TBoneTX

FEMA Reports They Spent All The Taxpayer Funding On A Sweet PowerPoint Presentation About Racial Equity ASHEVILLE, NC — Official sources within the Federal Emergency Management Agency were disappointed to inform victims of Hurricane Helene that the government agency was unable to offer them any taxpayer funding, as it had spent it all on a PowerPoint presentation about racial equity. According to FEMA spokesperson Gayle Kane, the agency would have loved to help out North Carolina residents affected by the storm but was simply unable to do so as it had blown the remainder of its budget having an intern with purple hair put together the presentation. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/fema-reports-they-spent-all-the-taxpayer-funding-on-a-sweet-powerpoint-presentation-about-racial-equity

Tim Walz Polling Strong Among Men Who Choose Middle Urinal U.S. — With little over a month left before election day, results of a new national survey showed Minnesota Governor Tim Walz polling strongly among men who choose to use the middle urinal in men's rooms. The new poll, conducted in the days following Walz's debate with Senator J.D. Vance, showed a steady increase in support for Walz among guys who are often classified as ambiguous creepy and prone to making other men uncomfortable. "He's running away with that demographic," said Professor Blake Rumsey, a political analyst and [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/tim-walz-polling-strong-among-men-who-choose-middle-urinal

~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ayatollah Frantically Googles 'How To Build Iron Dome Thingy FAST' TEHRAN — After watching his missile bombardment of Israel fail to yield the results he had hoped for, Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei frantically googled "how to build iron dome thingy FAST." Israel's much-publicized "Iron Dome" missile defense system was placed under tremendous strain during Iran's attack but was able to prevent mass casualties despite a barrage of well over 100 ballistic missiles. "Okay, so we didn't wipe out the Jews and now they're going to retaliate," Khamenei reportedly told high-ranking members of the Iranian government. "But don't worry, I have a plan." [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/ayatollah-frantically-googles-how-to-build-iron-dome-thingy-fast

North Carolina Asks Zelensky For $100 Billion In U.S. Funding RALEIGH, NC — With civilians working hard to rescue their neighbors along the path of devastation left behind by Hurricane Helene and FEMA revealing a lack of available money, the state of North Carolina asked Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky for $100 Billion in U.S. funding. Though President Biden approved North Carolina's request for federal disaster relief, uncertainty about the timetable for receiving funds amid various obstacles and bureaucratic red tape, the state's officials decided to go directly to the man with more U.S. taxpayer dollars than anyone else. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/north-carolina-asks-zelensky-for-100-billion-in-us-funding

Yes, Gov. Kemp Blasted Biden-Harris Admin's Hurricane Helene Response [...] Meanwhile, FEMA is reportedly out of money after having wasted resources providing services and housing to illegal immigrants who have crossed the southern border in record numbers under Biden-Harris. [...] https://pjmedia.com/matt-margolis/2024/10/03/gov-kemp-blasts-biden-harris-administrations-hurricane-helene-response-n4933045

Debate revealed Tim Walz to be a fraud 'everyman' — and a lightweight If Donald Trump wins this election, the postmortems on Kamala Harris' campaign should put her choice of Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz as her running mate at the top of her list of mistakes. Much of America got to know Walz for the first time during Tuesday's vice-presidential debate. Unlike his appearance at the Democratic National Convention, the Walz we saw on the debate stage didn't have his words written for him in a teleprompter. And the unfiltered version underscored a very obvious fact about the governor: He is patently fake. [...] https://nypost.com/2024/10/02/opinion/debate-revealed-tim-walz-to-be-a-fraud-everyman/

Who knows what USCIS will do? Your Congressional office is your ally, and you should rely on them heavily. Sincere hopes from all of us for a happy resolution. Keep us apprised.

The attitudes that this rescuer faced are unbelievable, and perhaps criminal. Please comment after reading the story. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Pilot flying Helene rescue missions in NC threatened with arrest https://thehill.com/homenews/4913942-pilot-helene-north-carolina-rescue-missions-arrest-threat/

Scintillating Thursday repartee, yawn man. ----- Thrilling Thursday report, see man: We were outsmarted by miu today, man. For perhaps first time ever, miu was not interested in miu-breakfast, very strange man. Miu did want to be brushed, however, also strange for that time of day man. Breakfast/lunch was a turkey-&-cheese sandwich, ingest we man. Miu was exceptionally quiescent and mellow all day, mellow miu man. After we mowed full lawn*, miu sat on our lap as we off-cooled under ceiling fan, affectionate miu man. *necessitating Many (2+1) sweatbands, perspirational we man We did not leave the casa until time to retrieve Mini-B. from skool, Two Guys eve man. Din-din was BK**, ingest Two Guys man. **bought WUOC, financially savvy we man Two Guys then mini-hooped, mini-hoop Two Guys man. Movie night was more Everybody Hates Chris episodes, watch Two Guys man. Two bowls of Costco popcorn were consumed, ingest Two Guys man. These will be added to next week's ultimate tally, pad total man. Our failure to achieve miu's manicure might hose Friday for us, man. We have itineraried Many (2+2+2) ESs and a GS, itinerary we man. Depending on how late we start, we might miss one or more, hate that we man man. In addition, Nicaraguan maid is supposed to be around, hose ES-ing if we let her in man. Life is a challenge sometimes, conclude we man. Party with the rubias imminent, cavort we man. And that was/is our thrilling Thursday, report we man.

See if yours is on the new list herein. The headline calls them "doomed locations" -- rather apt. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Big Lots stores closing update: List shows 58 additional doomed locations across 26 states It's a new month and with it comes news of yet more Big Lots store closures. The struggling discount retail chain is in the middle of a Chapter 11 bankruptcy process due to ongoing financial difficulties. As part of that filing, Big Lots has announced another 58 store closures across 26 states. [...] https://finance.yahoo.com/news/big-lots-stores-closing-list-123600383.html

This is shocking but not surprising. My own assumption is confirmed by this quote from the article: "Psychologists told her they suspected the abundance of social media apps like TikTok and YouTube have overtaken recreational reading." Their noses are buried in their phones. I can't pry Mini-Bone's phone away from him for a second. Fortunately, Mini-B.'s public skool does require the reading of entire books. I just ordered two.

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Harris Supporters Trying To Figure Out How To Convert Joy Into Groceries [...] While the Harris-Walz campaign continued to trumpet its mantra that it was ushering in a national movement of "joy," voters in favor of Harris's election were searching for the proper method of conversion that would allow them to use excess joy to provide for the basic necessities of life like food, clothing, housing, and gas. "Can anyone tell us what the current joy-to-groceries exchange rate is?" asked Stephanie Dean, a Kamala Harris supporter from Denver, Colorado. "I get that Kamala is all about spreading the joy — and I'm totally in favor of it — but I'm starting to kind of wonder if spreading all this joy will eventually make it cheaper to buy food for my family. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/harris-supporters-trying-to-figure-out-how-to-convert-joy-into-groceries

Kamala Campaign Quietly Cancels Release Of New 'Doug' Wife Beater WASHINGTON, DC — In an awkward turn of events, Presidential candidate Kamala Harris quietly canceled the release of wife-beater tank tops featuring her husband's image after revelations that he was, in fact, a woman-beater. "Um, probably not a great look right now," said campaign chair Julie Rodriguez. "Let's go ahead and cancel that order and maybe not mention this ever again." [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/kamala-campaign-quietly-cancels-release-of-new-doug-wife-beater

~~~~~~~ Walz Clarifies That He Meant The 'Tiananmen Square Chinese Buffet' In Omaha, Nebraska NEW YORK, NY — Vice Presidential candidate Tim Walz explained that he misspoke when previously claiming he was present at the Tiananmen Square Massacre in China, clarifying he was actually at the Tiananmen Square Chinese Buffet in Omaha, Nebraska. "Look, I'm a knucklehead," Walz clarified on the debate stage Tuesday. "What I actually meant was that I was enjoying a succulent Chinese meal with my family at the Tiananmen Square Chinese Buffet. That food is literally to die for!" The admitted knucklehead went on to explain [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/walz-clarifies-that-he-meant-the-tiananmen-square-chinese-buffet-in-omaha-nebraska

School Shooters Distance Themselves From Tim Walz U.S. — After Minnesota Governor and U.S. Vice Presidential candidate Tim Walz claimed he was friends with them in Tuesday night's debate, school shooters across the nation were quick to distance themselves from "that total weirdo." A spokesperson for the National Association of School Shooters clarified that "we didn't really know him all that well" and "our moms just made us hang out with him and invite him to our birthday parties sometimes." [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/school-shooters-distance-themselves-from-that-weirdo-tim-walz

St. Louis University Disciplines Students Whose 9/11 Memorial With Israeli Flag Triggered Pro-Hamas Crowd As the fall semester begins on college campuses around the country. The anti-Israel, pro-Hamas sentiment might not be as loud as it was immediately following the October 2023 attack on Israel by Hamas. Still, campus antisemitism continues to rear its ugly head in small pockets. Now, it seems as if the mere mention of the word "Israel" is enough to send the pro-Hamas crazies running to their safe space. This time, the university involved seems to want to make up the rules as they go along. [...] https://redstate.com/beckynoble/2024/10/02/dont-say-israel-st-louis-university-students-disciplined-over-911-memorial-n2180063

It never ends. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Physical Attacks Against Jewish Students on Campus Are Climbing We're quickly approaching the 1st anniversary of the 10/7 attack by Hamas against Israel. Perhaps in anticipation of that date, there have been a growing number of attacks against Jewish students on college campuses. [...] https://hotair.com/john-s-2/2024/10/02/physical-attacks-against-jewish-students-on-campus-are-climbing-n3795315

Such vitriol from the Left in regard to the debate! No wonder they're so unhappy and unlikeable. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ That was awful for Tim Walz: he flubbed his VP debate against JD Vance "Mr Nice Guy", Tim Walz, showed up at the vice-presidential debate in New York and flubbed it. Perhaps he was over-prepared. Or underprepared. Or just too darned "Minnesota nice", as they say in his home state. Folks there have a reputation for being congenitally kind and polite. Kamala Harris's running mate could have pummelled JD Vance for being a mean, small-minded, misogynistic flip-flopper whose sole guiding principle was to suck up to Donald Trump. Instead, he came to praise rather than to bury his opponent. Vance couldn't believe his luck. The Republican vice-presidential nominee was only too pleased to play the game that he and the governor were commonsensical, bipartisan people. Walz and Vance kept saying how much they "actually" agreed with each other on housing, jobs and support for families. It was sweet, in a way, to see a Democrat and a Republican spar lightly with each other, harking back to a more gentle era B.T. – Before Trump. But, "C'mon man, give me a break!" Joe Biden might have roared, if he were still awake. There is too much at stake. [...] https://www.standard.co.uk/comment/tim-walz-jd-vance-vice-presidential-debate-b1185413.html

If Kamala Has Such Great Plans, Why Hasn't She Implemented Them? Minnesota Democrat Gov. Tim Walz spent an awful lot of time during Tuesday's vice presidential debate talking about what he and Kamala Harris would do on "day one" and beyond if Americans (and Big Tech oligarchs) elect them this November. The problem? As Sen. J.D. Vance, R-Ohio, pointed out, Kamala Harris' "day one" was nearly 1,400 days ago. If Harris wants to help struggling Americans, why hasn't she? She does hold the second-highest office in the land, after all. "If Kamala Harris has such great plans for how to address middle-class problems, then she ought to do them now, not when asking for a promotion, but in the job the American people gave her three and a half years ago," Vance said. "And the fact that she isn't tells you a lot about how much you can trust her actual plans." [...] https://thefederalist.com/2024/10/02/vance-is-right-if-kamala-has-such-great-plans-why-hasnt-she-implemented-them/

Because Uranus might moon you?

Thrilling Wednesday report, see man: Dropped Mama T-B. at eye doc, see senior she man man. Went to bank for some admin work, interim man. They ID'd us as the one and only POTS* magnate, Business Typhoon we man. *buy yours today, si man! Everyone began kowtowing and genuflecting, red-carpet treatment man. We had quite a job getting them to focus, typical situation man. Finally got done and retrieved Mama T-B., good timing man. As usual, the bank had much clean-up of confetti and balloons, their problem man. Lunch was 2 turkey-&-cheese sandwiches, ingest we man. A wonderful siesta was taken thereafter, zzz we man. Miu has been eating Many (2+2) miu-meals per day, ingest extra miu-meal miu man man. The other day, we found cans of Fancy Feast on supermarket closeout, financially savvy we man. These differ from miu's usual flavors, not by much man. Miu absolutely refuses to eat it, even when mixed with usual stuff, man! We are tempted to not feed miu for a couple of days, mius won't go hungry man. However, we would have not one minute's peace during that time, persistent miu man. How is it that a little Many-pound animal can dictate procedures, huh man? We did just get miu-carrier from garage and put it in position for devious purposes in the morning, time for an all-wheel manicure for miu man. Not sure whether this process is more traumatic for miu or for Daddy, stressful man. Din-din was onebag of nuked corn, ingest because tired of mixed vegetables we man. The Rojo finally sold his casa and is renting the casa next door to it, not a far move man. We just reminded ex-Mrs.-T-B. that Mini-B.'s Friday-eve Band obligation supersedes her plans to help the Rojo organize his casa, man. We plan to throw unsuspecting miu into miu-carrier for trip to beauty salon on Thursday, plan we man. Then we might run other errands, perhaps man. Party with the rubias imminent, cavort we man. And that was/is our thrilling Wednesday, report we man.

Some of Uranus' moons might be able to support life. Here's what a mission might reveal Over the last couple of years, planetary scientists have been increasingly calling for a mission to a largely unexplored region of the solar system: Uranus and its moons. Planetary scientists know that some of Jupiter's and Saturn's moons likely possess subsurface liquid-water oceans. These "ocean worlds," such as the Jovian moon Europa and the Saturnian moon Enceladus, are not in the "Goldilocks zone" — the optimal distance from a star where liquid water can exist on a world's surface — that was previously thought to be a requirement for habitability. Instead, researchers have been considering the possibility that life could eke out an existence inside these bodies, suspended in internal oceans heated through various mechanisms. These hypothetical life-forms might utilize chemical metabolic pathways similar to those used by life on Earth's ocean floor. Increasingly, the astrobiology community has been looking beyond the Jupiter and Saturn systems. They're calling for a mission to Uranus and its moons, as a number of Uranus' moons have displayed telltale signs of having internal liquid oceans and chemical compositions that could be favorable to life. [...] https://www.yahoo.com/news/uranus-moons-might-able-support-140001624.html

Webb telescope reveals surprising details of Pluto's moon Charon WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Observations by the James Webb Space Telescope are giving scientists a fuller understanding about the composition and evolution of Pluto's moon Charon, the largest moon orbiting any of our solar system's dwarf planets. Webb for the first time detected carbon dioxide and hydrogen peroxide - both frozen as solids - on the surface of Charon, a spherical body about 750 miles (1,200 km) in diameter, researchers said on Tuesday. Those are added to the water ice, ammonia-bearing compounds and organic materials previously documented on Charon's surface. Charon, discovered in 1978, has the distinction of being [...] https://www.yahoo.com/news/webb-telescope-reveals-surprising-details-170757787.html