TBoneTX

The happiest bank accounts involve design and sales of Pre-Owned Toilet Seats*, si mam ma'am! *buy yours today, si man!

Gracias and agreed, si and sigh D ma'am. Gracias and agreed, si and sigh mam ma'am. "When you swim in the creek and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray," si man.

Study Finds Every Man's Deepest Desire Is A Giant Map With Tanks And Soldiers On It That They Can Push Around With Sticks U.S. — After surveying tens of thousands of men, researchers at the University of Boston have concluded that the deepest desire of every man is to have an enormous map with little soldiers and tanks on it that they can move around with sticks. Though men expressed other significant desires, such as having children or producing meaningful work, the yearning to push small army men around on a map outstripped all others. "Man has no greater longing, apparently," said lead researcher Dr. Jorgen Dopslauf. "All he wants is [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/study-finds-every-mans-deepest-desire-is-a-giant-map-with-tanks-and-soldiers-on-it-that-they-can-push-around-with-sticks

Newsom Assures Wildfire Victims He Is Diverting Millions Of Dollars To Emergency DEI Initiatives LOS ANGELES, CA — As the world looked on in shock while multiple wildfires ravaged areas outside of Los Angeles, California Governor Gavin Newsom held a press conference to assure victims that he was diverting millions of dollars toward the state's emergency DEI initiatives. Tens of thousands of residents had been ordered to evacuate as the fires spread across areas including Pasadena, Pacific Palisades, and the surrounding communities, with no indication that any of the blazes were close to being contained. Newsom vowed to not rest until much-needed relief funding was funneled to the state's DEI programs. "We're doing our best to make sure monetary aid goes somewhere else," Newsome told the media. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/newsom-assures-wildfire-victims-he-is-diverting-millions-of-dollars-to-emergency-dei-initiatives

New Check Engine Light For Women Will Show Ryan Gosling's Face So They'll Actually Pay Attention To It DETROIT, MI — As part of a new campaign to make cars safer for women, General Motors unveiled an innovative new customization that replaces the old check engine light with Ryan Gosling's face so that women will pay attention to it. "OMG, it's Ryan Gosling!", shouted Norah Walker. "Aww, he's saying 'Hey girl, check yo engine.' He is soooo sweet! Off to the mechanic, love." In a press release, General Motors admitted [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/new-check-engine-light-for-women-will-show-ryan-goslings-face-so-theyll-actually-pay-attention-to-it

10 More Things Trump Plans To Rename With less than two weeks remaining before his triumphant return to the Oval Office, Trump is already making big moves, including declaring that the Gulf of Mexico will be renamed the Gulf of America. What other new names does he have up his sleeve? The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of other things Trump plans to rename: [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/10-more-things-trump-plans-to-rename

Israeli Strike Eliminates Oct. 7 Terrorists An Israel Air Force (IAF) strike has eliminated multiple Gazan jihadis who participated in the horrific Oct. 7 massacre. The Jerusalem Post reported the news on Jan. 8, that final justice had been served to Oct. 7 jihadis. The Israeli Intelligence Directorate, the Shin Bet (Israel's counterterrorism agency), and the Southern Command provided intel to accomplish the strike, according to the Jerusalem Post. After the Palestinian terrorist attack that just killed three Israelis, this successful strike is much-needed good news. [...] https://pjmedia.com/catherinesalgado/2025/01/08/israeli-strike-eliminates-oct-7-terrorists-n4935767

Not a decade too soon, either. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Will 2025 Be The End Of The Left-Wing Climate Cult? A few issues have galvanized the political left in recent years, such as climate change alarmism. But after a string of electoral defeats, the left's "climatism" movement now appears to be more demoralized and politically weak than ever before. For much of the 2010s and early 2020s, progressives poured untold amounts of money, energy, and resources into convincing the public that the world is on the doorstep of a fiery apocalypse. This apocalypse can only be averted, we are told, if left-wing politicians and the "expert" class are empowered to control every aspect of our lives, from the food we eat to what car we drive. Democrats and the corporate media have smeared anyone who has denied this worldview as "anti-science" and even "racist." But despite these extraordinary efforts, the climate movement has utterly failed to convince the American people that "climate change" is the existential threat they claim it is. In fact, the public seems more exhausted than ever with the constant fearmongering. [...] https://amac.us/newsline/society/will-2025-be-the-end-of-the-left-wing-climate-cult/

Without apology, I continue to maintain that Carter was even worse than Bidementia. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The low point of Jimmy Carter's awful presidency Forty-five years ago, on July 15, 1979, President Jimmy Carter gave what came to be known as his "malaise" speech. More than halfway through his term as president, things were going terribly. Inflation was already high, 6.3%, when Carter took office. By the time of the malaise speech, it had risen to 9.6%. A year later, in June 1980, it hit 13.6%. As National Review's Philip Klein pointed out, "To maintain the buying power that $100 had on the month Carter was sworn into office, you'd need $150 by the time he left the White House just four years later." Gas prices skyrocketed amid shortages and long lines. [...] https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/daily-memo/3280229/low-point-jimmy-carter-awful-presidency/

Mark Zuckerberg Doesn't Get Amnesty For His Anti-American Censorship Schemes [...] If Meta follows through on its promises, the country will undoubtedly benefit. Moving tech employees from California to Texas sounds like an improvement. Accounts not being nuked for calling a man a man and a woman a woman is objectively good and long overdue, even if it's the bare minimum a social media site can do. But censoring the free press and free speech of everyday Americans wasn't a victimless crime, and its perpetrators don't just get to throw the injured party a "my B!" and carry on with their business while we pick up the pieces of the republic. One of Meta's most obvious sins was its rigging of the 2020 election, and no, it wasn't the fault of "complex systems." Right after disproportionately bankrolling election offices in the blue areas of swing states to run get-out-the-vote operations for Joe Biden, Zuckerberg himself announced in 2021 that his company was banning Trump, then the sitting president of the United States, from Facebook and Instagram indefinitely. No "mistakes" were made based on "complex systems" and biased experts; a calculated tech oligarch simply censored his political opponent. Before that, Zuckerberg's outfit throttled the completely true Hunter Biden laptop story that threatened to hurt Joe Biden's 2020 chances. [...] https://thefederalist.com/2025/01/08/mark-zuckerberg-doesnt-get-amnesty-for-his-anti-american-censorship-schemes/

I've not read anything prior that expresses this logic so eloquently. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Special relationship of rape apologists in America and Britain What do Democratic excuse-making for crime in America and for Islamist terrorism have in common with the gang rape of lower-class white girls in England? Both feature left-wing politicians enabling evil by sacrificing vulnerable people on the altar of multiculturalism. Last week, Elon Musk performed a public service by [...] https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/opinion/columnists/3278144/special-relationship-rape-apologists-america-britain/

This is a must purchase -- and on deep discount, too! https://www.chewy.com/smartykat-hot-pursuit-electronic/dp/130274 This contraption is a feather wand, alternately visible/invisible under a no-claw-snag cover, that moves clockwise and counterclockwise at irregular intervals, at high or low speed. Every few seconds, the wand stops, and lights in the center of the contraption flash to distract the cat. You can shut it off manually or let it time out. It takes 3 "AA" batteries. Cat T-B. is absolutely entranced by it and "hunts" it with great vigor, burning much indoor-cat energy. Chewy.com has free shipping for first-time orders over $35. For later orders and for auto-ship, it's free shipping for $50 or $55. I've used auto-ship for Cat T-B.'s food for a long time. This is also a great source for ordering litter jugs straight to your door, as opposed to lugging them from store to car to house. Chewy has 24/7 customer service by phone (it's outstanding) and just about the best website anywhere.

Oh, but U.S. wimpiness to gain amorphous Third-World goodwill was crucial!

The Babylon Bee's satire hits too close to the truth sometimes...

Saw that -- and it was her mouth that arguably got him in trouble. Will look for the link.

Thrilling Wednesday report, see man: Made some frustrating auto-phone-tree calls to Many (2+1) places that would have taken a fraction of the time if a real person had picked up the infernal phone to begin with, man. When a real person finally did pick up, all Many had thick foreign accents, man. We refused to complete an after-call survey because we were so steamed, enough time wasted man. Lunch was a turkey-&-cheese sandwich, ingest we man. Went to doc caucus, caucus to decent benefit think we man. Returned to casa for much-needed siesta, interrupted precisely halfway by irritating reminder call, man. Up-picked Mini-B. for Two Guys eve, Two Guys man. Of many din-din choices (BK, Jack in the Box, Popeye's, Subway), Mini-B. chose BK*, no surprise man. *WUOC, financially savvy we man Usual BK had finally finished interior remodeling, only drive-through open for many weeks man. We & Mini-B. decided to go in to order, check out new environs man. Place was a lot less seedy-looking than before, no longer rundown man. However, order-counter was replaced by automatic-screen kiosks, man. We hate those contraptions with a passion, man. Mini-B. rolled his eyes and showed us how to use it, technologically savvy wee man man. Nice lady manager also came out to aid us and even told Mini-B. to go easy on our generation, si man. We were partially mollified by all this, still-peeved we man. Din-din was then consumed at the casa, ingest Two Guys man. Mini-B. was highly amused when watching miu play with new miu-toy, big miu-hit man. Mini-B. agreed to a movie night, mild surprise man. We watched Almighty Bruce, watch Two Guys and very good man. Many (2+2) -- si man, Many (2+2) -- bowls of Costco popcorn were consumed, ingest Two Guys man. These will apply to next Two Guys' week's tally, massive head start man. We & Mini-B. then played mini-hoop, mini-hoop Two Guys man. We returned Mini-B. without incident, end of fulfilling Two Guys eve man. We managed to retrieve an Rx from nearby pharmacy right before closing, timely we man. Clarity (?) with the JC seemingly reached, q.v. above post man. Party with the rubias tonight, cavort we man. Weather supposed to highly suck on Thursday, cold flooding rains man. It's Mini-B.'s first day of skool, ex-Mrs.-T-B. must deal with the traffic man. We have no formal plans other than to compile our GS/ES itinerary, only plan for we man man. And that was/is our thrilling Wednesday, report we man.

This morning, we did almost verbatimly this, si and see D ma'am: "Thank you, JC man, and the same to you, si man." Later this eve, we wrote this, see man: "Is there anything that you'd like to talk about, huh man?" The JC wrote, see man: "I don't want to talk, no man. I was feeling a little emotional when I messaged you, si man. I had someone pass away today, si man." We wrote, see man: "Sorry to hear it, sigh man. A relative, si man?" The JC wrote, see man: "My newborn nephew, wee man." We wrote, see man: "How awful, sigh man. Sincere sympathies, si man." The JC wrote, see man: "I appreciate it, si man. Have a good night, si man." We wrote, see man: "You too, si man. Just remember that you reached out to us when you felt emotional, si man. Good night, si man." We figure that this is a definite off-blowing of us after a moment of weakness on the JC's part, oh well man. Agree or disagree, huh man?

Great update, si DA man. And no P-Math errors at all, whee DA man! They grow up so fast, si and sigh DA man. Cherish every moment at this age, si man.

"It's Too Expensive To Have Kids," Says Woman Whose Ancestors Raised 11 Kids In A Two-Bedroom House VENTURA, CA — Local woman Sarah Carter, whose ancestors once raised 11 kids in a 2-bedroom house, recently told her friends she thought having kids these days was just too expensive. "I mean, it's just way too expensive to raise a family in today's economy," Carter told friends. "I could never afford a kid because then I'd have to buy a brand-new $70,000 car to put them in and a million-dollar house to raise them in and then there's the designer clothes they'd need to wear and can you even imagine what our Whole Foods bill would look like!?" Carter remembers hearing stories about her own great-grandparents raising eleven kids in a tiny house in the country but says [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/its-too-expensive-to-have-kids-says-woman-whose-grandparents-raised-11-kids-in-a-two-bedroom-house

Biden Issues Imminent Terrorist Threat Warning Due To The 11 Terrorists He Just Released From Prison WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a rare televised address from the Oval Office, President Biden warned the American public of an imminent terrorist threat as a result of his releasing eleven terrorists from prison. "My fellow Americans, it is my duty to warn you of an imminent terrorist threat that may irreversibly alter the American way of life," Biden began. "Today, I authorized the release of eleven terrorists from Guantanamo Bay, and now, believe it or not, they are threatening death to America. No, I'm serious. Not a joke." [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-issues-imminent-terrorist-threat-warning-due-to-the-eleven-terrorists-he-just-released-from-prison

Harmful Stereotype Stabs Ten LONDON, UK — In an incident which threatens to set back empathy and understanding across Great Britain, ten Englishmen were recently stabbed by a harmful stereotype. British authorities have strongly cautioned citizens against taking away any biases from the incident. "It's a deuced shame that some chaps might use this stabbing to reinforce their preconceived prejudices against Islam," said UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer. "As the people of Great Britain, we have no excuse whatsoever for forming racist, bigoted stereotypes about Islam based on the Muslim involved in this stabbing. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/harmful-stereotype-stabs-ten

Substitute "Ontarklar" and "Hillbilly" for the people in this story, si man. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Wife Bestows Medal Of Honor On Husband For Loading Dishwasher BOISE, ID — A great honor was awarded in a humble family home this week as a wife bestowed a prestigious medal of honor on her husband after he heroically rose to the occasion and loaded the dishwasher. Larry Parson was overcome with pride as he accepted the highest accolade awarded to members of the household, having gone above and beyond the call to vaguely rinse the family's dishes and haphazardly place them in the dishwasher. "This is a historic day," said Larry's wife, Donna, as she placed the medal around his neck. "Never in the history of this household has a man stepped up to show such grit and fortitude. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/wife-bestows-medal-of-honor-on-husband-for-loading-dishwasher

Guy Who Said Facebook Was Not Suppressing Free Speech Announces Facebook Will Stop Suppressing Free Speech PALO ALTO, CA — Social media users rejoiced today as in an initiative to fight back against censorship, the guy who said Facebook was not suppressing free speech announced that Facebook would stop suppressing free speech. Meta founder Mark Zuckerberg released a video statement outlining the upcoming changes that would be made to content restriction policies on Facebook and Instagram, revealing that Facebook would stop suppressing all the free speech he had previously insisted wasn't being suppressed on Facebook. "This is a major shift toward no longer doing the things I said we weren't doing," Zuckerberg said in the statement. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/guy-who-said-facebook-was-not-suppressing-free-speech-announces-facebook-will-stop-suppressing-free-speech

Go here, click "Find by Address," and type in your information to confirm that it's valid. https://tools.usps.com/zip-code-lookup.htm

Our jokes have been so effective that, on this convenient Wednesday, we shall present our Semiofficial Semiweekly VAWA-Thread Joke: =========================================== WORDS ARE IMPORTANT What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? The same middle name. A husband was throwing darts at his wife's photo. Not one dart hit the target. From the other room, the wife asked, "Honey, what are you doing?" The husband answered, "Missing you." I told my wife that she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me. CLASSIFIED AD: Looking for a married woman, recently cheated on, mad and scorned, who's willing to sell her husband's tools for cheap. You know you're getting old when you barely do anything all day, but you still need to have a nap to CONTINUE to do barely anything.