Domestic abuse

[Denisson26 7]

Hi everyone! I want to share with all of you a nightmare that I have been experiencing since I got married. The purpose of sharing this is to hope that someone can throw some light on my situation and help me make a good decision. 

 

Last December I came to U.S to spend Christmas with some friends in  Missouri. I had an application installed on my phone named Clover. On the same month an attractive, polite and nice gentlemen sent me a message. He was from, Arkansas. Everything seemed to be perfect. Then we decided to have our first date. He flew  to St. Louis. I traveled to St. Louis to spend the weekend with him there. He asked if I liked him, if I would return with him to Arkansas to stay there for a week due to he was going to be on holiday. I couldn't believe that finally and apparently I found my soulmate... 

 

I'll resume it so no one is going to get bored. 

 

After everything we lived together during my stay, he asked me to not live the country. At  airport when I was returning to St. Louis he asked me to marry him. I said it was quite early. Then he asked if would I come back to stay with him before I departed to Spain and do it from Memphis. I accepted that. I was very comfortable with him and his environment and I decided to spend mine 90 days visa period with him. He asked me again to stay and to consider about marrying him, this way we could build a life together and so forth... 

 

I decided to stay with him, but first we had to establish the steps to be done after that choice. One of them were about my financial situation due to I was not going to be able to work for awhile. He told me that in the meantime he would take care of everything. 

 

We got married. We filed all the forms, etc. after that, strange things started happening. Some personal effects were stolen, like clothes, iPad, iPhone, 2,000.00 from a suitcase that was forced and the pad lock broken... not everything happened at the same day. I didn't know that he had problems with alcohol. He had a device on his car that before moving it, he had to blow into it to determine if he could drive or not. Every time that he was inebriated, he was trying to argue or fight with me. First time he attacked me; after that when he was inebriated I was avoiding any kind of dialogue to prevent arguments. However he started humiliating me and saying that I couldn't do anything because I was an illegal immigrant and he was threatening me if I reported it. He stopped buying food and essential needs to the house. There was time that I was starving. I didn't want to have sex with him, because of the way he was treating me, but in some instances he tried to force me. He deactivated my phone line to prevent me of receiving advices from family and friends. I didn't realize that little by little I was falling into depression and getting unable to react. He thought that I had a lot of money because I had a very good job in Europe , carrying out medical procedures as a nurse. Also will be shown websites supporting me as a good professional. I use to travel to many countries to give presentations in congresses and training courses. But now I feel like a loser and incapacitated after this horrible experience. Last argument he destroyed the luggage compartment of my car by hitting the back of his truck into mine. That day I was going to leave the house, but I couldn't because my car had to be fixed first. His insurance repaired everything. Then eventually and being encouraged by my best friend from Madrid, I left the house. I have a clean background and no criminal records anywhere. I also have my religion and I have served a mission long time ago as a Mormon missionary for two years. 

 

I'm still in Arkansas, but I know that soon I'm going to receive the notification for the interview with the USCIS and I don't know what to do. 

 

Thanks in advance to anyone for paying attention to my story.

Edited September 2, 2017 by Ontarkie
removed all identifying information.

[Coco8 1,039]

I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

Do you want to stay in the U.S.? Or do you want to go back to Spain? I think you should ask yourself that. If you have a good job there, family, and friends, I'd just get a divorce and leave. 

 

If you want to go through with the green card process, that is totally possible, but I am not sure how you'd go about it. I think you need to get a divorce first. Other people can advice on that on this forum. 

[Going through 5,668]

I'm sorry for this situation...I really don't have much advice, but I am going to report your original post to the moderators, as you listed your entire full name there, so they can remove the full name from your post for your safety... I don't want your spouse to find this post online if he searches your name, as that could potentially put you in physical danger.

Edited September 2, 2017 by Going through

[Ontarkie 13,916]

~~All Identifying information removed. Please do no post locations or names as this is a public forum and can be read by anyone anywhere.~~

[Denisson26 7]

12 hours ago, Coco8 said:

I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

Do you want to stay in the U.S.? Or do you want to go back to Spain? I think you should ask yourself that. If you have a good job there, family, and friends, I'd just get a divorce and leave. 

 

If you want to go through with the green card process, that is totally possible, but I am not sure how you'd go about it. I think you need to get a divorce first. Other people can advice on that on this forum. 

Hi Coco8,

Thanks for your words and response, I really appreciate that. I lost my job when I decided to stay here. Now I have to do the same effort to get a job there or there. So given that I'm already here, I would stay if I see light in the of the tunnel. I just need to gather strength, find out what to do and get over it. I'm just lost and this is why I'm here to see if someone can advise me on what to do. Thanks again

[Denisson26 7]

7 hours ago, Going through said:

I'm sorry for this situation...I really don't have much advice, but I am going to report your original post to the moderators, as you listed your entire full name there, so they can remove the full name from your post for your safety... I don't want your spouse to find this post online if he searches your name, as that could potentially put you in physical danger.

Hi Going Through, 

Thanks for you help and concerns. I didn't realize about that. You are right. 

[Sandra G. 5,016]

Considering  what you  mentioned you  have "an unpleasant " marriage,not  abuse.  Maybe you  have more to your  story but  usually when someone is mentally abused we can feel this just reading a brief explanation  and I did no get this reading your  post. 

 

If you  are being mentally abused then you  need to attend 5/7 therapy sessions and you can file Vawa but  you  will need a diagnose of major depression and/or PTSD, without a diagnose you  don't have a VAWA case.

 

 

[Denisson26 7]

On 9/5/2017 at 9:17 AM, sandranj said:

can

Hi everyone, good evening. 

 

After 2 years and 7 months I'm back to share how my situation took the direction that the Lord saw fit for me. 

 

I tried to seek help from many professionals and people that could throw some light in my situation and help me find the better direction with some advices. Although I was told that my marriage was "unpleasant" and not abuse. 

 

The Lord in His infinite wisdom helped me to find what would be best for me. 

 

2 years and 7 months ago I applied for VAWA by myself, I since I could not find someone willing to help. I provided all supporting documents for my case. I did the best I could. In 01/13/2020 I received a RFE requesting a background check from Spain. I provided such document and in 04/03/2020 my case was approved. 

 

I encourage all of you who are hopeless, and have been on a situation like mine, do not despair, for the Lord hear your prayers and he will guide you through dark times. 

 

If anyone need help with anything, hit me up and I'll try my best to help. 

 

God be with you and bless you all!!

[TBoneTX 43,058]

Happy endings are a pleasure for all.  Thanks for returning with yours.

[jacobamanda63 28]

10 hours ago, TBoneTX said:

Happy endings are a pleasure for all.  Thanks for returning with yours.

Congratulations! 

11 hours ago, Denisson26 said:

Hi everyone, good evening. 

 

After 2 years and 7 months I'm back to share how my situation took the direction that the Lord saw fit for me. 

 

I tried to seek help from many professionals and people that could throw some light in my situation and help me find the better direction with some advices. Although I was told that my marriage was "unpleasant" and not abuse. 

 

The Lord in His infinite wisdom helped me to find what would be best for me. 

 

2 years and 7 months ago I applied for VAWA by myself, I since I could not find someone willing to help. I provided all supporting documents for my case. I did the best I could. In 01/13/2020 I received a RFE requesting a background check from Spain. I provided such document and in 04/03/2020 my case was approved. 

 

I encourage all of you who are hopeless, and have been on a situation like mine, do not despair, for the Lord hear your prayers and he will guide you through dark times. 

 

If anyone need help with anything, hit me up and I'll try my best to help. 

 

God be with you and bless you all!!

Congratulations!

[Sandra G. 5,016]

On 9/2/2017 at 1:13 AM, Denisson26 said:

 

 

Edited April 14, 2020 by sandranj

[Sam_Son_83 17]

On 9/5/2017 at 7:17 AM, sandranj said:

Considering  what you  mentioned you  have "an unpleasant " marriage,not  abuse.  Maybe you  have more to your  story but  usually when someone is mentally abused we can feel this just reading a brief explanation  and I did no get this reading your  post. 

 

If you  are being mentally abused then you  need to attend 5/7 therapy sessions and you can file Vawa but  you  will need a diagnose of major depression and/or PTSD, without a diagnose you  don't have a VAWA case.

 

 

 

Wow.

 

She mentioned, among others, a situation that could meet the definition of assault with a deadly weapon.

[Denisson26 7]

I have silently perseverated with my pain and until the current date I have been attending therapy sessions due to the depression that I went into after the abuses perpetrated by my spouse. 

Before I knew about VAWA, I turned to the local domestic abuse center seeking for help after have fled from my spouse and had lost the capabilities to react due to the distress and painful memories caused by what I went through and fearing harm for having left him. 

As per the current time, the hurtful feelings as subject of the abuse follow me like my shadow and they are vivid as light. I have been battered physical and mentally. My spouse forced me to have sexual intercourse with hime more than once and even my son witnessed one of those occurrences. 

Given the circumstances, it is shameful that someone who has being here trying to help victims of domestic abuse misjudge my situation without knowing my story and without knowing who is behind the screen. 

Because my case do noes fit with your preconceived thoughts and you do not empathise with my situation, it does not make it false. 

Shame on you! 

[Sam_Son_83 17]

18 minutes ago, Denisson26 said:

I have silently perseverated with my pain and until the current date I have been attending therapy sessions due to the depression that I went into after the abuses perpetrated by my spouse. 

Before I knew about VAWA, I turned to the local domestic abuse center seeking for help after have fled from my spouse and had lost the capabilities to react due to the distress and painful memories caused by what I went through and fearing harm for having left him. 

As per the current time, the hurtful feelings as subject of the abuse follow me like my shadow and they are vivid as light. I have been battered physical and mentally. My spouse forced me to have sexual intercourse with hime more than once and even my son witnessed one of those occurrences. 

Given the circumstances, it is shameful that someone who has being here trying to help victims of domestic abuse misjudge my situation without knowing my story and without knowing who is behind the screen. 

Because my case do noes fit with your preconceived thoughts and you do not empathise with my situation, it does not make it false. 

Shame on you! 

Agreed. That was incredibly out of line.

[Denisson26 7]

Thank you Sam_Son_83!!