Fiance's cold feet, missed medical appointment, is there hope?

[melissco 12]

Greetings all, 

 

I'm absolutely devastated -- My fiance's cold feet prevented him from attending his medical appointment last week.  Next Thursday is the scheduled interview, but I don't even know if it's possible now.  Is there still a chance to save this particular process, or are we doomed?  Is there a chance to restart the petition in the future when things settle down?  

 

Thank you for your kind input. 

 

~M

Edited January 22, 2017 by melissco

[MyMistaLovaLova 24]

He can do his medical exams after the interview. The embassy will put his application on hold until they receive his medicals. 

[p-ana 933]

He can still go to the interview without having the medical, if he's approved the visa issuance will be pending until they get his medical results. It can buy you guys some time. 

You can also cancel the interview and contact his embassy telling them some personal issues came up and if it's possible to extend your petition 

 

if you don't do anything and the petition expires you'll have to start over

[melissco 12]

Thank you both for your input.  I'm extremely hopeful that things will settle back down and we can go on with our plans.  Having hope is better than what I was feeling before...!  

 

~M

[ptm897 41]

Definitely have him attend the interview on Thursday and like the others said, they will put the decision on hold in order for him to get the medical done. All he has to say is he missed the medical appointment due to a time constraint or he can maybe try to get in for the medical right before the interview within the next few days.   Can I ask why he is getting cold feet?  About the marriage part or coming to the U.S.??  If you don't mind me asking, I see he is processing in Canada from your info, so I'm hoping he is not worried at all about the actual interview process.  There are very low levels of Fraud from Canada so it's not like he will be on the hotseat during the interview.  Tell him not to worry.   

[Ash.1101 1,756]

The medical really is the easiest part, but have you addressed why he was having cold feet? I think that's the most important part of all of this. There's still a few steps in this before he's actually here, and all of those steps carry that "Man this is really happening/This is really final" step. The interview, scheduling his plane tickets, getting on the plane, actually getting married.


As long as he attends the interview (If he has an early morning appointment make sure he isn't late), they will give him a 221g with consideration, and the consideration will be contingent on him getting his medical done and sent to Montreal.

[melissco 12]

The cold feet thing is multi-part, both personal and related to the current state of the US.  I guess anyone would be nervous coming here, really.  The personal part, though, that's the trickier part and obviously something no one but us can 'figure out.'  I was just trying to make sure that in the event that we can get things back on the right track, that all is not lost, so to speak.  I'm still committed on my part; it's the rest that's still up in the air, so to speak.  

 

In the event the interview isn't attended (apparently that's still an 'option' at this point, if you could call it that) and the petition expires, is there a possibility in the future to start the process over, or do they see the expired petition and immediately deny a new one?

 

~M

[Ash.1101 1,756]

9 minutes ago, melissco said:

The cold feet thing is multi-part, both personal and related to the current state of the US.  I guess anyone would be nervous coming here, really.  The personal part, though, that's the trickier part and obviously something no one but us can 'figure out.'  I was just trying to make sure that in the event that we can get things back on the right track, that all is not lost, so to speak.  I'm still committed on my part; it's the rest that's still up in the air, so to speak.  

 

In the event the interview isn't attended (apparently that's still an 'option' at this point, if you could call it that) and the petition expires, is there a possibility in the future to start the process over, or do they see the expired petition and immediately deny a new one?

 

~M

As for right now, missing the medical is okay. You'll just have to make sure he goes back and does a new medical.

If he misses the interview and the petition expires, you'll just have to restart the whole process. They may scrutinize why the whole process was abandoned after scheduling appointments and not showing, just make sure you have plenty of relationship proof in hand if that time comes.

You can't do anything about the current state of the US, for us, my husband disliked the current state (and this was last year), but to him it was worth quitting a Canadian government job that he could have had a career with to come be here with me, regardless of what the US was looking like.

As for the second part, I hope ya'll get it figured out before marriage. This process can be hard on anyone, but there are a lot of people that want the finalality of all of this happening, until it actually starts happening and then they realize it's not all fun and games and this is their next life step. Some people take it like a roller coaster they have no choice to be on, and bail towards the end, and others involve themselves in the process and really are more okay because they know what the next steps are and they've already accepted it's a thing that's happening.


Note though, that it gets harder once you're married and waiting on EAD/AP. Even for people who consider themselves lazy, not being able to work for 3 or more months can be hard on the relationship and the immigrants personal feelings about themselves.

Edited January 22, 2017 by Ash.1101

[EM_Vandaveer 2,408]

I did not vote for the President (or for Hillary, I voted 3rd party), but I honestly don't understand how who the President is could give someone pause from moving to the US to be with their loved one. One's daily life really isn't impacted much at all by who is living in the White House. Local and state government has a much bigger impact.

 

On the personal part, it's better it's coming up now, so you can hopefully work it out rather than it coming up after you guys are married.

Edited January 22, 2017 by EM_Vandaveer

[Davejj 31]

6 hours ago, melissco said:

Greetings all, 

 

I'm absolutely devastated -- My fiance's cold feet prevented him from attending his medical appointment last week.  Next Thursday is the scheduled interview, but I don't even know if it's possible now.  Is there still a chance to save this particular process, or are we doomed?  Is there a chance to restart the petition in the future when things settle down?  

 

Thank you for your kind input. 

 

~M

Does he have infection he's hidding?

[melissco 12]

14 minutes ago, Davejj said:

Does he have infection he's hidding?

Naaaah, it's nothing like that.  Like I said, personal + his feelings toward the current state of affairs.  He's extremely close with his immediate + extended family, and it's the only place he's known.  He's visited here and in total has spent about 3 months with me here, but it's 3K miles from where he's spent his entire life.  It's a scary thing by itself, and then you add in real relationship issues (all couples have their problems) and everything just got real tense right at the proverbial eleventh hour.  It's probably the relationship issues that are the biggest obstacle right now, but his family also is pulling him in another direction.  Now that's it's actually down to the real 'crunch time,' I think everything just hit at once.  

 

~M

[Lemonslice 4,898]

Would you consider moving to Canada?  

 

We (I) gave it a good try in the US but it is just not working for me...

 

Best of luck to you two

[NikLR 13,228]

Does his family support his decision to move to the USA or are they trying to prevent him from doing so?

[caliliving 606]

i really think u should hold off on the petition. you seem young and if he isnt sure moving to the usa is hard! does he know what he wants to do work wise??? and believe maybe everything happens for a reason! maybe it just isnt for him! i think u should consider moving to canada if you can, but if not i would probably just wait it out and see what happens.. sounds like he isnt sure, sounds like his family doesnt approve and he will miss his family home! i also know fligths to canada are very expensive.  lots of people have pulled the k1 and applied a year later and had no problems.. also, you are from canada its a low fraud country so letting this k1 expire (or canceling it) and doing another one in a year wont have any afffect on your case.  i know many people on this board (from UK i heard of one) did that and dindt have a problem.

 

i think your fiance doesnt know what he wants to do.. u should prob talk out some issues and give your reltionship more time to develop. and if he doesnt want to move to the usa and u dont want to move to canada then unfortunately, it just wont happen!

[Ash.1101 1,756]

3 hours ago, melissco said:

Naaaah, it's nothing like that.  Like I said, personal + his feelings toward the current state of affairs.  He's extremely close with his immediate + extended family, and it's the only place he's known.  He's visited here and in total has spent about 3 months with me here, but it's 3K miles from where he's spent his entire life.  It's a scary thing by itself, and then you add in real relationship issues (all couples have their problems) and everything just got real tense right at the proverbial eleventh hour.  It's probably the relationship issues that are the biggest obstacle right now, but his family also is pulling him in another direction.  Now that's it's actually down to the real 'crunch time,' I think everything just hit at once.  

 

~M

Just a little thing and I don't want to sound too harsh to you so please take it how ever you want but know I mean no ill intent...


Out of all of the VJ posts I've seen since I've joined, I've yet to see someone have cold feet before even the interview. I've seen relationships fall apart completely during this, and I've seen cold feet before marriage, but not really at this stage.

 MOST people that go through this process go through the EXACT same thing only worse, some people are much more than 3k miles away from their home, their family members can't visit because they can't get visitor visas (much less of an issue for canadians), going to a place they've spent even maybe just days in.

It is scary, but the end result is suppose to be worth it and everyone here has felt it and pushed through it because it's what is important to them. A lot of people here have a hard time understanding why someone would self sabotage their immigration journey to be with their loved one.


As for the relationship and family issues. They most likely go hand in hand. If his family know you and him are going through a tough spot of any kind, any person in their right mind would probably say "No don't do it!" out of love for him. And honestly if they dislike you, or ANY of this. Ya'll having any relationship issues will only fuel their hold on trying to convince him this is all a bad idea.


I'm not going to lie, you may want to get your relationship issues sorted out BEFORE he comes to the states, if he decides this is what he wants. If he does go through the process, his visa will be good for 6 months from the date of his medical, which can give ya'll a lot of time to think about what you both want. If he comes in and ya'll don't get married, he has to go back to Canada and if you want to try again, you have to do the process all over again.


This process isn't for people with mild to serious relationship issues, because it can make relationship issues even worse than how they started. Most people I've seen go through these process usually have their relationships in order, at least until they're living together and married and then the "I didn't know they were like this!" and "I miss home!" sets in. This should be the excitement "Omg we're finally doing it phase" not the "Omg what am I doing?" phase.




I wish ya'll the best of luck.

Edited January 23, 2017 by Ash.1101