cultural differences

[ronniebreda 120]

1 hour ago, TexasHeartsIndia said:

 

One funny event... I woke up in the middle of the night one time because my shoulder was really hurting. I guess my moving around woke him up and he asked me what was wrong. I told him, "My shoulder hurts. I think I layed on it wrong." He said, "No, you lay wrong. Lie. Lay. Lain." Then rolled over and went back to sleep. My husband corrects my English grammar in the middle of the night!! 

This cracks me up. My husband had English in school, but he mostly taught himself English and he did a damn good job. He corrects my grammar all the time, usually when I am being sloppy, lol. 

I find this to be a very interesting thread because depending on where your partner is from, then they come with different kinds of expectations or lack of. 
My husband is Dutch and like many others have said he gave up many great things or part of the country that the US lacks, but he also gained. Since he knows English and his job is needed anywhere, it was apparent that him moving to the US was the best option for us, even though moving to the NL could be in the future for us. 

 

Pros: He makes 3x what he did in the Netherlands because taxes are so high and individual achievement is not as rewarded there. We live in a house twice the size of his house because houses are more affordable in the US. He thinks taxes are low in the US, hah! He loves how friendly Midwesterners are even though he had to get used to it because he thought it was fake friendliness at first. 

Cons: Europeans, especially Dutch, are very direct people and here in the Midwest, people are not used to it and sometimes do not like it. He has had to really adjust this, especially in the workplace. The healthcare we have is extremely expensive and bad compared to the NL Healthcare.  

America is certainly not perfect and it is all about give and take and what works best for you as a couple. I just find it hilarious that everyone thinks the taxes are so high when we constantly talk about how much lower they are compared to where my husband is from. 

 

I think that involving your partner as much as you can in your everyday life helps them see what life is like here. Skyping, talking and sharing what is going on, sending pictures, talking about American issues and what is going on in our society. It will be an adjustment no matter what. 

[DRKALEMAR 11]

21 hours ago, Nuj said:

You have very helpful insight thank you. I have been trying to tell my spouse all the bad things to balance the rosy view lol . I will try your advice 

Definitely Agree to the point made earlier! You have to share the good and bad in order to properly prepare your spouse.

I live in New York and I made sure i took plenty of pictures of the arts but also the dirty streets and recorded a few of my morning commutes.

It's silly but my husband appreciated my honesty. I was worried he would never really understand until he arrived here. Best of luck!

[Abdeslam 47]

20 hours ago, Ben&Zian said:

Obviously everyone has a different view of the US and expectations about exactly what it is like.

 

My husband had been here in NY for two prior J-1 internships, but then moving to Houston with me obviously was completely different setting so he had to adjust abit; but had realistic expectations.

 

When someone has never been to the US, all they have to go by is movies, TV shows, magazine photos, ect... so some get high hopes and think everyone is made of money, and so on... then reality sets in when they see it isn't that way. Definately trying to give them a more realistic view of it all a head of time is a good thing.

Oh Houston , I will join my wife in few days she lives in Houston , I never been in the US , I just hope I will be able to find a job in my field. and to be honest with you , I dont have a hight expectation , I know for sur , that where ever you live. there will be always some kind of struggle

[Ben&Zian 4,397]

3 minutes ago, Abdeslam said:

Oh Houston , I will join my wife in few days she lives in Houston , I never been in the US , I just hope I will be able to find a job in my field. and to be honest with you , I dont have a hight expectation , I know for sur , that where ever you live. there will be always some kind of struggle

 

Lots of job opportunities in Houston honestly. Big area though so could mean travel for work each day, commuting time can be a pain with traffic. What type of field of work? Also, same as for my husband, he had a degree in management but because, even with having internships in the US previously, without a lot of US work experience he had to start at a lesser position in one company until he found something else in his current company as an assistant manager. So depending on your field of work you may have to concede to a slightly more "entry" level until you get US work experience; but that is not always the case either.

[NovaDC 270]

I just lived here for 7 months and yes the amount of bills and taxes are skyhigh here in the US. My husband is self-employed but even if he earns more than my parents (who owns  some business in Philippines )my parents saves more money than we do here. 

[YecaCruz 375]

For us, my husband had more lifestyle changes than he did for cultural differences/changes. I spent enough years in his country to know and understand his culture. He worked with many missionary teams to get an very general idea of how North Americans are and also was almost 100% fluent in English by the time he came here. He didn't have rose-colored glasses on at all; came from having nothing and is used to having to work hard to get anything and he came knowing that one doesn't sit back and let money fall on your lap. We would talk multiple times a day while dating and he saw how much I had to work for what I have which wasn't much, but certainly I am rich in many, many ways compared to 75% of his country's population. I also know how to save money to have been able to travel to see him and fund the immigration process.

 

Suddenly he had to learn how to run a lawn mower, how to be a good steward and be responsible with a credit card, how to drive like a normal person, how to play Skipbo with my grandparents. He took advantage of going to the dentist with my dental insurance right away.

 

One struggle for him at the beginning as someone coming from having nothing was his impulse buying. The dude has more pairs of jeans/pants, socks, and t-shirts, dress-shirts than there are days in the week. Ones that had tiny holes in them he would throw away saying "it's broken". As a Latino he always has to look his best (not a bad thing, always looks handsome :)) which means not wearing "broken" clothing lol. Oh I want a playstation, I want an apple tv...etc. Uffdah. We both learned to compromise. I refuse to bring a time-wasting playstation in the house ever but we do have an apple tv now as we both use if often. I've been able to quell that quite a bit of that now that he understands that while swiping the card is easy, and...you know...you gotta pay that off bro. Ain't nobody got time to carry over balances!

 

On a silly note, he found it odd and hilarious that we sell bags of dirt (aka potting soil).

[Abdeslam 47]

11 minutes ago, Ben&Zian said:

 

Lots of job opportunities in Houston honestly. Big area though so could mean travel for work each day, commuting time can be a pain with traffic. What type of field of work? Also, same as for my husband, he had a degree in management but because, even with having internships in the US previously, without a lot of US work experience he had to start at a lesser position in one company until he found something else in his current company as an assistant manager. So depending on your field of work you may have to concede to a slightly more "entry" level until you get US work experience; but that is not always the case either.

Oh yes when  it come to traffic , my wife already told me that its a pain especialy during the rush hours , actually I work as a Software Enginner  , after doing some research  I found out that theirs plenty of job oportunity in my field , so I am a bit optimistic , one thing for sur I will have to start with an entry level job since it my first time in the US. and I am a bit worried about the Hurican lol

Edited June 14, 2018 by Abdeslam

[Ben&Zian 4,397]

5 minutes ago, Abdeslam said:

Oh yes when  it come to traffic , my wife already told me that its a pain especialy during the rush hours , actually I work as a Software Enginner  , after doing some research  I found out that theirs plenty of job oportunity in my field , so I am a bit optimistic , one thing for sur I will have to start with an entry level job since it my first time in the US. and I am a bit worried about the Hurican lol

 

Hah yea was quite an experience last year watching out parking lot go from literally ankle deep water to almost 6 feet of water over one day when they released water from the addicks. 

[doggieandsam 765]

18 hours ago, NuestraUnion said:

you can be driving along the same street and pass million dollar houses and 15 minutes later you are passing what looks like the slums without ever having to make a turn.

I am sorry I cannot help myself - in DC the "slums" may very well be million dollar houses still. 

[doggieandsam 765]

24 minutes ago, YecaCruz said:

On a silly note, he found it odd and hilarious that we sell bags of dirt (aka potting soil).

OMG - me too! i was like, why do i have to pay for soil?!

[doggieandsam 765]

to add to the actual topic - i am the foreigner and i have visited the US a couple of times before and my husband was not lacking in sharing how life is in the US prior to my move here but really, there are just a lot of things that one can only fully grasp when you have actually lived here! in terms of setting expectations, it helps if you both talk about finances in detail before the move and often and regularly after that as well how how things work in daily life. it will take a while but slowly and surely once he/she is here and all the pieces fall into place, those rose colored glasses will be off for good!

 

[Nuj 28]

4 minutes ago, doggieandsam said:

to add to the actual topic - i am the foreigner and i have visited the US a couple of times before and my husband was not lacking in sharing how life is in the US prior to my move here but really, there are just a lot of things that one can only fully grasp when you have actually lived here! in terms of setting expectations, it helps if you both talk about finances in detail before the move and often and regularly after that as well how how things work in daily life. it will take a while but slowly and surely once he/she is here and all the pieces fall into place, those rose colored glasses will be off for good!

 

That is so true. it would be nice if America was like a Hollywood movie

 

[doggieandsam 765]

2 minutes ago, Nuj said:

That is so true. it would be nice if America was like a Hollywood movie

 

America is a hollywood movie! But with the pretty filters on. LOL

[Umka36 781]

My wife told me that some of her friends think all American's make $15k/month.

[Nuj 28]

Just now, Umka36 said:

My wife told me that some of her friends think all American's make $15k/month.

haha that's hilarious in my country the currency is 34 times less than the dollar so they think we make over 100k per month. I wish:D