoy your peace and quite. enjoy your alone time... before you know it you will be to busy to eat! and making friends is easy.. yes Madison is far from where you are trust I know we drive up there every Sunday. but maybe it can be a give and take.. when he is off work take time out and go drive up there or drive down town and im sure you will meet new ppl! I was there on Saturday in Watertown walked into a store and just met someone new.. they are friendly ppl in your town. Easy to make friends...I say don't stress enjoy your stay in America ...hope this helped if not sorry

[Marco&Bettina 502]

What you said.

Have you voiced all these concerns with him? This just sounds bad.

[cdneh 3,112]

I live in Milwaukee and moving to Watertown about I think 20min from where your at in waterloo... did you know you couldn't work before you left? did you know that you would have to depend on him until you get on your own feet? did you know things might be different before you came? just wondering if you guys talked about all that? I know when people are in love they forget about talking about life in general and so focused on " I love you' " I want to be with you" but marriage is not the wedding day...its the day after..... so for me I think its just something that's temp, I since its temp and marriage is life long I wouldn't make a huge argument on temp things ...before you know it you'll be on your own, driving your own car, working, being busy! one thing America will have you is busy! lol ... so I say take this time and relax.. enjoy your peace and quite. enjoy your alone time... before you know it you will be to busy to eat! and making friends is easy.. yes Madison is far from where you are trust I know we drive up there every Sunday. but maybe it can be a give and take.. when he is off work take time out and go drive up there or drive down town and im sure you will meet new ppl! I was there on Saturday in Watertown walked into a store and just met someone new.. they are friendly ppl in your town. Easy to make friends...I say don't stress enjoy your stay in America ...hope this helped if not sorry

All good points, but in the OP, she states that they have not filed for the K1 yet, and are not able to do so until December. She is still then, in her home country, and thinking ahead.

To the OP, perhaps take a bit of time for yourself and think things over. If you still feel in December the way you do now, don't file.

Edited September 15, 2014 by cdneh

[Cess & Ryan 5]

I married a man from a small town in Wisconsin and I can totally relate to your post. I have been living and working in Dubai/Abu Dhabi for 8 years and we met while he was working there. Last March, we got married in the Philippines and have to resign from work to move to the US with him. I am currently in my home country awaiting visa approval.. But before i tender my resignation, i was also thinking a lot about what my life will be in Door county.. I guess, this is where compromise sets in..It's not about your old lifestyle anymore, it is not about you anymore..It is about the both of you and how you can make your relationship successful. Good luck Diane79, I hope you will find peace in your heart for whatever decision you will make..

[ItsGonnaBeWorthIt 191]

All good points, but in the OP, she states that they have not filed for the K1 yet, and are not able to do so until December. She is still then, in her home country, and thinking ahead.

To the OP, perhaps take a bit of time for yourself and think things over. If you still feel in December the way you do now, don't file.

Thanks for pointing that out!

Edited September 15, 2014 by ItsGonnaBeWorthIt

[diane79 14]

IMHO, consider calling off the engagement and not marrying him. Your post is filled with scenarios that you believe will make you unhappy. You mention your fiance a couple of times and associated with the expectation of a bad experience. It seems obvious he won't change his lifestyle for you and expects you to make all the concessions. IMHO this is a recipe for a very unhappy marriage.

I don't mean to be insensitive or cruel and I apologize if that's how I sound, but it seems there is nothing in this relationship for you. Pragmatically, people need far more than love to make a happy union.

Good luck whatever your decision.

I have been thinking of doing this. But i know that i have all this scenary in my head bc im afraid of the change.

Well, reading your post I would ask the question whether you're really a good match with two completely different lifestyles that you both like.

I believe many people feel same way - that they want to be independent and not sit around doing nothing for few months, but it's the reality of immigration on K-1 and there's nothing your fiance can do about it - you have to accept it.

yes, maybe i didnt have this in consideration. It was as though i thought i would arrive there and continue the same kind of life i have here and know that i realize that it wont be like that, i dont want it.

I live in Milwaukee and moving to Watertown about I think 20min from where your at in waterloo... did you know you couldn't work before you left? did you know that you would have to depend on him until you get on your own feet? did you know things might be different before you came? just wondering if you guys talked about all that? I know when people are in love they forget about talking about life in general and so focused on " I love you' " I want to be with you" but marriage is not the wedding day...its the day after..... so for me I think its just something that's temp, I since its temp and marriage is life long I wouldn't make a huge argument on temp things ...before you know it you'll be on your own, driving your own car, working, being busy! one thing America will have you is busy! lol ... so I say take this time and relax.. enjoy your peace and quite. enjoy your alone time... before you know it you will be to busy to eat! and making friends is easy.. yes Madison is far from where you are trust I know we drive up there every Sunday. but maybe it can be a give and take.. when he is off work take time out and go drive up there or drive down town and im sure you will meet new ppl! I was there on Saturday in Watertown walked into a store and just met someone new.. they are friendly ppl in your town. Easy to make friends...I say don't stress enjoy your stay in America ...hope this helped if not sorry

Im not in the USA, im in argentina now (im from peru, but living in argetina for 3 years) Honestly, i didnt know that it will take so long to get a job, a driver license. that i will have to depend on him, etc. Now that i know that, i dont want to go there, i dont want to do those things. I dont want to wait and waste my time doing nothing in home. I dont want to "enjoy" the peace and quiet. im hyper, i cant be quiet and in peace. I know time goes fast and i will be independant in its time. but, what am i going to do in the meanwhile? thats what worries me

[Taureti 12]

I think you can drive with your foreign driver's licence as long as you have any legal status in US. And to buy a car you don't have to have a GC.

Please correct me if I'm wrong.

[diane79 14]

Have you voiced all these concerns with him? This just sounds bad.

if i told him? yes...

I married a man from a small town in Wisconsin and I can totally relate to your post. I have been living and working in Dubai/Abu Dhabi for 8 years and we met while he was working there. Last March, we got married in the Philippines and have to resign from work to move to the US with him. I am currently in my home country awaiting visa approval.. But before i tender my resignation, i was also thinking a lot about what my life will be in Door county.. I guess, this is where compromise sets in..It's not about your old lifestyle anymore, it is not about you anymore..It is about the both of you and how you can make your relationship successful. Good luck Diane79, I hope you will find peace in your heart for whatever decision you will make..

Ive seen pictures of Door county, looks like a wonderful place to live. I think i have to start changing my point of view. i think im in shock bc ive just found out that i wont be able to do all those things for several months, more than i expected. but i cant stop seeing this as a "sacrifice". i have never done anything for someone else than myself. and i feel guilty bc i know i shouldnt see this as a sacrifice.

im afraid this wont work and it will be my fault, bc im being stubborn and i dont want to depend on him, and i dont want to change that.

I think you can drive with your foreign driver's licence as long as you have any legal status in US. And to buy a car you don't have to have a GC.

Please correct me if I'm wrong.

I dont have a driver's licence here. i dont know how to drive, so ill have to learn that.

[Taureti 12]

you can find all info here http://www.dot.wisconsin.gov/drivers/

if i told him? yes...

Ive seen pictures of Door county, looks like a wonderful place to live. I think i have to start changing my point of view. i think im in shock bc ive just found out that i wont be able to do all those things for several months, more than i expected. but i cant stop seeing this as a "sacrifice". i have never done anything for someone else than myself. and i feel guilty bc i know i shouldnt see this as a sacrifice.

im afraid this wont work and it will be my fault, bc im being stubborn and i dont want to depend on him, and i dont want to change that.

I dont have a driver's licence here. i dont know how to drive, so ill have to learn that.

You can get driver licence before coming to US. You have enough time. If I would be in your shoes, I would do that.

[diane79 14]

thank you all guys... As someone said, i still have time to think things better until december. Maybe during this time i can decide what to do, or find a way to keep myself busy there. As i said, i would work as illegal in the farms, i dont mind doing that, even if my fiance doesnt like the idea.

I feel better now, i dont feel like choking myself as a while before.

Im glad i found in u nice ppl willing to help.

[googolplex 7]

You said:"I just see myself 5 months locked in a house doing nothing but sleeping or watching tv." In my opinion, this is just a tunnel vision and contradicts with what you mentioned "I dont like to be lazy all the time." Why not help your future husband take care of housework around your house. I am a homeowner and I know that taking care of a house can take more time than a full-time job does. Why not improve your English skills in those 5 months by memorizing vocabularies, reading books, listening to podcasts, etc.? I myself am also an immigrant and I know that taking English classes alone is far from sufficient to improve your English. It takes tons of readings, listening and speaking English outside the English classes to make your English fluent.

My fiancée is from a mega city with the population of about 30 million and I live in a rural area with the population of less than 100 thousand. She also will have to stay home for quite a while after she arrives. I told her about this situation many times before filing my K-1 and she well understands the potential isolation. If you are already unhappy before filing K-1, don’t file. If you do, it will only hurt both parties in the end, as marriage is not only about love, it is also about compromise and sacrifice.

Hi everybody.

I havent started my K1 visa yet, ill do it in december bc we have to wait 6 months after my fiance´s divorce before filling the application.

The thing is. Ill go to live in a small town in wisconsin, called Waterloo. I have always lived in big cities, and i am used to this kind of life. Also, im very independant. I have worked since i was 18 and i never asked anybody for help.

Now im worried bc i wont be able to work for a while in the USA for a while, around 5 or 6 months maybe.

I dont like much the idea of depending of my husband (by then), staying at home alone watching tv or sleeping while he's out working.

I feel as if im going to be in jail in this town. there isnt much to do there except for going to the park. i cant go anywhere bc this town is far from madison for going by foot, i need a car, which i dont have, and it will also take me a while to get a driver license.

I wanted to take english classes, but they r in madison, and i dont have a way to arrive there, so i cant take them.

he says he can take me and drop me in madison, and when he finishes working, pick me up, but, come on!!!! im not going to wait for him for hours just doing nothing. Also, i dont like the idea of him driving me everywhere as if i was a 10-year-old girl. I wish i could do all those things alone, not depending of him, and the idea of not having other option than depending on him, depresses me. I know it could sound childish and stubborn, but, i dont want to depend on him, and i would rather stay home alone doing nothing than letting him drive me everywhere.

Also, im worried bc i wont be able to work, to earn my own money, bc ill need the work permit... ive been even thinking of working "illegally" for a while until i get the green card. I dont care if i have to do any kind of job and if the salary is low. this place is full of farms, and i would suck a cow udder with my own mouth for $5 an hour just to have my own money and be out of home and keep myself busy and meet new people. I dont want him and her daugther to be the only ppl i know and i talk with.

Also, i hate that he likes to live far from downtown, even in those smalls towns. He likes to live leaving the town, isollated, bc he likes the peace and quiet, and i dont!!!! i feel like if the house will be in the middle of a desert island. The only thing ill see is fields, a park, and few houses, when i would like to live in a neighborhood with more houses, and more ppl, and where i can find "life" in it.

We have been fighting for this "house" issue the whole weekend, i feel like if he wants me to accept all these things bc for him they r normal, but he doesnt really understand me, even if he says he does. he doesnt know how hard is changing ur life, going to live to another country, feel alone, make new friends, etc... i have passed through this before, bc im living in a country which is not my home country.

to be honest, im starting to have second thoughts. Things would be different if i could at least do things on my own, like going to study english, or windows shopping, or visiting places, etc. but i cant.

i dont do anything more else than crying the last 3 days. I feel depressed. I dont know what to do, In one hand i dont want to lose him, but in the other hand, i wish things were different, that i could go to a place where i can be independant, able to do my own things without asking him for help. I just see myself 5 months locked in a house doing nothing but sleeping or watching tv. I know this is temporary, but i cant be like that, bc i dont like to be lazy all the time.

Im sorry for this long post. I dont know if this is the right place to write it. i just needed to talk with someone and say what i feel. maybe some of u have passed through this when u arrived the USA and can give me some advice. maybe im just making a mountain out of a molehill

[Redflame2012 32]

You know what you need to do. No one can give you advice on this one. Everyone of us have gone through some degree of isolation whilst waiting for our greencards. Can you live in your fiancé's home town? Your 'worry' and 'depression' are red flags. Think carefully. Think very carefully before you quit your job and leave your country. Your future is at stake and if the thought of it brings tears and depression perhaps you need more time to consider your future.

Good luck!