TracyTN

It's not up to the process to somehow 'check' the relationship. It's up to the couple to make sure they spend enough time together prior to filing to be as sure as they can that the relationship will succeed.
I happen to know the K1 'works' as that's how countless of successful VJ relationships started - mine included.

It's not up to the process to somehow 'check' the relationship. It's up to the couple to make sure they spend enough time together prior to filing to be as sure as they can that the relationship will succeed.
I happen to know the K1 'works' as that's how countless of successful VJ relationships started - mine included.

It's not up to the process to somehow 'check' the relationship. It's up to the couple to make sure they spend enough time together prior to filing to be as sure as they can that the relationship will succeed.
I happen to know the K1 'works' as that's how countless of successful VJ relationships started - mine included.

It's not up to the process to somehow 'check' the relationship. It's up to the couple to make sure they spend enough time together prior to filing to be as sure as they can that the relationship will succeed.
I happen to know the K1 'works' as that's how countless of successful VJ relationships started - mine included.

It's not up to the process to somehow 'check' the relationship. It's up to the couple to make sure they spend enough time together prior to filing to be as sure as they can that the relationship will succeed.
I happen to know the K1 'works' as that's how countless of successful VJ relationships started - mine included.

It's not up to the process to somehow 'check' the relationship. It's up to the couple to make sure they spend enough time together prior to filing to be as sure as they can that the relationship will succeed.
I happen to know the K1 'works' as that's how countless of successful VJ relationships started - mine included.

You had quite a day yesterday.
First, you overcame all of personal problems and your relationship fears.
Then, you discovered that clams and oysters are different.
That's as good as it gets!

You don't need a fiance visa in order to marry in the US. In fact, from the plans you describe, a fiance visa is NOT what you want.
First, anyone can come to the US and get married. The laws vary from one state to another, but most states only require some form of ID and statements that you are free to marry. Your passport is sufficient ID. Me and my wife got married at a county clerk's office - 20 minutes to get the license and get married by a Justice of the Peace. We even got a JP who spoke Vietnamese!
Second, a fiance visa requires the foreigner and US citizen petitioner to marry within 90 days. After that, the foreigner is supposed to submit an application for a green card. If the foreigner leaves the US before getting a green card or advance parole then they won't be able to return - the fiance visa is a single entry visa.
Third, a resident alien with a green card is required to live in the US or risk losing their resident alien status. Trips abroad of more than one year require advance permission to reenter the US.
So, come to the US, get married, and return to France. When you're ready to immigrate to the US (if ever) then your wife can file for a spousal visa.

The only way it will be changed is for Ewok and the mods to make it go away, period. Any post hinting at it should be deleted and the member (at minimum) warned.
It will require interaction from the rest of us (via the report button) as we cannot expect them to see every post and handle it. But until a firm line is drawn in the sand by Ewok (possibly via an email to the entire membership to drive it home), it's a moot point.

The only way it will be changed is for Ewok and the mods to make it go away, period. Any post hinting at it should be deleted and the member (at minimum) warned.
It will require interaction from the rest of us (via the report button) as we cannot expect them to see every post and handle it. But until a firm line is drawn in the sand by Ewok (possibly via an email to the entire membership to drive it home), it's a moot point.

Most of the time, I enjoy the slight bickering with the ppl in question. It's actually quite amusing to me most times to run into people with such archaic views. It's quite a novelty to interact with those who finally feel the 'freedom' to be as insulting as they can be -presumably as it fills some therapeutic need for self esteem recovery - 'It's not me, it's all THEM' . It's self jjustified by the fact that they did, indeed, get someone to marry them, so of course it must everyone else that was the problem. Irl, I have never met anyone even close to that, and I have to admit, it's like driving past a very bad car crash....you can't help but look. I joke with my BFF who's also a member here, that Ewok has created this site solely for a Master's thesis in sociology.
However, there are those times when I really am shocked by the rampant disrespect., and shocked by the level of tolerance to it. Some posters just don't seem to 'get it'...that it's not 'us vs them'. That we're not jealous of their happiness, and the only thing we object to is the means in which they express their happiness - in relation to feeling the need to put down others.
The post in q that I believe started this whole thing off was a very nonchalant anecdote about a particular poster telling his wife 'if your mom was half as lippy as you are, no wonder her husband beat her azz every day' Or something to that effect. I said it in that thread, and M said it here...it's neither clever nor funny. And it's quite insulting to the community as a whole to have a poster who feels it's not only appropriate to say, but then berates anyone who claims it's offensive. And then it gets into 'I refuse to be PC' as if THAT'S the issue. PC? Is that what this is all about? Joking about domestic violence is not funny. It's socially retarded (in the literal sense) to even think it's acceptable to repeat in mixed company. No one here gives a toss about the dynamic of any individual couple, but what is acceptable to that couple should not automatically make it acceptable to the VJ collective.
Then of course, the pack descends, and then it's another same old same old clusterfluff with the usual suspects (on both sides).
In this particular case, the silence of the majority is deafening. Not one other poster took umbrage by what was said. In fact, the other posts denigrated into the usual back and forth. So am I to presume that not one man in that forum who read that thread feels it's ok to joke about your MIL's past of being beaten? Is that really funny at all?
I don't actually think anything will change though. This topic has been talked about til the horse is well and truly dead. The only way it can change is through heavy moderation - because let's face it, enlightenment - although preferrable - will never happen. I'm not really a fan of heavy moderation in the general sense. But that is my opinion based on normal adult behavior. This falls beyond the scope of that. I highly doubt these posters who so freely put down American women as <insert your choice here> would voice this to their mothers, sisters, female friends. I think those who beat their chests and objectify their own wives are only doing so here, because they can. Sure, to some of these men, going home to a gorgeous wife must seem like something that (pre-internet) was entirely impossible. They must feel like they won the lottery (let's face it, the GC is a wonderful equalizer) So most of the time, I try to remember that and that makes me feel bad enough for them, that it gives me more tolerance for their behavior.
But in the grand scheme of VJ, they are a wart on the azz of the site, and have driven members away. How Ewok wants to deal with that is his choice.
eta: imo, it's not about just sweeping up after certain people by invising offending posts. I say leave it out there, and if mod action IS taken, it needs to be publicly shared to show that this type of behavior is not acceptable here. Not just getting out the broom and cleaning up someone's mess....people need to stand publicly accountable for what they say, and invising is not the way.

Thanks everyone for the encouragement! We had a talk about it, and we're going to attempt baby #2. If it's meant to be, we will conceive. If it's not, we won't.
Here's my friend's FB status as of this morning:
Praise God!!!!

He might want to have a one time consultation with an immigration attorney to make sure he understands everything clearly.

Rika, read what this female told her husband, in WRITING, for crying out loud. If it were me, I'd kick her tail out of my house and shove her across the nearest border in a New York minute. Please read what she wrote and interpret it literally. Words mean things.

Jumping to conclusions? You're basing your advice purely on your culture, and not on what the OP has told us.

There's no beating around the bush in this statement. She married you for a ticket to the US and a green card. Divorce her and get on with your life. She can remove conditions on her own if she's got proof she entered the marriage in good faith.
The I-864 will remain binding until one of the conditions for terminating it have been met, but she'd need to sue you in order to get anything, and lawsuits based on the I-864 have been hit or miss. On the other hand, if she collects means tested benefits then you may be tapped to reimburse the government. She isn't eligible for most means tested benefits until she's been an LPR for five years, but that child is eligible today.

Your husband getting on you about it doesn't help. What suggestions does he have? If he can't come up with anything better than what you're already trying, he should support you instead of riding you about it.

What to do next depends on whether you came here simply to object and complain or take constructive action. Your age difference is relevant in the eyes of the Consular officers who will make decisions about any visa. For us to help you, we need to understand your circumstances including not just the age difference but the actual ages, how many visits and for how long, how you initially became acquainted and anything else except your actual names, dates of birth and other private information that you think might be considered applicable to your situation.
You'll also want to ask you fiance to write as complete and accurate a description (think verbatim transcript) of his experience at the interview, specifically including the questions asked and answers given.

Your husband getting on you about it doesn't help. What suggestions does he have? If he can't come up with anything better than what you're already trying, he should support you instead of riding you about it.

I'm sorry if my response is a bit blunt, I realize that you're in pain already but here goes.
Sister, he's playing you. A MAN doesn't let someone he purportedly loves suffer. Not even for a second. If he has to dig ditches and scrub toilets, then that's what a MAN does. Your new husband is a house guest and a sponge, nothing more and nothing less. I'm sorry but that's my feeling on the matter. He doesn't want to marry you, period. If he loved you he would stand up to his family and tell them, especially after you're legally married for 8 mos. Heck, he'd say 'let's get hitched' and be done with it. He's a user, pure and simple. He feels no compulsion in being lazy and doesn't feel any sympathy for you whatsoever. You are killing yourself, for what? Don't you deserve better than this? He gets "very verbally abusive and behaves erratic," when confronted, what do you suppose will happen in the future? His normal is for you to kowtow to his whims and not question him, what's wrong with this picture? If you've never had sex then the marriage is legal but it can be annulled since it has never been consummated.

I hope this doesn't come across as offensive, because I don't mean to be so, but I can't figure out how to say what I'm going to say without it being construed as such.
Jalie, you cannot live the rest of your life being locked in a house while your husband goes to work. It's grossly unfair to take you from being a thriving adult, to living in fear of everything, afraid to leave the house. Which is a safety hazard (electrical at the very least) from your description.
You and your husband should sit down and discuss measures you can take to gain some independence back...whether it's learning to drive, and getting an inexpensive second hand car, getting a job/volunteering that he can drive you to and pick you up from, etc. Something or anything for you to feel like your own self. I understand the house is important to him, and he loves you and wants to protect you, but what about you, the individual? Sitting in a house, scared to answer the door, bars on the windows, around lamps which can short out the whole electrical system in the house. Great, it's important to him...but what's important to YOU? Not you, his wife, or you, someone's mother...but you, the woman...and how can the two of you strike a compromise in being equally happy?
Fragola - I somewhat understand your predicament - but I am a USC. I lived in a major city most of my life, then moved to the UK, where I felt completely displaced. I lived in a village which was terribly small. For the first year, I pretty much didn't do anything by myself...even though it was England, and we spoke the same language, we didn't (local dialect made me feel like I was somewhere else, lol). I had no friends of my own, and not only missed my home and family, but I felt terribly lonely.
One day, I decided 'that's enough'...so I went out on my own. I caught the bus and went to town. I walked places. I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb, because people would ALWAYS comment on my accent, make a big deal that I wasn't 'from there'. But after a while, I didn't notice it anymore, and while it was scary, I eventually grew comfortable with everything, made some friends of my own, and felt less isolated.
When I came back to the US, my family had moved to a small town, so I settled there with them. This time, I felt like a fish out of water in my own country - I had been gone too long, and things just felt odd. Add to that the small town-ness, and again, I felt isolated and lonely. So, I did it again. I got a job, made some friends, and explored what my new surroundings had to offer. Eventually, I felt like I was at home.
Learn to drive, get a car - even if it's a beat up second hand piece of #######, lol. Explore your area. Volunteer time somewhere. Go to those 'meetup' groups (they are great). Go to local events, even if it's a squash festival, lol.
Good luck!

I'm sorry, but it sounds callous to say 'I'm on my third one.' These are humans with feelings - at least have the courtesy to call them wives.

I'm sorry, but it sounds callous to say 'I'm on my third one.' These are humans with feelings - at least have the courtesy to call them wives.

I'm sorry, but it sounds callous to say 'I'm on my third one.' These are humans with feelings - at least have the courtesy to call them wives.