TBoneTX

Thrilling Thursday report, see man: Awoke before alarm again, stinks man. Weather chilly/breezy, Texas weather no longer Many man. Went to supermarket half an hour before it closed, big mistake man. Did get our Many (2x2x2x2) bottles of Powerade Zero grape, avoided a casa shortage man. Brunch was onecan of Chef B. Beefaroni, ingest we man. Mowed full lawn, mow we man. One sweatband (barely) used, chilly/breezy man. Lin-lin* (dunch*) was most of a small macaroni salad, ingest we man. *halfway between lunch and din-din, see man Took restorative siesta, nice zzz man. Awakened from siesta by invasive miu, obviously wanting miu-lunch man. Fed miu miu-lunch, feed miu we man. Soon thereafter, unmistakable sounds of miu barfing, only question was where man. Barf was right inside front door, barely missing entry mat, all on tile man. Miu lobbied us for more miu-lunch and did not re-eat the barf, profligate miu man. We up-cleaned the miu-barf, disgusting vile stuff man. We re-lunched miu, expensive miu man. Unenthusiastically browsed for Viernes Negro deals, nothing really needed by us** man. **unless rubias are on sale, purchase Many we man GS/ES options vague until addresses posted Friday morning, man. Party with the rubias tonight, cavort we man. And that was/is our thrilling Thursday, report we man.

No new girlfriend, no man.

What a wonderfully helpful, detailed write-up! Many folks here will benefit from it. The only thing better is the positive outcome.

'I Sure Love Pumpkin Pie,' Says Man Spraying Gallon Of Reddi-Whip Over Pumpkin Pie TOLEDO, OH — Local man Jacob Nicholson repeatedly declared his love for pumpkin pie today while covering a 12-inch pie with an entire gallon of Reddi-Whip. According to friends and family of the 66-year-old pumpkin pie connoisseur, Jacob has been stockpiling cans of Reddi-Whip for months in anticipation of this day. "I kept him in check for a while," said Carol Nicholson, Jacob's wife. "But [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/i-sure-love-pumpkin-pie-says-man-spraying-gallon-of-reddi-whip-over-pumpkin-pie

Israel Asks Hezbollah To Please Wait By Pagers For Message Announcing Start Of Ceasefire BEIRUT — After announcing that an agreement had been reached for a pause in military operations, Israel asked Hezbollah to please wait by their pagers for a message to confirm what time the ceasefire would begin. After over a year of open warfare between Israel and Hezbollah, both sides are anxiously anticipating the ceasefire message being delivered to every remaining Hezbollah terrorist. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/israel-asks-hezbollah-to-please-wait-by-pagers-for-message-announcing-start-of-ceasefire

Southern Wife Arrested For Failing To Serve Drinks In Mason Jars OXFORD, MS — The Thanksgiving week turned ugly for one local family, as a southern wife was arrested and booked on charges of failing to serve drinks in Mason jars to people visiting her home. The unthinkable act allegedly occurred this afternoon at the home of David and Susan Jennings, where one member of a dinner party notified authorities that Susan had served beverages in non-Mason jar receptacles. Police responded quickly and took her into custody. "We always try to act quickly in situations like this," Oxford Police Department spokesman Sgt. Brad Collins said. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/southern-wife-arrested-for-failing-to-serve-drinks-in-mason-jars

Haaaaaaaaaaaa! ~~~~~~~~~~~ We Asked 12 Public Figures What They're Thankful For This Year. Here's What They Said It's the fourth week of November, which means it's time for us all to do a little introspection and consider what we are thankful for. The Babylon Bee made full use of its vast political and entertainment connections to ask a dozen prominent public figures what they are thankful for this year. Their answers may surprise you: [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/we-asked-12-public-figures-what-theyre-thankful-for-this-year-heres-what-they-said

To Address Surge In Sexual Assault, Denver Mayor Announces Mass Deportation Of Women Joggers DENVER, CO — Denver Mayor Mike Johnston has just announced his plan to address the recent increase in sexual assaults across the city with by hunting down and deporting all of the female joggers. According to the mayor, deporting all women joggers from the city should drastically decrease the number of rapes and assaults in the city committed by Venezuelan gang members and illegal immigrants. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/to-address-increase-in-sexual-assault-denver-mayor-announces-mass-deportation-of-women-joggers

Hungover Kamala Harris Gets Sinking Feeling While Checking If She Drunk-Posted Anything Yesterday WASHINGTON, D.C. — Nursing a vicious hangover, Vice President Kamala Harris began to get a sinking feeling as she pulled out her phone to see if she had made any drunk posts last night. After spending a few minutes fumbling around for ibuprofen, Harris became suspicious upon seeing several thousand text messages asking if she was okay. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/hungover-kamala-harris-gets-sinking-feeling-while-checking-if-she-drunk-posted-anything-yesterday

Kamala Officially Unburdened By Sobriety U.S. — Vice President Kamala Harris released a video to let followers know that with the Presidential race over, she is now completely unburdened by sobriety. Kamala called for supporters to imagine what could be, such as getting totally blitzed on a random Tuesday -- unburdened by what has been, such as not drinking two bottles of merlot and washing it down with a Dixie cup full of trash can punch. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/kamala-officially-unburdened-by-sobriety

As inspired by LS ma'am, this can be our Thanksgiving Report thread. Report about your repast, your family's political arguments, your turkey coma, etc.

I can't imagine being assigned to build or serve in this place. Sounds even harsher than Adak, Alaska. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ NASA discovers secret US military base buried 100-foot deep in Greenland ice In a remarkable discovery during an April 2024 flyover of Greenland, NASA scientists uncovered the remnants of a hidden city buried deep beneath the ice. Known as Camp Century, this Cold War-era U.S. military base lies buried under 100 feet of the Greenland Ice Sheet. NASA's Chad Greene, aboard a Gulfstream III aircraft, captured a striking radar image revealing the site. "We were looking for the bed of the ice and out pops Camp Century," said Alex Gardner, a NASA cryospheric scientist. "We didn’t know what it was at first." This eerie discovery is [...] https://interestingengineering.com/military/nasa-finds-lost-us-military-base

Let's save time and stone them in the public square.

That's because Canadian T'giving was a month ago or something, LS ma'am. So you gather en masse... er, In Mass, huh LS ma'am? You can kiss the Plymouth Rock for good luck... or is that the Blarney Stone?

This article is fascinating. Who knew? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 9 scientific breakthroughs that resulted from Napoleon's invasion of Egypt [...] When Napoleon invaded Egypt in July 1798, he brought more than just tens of thousands of soldiers. He also recruited more than 150 scientists, known as savants, to accompany him. They arrived "with the aim of both study and exploitation," according to one archaeologist. A little more than a month later, on August 23, 1798, the scientific society called the Institut d'Égypte, which still exists today, held its inaugural meeting in a lavish palace in Cairo and appointed Napoleon as its first vice president. Napoleon wanted to use the country's natural resources, history, and culture for France's benefit. He urged the savants to focus on projects such as improving bread ovens, purifying the Nile's water, and brewing beer without hops. The scientists' tasks were made more difficult because the ship carrying much of their surveying and scientific equipment had sunk. Then, after a series of defeats in Egypt, Napoleon returned to France in 1799 and left many of the scientists stranded. Despite setbacks, the engineers, mathematicians, naturalists, and others spent nearly three years surveying, documenting, and collecting things as varied as antiquities, mummified remains, and animals largely unknown to the West. Their work led to some novel discoveries [...] Continues here: https://www.yahoo.com/news/9-scientific-breakthroughs-resulted-napoleons-213705701.html

Interesting insights and details regarding a razor-close Congressional race in Iowa. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Recount affirms Mariannette Miller-Meeks' win over Christina Bohannan in 1st District Republican U.S. Rep. Mariannette Miller-Meeks has prevailed in southeastern Iowa's 1st Congressional District recount to win election to a third term, blocking a second challenge from Democrat Christina Bohannan. The districtwide recount, which finished Wednesday, settles one of the nation's most hotly contested races for U.S. House [...] https://www.press-citizen.com/story/news/politics/elections/2024/11/27/iowa-election-results-mariannette-miller-meeks-wins-congressional-1st-district-recount/76595052007/

Thrilling Wednesday-on-Thursday report, see man: Awoke 2 hours before alarm went off, we man. Retrieved Mama T-B. for ex-Mrs.-T-B.'s Thanksgiving lunch, retrieve we man senior she man man. Ex-Mrs.-T-B. had to improvise after boxed food order was canceled, improvise ex-she man man. She was in a Zoom meeting last night and couldn't make it to the store on time, si and no man. Lunch was quite good as always, over-ingest we man. Returned Mama T-B., return we man senior she man man. Turkey coma thereafter, zzzzzzzzzz we man. Last day of decent weather probably till spring, sigh man. Might have to mow lawn on Thursday in long sleeves/pants, man. No Viernes Negro plans, Black Friday man. Might go to large thrift store's half-price sale, potentially financially savvy we man. Otherwise unsure of plans, nebulous man. And that was/is our thrilling Wednesday, report we man.

Hey, great idea, inspirational man: Sardine-flavored breath mints, si man! Copyright (c) $ucce$$ful Bu$ine$$ Typhoon we man, si man!

You're 29 until you're 39, and then you're 39 indefinitely, LS ma'am.

Happy 29th birthday, LS ma'am!

Hilarious! 9 Things Public Schools Won't Tell You About The First Thanksgiving [...] The Babylon Bee is here to fill in the gaps left by the things public school won't tell you about the first Thanksgiving: [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/9-things-public-schools-wont-tell-you-about-the-first-thanksgiving

Trump Announces Plan To Deport 5,000 Illegal Immigrants In One Pre-Owned Honda Civic Hatchback PALM BEACH, FL — As the public awaited the changes that come along with the transition to a new presidential administration, President-elect Donald Trump announced a plan to deport 5,000 illegal immigrants in one pre-owned Honda Civic hatchback. As part of his sweeping overhaul of the nation's immigration policies, Trump revealed that he would be sending many immigrants back the same way they came — crammed into every available nook and cranny of a used Honda. "Spacious cars, those Honda Civics," Trump said in brief comments to reporters when questioned about his deportation plans. https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-announces-plan-to-deport-5000-illegal-immigrants-in-one-pre-owned-honda-civic-hatchback

Report: Kamala's 2028 Campaign Already $700 Million In Debt [...] Following a lopsided loss to Donald Trump earlier this month, Harris had floated the idea of running again in four years after Trump leaves office but was shocked to find out that simply alluding to the possibility had run up a massive debt for the prospective campaign. "She'll blow past a billion before she even officially announces she's running," one campaign insider said. "As soon as she even considered the idea, we started cutting massive checks. A couple million on updating her wardrobe, a few million in Nacho Cheese Doritos. And we haven't even made a phone call to Oprah yet. That'll be at least another $10 million. She charges by the minute, you know." [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/report-kamalas-2028-campaign-already-700-million-in-debt

Trump Proposes 25 Percent Tariff On Imports From California PALM BEACH, FL — President-elect Donald Trump officially announced that he plans to impose a 25% tariff on all imports from California into the United States. While California Governor Gavin Newsom had publicly vowed to resist any attempts by Trump's administration to force policies promoting freedom on residents of the state, he warned that Trump's tariff could cripple California's already debt-ridden economy. "Trump, who promised to be a dictator on day one, is going to impose these tariffs as a way to punish the People's Republic of California," Newsom said. https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-proposes-25-percent-tariff-on-imports-from-california

Thread from 2015 is now locked.