Not living together, and no immediate plans to do so.

[Rc123rc 528]

There certainly will be a lot of questions as long as the two are not co-habitating. I get the 2 bedroom sleeping arrangement. I did it for years on a previous marriage. It certainly helped for a number of reasons because of sleeping habits, work, etc. The marriage failed for entirely different reasons. The putting each other on the leases sounds like a good idea. Sublet both and get a 2 bedroom in addition is even better. I understand the personal space thing and own ways of living but, quite frankly as an outsider looking in, I think you are going to have a real hard time selling this to an IO. Other than the medical situation, which has workarounds, this looks more like friends with benefits than anything else. It doesn't look like a marriage. Not judging, I'm just looking at it from an outside viewpoint.

[Rc123rc 528]

Also, Caliliving is right. You need to show all kinds of evidence other than just documents and living arrangements. Doing things together, going places and events, vacations together, family gatherings, pictures with family members. I know that can be difficult since we are older couple. We both have no parents, my sister is 3K miles away. But, my 19 yr old daughter lives with me and we included her in some things we did together and provided photos of us all together.

[Ash.1101 1,755]

If this isn't an issue for the 2 yr GC, I'm sure it will be for ROC.


While I want to say, to each their own...

We're judged by USCIS standards at the end of the day. If something isn't "normal" to THEM, they take it as shady or negatively.

I say load up on as much proof as possible that you guys spend as much time as possible together. Outings, vacations, just doing anything together. You'll want pics, you'll want affidavits, shoot I'd almost split bills half and half to show you're eating in the same places at the same times.

Also, I'm assuming this is a psychological issue, which is hard for A LOT of people to understand. There is the chance that they may use their own discretion and question the legitimacy of the doctors notes and things like that. They could easily say, yes they read through the doctors notes, but no, it makes no sense to them that you live apart, because it could be past the IO's head. You could get a lot of "Well why can't you just do X, or Y, and be in the same place?"

Sometimes people with sleep apnea, sleep seperate, but in the same home. There's a disorder where a person basically sleepwalk's looking for sex, which you could just lock a door. You've got potential night terror rage attacks, which again, you can still be in the same home. If it's a fear for safety, then that'll raise even more questions on if the relationship is okay. If you have to use something loud to help you sleep at night, there's always sound proofing.


Do you have a lawyer OTHER than your husband? Having your husband, who you don't live with, be the person drafting all the legal stuff may not help the case look less shady.

[wheresthebeef29 5]

where did you meet? how did you meet? have you met each others parents? do you have pictures with each others family? have you guys traveled together to the UK to meet your family? IMO those are the better telling signs of a true genuine marriage.

Yes to all of the above. We've met each other's parents, we have a lot of photos of stuff we've done together with both of our parents all together, and photos of events he's been to with just my Dad for example (they LOVE GOLF and are close), our parents have met each other.

Someone else asked about age and religion. We're both Jewish, white, and in our early 30s (two year age difference). We met through work.

Someone asked about the leases through 2017 -- I am on a two year lease in a co-op where I sublet from the owner. He is on a one year lease, renewed his lease in January since I was trapped in my place anyway until Feb 2017, so to speak, so we made the decision to look for a 2 bed (or maybe a house outside the city) next year. Maybe that wasn't the best decision but that's what we did. At the time, we didn't make this decision based on what was best on paper for immigration -- we made the decision based on what was best for our situation. It really sucks that even though this was an honest decision, it feels like we should have manipulated our situation to better fit with the standard white picket fence ideal held by the IOs. We just didn't know that at the time. We didn't marry and set up our lives based around the idea of getting a green card, so we didn't take it into consideration. I regret that now.

[cdneh 3,112]

Hey if it works for you who's to judge...

Regrettably, USCIS do.

[Beth & Achraf 328]

I'm serious I just saying people start burping farting going to the bathroom with the door open....no I'm sorry honey I don't love anyone that much...

Somethings have to be kept private lord..

How many divorces over co habitation....

Their arrangement may just work for people who enjoy their space....

Believe me I agree with you, keep the bathroom door shut....... and use air spray please before exiting the bathroom as I tell my hubby.....

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

At the time, we didn't make this decision based on what was best on paper for immigration -- we made the decision based on what was best for our situation.

You usually learn pretty quick that if you want things to work for your then you have to keep in mind what is best for immigration.

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

Believe me I agree with you, keep the bathroom door shut....... and use air spray please before exiting the bathroom as I tell my hubby.....

Amen lol

[wheresthebeef29 5]

You usually learn pretty quick that if you want things to work for your then you have to keep in mind what is best for immigration.

That seems counterintuitive to the whole concept of us getting married for love and not for immigration purposes.

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

That seems counterintuitive to the whole concept of us getting married for love and not for immigration purposes.

There is a difference between getting married for immigration purposes and getting married and then playing by the rules of the immigration process.

No one's is suggestion you frame your relationship in a way that is any less genuine in terms of love, just follow the rules. We can't expect the government to make exceptions to account for the countless variations in relationships styles that different couples have, so they set a certain standard for the bona fieds and it's always best to consider these standards when going through the process.

Living together is in most cases seen as a pretty important requirement for proving a bona fied marriage. Most people know this going into it.

You need to prove that your marriage is for love, and its reasonable for someone to question the fact that your husband recently opened up a lease in a separate apartment than you when trying to make that judgement.

I'm really not seeing how it's counter intuitive to try your best to follow the suggestions of immigration law.

Edited June 30, 2016 by MorganandMichael

[JR loves JR 196]

I also thought it was inappropriate to keep immigration in mind while marrying for love. It felt like we were making up evidence. And then I realized that I genuinely loved my husband and what difference did it make if we chose some things specifically because they had obvious benefits for immigration. So I've started to make choices that will be beneficial to our process. Some things I've done almost solely to create proof of a genuine relationship (like adding his name to all my utility bills). We will also be creating wills and power of attorneys for the ROC process (I know we should anyway but there's more of a rush to get this done because of immigration). For other things, immigration encouraged me to choose one thing over another (like joint bank accounts rather than solo). There are also other things that I refuse to do no matter how it might look to immigration (like signing a car loan when we don't need a second car). But is our relationship any less real because I allowed the relationship standards from the USCIS to factor into my decisions? Heck no they don't, not as long as those "suggestions" aren't contrary to our personal value system! I completely agree with MorganandMichael's statement about keeping in mind what's best for immigration. And the more times you choose to say yes to the USCIS way the easier the next process should be.

Edited June 30, 2016 by JR loves JR

[wheresthebeef29 5]

There is a difference between getting married for immigration purposes and getting married and then playing by the rules of the immigration process.

No one's is suggestion you frame your relationship in a way that is any less genuine in terms of love, just follow the rules. We can't expect the government to make exceptions to account for the countless variations in relationships styles that different couples have, so they set a certain standard for the bona fieds and it's always best to consider these standards when going through the process.

Living together is in most cases seen as a pretty important requirement for proving a bona fied marriage. Most people know this going into it.

You need to prove that your marriage is for love, and its reasonable for someone to question the fact that your husband recently opened up a lease in a separate apartment than you when trying to make that judgement.

I'm really not seeing how it's counter intuitive to try your best to follow the suggestions of immigration law.

That's what we're trying to do now. It is not as if we both have moved around in different places since we've been married. I have a small ~500SF studio apartment. He has a slightly larger studio apartment that he's lived in and worked from for 11 years (though he did renew it to coincide with when my lease is up -- what else was he going to do?).

That said, your point about the government not making exceptions to account for the various relationship styles is a very good one. That's a good way to frame my concern. Maybe we should hold off on filing until 2017, when we have our ducks more in a row and are living arrangements aligned in the eyes of the law. Or maybe we should have lied, and risked someone finding out I have an apartment in my name that I can't get rid of for another 8 months.

Call me a wishful thinker, but I just figured we were past that stage as as country where marriage had to fit within the confines of a very rigid stereotype of one man, one woman, one house, a dog, lots of garden space, and 2.5 kids. We're a married couple who had a huge wedding with our friends, family and work colleagues, we met in person not online, we are part of the same religious group, we have an intimate (sexual) relationship, we want to have kids in the next year, and our families are a unit. We are living our lives together within .1 miles of each other until we can figure something else out. If that's too much for the "open minded" people on here to handle, you're all right, it won't fly with an IO. Which totally sucks and seems unfair as we should as a couple be able by law to use the immigration privileges that are afforded to everyone else who gets married and is in a bona fide relationship.

In short, it's clear that we should hold off until filing until 2017.

Thanks everyone for the advice! I appreciate it all.

[EM_Vandaveer 2,370]

I think holding off on filing until you live together would probably be a wise choice, less hassle at the end. Plus if you get the GC when you've already been married for 2 years you get to skip ROC and get a 10-year GC to begin with.

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

Call me a wishful thinker, but I just figured we were past that stage as as country where marriage had to fit within the confines of a very rigid stereotype of one man, one woman, one house, a dog, lots of garden space, and 2.5 kids. We're a married couple who had a huge wedding with our friends, family and work colleagues, we met in person not online, we are part of the same religious group, we have an intimate (sexual) relationship, we want to have kids in the next year, and our families are a unit. We are living our lives together within .1 miles of each other until we can figure something else out. If that's too much for the "open minded" people on here to handle, you're all right, it won't fly with an IO. Which totally sucks and seems unfair as we should as a couple be able by law to use the immigration privileges that are afforded to everyone else who gets married and is in a bona fide relationship.

In short, it's clear that we should hold off until filing until 2017.

I personally think you are being rather over dramatic. No one is giving you a detailed script on how to live your life, how many kids to have (if any at all) or what sort of house you need to live in. Same sex couples have the same process to go through by the way, so your one woman one man comment is quite odd. And what's this about a dog?? I myself am terribly allergic so if that is a new requirement it's a bummer for me.

As a foreign national married to a USC looking to settle permanently in the U.S., the government has every right to expect certain things from you if you wish to "use the immigration privileges afforded to everyone". The ability to prove that you are in a legitimate marriage is one of those things. It has nothing to do with user's personal opinions.

I haven't even brought up your overstay yet, but the fact that you were here illegally for some time and are now complaining about what you need to do in order to do things legally concerns me and I am sure it would concern an IO as well. While it's true that there are hoops to jump through in order to become a resident in the U.S. living with your lawfully wedded husband should not be a significant one.

Just as a fun tibit about your home country since you seem to think this is a problem with the US, I just want to mention that for the UK spousal visa, living in the same residence is a concrete requirement that is actually specifically called for at the very basic level of elegibility. You need to prove that you intend to live with your spouse and show you have an "adequate" place to live together.

[KayDeeCee 4,891]

Someone asked about the leases through 2017 -- I am on a two year lease in a co-op where I sublet from the owner. He is on a one year lease, renewed his lease in January since I was trapped in my place anyway until Feb 2017, so to speak, so we made the decision to look for a 2 bed (or maybe a house outside the city) next year. Maybe that wasn't the best decision but that's what we did. At the time, we didn't make this decision based on what was best on paper for immigration -- we made the decision based on what was best for our situation. It really sucks that even though this was an honest decision, it feels like we should have manipulated our situation to better fit with the standard white picket fence ideal held by the IOs. We just didn't know that at the time. We didn't marry and set up our lives based around the idea of getting a green card, so we didn't take it into consideration. I regret that now.

Explain it to the USCIS just like that. All you can do is be totally honest and provide all the evidence you have about the medical condition and why it makes you not able to share a bedroom, your lease situations, and your decision to find a larger house to have separate bedrooms under one roof next year when your leases are up. Add in all the strong bona fide marriage documentation you have, and hope the IO you get sees that you are being honest and not trying to make up some bizarre story for a green card. I agree with the others that said if you were in it for a green card only, you would have devised a lie that had you living together, even if you didn't.