nane1104

In my opinion, the problems with the mil have nothing to do with the immigration process. If you are having problems with her, you should talk to your wife and see if you are on the same page as far as her mom living in the same household.
If your wife sides with her mom on the cheating accusations, that's a problem on a whole different level and stopping the MILs greencard won't mend the problems between all of you.
I understand why you feel taken advantage of, but it really could just be that your MIL can't stand you?

was your wife by herself in the US before you arrived a few weeks ago? If so, she was able to take care of things by herself, right? So, now you are here, telling her how to park, to lock the car,... My husband does these things sometimes and it drives me insane and believe me, when I was pregnant, I could go off from 0 to 130 in no time! If she is forgetful or you really feel like she is endangering herself or you by driving careless, yes, speak up, but you need to watch your tone. And I'm not saying you are wrong and I'm not saying pregnant women should get away with everything, specially a bad attitude. Just try a different approach. Don't "mess" with her, it seems like that makes matters even worse.
You both are going through major changes in your life right now, be patient with one another and communicate!!!

You seem like a really nice guy, I really feel for you.
In a moment when you can talk to her, maybe after one of her outbursts when she is apologetic, do you think you can talk to her and ask if she would be willing to go to counseling? She might really be bi polar and might benefit from counseling or even medication to balance out her moods?
You mentioned she was former military, could that play a role? I'm thinking PTSD?
It really seems like your wife needs help and I applaud you for not just throwing in the towel and leave her, eventhough I really couldn't blame you. Are you in touch with her family? What do they say? Is that kind of behavior normal for her or has that started more recently? You said after marriage, but could that be something she has been dealing with for a longer time and it's now starting to show more and more as she might not be so careful anymore to hide her issues?
Wishing you the best!

You seem like a really nice guy, I really feel for you.
In a moment when you can talk to her, maybe after one of her outbursts when she is apologetic, do you think you can talk to her and ask if she would be willing to go to counseling? She might really be bi polar and might benefit from counseling or even medication to balance out her moods?
You mentioned she was former military, could that play a role? I'm thinking PTSD?
It really seems like your wife needs help and I applaud you for not just throwing in the towel and leave her, eventhough I really couldn't blame you. Are you in touch with her family? What do they say? Is that kind of behavior normal for her or has that started more recently? You said after marriage, but could that be something she has been dealing with for a longer time and it's now starting to show more and more as she might not be so careful anymore to hide her issues?
Wishing you the best!

Focus on the things you can do right now, your legal problems will get sorted out later.
1. Pack your belongings and go to a women's shelter or the police and have them take you. DO NOT stay in the same house with your husband anymore. He sound evil and things will get only worse from here on out. Get out, today.
2. Ask for help at the shelter, tell your story. They are there to help you and advise you and can talk you through the next steps.
Don't worry about a job interview right now, you first need to make sure you are safe. You are not safe right now.

Even the green card renewal isn't as big a deal as some people think; obviously it's the wisest thing to renew the card prior to it expiring, but unlike the two year version the expiration date is solely for the card, not for the status.

**** Moving from CR-1 to Effects of Major Changes as the most suitable forum *****
Op, it sounds like you two have some serious communication issues. For example, why do you feel the need to lecture her on how to park, and to lock the car? I admit locking the car is such an obvious thing that if my husband felt the need to remind me, I may get annoyed too. Also, why did you not tell her that you had a headache? Not telling doesn't excuse her language, but to me it is odd that not feeling well is not communicated between spouses. Thirdly, you talk a lot about money- how it is really your car because you paid for it, how you spent a lot of money on the cats. In my case, I am the one who paid for almost everything as I made far more money, but I didn't see it like that, to me that was joint money, and joint posessions. If you keep reminding her that you are the one with the financial power, she may feel cornered.

Hi there!
It is hard to judge on what exactly is going on as I only know what you wrote. What I would say is compare how she is acting now to before she was pregnant. Hormones can do some crazy things to women (I know! I have three children). I would get her to sit down and talk to her about what is going on while you are in private. Try to keep it calm and relaxed and make sure she doesn't know you are attacking. I would definitely take a step back and assess things. You just got here not long ago so maybe it's a readjustment thing? This whole thing can cause a lot of stress on people and when the stress of it isn't there anymore, it can really be hard to adjust to it. I would definitely talk to her about how you are feeling but remember she is likely to be super sensitive being pregnant as well. Try to work it out and don't give up yet. I am by no means defending her or using her pregnancy as an excuse, so please don't think that. The only one who knows if she has changed since getting pregnant is you. Good luck!

That was a bit beyond a friendly suggestion. But good for you seeing where you were wrong.?

Agreed, what aaron2020 and Boston-Montreal said. You have nothing to worry about. You can apply for a renewal card every 10 years. Your immigration status is no longer linked to your former spouse, your marriage or your marital status period.
There is no need to apply for citizenship in order to stay in the US, if that's not what you want to do.

That was a bit beyond a friendly suggestion. But good for you seeing where you were wrong.?

I don't really know why people here are advocating citizenship so hard. I have a friend who adjusted from graduate student when she got married 20 years ago and never felt a need for citizenship.
If you're from a country that makes it very hard to keep your passport when to take on another nationality and at the same time offers you the best social system should you ever return it seems negligent to throw away your primary citizenship.

That was a bit beyond a friendly suggestion. But good for you seeing where you were wrong.?

That was a bit beyond a friendly suggestion. But good for you seeing where you were wrong.?

Agreed, what aaron2020 and Boston-Montreal said. You have nothing to worry about. You can apply for a renewal card every 10 years. Your immigration status is no longer linked to your former spouse, your marriage or your marital status period.
There is no need to apply for citizenship in order to stay in the US, if that's not what you want to do.

That was a bit beyond a friendly suggestion. But good for you seeing where you were wrong.?

Agreed, what aaron2020 and Boston-Montreal said. You have nothing to worry about. You can apply for a renewal card every 10 years. Your immigration status is no longer linked to your former spouse, your marriage or your marital status period.
There is no need to apply for citizenship in order to stay in the US, if that's not what you want to do.

He has a 10 year card, there is no need to prove anything. davidb1980, just remember to renew it before expiration.
Also, I just want to say that for some, citizenship is a disavantage. Don't assume it is the best solution for everyone.

I think your best shot is to surrender your card, go to the U.S. via VWP and try to hash out things with your husband. If you guys can work it out, you can proceed with a new application for a spouses visa.
In the meantime I'd focus on building your life in Spain.

I say it's not neccessary, all these machinations to get the physical card,
as
the I-551 stamp suffices.. Seriously..
kkk1 - ask the landlord to hold on to the greencard, not mail it around. Sure, SingPost is absolutely amazing, once the packet gets past the airport, but that's not the point. IMO/E, it's just too risky.

GARY & JOY when you hear someone telling about physical or mental abuse please do not say " But it would not be fair... I still do not know his side", NOBODY has to hear the abuser's side of the story. Victims when contacting violence hotline or shelters they do not tell to the victims " I have to hear your husband's side of the story", they advice the victims to seek shelter, to call the police if the victim fears for her/his life.
Visa journey is not a shelter or the violence hotline, but we ALL must be responsible when advising someone, no matter where we are. We should avoid making judgments, we should show concern, listen, be supportive and offer help, but NEVER EVER ask proof of the abuse!

While I agree that she is definitely looking for reassurance, I think you need to be absolutely clear to her about your financial situation. Specifically if you are expecting her to work too. As a filipina who had no idea about the United States, all I knew about it was what I saw on tv and man was I wrong. You need to be clear of what you expect from her and ask her what she thinks her life will be here so you can be on the same page. You also need to know if she is expected to send money home regularly and how many people she is leaving behind that are dependent on her and be honest about how you feel about it.
This is a good start in practicing good communication between you two since that is absolutely necessary to have a healthy marriage. Take lead and have her express her concerns and thoughts better, instead of asking you to find other Filipinos married to Americans.

OP: No man.. and no person is worth taking your life over. I say that earnestly as a person who once went down a bad relationship road and was left deeply traumatized and unsure of the direction my life was going and if it had any more value. Recovery from a relationship that started out in a bad place (the result of an affair - one that was covered up in a lie on his part) and that lasted this long will take time, and you may need to seek help about it. You knew at least after the first three years that he was capable of a great lie. Not only to you, but to his own wife and children. Despite this, you still loved him. But in light of what has happened to you now, you must reexamine everything. Cheaters rarely change, and if I am a betting woman, I would suspect that he has for whatever reason - be it a life crisis, a new person on the side, commitment issues etc has decided that you are not worth it. That is a difficult thing to grasp when still in love. When it reaches a point when a man says after 14 years that you are not worth it to marry - then you know what you have to do inside. It may take time for it to be realized and work through. You know yourself you never wished to come to America, in fact you would rather he come to your country.
If he does not wish to marry you, you must ask him to withdraw the petition, if you cannot do it yourself. His behavior you must admit is odd, odd enough that I suspect there is more going on you don't know about him. Protect yourself, your future, and your heart. You are always worth it. Once a man decides you aren't, it's time to show him what a woman's worth really is - a worth he has lost the right to have a part in.

I am so sorry that you are going thru this. I would be filing a restraining order against him right away. Don't let him bully you anymore with his threats and abuse.
Listen to Darnell. He knows what he is talking about. Contact USCIS. You don't want to financially support this guy just in case he files for any sort of welfare benefits while he is in the US.
Good luck

Thanks for appreciation. Well TBone Tx you guys made me strong to come US. I know how many people over here suggested me to come and lead a better life. Without this website and help that I receive from all of you I might not be able to reach to place I am. Millions of thanks to all of Vj members and this website. When my own wife turned un-greatfull to me, people who don't even know me supported me.