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GatorShae

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  1. Like
    GatorShae got a reaction from Kenzie_ in Why do you love your significant other?   
    When nothing else in my life make's sense... he does. And when I'm in his arms, I feel safe and secure, like I have no worries.
  2. Like
    GatorShae got a reaction from Kingstonlove in Pregnant... Should I Continue K1 Process   
    Madtown,
    At first I was going to ignore your response because I found it ignorant, but as someone else has stated this is an internet forum and you only have as much information as that which is posted. With that said, I am a 26 year old (I'll be 27 next month) black woman, who has two college degree's (a B.A. & M.S.) and who is currently working on her third degree (J.D.). I will complete my last degree in May. I've worked since I was 16 years old various jobs to support myself and to ensure that I was able to live the life that I wanted to live. I have worked as a manager in a fortune 500 company making over $50,000 a year, before I decided to pursue a career in law. I have traveled and studied in several different countries around the world, including France, Italy, Great Britain, Switzlerland, Mexico, and the Bahamas to name a few. So when it comes to parenting my baby, I think I'll be ok. I am not some poor, uneducated, nontax paying citizen, who does nothing but sits on her butt all day. So please keep your ignorant thoughts and hate speech to yourself.
    Thanks!
  3. Like
    GatorShae got a reaction from Kathryn41 in Pregnant... Should I Continue K1 Process   
    Madtown,
    At first I was going to ignore your response because I found it ignorant, but as someone else has stated this is an internet forum and you only have as much information as that which is posted. With that said, I am a 26 year old (I'll be 27 next month) black woman, who has two college degree's (a B.A. & M.S.) and who is currently working on her third degree (J.D.). I will complete my last degree in May. I've worked since I was 16 years old various jobs to support myself and to ensure that I was able to live the life that I wanted to live. I have worked as a manager in a fortune 500 company making over $50,000 a year, before I decided to pursue a career in law. I have traveled and studied in several different countries around the world, including France, Italy, Great Britain, Switzlerland, Mexico, and the Bahamas to name a few. So when it comes to parenting my baby, I think I'll be ok. I am not some poor, uneducated, nontax paying citizen, who does nothing but sits on her butt all day. So please keep your ignorant thoughts and hate speech to yourself.
    Thanks!
  4. Like
    GatorShae got a reaction from velrich in Pregnant... Should I Continue K1 Process   
    Madtown,
    At first I was going to ignore your response because I found it ignorant, but as someone else has stated this is an internet forum and you only have as much information as that which is posted. With that said, I am a 26 year old (I'll be 27 next month) black woman, who has two college degree's (a B.A. & M.S.) and who is currently working on her third degree (J.D.). I will complete my last degree in May. I've worked since I was 16 years old various jobs to support myself and to ensure that I was able to live the life that I wanted to live. I have worked as a manager in a fortune 500 company making over $50,000 a year, before I decided to pursue a career in law. I have traveled and studied in several different countries around the world, including France, Italy, Great Britain, Switzlerland, Mexico, and the Bahamas to name a few. So when it comes to parenting my baby, I think I'll be ok. I am not some poor, uneducated, nontax paying citizen, who does nothing but sits on her butt all day. So please keep your ignorant thoughts and hate speech to yourself.
    Thanks!
  5. Like
    GatorShae got a reaction from KLS2010 in Pregnant... Should I Continue K1 Process   
    Madtown,
    At first I was going to ignore your response because I found it ignorant, but as someone else has stated this is an internet forum and you only have as much information as that which is posted. With that said, I am a 26 year old (I'll be 27 next month) black woman, who has two college degree's (a B.A. & M.S.) and who is currently working on her third degree (J.D.). I will complete my last degree in May. I've worked since I was 16 years old various jobs to support myself and to ensure that I was able to live the life that I wanted to live. I have worked as a manager in a fortune 500 company making over $50,000 a year, before I decided to pursue a career in law. I have traveled and studied in several different countries around the world, including France, Italy, Great Britain, Switzlerland, Mexico, and the Bahamas to name a few. So when it comes to parenting my baby, I think I'll be ok. I am not some poor, uneducated, nontax paying citizen, who does nothing but sits on her butt all day. So please keep your ignorant thoughts and hate speech to yourself.
    Thanks!
  6. Like
    GatorShae got a reaction from Glyn and Kathy in Pregnant... Should I Continue K1 Process   
    Madtown,
    At first I was going to ignore your response because I found it ignorant, but as someone else has stated this is an internet forum and you only have as much information as that which is posted. With that said, I am a 26 year old (I'll be 27 next month) black woman, who has two college degree's (a B.A. & M.S.) and who is currently working on her third degree (J.D.). I will complete my last degree in May. I've worked since I was 16 years old various jobs to support myself and to ensure that I was able to live the life that I wanted to live. I have worked as a manager in a fortune 500 company making over $50,000 a year, before I decided to pursue a career in law. I have traveled and studied in several different countries around the world, including France, Italy, Great Britain, Switzlerland, Mexico, and the Bahamas to name a few. So when it comes to parenting my baby, I think I'll be ok. I am not some poor, uneducated, nontax paying citizen, who does nothing but sits on her butt all day. So please keep your ignorant thoughts and hate speech to yourself.
    Thanks!
  7. Like
    GatorShae got a reaction from indiana_sweetie in Pregnant... Should I Continue K1 Process   
    Madtown,
    At first I was going to ignore your response because I found it ignorant, but as someone else has stated this is an internet forum and you only have as much information as that which is posted. With that said, I am a 26 year old (I'll be 27 next month) black woman, who has two college degree's (a B.A. & M.S.) and who is currently working on her third degree (J.D.). I will complete my last degree in May. I've worked since I was 16 years old various jobs to support myself and to ensure that I was able to live the life that I wanted to live. I have worked as a manager in a fortune 500 company making over $50,000 a year, before I decided to pursue a career in law. I have traveled and studied in several different countries around the world, including France, Italy, Great Britain, Switzlerland, Mexico, and the Bahamas to name a few. So when it comes to parenting my baby, I think I'll be ok. I am not some poor, uneducated, nontax paying citizen, who does nothing but sits on her butt all day. So please keep your ignorant thoughts and hate speech to yourself.
    Thanks!
  8. Like
    GatorShae got a reaction from habibi11 in Pregnant... Should I Continue K1 Process   
    Madtown,
    At first I was going to ignore your response because I found it ignorant, but as someone else has stated this is an internet forum and you only have as much information as that which is posted. With that said, I am a 26 year old (I'll be 27 next month) black woman, who has two college degree's (a B.A. & M.S.) and who is currently working on her third degree (J.D.). I will complete my last degree in May. I've worked since I was 16 years old various jobs to support myself and to ensure that I was able to live the life that I wanted to live. I have worked as a manager in a fortune 500 company making over $50,000 a year, before I decided to pursue a career in law. I have traveled and studied in several different countries around the world, including France, Italy, Great Britain, Switzlerland, Mexico, and the Bahamas to name a few. So when it comes to parenting my baby, I think I'll be ok. I am not some poor, uneducated, nontax paying citizen, who does nothing but sits on her butt all day. So please keep your ignorant thoughts and hate speech to yourself.
    Thanks!
  9. Like
    GatorShae got a reaction from elmcitymaven in Pregnant... Should I Continue K1 Process   
    Madtown,
    At first I was going to ignore your response because I found it ignorant, but as someone else has stated this is an internet forum and you only have as much information as that which is posted. With that said, I am a 26 year old (I'll be 27 next month) black woman, who has two college degree's (a B.A. & M.S.) and who is currently working on her third degree (J.D.). I will complete my last degree in May. I've worked since I was 16 years old various jobs to support myself and to ensure that I was able to live the life that I wanted to live. I have worked as a manager in a fortune 500 company making over $50,000 a year, before I decided to pursue a career in law. I have traveled and studied in several different countries around the world, including France, Italy, Great Britain, Switzlerland, Mexico, and the Bahamas to name a few. So when it comes to parenting my baby, I think I'll be ok. I am not some poor, uneducated, nontax paying citizen, who does nothing but sits on her butt all day. So please keep your ignorant thoughts and hate speech to yourself.
    Thanks!
  10. Like
    GatorShae got a reaction from KTandTommy in Pregnant... Should I Continue K1 Process   
    Madtown,
    At first I was going to ignore your response because I found it ignorant, but as someone else has stated this is an internet forum and you only have as much information as that which is posted. With that said, I am a 26 year old (I'll be 27 next month) black woman, who has two college degree's (a B.A. & M.S.) and who is currently working on her third degree (J.D.). I will complete my last degree in May. I've worked since I was 16 years old various jobs to support myself and to ensure that I was able to live the life that I wanted to live. I have worked as a manager in a fortune 500 company making over $50,000 a year, before I decided to pursue a career in law. I have traveled and studied in several different countries around the world, including France, Italy, Great Britain, Switzlerland, Mexico, and the Bahamas to name a few. So when it comes to parenting my baby, I think I'll be ok. I am not some poor, uneducated, nontax paying citizen, who does nothing but sits on her butt all day. So please keep your ignorant thoughts and hate speech to yourself.
    Thanks!
  11. Like
    GatorShae got a reaction from cdneh in Pregnant... Should I Continue K1 Process   
    Madtown,
    At first I was going to ignore your response because I found it ignorant, but as someone else has stated this is an internet forum and you only have as much information as that which is posted. With that said, I am a 26 year old (I'll be 27 next month) black woman, who has two college degree's (a B.A. & M.S.) and who is currently working on her third degree (J.D.). I will complete my last degree in May. I've worked since I was 16 years old various jobs to support myself and to ensure that I was able to live the life that I wanted to live. I have worked as a manager in a fortune 500 company making over $50,000 a year, before I decided to pursue a career in law. I have traveled and studied in several different countries around the world, including France, Italy, Great Britain, Switzlerland, Mexico, and the Bahamas to name a few. So when it comes to parenting my baby, I think I'll be ok. I am not some poor, uneducated, nontax paying citizen, who does nothing but sits on her butt all day. So please keep your ignorant thoughts and hate speech to yourself.
    Thanks!
  12. Like
    GatorShae got a reaction from Julie y Pat in Pregnant... Should I Continue K1 Process   
    Madtown,
    At first I was going to ignore your response because I found it ignorant, but as someone else has stated this is an internet forum and you only have as much information as that which is posted. With that said, I am a 26 year old (I'll be 27 next month) black woman, who has two college degree's (a B.A. & M.S.) and who is currently working on her third degree (J.D.). I will complete my last degree in May. I've worked since I was 16 years old various jobs to support myself and to ensure that I was able to live the life that I wanted to live. I have worked as a manager in a fortune 500 company making over $50,000 a year, before I decided to pursue a career in law. I have traveled and studied in several different countries around the world, including France, Italy, Great Britain, Switzlerland, Mexico, and the Bahamas to name a few. So when it comes to parenting my baby, I think I'll be ok. I am not some poor, uneducated, nontax paying citizen, who does nothing but sits on her butt all day. So please keep your ignorant thoughts and hate speech to yourself.
    Thanks!
  13. Like
    GatorShae got a reaction from amyandjorge in Pregnant... Should I Continue K1 Process   
    Madtown,
    At first I was going to ignore your response because I found it ignorant, but as someone else has stated this is an internet forum and you only have as much information as that which is posted. With that said, I am a 26 year old (I'll be 27 next month) black woman, who has two college degree's (a B.A. & M.S.) and who is currently working on her third degree (J.D.). I will complete my last degree in May. I've worked since I was 16 years old various jobs to support myself and to ensure that I was able to live the life that I wanted to live. I have worked as a manager in a fortune 500 company making over $50,000 a year, before I decided to pursue a career in law. I have traveled and studied in several different countries around the world, including France, Italy, Great Britain, Switzlerland, Mexico, and the Bahamas to name a few. So when it comes to parenting my baby, I think I'll be ok. I am not some poor, uneducated, nontax paying citizen, who does nothing but sits on her butt all day. So please keep your ignorant thoughts and hate speech to yourself.
    Thanks!
  14. Like
    GatorShae got a reaction from Harpa Timsah in Pregnant... Should I Continue K1 Process   
    Madtown,
    At first I was going to ignore your response because I found it ignorant, but as someone else has stated this is an internet forum and you only have as much information as that which is posted. With that said, I am a 26 year old (I'll be 27 next month) black woman, who has two college degree's (a B.A. & M.S.) and who is currently working on her third degree (J.D.). I will complete my last degree in May. I've worked since I was 16 years old various jobs to support myself and to ensure that I was able to live the life that I wanted to live. I have worked as a manager in a fortune 500 company making over $50,000 a year, before I decided to pursue a career in law. I have traveled and studied in several different countries around the world, including France, Italy, Great Britain, Switzlerland, Mexico, and the Bahamas to name a few. So when it comes to parenting my baby, I think I'll be ok. I am not some poor, uneducated, nontax paying citizen, who does nothing but sits on her butt all day. So please keep your ignorant thoughts and hate speech to yourself.
    Thanks!
  15. Like
    GatorShae reacted to Lilyena in Pregnant... Should I Continue K1 Process   
    Wow that's an impressive path!
    As far as the relationship advice goes I don't know what to tell you. I don't think its a cultural problem, even if it can influence the relationship and understanding in some way. But one thing is for sure, whatever culture you're from, telling your fiancé she should know her place as a woman is something I could personnally not tolerate.
    Problem is: you are having this child and you need to make decisions, and fast.
    I would advice you to spend time face to face with him before taking any kind of definitive decisions.Its never good to decide when hormones/distance etc..are overwhelming you.
    I can relate to your story and frustation of not beeing able to talk to the man as much as you wanted. My ex used to work on a ship and i had the same problem. One time I called he had nothing to say and was super mean saying he had other things to do than talking to me on the phone....I wouldnt hear from him in days and I was always sad and insecure about our relationship, feeling not loved. I don't think you are "needy" for wanting a little emotionnal support. I am sure you 're not asking for ten text/phone calls a day, but just the normal communication a loving couple has together, especillay during the pregnancy.
    I agree to say if he has 12 hrs off, that he could take the time to call you and ask how you feel. Of course you're super tired (i've been working on a cruise ship myself) and when you have time off you go to sleep most of the time; but if you love your fiancé and miss him/her you always find time to give the phone call or to text something sweet. Its not like it was exhausting to do that. I remember working 12 hrs a day, and when I had time off I would desperately looking at my phone to communicate with my ex, but he would be like your fiancé, using his time off i don't know how. The whole situation made me very sad. During our 4 yrs together I just remember going more and more sad... and I must say luckily there was no child involved.
    These cruise ship people live a very different life, almost out of reality. They party a lot, live on a different schedule..(I don't even wanna think about the promiscuity and sex scandals on the ships ). Its very hard to understand them, but again I'm speaking about my experience.
    I don't know you personnal background, his personal backround. Maybe he has deeper issues to adress. It seems clear to me that there is a communication problem and until you two have a deep conversation face to face heart to heart its gonna be impossible for you to take the right decision.
    its a a too difficult decision to take to take it without seeing him. Just take the time to think about, but in general you should always privilege your own well being, which in your case includes doing what is the best in the child interest. And that you will only know by seeing him and discuss everything in detail.
    Good Luck,
  16. Like
    GatorShae got a reaction from Lilyena in Pregnant... Should I Continue K1 Process   
    Madtown,
    At first I was going to ignore your response because I found it ignorant, but as someone else has stated this is an internet forum and you only have as much information as that which is posted. With that said, I am a 26 year old (I'll be 27 next month) black woman, who has two college degree's (a B.A. & M.S.) and who is currently working on her third degree (J.D.). I will complete my last degree in May. I've worked since I was 16 years old various jobs to support myself and to ensure that I was able to live the life that I wanted to live. I have worked as a manager in a fortune 500 company making over $50,000 a year, before I decided to pursue a career in law. I have traveled and studied in several different countries around the world, including France, Italy, Great Britain, Switzlerland, Mexico, and the Bahamas to name a few. So when it comes to parenting my baby, I think I'll be ok. I am not some poor, uneducated, nontax paying citizen, who does nothing but sits on her butt all day. So please keep your ignorant thoughts and hate speech to yourself.
    Thanks!
  17. Like
    GatorShae got a reaction from Penny Lane in Pregnant... Should I Continue K1 Process   
    Madtown,
    At first I was going to ignore your response because I found it ignorant, but as someone else has stated this is an internet forum and you only have as much information as that which is posted. With that said, I am a 26 year old (I'll be 27 next month) black woman, who has two college degree's (a B.A. & M.S.) and who is currently working on her third degree (J.D.). I will complete my last degree in May. I've worked since I was 16 years old various jobs to support myself and to ensure that I was able to live the life that I wanted to live. I have worked as a manager in a fortune 500 company making over $50,000 a year, before I decided to pursue a career in law. I have traveled and studied in several different countries around the world, including France, Italy, Great Britain, Switzlerland, Mexico, and the Bahamas to name a few. So when it comes to parenting my baby, I think I'll be ok. I am not some poor, uneducated, nontax paying citizen, who does nothing but sits on her butt all day. So please keep your ignorant thoughts and hate speech to yourself.
    Thanks!
  18. Like
    GatorShae reacted to Touch of Treble in this process is upsetting me...   
    According to your timeline you are only a week or two away from EAD. Relax a little and consider that he is not supporting you, you are married. You are both supporting each other. Money isn't the only way to support. I earn nothing at all and I have a daughter with me. My husband has a big commute of 4 hours each day and not a huge amount of money coming in. But I earn money negatively. In other words I do what I can to save from spending and I take some of the burdens for maintaining the household from his shoulders, he has more free time. I make sure he comes home to a tidy, serene home with a lovely meal ready. I send him to work with a home made lunch, I do what I can to make his days easier. He thinks that is worth alot more than the few dollars I could earn. Just something to think on...money is not always worth as much as we think it is.
  19. Like
    GatorShae got a reaction from EminTX in Going to Jamaica to meet his family... Any Advice will be appreciated.   
    Hello everyone!
    So I'm back from JA and I had a wonderful time. So here's a recap of my experience. Let's begin with the good. First, the country is beautiful. I truly understand why some people call Jamaica paradise, the grass is so green, the mountains are beautiful, and the water is so clear and blue. It's absolutely breathtaking. Second, the people. Everyone was really friendly in Jamaica, I didn't run across one person who wasn't helpful or mean. However, that could also be because they wanted my money. Lol. Third, the food. I didn't really like most of the food I ate. I tried ackee, saltfish, dumplings, yams, etc. and I hated it. However, I did like the jerk chicken, pork, oxtails, rice and peas. Fourth, his family. His family was so welcoming and they really made me feel at home. We held an engagement party on Saturday and I had a blast. There was tons of music, food, love, and laughter. The evening was really special.
    Now for the bad. There was only two things that put a damper on my trip the mosquito's and the lack of A/C. The mosquito's loved me, Ithink I got bitten at least 20 times in the first three days. After that I got insect repellant and they were so bad. Lastly the lack of A/C. Jamaica was hot!! I found myself constantly standing outside in an effort to catch a cool breeze. I don't know how the people that live there do it in the summer.
    Other than that, I had a great trip and it was wonderful to spend time with my fiance in his hometown and to see where he comes from. I'll definitely be going back.
  20. Like
    GatorShae reacted to Kathryn41 in Shoe on the OTHER foot!!???   
    Well, I do understand exactly what you are feeling and going through. Like you, I moved as an older woman who had a well-established career, financial freedom and personal independence doing a job I LOVED to marry a man I loved - who was an American. We discussed the options of which country to live in and our choice was purely pragmatic. He owned a house - I rented; he had a job that paid 3 times mine, and the weather was nicer here - at least in Winter! . So, I moved to the US. Living in the US is nothing like living in Canada and the differences, while subtle, can be quite disturbing at times. People expect Canadians should be able to adapt and accommodate quickly because 'we are so much alike', but your first months here will prove to you how very, very different Canadian and American cultures are, and many won't understand that unless they have gone through it for themselves.
    My husband also works long hours - out of the house from 6:30 am to 7 or 7:30 pm and often 'on call' overnight or on weekends when there is a deployment (software, not military). My first week here was basically on my own and fine,although I was nursing a sick cat who did not take the move very well. I was busy unpacking my belongings and getting settled in and taking care of the housework, cleaning and laundry since I was at home and my husband at work. It felt like a fair bargain - and it generally is, although while he generally gets weekends for himself, I never got a day off unless I didn't do something - so I started taking weekends off as well. So what if the dishes sit a day before being washed and so what if the house gets untidy. I'll deal with it on Monday. We will work on the yard together, or go out and do something together and just let the housework take care of itself. We share the cooking if we eat at home as he enjoys cooking too.
    I really dislike housework as well, and there are things that annoy me. That is normal. There are things about me that annoy him too. For example, I was used to picking up after myself, of course, but it is different picking up after someone else - and my husband basically leaves everything where it drops - milk on the counter; shoes in the middle of the floor; empty envelopes and packages on the middle of the table; dishes by the sofa, books and magazines everywhere. At first I was really annoyed - and then realized that he is set enough in his ways and he isn't going to change. I could make myself unhappy and complain - or I could just do it and get it done. Of course, now he complains he can't find anything - but I have made myself indispensable - I know where it is .
    You have been here for a month and you have been thrown head-first into a life style that really is alien to what you knew before - and is different that what you expected and were promisied. That is a big deal.It doesn't help that you are also being financially responsible for much of the household and all of the immigration expenses, and that does seem unbalanced. I can appreciate that you feel used - and I suspect, unappreciated for the sacrifices you have made by moving here. Many Americans don't understand that. I do think this is something that you need to discuss with your husband. He is breathing a sigh of relief that you are here picking up the slack and extra work that he used to have to do - but I doubt he has told you how important that is to him and how grateful he is. This is why you need to start talking with each other. You may want to see 'how permanent' is the current situation is with the child. If it is expected to change in a few months, then this is one of the compromises (and yes, you are making a lot) that comes with a relationship. If not, then you need to re-negotiate that 'condition'.
    The first year of marriage is always the hardest. Throw in a complete change of environment, along with giving up everything that you have known and are familiar with, and it becomes very stressful. There is definitely a sense of loss when you move from an environment in which you were better off to one where things are not as good - and that is what has happened to you. The saving grace is supposed to be the mutual love and support you have with your husband, but you would be very unrealistic to expect that this will be enough to compensate. This is where the evolution of the relationship comes in. Hopefully your husband - who is also making adjustments - and you will be able to talk about each of your 'expectations'. It does sound like his expectations and yours are not quite on the same page. That is very common - and normal - in the first year of marriage, and is basically one of the concerns that gets discussed and 'negotiated' (yes, a relationship has to depend on negotiations with each partner looking at what the other needs as well as what they themselves need and want). I entered this relationship with what I thought were 'open eyes' but there is no way to prepare completely for such an absolute change in your life. Sometimes there are deal-breakers that can't be worked around, but you are the only one who will know that.
    It is hard for many Americans to understand that life in the US is not always the be all and end all. I often think that those of us who come from first world countries and move to the US for the sake of our spouses often give up far more than many people realize. I know that in the Canada forum many of us have discussed a type of 'mourning' we go through for what we have lost, especially before we are able to appreciate fully what we are gaining in exchange. The love of a partner isn't always enough. You need to try and re-invent your life now, finding acceptable compromises and replacements for what you had in Canada and don't have here. You can't compare them one on one because they just don't line up that way. You won't find in the US what you had in Canada; you won't have the familiarity of the past upon which to build, but you may find lots of excellent opportunities for something totally different here in the US as you create a new life for yourself which may resemble the former but will not be the same. It is like having two separate lives in the same lifetime. It's not for everyone, but it can work if both partners are willing to work it out.
    Good luck.
  21. Like
    GatorShae reacted to Pree in WELL VISA JOURNEY, MY JOURNEY HAS COME TO AND END   
    Well Visa Journey, it has been a great time going through my Journey with you guys. I have never really posted anything on the website before, but I have read numerous stories; some heart breaking, some very informative, and some were quite motivational. I just want to thank all of you for your stories as it has helped me get through this tuff time. I started this journey April 15, 2011 and here it is a whole year later, and finally, my husband has his visa in hand and his plane ticket. I finally get to see the love of my life after 10 long months of absence on 04/21/2012. It has been one ruff and rocky road. There were several hurtles and bumps along the way, but WE DID IT! I didn’t think I was strong enough to make it, but I guess I underestimated myself. I just want to say to that person that feels like giving up, I have been there and back! You can do it though, it’s hard, but you can do it. If you ever want to talk and hear my roller coaster of a story, I am here. Once again, THANK YOU ALL!!
  22. Like
    GatorShae got a reaction from C-ma'am in getting married with a 18 years old US citizen? suspicious?   
    Don't be scared. I just think that you should be prepared to discuss the issue if it arises. If the CO never asks you about it, great, but if they do you should have at least thought about it and be prepared to address it. That is all I am trying to convey.
    As for having her family support, I think that's wonderful and it will probably help your case.
  23. Like
    GatorShae got a reaction from Princessblack in Why do you love your significant other?   
    When nothing else in my life make's sense... he does. And when I'm in his arms, I feel safe and secure, like I have no worries.
  24. Like
    GatorShae reacted to Nina~ in sending money to his family (long)   
    RKK, I have been reading your posts for a while now but I never really felt the need to reply because you are already getting wonderful advice from everyone else here. As a 3rd person, who has heard only your side of the story, here are the Red Flags I have observed so far:
    1) You felt like he pushed you towards a commitment too fast and you felt uneasy about that. For crying out loud, he had to ask you 30 times before you said yes!!!! As a woman, you need to learn to trust your intuitions. If you have a gut feeling that something is not right, don't try to explain it away. You have no regrets now, but remember that you are still in the honeymoon phase. Of course everything is hunky dory when you go to visit him because you guys are going to be on your best behavior because it is another mini-honeymoon. And I strongly believe that this is not cultural. My Indian parents dated for 11 years before they got married, and this was back in the 70's. I know several Indian people who dated for many many years or had extended engagements and did not rush into marriage just because their parents approved and the stars aligned the right way.
    2) You feel like he is too clingy and that makes you feel uncomfortable. Again, listen to your gut.
    3)He holds grudges. This means that your fights never get resolved. It just gets buried till the next big fight for it to rear it's ugly head. Big no no.
    4) He feels like he is being enslaved. This is a very dangerous feeling because whether his feelings are justified or not, he will eventually try to break free from his "enslavement". His feelings might not seem logical to you, but those are his feelings and they are quite real to him.
    5) "But he loves me and treats me better than anyone else has in the past!" As a previous poster mentioned, love is not enough to hold a relationship together. The person who coined the phrase "love conquers all" needs to have their head examined.
    6) He uses guilt to get his way with you. This is extremely manipulative, and normal people do not do things like that.
    7) He has no qualms about changing the rules of the game whenever it suits him. This is called Bait & Switch, and I don't see how you can trust a person like that. Keep in mind, people change and grow as they become older & wiser. But it is a serious red flag where he will tell you one thing and change his mind a few days/months later when he decides that it is not in HIS (not yours & not both of you as a couple, but only his) best interests. I remember you commenting in your previous thread about his parents visiting that he agreed to you at first knowing that he can get you to change your mind after the wedding. Again, this is super manipulative.
    8) He gets depressed & cries when his friends remind him that he got no dowry from your family. Seriously.. yuck. Read between the lines, he is marrying up and makes no balls about it. On top of that, he gets sad that he is not getting more out of this marriage?
    9) Entitlement issues. I dont understand this.. You owe his family a car because your dad bought you one, and now he needs to get his family one to help them to keep up with the Jones? I honestly can't believe a grown adult man would say something like this to his wife. You owe him NOTHING. Even if he had to sell his left kidney to be with you, it does not entitle him to send you into more debt. As someone who has been paying student loans for 3 years now and still have not made a dent, I can tell you that you will end up resenting him for this later on. Trust me RKK, my loans are not nearly as bad as yours but it is extremely frustrating to see the balance inching down at a snail's pace.
    10) ME ME ME ME ME: This whole saga seems like how it is always about his ego & his need to help his family rather than your needs or even his parents needs (unless they are secretly demanding he does all this behind your back).
    These are just a couple of points I see aside from the most obvious things that everyone else has mentioned. Only you can decide how much you will put up. His family & friends might tell you how lucky you are to marry him, but remember only you get to see a side of him that nobody else does. Only you can decide what is best for you in the long run.
    Edited for Grammar.
  25. Like
    GatorShae got a reaction from Princessblack in Going to Jamaica to meet his family... Any Advice will be appreciated.   
    Thanks everyone! I'll make sure to give you all an update on how my trip went once I get back. I leave on Monday morning and I'll be there until the 26th. I'm super excited!
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