Tell me about your experience bringing your parents over

[Lights 56]

Hi VJ'ers! 

 

How odd and exciting it feels to be on VJ talking about ME being the petitioner!  

 

I'm looking to hear about your experiences bringing your parents over.  Not just about the immigration process but how they (and you) felt when they moved here.  Did they adjust well?  Do they enjoy it? 

 

Being from Canada, we often traveled to the US.  I worked a lot in the US before meeting my husband and moving here.  I personally didn't find it hard to assimilate since I was and have only lived in big Canadian cities (Toronto and Vancouver) and moved to a similar melting pot (Southern California, LA and OC).  Plus, my husband and I went back and forth for YEARS so by the time I moved, I knew LA/OC and SD pretty well.  Even with a lot of my US exposure, and my parents visiting often and knowing directions etc. I still wonder how my parents will do since they've spent over 40 years in Canada.  They are very independent as well and that 'transition' period will force them to somewhat slow down a little and I'm curious to know how that's going to go. 

 

I'd like to hear about your experiences.  How did you prepare for this?  If you did bring your parents over, how are they doing? How are you doing?  Did your parents feel like in some way they had to start over or did they let you take care of them and take it easy (really retire)?  Was the USCIS process harder or easier than your own (mine was a K1, AOS, ROC, and then Naturalization)?  How did your parents do with 'closing' a chapter that has been the majority of their life and decades long?  The big things (their home) and then the little things like how my dad got a bit sad when he realized he'd be giving up his Canadian phone number (he says he's had it since cell phones came out LOL).  Although I love Canada, I've built a life here that I love and don't find myself missing 'home' rather missing them.  But I remember moving here (before all that my husband and I have built over the years) and the feeling of starting from scratch... I was young, in my 20's when I did that... I think about my parents who are near 60 doing it after a lifelong of building.  It's bittersweet. 

 

I'm excited, nervous, happy, all at the same time. 

[SusieQQQ 11,584]

What are the big pull factors for your parents - you presumably the main one? Grandchildren? Weather?  The reasons they want to move could well affect how they feel about it all. 

 

A question usually asked is about health insurance. 

[geowrian 22,335]

Hopefully others chime in with their examples, but here are some big points that I've seen numerous times mentioned by others:

• The process is much easier than marriage-based immigration. That requires showing a bona fide relationship - time & travel together, joint accounts, meeting family, receipts, insurances, and whatever else you can think of. For petitioning a parent, you just need to show a biological relationship and possibly answer a few basic questions at the interview. No AOS needed here. No ROC.
• Are they of working age and intend to work in the US? Healthcare costs is a major concern for the I-864.
• Healthcare costs are still much higher compared to the far cheaper, easier system in Canada that they've been spoiled with 

Edited March 14, 2019 by geowrian

[SalishSea 16,770]

27 minutes ago, SusieQQQ said:

 A question usually asked is about health insurance.

This^

[Boiler 43,433]

I looked at it but the Medical situation killed it.

[Lights 56]

1 hour ago, SusieQQQ said:

What are the big pull factors for your parents - you presumably the main one? Grandchildren? Weather?  The reasons they want to move could well affect how they feel about it all. 

 

A question usually asked is about health insurance. 

 

 

1 hour ago, geowrian said:

Hopefully others chime in with their examples, but here are some big points that I've seen numerous times mentioned by others:

• The process is much easier than marriage-based immigration. That requires showing a bona fide relationship - time & travel together, joint accounts, meeting family, receipts, insurances, and whatever else you can think of. For petitioning a parent, you just need to show a biological relationship and possibly answer a few basic questions at the interview. No AOS needed here. No ROC.
• Are they of working age and intend to work in the US? Healthcare costs is a major concern for the I-864.
• Healthcare costs are still much higher compared to the far cheaper, easier system in Canada that they've been spoiled with 

 

41 minutes ago, Jorgedig said:

This^

 

39 minutes ago, Boiler said:

I looked at it but the Medical situation killed it.

Main reasons for coming here is family.  Also, I want to be there when they age.  I can’t imagine my parents being in a care home and me visiting every few months... 

 

Health Insurance was the first thing we tackled.  They are still of working age and want to work but private insurance (and emergencies) are planned for. 

[Boiler 43,433]

How long will they be looking to work?

[SalishSea 16,770]

1 hour ago, Lights said:

 

 

 

 

Main reasons for coming here is family.  Also, I want to be there when they age.  I can’t imagine my parents being in a care home and me visiting every few months... 

 

Health Insurance was the first thing we tackled.  They are still of working age and want to work but private insurance (and emergencies) are planned for. 

What happens when they are no longer eligible for employer based insurance OR Medicare?

[SusieQQQ 11,584]

Will they be able to get 40 quarters credit for social security/medicare eligibility?

 

So the main issues other than health are usually that older folks especially find it hard when they are removed from their home environment, extended family, friends network etc. it’s often particularly difficult - on both parent and child - when there is one child only they’ve moved for and that child /family tends to become the center of their new universe with other friends and family left behind. Parents can feel isolated, kids can feel a lot of pressure. It will certainly be easier for your parents than many others simply because they speak English (and North American English at that) but the loss of a support network can still be hard, and while it’s probably quite easy to be friendly to people they meet at clubs or whatever, making good friendships anew at an older age is hard. 

 

I’m going to assume they are moving because they want to move, not because you’re putting pressure on them to do so. 

Edited March 15, 2019 by SusieQQQ

[Ontarkie 13,915]

~~Moved to Moving Here and YOur New Life, from Bringing Family of USC - As the OP is asking about more than just visa processing.~~

[Lights 56]

14 hours ago, Boiler said:

How long will they be looking to work?

Likely around 5-8 years. 

 

12 hours ago, Jorgedig said:

What happens when they are no longer eligible for employer based insurance OR Medicare?

We have budgeted for private health insurance from day one.  So if they do have employer based insurance or medicare, it would a bonus. 

 

12 hours ago, SusieQQQ said:

Will they be able to get 40 quarters credit for social security/medicare eligibility?

 

So the main issues other than health are usually that older folks especially find it hard when they are removed from their home environment, extended family, friends network etc. it’s often particularly difficult - on both parent and child - when there is one child only they’ve moved for and that child /family tends to become the center of their new universe with other friends and family left behind. Parents can feel isolated, kids can feel a lot of pressure. It will certainly be easier for your parents than many others simply because they speak English (and North American English at that) but the loss of a support network can still be hard, and while it’s probably quite easy to be friendly to people they meet at clubs or whatever, making good friendships anew at an older age is hard. 

 

I’m going to assume they are moving because they want to move, not because you’re putting pressure on them to do so. 

 

They are planning to work about 5-8 years, but not full-time.  

 

I get the health insurance issue.  I didn't put it in my original post because the last time I had replied to another thread about insurance, I was told to stop whining and "move back to Canada".  Even though I just asked a simple question and didn't bulk or complain about the price.  I understand that paying what is a mortgage for insurance is outrages and that on-top of regular health, that aging can cause long-term care complications.  My grandparents were in a care home early on in life and I think that made all of us plan differently (my grandparents never planned for it, they didn't have the bandwidth to being immigrants themselves in Canada).  Because of that, they have put contingency plans in place for when certain things happen (i.e. when they're older and need a nurse to come over versus moving into a retirement home etc.).  I omitted the health insurance topic because it is one that we have covered but when we explain our personal financial circumstances, I guess it pisses people off.  I know it's very expensive and it will be very expensive. 

 

Thank you for replying with what I was looking for.  It's all exciting now but I think once the dust settles, a bit of isolated feelings are normal.  I had that and I wasn't the most social in Canada and I had a lot of friends here when I moved.  And like you mentioned, it's harder to make friends and a new 'social' circle and although my parents aren't the most social, they do a have a small group of friends and just a whole lot of routine. 

 

They are 1000% moving because they want to, not because of me pressuring them.  My initial plan was for them to snowbird but my dad was the one who wanted to work here and if he were to snowbird, he wouldn't be able to.  My dad isn't someone who can take 6 months off out of the year anyway, he has worked and owned several businesses his entire life.  We do have a family business and our investments support them well.  Even if they paid taxes on both sides, it's definitely a hit but it's consistent, comfortable income.  By no means are they filthy rich but this has not been a whimsical decision.  We've planned funeral costs etc.  I just didn't mention in on the OP because it's a bit personal but I'm a worst case scenario type person... so I'm thorough. 

 

I know that the biggest hinderance for most is insurance which is why we tackled that first.  Even if we could 'just afford' it, just affording it is not something we want to do.  If we were just getting by covering their monthly premiums with no safety net for catastrophic events (strokes, broken bones, heart attack, cancer, long-term hospital care etc).  Having insurance is great but it's not enough (i've seen that first hand even in Canada AND the US).  Also, being that my parents have been self employed most of their life, we've always paid privately for extended health in Canada for things like Dental, Vision, etc.

 

I'm more concerned about them settling in and enjoying it.  They do have a comfortable set up here, although they'll be living with us for the first few in our home.  I guess they could move for a few years and if they decide it's not for them, they can go back to Canada before 70.  We're keeping the family home and the business in place, just moving things internally to allow my parents to exit the day to day. 

 

 

Edited March 15, 2019 by Lights

[carmel34 3,531]

Finding work at a later stage of life can be difficult, especially for an immigrant, so depending on how critical that part of their plan is, it may be worthwhile to look into jobs in your area of the US to find out how likely it is that they are going to be able to find work in their fields of experience and interest.  Based on your very thoughtful reply I assume that they have already done this and feel confident that they can find work for 5-8 years before retiring.  And you're right, if it doesn't work out after a trial period, they can always pack up and move back to Canada.  Good luck to you as petitioner this time!

Edited March 15, 2019 by carmel34
*

[SusieQQQ 11,584]

1 hour ago, Lights said:

Likely around 5-8 years. 

 

We have budgeted for private health insurance from day one.  So if they do have employer based insurance or medicare, it would a bonus. 

 

 

They are planning to work about 5-8 years, but not full-time.  

 

I get the health insurance issue.  I didn't put it in my original post because the last time I had replied to another thread about insurance, I was told to stop whining and "move back to Canada".  Even though I just asked a simple question and didn't bulk or complain about the price.  I understand that paying what is a mortgage for insurance is outrages and that on-top of regular health, that aging can cause long-term care complications.  My grandparents were in a care home early on in life and I think that made all of us plan differently (my grandparents never planned for it, they didn't have the bandwidth to being immigrants themselves in Canada).  Because of that, they have put contingency plans in place for when certain things happen (i.e. when they're older and need a nurse to come over versus moving into a retirement home etc.).  I omitted the health insurance topic because it is one that we have covered but when we explain our personal financial circumstances, I guess it pisses people off.  I know it's very expensive and it will be very expensive. 

 

Thank you for replying with what I was looking for.  It's all exciting now but I think once the dust settles, a bit of isolated feelings are normal.  I had that and I wasn't the most social in Canada and I had a lot of friends here when I moved.  And like you mentioned, it's harder to make friends and a new 'social' circle and although my parents aren't the most social, they do a have a small group of friends and just a whole lot of routine. 

 

They are 1000% moving because they want to, not because of me pressuring them.  My initial plan was for them to snowbird but my dad was the one who wanted to work here and if he were to snowbird, he wouldn't be able to.  My dad isn't someone who can take 6 months off out of the year anyway, he has worked and owned several businesses his entire life.  We do have a family business and our investments support them well.  Even if they paid taxes on both sides, it's definitely a hit but it's consistent, comfortable income.  By no means are they filthy rich but this has not been a whimsical decision.  We've planned funeral costs etc.  I just didn't mention in on the OP because it's a bit personal but I'm a worst case scenario type person... so I'm thorough. 

 

I know that the biggest hinderance for most is insurance which is why we tackled that first.  Even if we could 'just afford' it, just affording it is not something we want to do.  If we were just getting by covering their monthly premiums with no safety net for catastrophic events (strokes, broken bones, heart attack, cancer, long-term hospital care etc).  Having insurance is great but it's not enough (i've seen that first hand even in Canada AND the US).  Also, being that my parents have been self employed most of their life, we've always paid privately for extended health in Canada for things like Dental, Vision, etc.

 

I'm more concerned about them settling in and enjoying it.  They do have a comfortable set up here, although they'll be living with us for the first few in our home.  I guess they could move for a few years and if they decide it's not for them, they can go back to Canada before 70.  We're keeping the family home and the business in place, just moving things internally to allow my parents to exit the day to day. 

 

 

Well, that all sounds very well thought out, planned and sensible. About as prepared as you can be, so good luck and hope it all works out best case!

[Lights 56]

8 minutes ago, carmel34 said:

Finding work at a later stage of life can be difficult, especially for an immigrant, so depending on how critical that part of their plan is, it may be worthwhile to look into jobs in your area of the US to find out how likely it is that they are going to be able to find work in their fields of experience and interest.  Based on your very thoughtful reply I assume that they have already done this and feel confident that they can find work for 5-8 years before retiring.  And you're right, if it doesn't work out after a trial period, they can always pack up and move back to Canada.  Good luck to you as petitioner this time!

I live in Southern California and we've been looking.  But it's hard to say what may be available in 1-2 years time.  We will still have ties to our businesses in Canada, so there will be income (although likely heavily taxed, oiy!).  It's odd to think my dad, who is/was a suit-wearing-business-guy his entire life is interested in potentially working at like Pet Co because there's dogs.  LOL 

 

I like that - trial period.  There is an 'out' if the US is not for them. 

 

5 minutes ago, SusieQQQ said:

Well, that all sounds very well thought out, planned and sensible. About as prepared as you can be, so good luck and hope it all works out best case!

 

Thank you!  These are the things I can comb through... emotions, transitional anxieties, etc.  Those things are a lot harder to plan for. 

 

[SusieQQQ 11,584]

1 minute ago, Lights said:

It's odd to think my dad, who is/was a suit-wearing-business-guy his entire life is interested in potentially working at like Pet Co because there's dogs.  LOL 

 

 

Wouldn’t be the first, won’t be the last! Immigrants with an independent income definitely have a luxury in work choice that many don’t.