Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
tc2010

We don't fight..... we hardly speak to each other any more.

132 posts in this topic

Recommended Posts

Filed: Timeline

My wife and I met online. After a whirlwind romance decided to get married. We jumped through all the legal USCIS hoops, got married in November, 2 months after she arrived here on a K-1. It hasn't been easy either of us to adjust our lifestyles.

About a two to three weeks before she arrived here our communications began to get strained. She would become cross or upset over minor things. I assumed it was just stress of relocating to a strange new world and the thoughts of being seperated from her family and friends. I thought she would adjust with time.

We have gotten into several disagreements in the past 8 to 9 months and end up not speaking for weeks on end. Marriage counseling isn't an option, she just says "it doesn't apply to us". It has gotten to the point if I want to communicate with her I have to send an email. Her last reply to my question regarding "marriage counseling was;

"This is actually really silly. We have nothing to 'restore' so 'marriage restoration' is not about us. Can we just be friends who have sex sometimes? Without this artificial strain trying to act like what we are not?"

She spends most of her time online, I assume, writing on the forums or in chat. When she isn't occupying her time online she is "going for a walk" with her daughter in tow. She would like to find a job, but we have no sitter who can speak the child's language.

I'm not a "touchy/feely" kind of person, but I do enjoy a hug or a kiss from time to time, just for no reason.

When laying in bed after waking up, if I put my arm around her and say "good morning", she takes my hand as if it were a dirty diaper, moves it off her and jumps out of bed with netbook computer in hand, retreating to another room in the house to go online. Needless to say I am much less than pleased with the way things are going. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to deduce she isn't happy. It seems the only time things appear to improve is if there is an appointment approaching with USCIS. Which there should be no more of for awhile, she has her "temporary green card" now.

I thought I was lonely before we met, but it was nothing compared to what I'm going through now. My own sense of honor would not permit me to break the marriage vows and have an affair or to seek comfort outside the relationship. I still have very strong feelings for her, I'm simply left with no real means of expressing them presently. It's been a little over 6 months since we married and all we can seem to do is to put each other through the hell of some sort of "artificial marriage".

My question(s) are:

If we were to divorce would she have to return to her home country?

There is nothing for her to return to, no home, no job, no school for her daughter..... nothing!

Since I have already signed the I-485, would I still be responsible for her and her daughter if we do divorce and she remains here and self-sponsors?

What options are available? I am still recovering financially from the expenses of moving my wife and her daughter over here and it looks like it will be at least another two years before I can even begin to put away savings for a divorce.

I'm reasonably sure she will see the post here, and that will cause some additional friction.

What scares me is the advice I've seen on other threads here on VJ, suggesting an immigrant spouse file charges of abuse. I'm not a violent person. I much prefer to "live and let live". The stress of this dysfunctional relationship is killing me.

Advice.... comments?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Nigeria
Timeline

Pretty quite unfortunate.I think she basically doesnt love u from the onset and she has a mission aside u coming down to the states.

It might have had to do with her past relationship with men.i believe she devotes more time to her kid than.she just might ve used u as a stepping stop.

I hate to read abt artificial marriage,mayb its high time u told her abt ur willingness to let off the stress in the marriage.i dont see her wanting u as much as u do.


Service Center : Vermont Service Center
Consulate : Nigeria
I-129F Sent : 2011-06-08
I-129F NOA1 : 2011-06-17
I-129F RFE(s) : No RFE
RFE Reply(s) : No RFE
I-129F NOA2 : 2011-09-27
Interview: 2nd Week of January

Immigrant Visa rescheduled for second week of February 2012

Visa Refused on Immigration Purpose February 2013

We Got Married and Filed Spouse Visa

dancin5hr.gif Visa Approved in May 2013dancin5hr.gif

POE was Easy in June 2013

USA Citizen July 2016

Who cares to know how long My Visajourney was???

SSN Arrives on 07/01/2013

492
498

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: Country: Turkey
Timeline

I wish I could offer you some good advice, but I have heard this story before. She had a life in her country before she met you and if she just married you to come to America, she needs to go back to her life. It is terrible that someone would do that to you, but it is very common so I am told. I personally will not let anyone take me for a ride. We go into a relationship or marriage to anyone and there is no guarantee, but if someone purposely sets out to hurt you, they do not deserve your concern. It is terrible for the child though.


NOA 1 November 15, 2010

NOA 2 August 25, 2011

Closed NVC Ocotber 11, 2011

Interview Date: January 12,2012

Thank you my wonderful God in Heaven.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Pakistan
Timeline

Pretty quite unfortunate.I think she basically doesnt love u from the onset and she has a mission aside u coming down to the states.

It might have had to do with her past relationship with men.i believe she devotes more time to her kid than.she just might ve used u as a stepping stop.

I hate to read abt artificial marriage,mayb its high time u told her abt ur willingness to let off the stress in the marriage.i dont see her wanting u as much as u do.

I have to agree with souleymon on this one...look at your timeline for when the communication issues began I doubt it was coincidental...i'm sure your in love with her but try to be as objective as you can and look at facts. the fact she said can't we just be room mates and have sex once in a while???? That isn't marriage. I wish you the best and maybe she will decide to go to marriage counseling...highly doubful tho sounds as if she already decided to end the marriage without the formality of ending it. There will be plenty of ppl to answer all your questions soon enough..

Good luck...


10/02/2010 Nikah/Marriage in Karachi
USCIS JOURNEY
11/10/2010 -Sent
03/24/2011 i 130 approved!!!
NVC JOURNEY
03/30/2011 NVC received case-04/07/2011 NVC Case Number Assigned
05/03/2011 CASE COMPLETE- In Que for INTERVIEW!!-05/17/2011 Received interview letter and info via email
EMBASSY JOURNEY
05/20/2011 Medical Appt/passed
06/15/2011 Interview result AP
06/21/2011 Submitted requested docs..under review
07/25/2011 CO called did phone interview result: PENDING MANDATORY AP/CO told us they have to do namechecks

03/07/2013 Case returned to USCIS waiting for NOIR/reaffirmation

04/18/2013 USCIS received case for review

08/19/2013 Received NOIR to respond by 9/18/2013

9/9/2013 Responded to NOIR/USCIS received documents awaiting response

9/20/2013 USCIS reaffirmed sent to embassy

1/04/14 Case opened for review

8/31/15 Interview- no questions visa approved on the spot

9/8/15 visa status issued

9/10/15 visa received

9/19/15 POE Charlotte

p9WGm4.png

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Norway
Timeline

If you've brought up the issues and suggested marriage counseling like you say, and she still is unresponsive (e-mails you back? #######?), then it's time to give it up. This whole thing does look fishy, considering the time line for when she started acting weird.

A divorce doesn't automatically mean she'd have to return to her home country, but if she is really using you for a green card, she might.

You say there's nothing for her to return to - like someone else says, she had a life before coming here, she can return to that life.

If you signed the affidavit of support, you will retain that financial responsibility for her if she stays and removes conditions.

Your options at this point, I would say either she agrees to actually start working on the marriage and teat it as a damn marriage (right now, with her proposal of being friends who have sex, it makes it sound like she's willing to ####### herself out as long as it keeps herself in the country, and keeps you desperate enough not to do anything about it), or borrow money from someone for a divorce. Either way, her behavior is shifty, shitty and you shouldn't let it go on out of sympathy. At this point, even if she did agree to the counseling, I'd be suspicious.


Married since 03/02/2011, AOS from F-1 visa, green card granted 05/24/2011.
Blessed with a healthy baby boy, 08/19/2011! We get to keep our family together! Thank you! smile.png

--

ROC

02/27/2013 - I-751 packet sent
03/04/2013 - NOA1
04/01/2013 - Biometrics

08/19/2013 - I-751 Approved

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Scotland
Timeline

Sorry to hear this is happening to you. You deserve love, not friends who sleep together while you support them and their child and they can treat you however they please. That is not marriage.

It sounds like you are very caring and you obviously worry about the life they will go back to. But you can't let that keep you in an abusive marriage. What Country is your wife from?

I hope she is just having trouble adjusting to life in the US...but if that is the case, she should be going to counselling. My husband and I got married in November too. This is still the beginning, you are Newlyweds. The way she is behaving isn't right and may reflect that she did not enter the Marriage genuinely, as you did.

Again. Sorry to hear this is happening.

Best wishes, Helen


05-2010 I-129F application received by USCIS.

05-2010 NOA1 received.

07-2010 NOA2 received.

07-2010 Packet 3 received.

08-2010 Packet 3 returned.

09-2010 Medical in London.

10-2010 Interview at US Embassy in London: Approved.

10-2010 POE Newark, NJ.

11-2010 Married in Vermont.

03-2011 Notice of acceptance of AOS packet.

03-2011 Biometrics appointment in St Albans.

03-2010 Case transfered to California Service Centre.

04-2011 I-485 Approved.

event.png

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Her last reply to my question regarding "marriage counseling was;

"This is actually really silly. We have nothing to 'restore' so 'marriage restoration' is not about us. Can we just be friends who have sex sometimes? Without this artificial strain trying to act like what we are not?"

This is definitely not the woman that you would like to spend your whole life with.

An old adage says, that once a ####### always a #######...and only a ####### do this.

Best of luck...


Immigration Timeline Summary

10.21.2008 – CR-1 Visa Application Filed (By Hubby's Sec)
09.04.2009 – Visa Interview | Passed
09.10.2009 – Visa Packet Received
09.17.2009 – US Entry | Home
07.05.2011 – ROC Petition Filed
05.01.2012 – ROC Approved (No Interview)
05.18.2012 – 10-year GC Received
06.19.2012 – Eligible to apply for Naturalization
(procrastinated)
06.24.2013 – N-400 Application Filed
09.30.2013 – Civics Test / Interview | Passed
10.03.2013 – Oath Taking Ceremony | Became a USCitizen!
04.14.2014 – Applied for "Expedite Service" Passport (as PI travel date was fast approaching)
04.16.2014 – Passport Issued & Shipped
04.17.2014 – US Passport Received

Our timeline vanished into thin air.

I've contacted the admin several times but I got zero response.

https://meiscookery.wordpress.com

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Russia
Timeline

It is such a knee jerk reaction to conclude that she married the green card. Depending on where she comes from, US may seem attractive or not... is she from Philippines, really?

Is it possible that she is depressed and regretting her decision to come to the US? OP, did you ever ask her what she wants and what is the reason for her behavior? May be it would be kind to let her go back if that's what she wants... you said she no longer has a home or a job in her country, but this could be restored if that's what she really wants and you are willing to help.

You mentioned that you had bad arguments. Is it possible that she feels she has no power because she does not work/has no income and you hold all the cards? Did you win those arguments? Is it possible she is holding the grudge?

You know that "no childcare giver with child's native language" is a bogus excuse. The daughter is perhaps pre-school age (or else why is she not in school and learning the language) and young kids learn new languages pretty quickly.

She will not have to leave the US if you divorce now. But as you seem to not have a firm idea as to why the two of you are so miserable... try to find out!


CR-1 Timeline

March'07 NOA1 date, case transferred to CSC

June'07 NOA2 per USCIS website!

Waiver I-751 timeline

July'09 Check cashed.

Jan'10 10 year GC received.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Denmark
Timeline

Maybe you'd be better off emailing her the consequences of immigration fraud if that's her level of communicating in a marriage or the only way she accepts. You still live under the same roof?

You're still responsible financially until she either leaves/surrenders her greencard or becomes a USC if she manages to ROC. You cannot make her leave the country. However -

I understand she made a sacrifice coming to be with you and I hope you've been her support through that. Having that said, she needs to ROC in some time from now. If she does that without you(divorced) she'll need to prove she entered the marriage in good faith(which is hard with an email like that if USCIS were to get hold of it), or she files as married in which case it doesn't look mighty fine not even wanting to restore "something that wasn't" according to her unless you support her.

Having that said - I do think it's important to have a heart to heart talk with her about your future to make her understand what your view on a marriage is and how it's affecting you to not see her happy. And ask her what her needs are. You're probably not the only one feeling lonely in that relationship.

Edited by moomin

K1 process, October 2010 > POE, July 2011

I-129F approved in 180 days from NOA1 date. (195 days from filing to NOA2 in hand)

Interview took 224 days from I-129F NOA1 date. (241 days from filing petition until visa in hand)

From filing I-129F petition until POE: 285 days

Click timeline or "about me" for all details.

AOS process, December 2011 > July 2012

EAD/AP Approval took 51 days from NOA1 date to email update. (77 days from filing until EAD/AP in hand)

AOS Approval took 206 days from NOA1 date to email update. (231 days from filing until greencard in hand)

From filing I-129F petition until greencard in hand: 655 days

Click timeline or "about me" for all details.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Morocco
Timeline

Sorry to say but I am no marriage counselor! It is either your own life (sacrifice) or hers! Many, and I say many which is little certainly do all this formal lovie dovie to get here to the states. I am not implying this is your case but please, if all of this happened just after she got here it is OBVIOUS that deep embedded in her mind was this great opportunity! Sorry, some of us go into denial but love has no conditions and reasons!

My wife and I met online. After a whirlwind romance decided to get married. We jumped through all the legal USCIS hoops, got married in November, 2 months after she arrived here on a K-1. It hasn't been easy either of us to adjust our lifestyles.

About a two to three weeks before she arrived here our communications began to get strained. She would become cross or upset over minor things. I assumed it was just stress of relocating to a strange new world and the thoughts of being seperated from her family and friends. I thought she would adjust with time.

We have gotten into several disagreements in the past 8 to 9 months and end up not speaking for weeks on end. Marriage counseling isn't an option, she just says "it doesn't apply to us". It has gotten to the point if I want to communicate with her I have to send an email. Her last reply to my question regarding "marriage counseling was;

"This is actually really silly. We have nothing to 'restore' so 'marriage restoration' is not about us. Can we just be friends who have sex sometimes? Without this artificial strain trying to act like what we are not?"

She spends most of her time online, I assume, writing on the forums or in chat. When she isn't occupying her time online she is "going for a walk" with her daughter in tow. She would like to find a job, but we have no sitter who can speak the child's language.

I'm not a "touchy/feely" kind of person, but I do enjoy a hug or a kiss from time to time, just for no reason.

When laying in bed after waking up, if I put my arm around her and say "good morning", she takes my hand as if it were a dirty diaper, moves it off her and jumps out of bed with netbook computer in hand, retreating to another room in the house to go online. Needless to say I am much less than pleased with the way things are going. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to deduce she isn't happy. It seems the only time things appear to improve is if there is an appointment approaching with USCIS. Which there should be no more of for awhile, she has her "temporary green card" now.

I thought I was lonely before we met, but it was nothing compared to what I'm going through now. My own sense of honor would not permit me to break the marriage vows and have an affair or to seek comfort outside the relationship. I still have very strong feelings for her, I'm simply left with no real means of expressing them presently. It's been a little over 6 months since we married and all we can seem to do is to put each other through the hell of some sort of "artificial marriage".

My question(s) are:

If we were to divorce would she have to return to her home country?

There is nothing for her to return to, no home, no job, no school for her daughter..... nothing!

Since I have already signed the I-485, would I still be responsible for her and her daughter if we do divorce and she remains here and self-sponsors?

What options are available? I am still recovering financially from the expenses of moving my wife and her daughter over here and it looks like it will be at least another two years before I can even begin to put away savings for a divorce.

I'm reasonably sure she will see the post here, and that will cause some additional friction.

What scares me is the advice I've seen on other threads here on VJ, suggesting an immigrant spouse file charges of abuse. I'm not a violent person. I much prefer to "live and let live". The stress of this dysfunctional relationship is killing me.

Advice.... comments?


:reading:R.V.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Send her and child back to the Philippines. Forget that you ever met her!

The OP never stated his wife is from the Philippines. So what made you think she is? There's a lot of people (men/women) like her all over the world. So why make such assumption?

Edited by ~happyndinlove~

Immigration Timeline Summary

10.21.2008 – CR-1 Visa Application Filed (By Hubby's Sec)
09.04.2009 – Visa Interview | Passed
09.10.2009 – Visa Packet Received
09.17.2009 – US Entry | Home
07.05.2011 – ROC Petition Filed
05.01.2012 – ROC Approved (No Interview)
05.18.2012 – 10-year GC Received
06.19.2012 – Eligible to apply for Naturalization
(procrastinated)
06.24.2013 – N-400 Application Filed
09.30.2013 – Civics Test / Interview | Passed
10.03.2013 – Oath Taking Ceremony | Became a USCitizen!
04.14.2014 – Applied for "Expedite Service" Passport (as PI travel date was fast approaching)
04.16.2014 – Passport Issued & Shipped
04.17.2014 – US Passport Received

Our timeline vanished into thin air.

I've contacted the admin several times but I got zero response.

https://meiscookery.wordpress.com

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"Run Like Hell"



Run, run, run, run

You better make your face up in

Your favourite disguise

With your button down lips and your

Roller blind eyes

With your empty smile

And your hungry heart

Feel the bile rising from your guilty past

With your nerves in tatters

As the cockleshell shatters

And the hammers batter

Down your door

You better run



P.S. If she does see this thread, don't be surprised by a complete change in her behavior. You better run. :help:

Edited by Vi-Jay

Be Shrewd! Be Astute and be aware who's watching ya!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
 
Didn't find the answer you were looking for? Ask our VJ Immigration Lawyers.

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
- Back to Top -


Important Disclaimer: Please read carefully the Visajourney.com Terms of Service. If you do not agree to the Terms of Service you should not access or view any page (including this page) on VisaJourney.com. Answers and comments provided on Visajourney.com Forums are general information, and are not intended to substitute for informed professional medical, psychiatric, psychological, tax, legal, investment, accounting, or other professional advice. Visajourney.com does not endorse, and expressly disclaims liability for any product, manufacturer, distributor, service or service provider mentioned or any opinion expressed in answers or comments. VisaJourney.com does not condone immigration fraud in any way, shape or manner. VisaJourney.com recommends that if any member or user knows directly of someone involved in fraudulent or illegal activity, that they report such activity directly to the Department of Homeland Security, Immigration and Customs Enforcement. You can contact ICE via email at Immigration.Reply@dhs.gov or you can telephone ICE at 1-866-347-2423. All reported threads/posts containing reference to immigration fraud or illegal activities will be removed from this board. If you feel that you have found inappropriate content, please let us know by contacting us here with a url link to that content. Thank you.
×
×
  • Create New...