Do not Ignore Obvious Signs

[Ash.1101 1,755]

2 minutes ago, R&OC said:

Amber,

 

I was once in a relationship that made me unhappy. On the outside, nothing should have made me unhappy at all but inside, I had this weird feeling, this sense of something was off but I ignored it because I couldn't validate my feelings with concrete evidence.

 

But then it got crazy pretty fast and I had all the evidence in the world. While in the middle of it, I recall my friend asking me why I am still hesitant to get out of the relationship and she asked me one question: If you were in my position and talking to your daughter - what would you advise?

 

Oh my, my decisions and path became so clear all the sudden because as a parent, as family you want the best for your child or family member. No shame, no pride, no consideration for her reputation or his reputation should ever allow a future partner of my child to manipulate him or her (I have both boys and girls) to remain in a toxic, unhealthy relationship. In fact, I'd be more than happy to support wherever I can instead of seeing them struggle in a messy relationship.

 

What I am trying to say is that as a parent (at least for most parents), reputation doesn't matter when it comes to your child's happiness and mental health! No need to worry about what other people think. 

 

Secondly, as on outsider, I am proud how determined you are. You must feel shell shocked and surprised how everything fell apart in very little time. However, you clearly show you have awesome problem solving skills and you ought to be so proud of yourself.

 

 

THIS! The thing that finally made me cut the cord on my first husband is that ALL we did was loudly fight and in front of her. She didn’t deserve that, and while being special needs, she didn’t need to think that that’s how couples should live. She’s very impressionable and watches social situations to understand how to act. 

 

If she ever did get into a relationship, I would hope that it was one modeled after my current marriage and not my old one with her dad. Luckily she was four when I started dating my husband so I’m hoping she’s been around a healthier relationship long enough to know what it looks like.

[Dongbei 22]

So sorry to hear you're having to go through this experience, but happy to see that you're not letting someone walk all over you. I'm hoping it all works out for the best.

[Love To Teach 161]

21 hours ago, MjC772 said:

I always thought one effective way to filter these people out is, after you meet, just talk about moving to their country, ask about jobs, housing, visa requirements, etc... you'll most likely find out very quickly by their behavior or their sudden disappearance from your life.  

Except they might want the spouse to come live there and support them.

[Bynx24 72]

16 hours ago, Derik-Lina said:

"Some"  

MOST sorry, 90% of the relationships with one, an immigration based one is not real but that's another topic altogether.

[Bynx24 72]

20 hours ago, Wildlife said:

Before misleading people or putting things out there, get your facts right!!! If you get cheated on by a citizen, he/she is called a cheater but if he/she is from another country, they are using you. I’m not exonerating anyone but don’t forget cheating knows no geography. 

First of all, no need for the exclamation points, second thing, please relax as I am in no mood for you to check my "facts". Mt facts are checked, it's my life and I know the details thank you very much, it's not my fault that you are butt hurt because your beneficiary is from Nigeria, the most fraudulent of all and what I wrote struck a nerve, sorry if my story tiggered you in any way. I never said that people near me won't cheat, I am misleading no one.  GTHO with your negative attitude, thank you.

[Bynx24 72]

Thank you all for the outpouring of support, I spoke to my family and even though it began with tension , it ended rather nicely. I am glad I posted this for that reason, the ideas on how to speak to them was what helped the most in such a crazy time for me, on the other hand, I feel like every person on here will turn their backs to this post as they will feel like it doesn't apply to them. I didn't think it applied to me either, the purpose was to keep your eyes open, this will avoid a situation like mine for yourself, wishing you all a smooth journey.

[TBoneTX 43,194]

It's against the Terms of Service to tell someone not to post.

It appears that this thread has run its course, so it's now locked to further comment.

Thanks to all constructive contributors, and good luck to the OP.