Wife abandoned in foreign country, need serious help please!

[RobertM54 36]

Any advice for me? I guess I need to make peace with the IRS for all the time my husband mislead me, but on the other hand I guess he always claimed me on his taxes (whenever he paid them, that is), so I'm quite lost on this subject and need your wise counsels. Of course he doesn't know I made it back, for all he knows my GC is revoked. I'm afraid he'd try to harm me if he knew, so neither him nor his family know anything. We are still currently married as far as I know and he will not try to come to terms with me.

Thanks again everybody.

You need to get copies of your tax returns for the last three (or four to be safe) and understand what they say. It looks like your husband filed jointly-how did he get your signature? Did you keep copies. If this is true, then there may not be a huge issue even if there are minor discrepancies in worldwide income. If there are major discrepancies then you may want to consult a tax attorney. If he did not file married filing jointly then you probably need to file returns to be squeaky clean . Consult a tax attorney.

IRS Tax transcript: https://www.irs.gov/Individuals/Get-Transcript

If you are still married on Dec 31, then you will file married, filing separately. Taxes are much higher so be sure to withhold correctly to avoid a nasty surprise in 2017. At some point you need to figure out how to get a divorce. It sounds like you are afraid so maybe the VAWA thread is worth reading.

Good luck and welcome back!

[Rebuilt 9]

Hi Robert, thank you very much for your input and good wishes See, here's the thing: my husband and I went to Spain in 2010 and had to stay there for much longer due to family issues. In May 2014 he went to FL to stay at his buddy's house and resolve his stuff at the VA, while I had to remain in Spain (waiting for them to get a bigger apartment so I could move back after finishing my studies). As it turns out, the moment he got his disability compensation and his backpay, thanks to fooling the shrinks at the VA, he started an adulterous relationship, which I just found about in May 2015 through the postings of his side dish on his FB page. He had been lying to me the whole time.

Back in February 2015 he asked me my SS number so he could do taxes, so I gave it to him (I mean, he is my husband, alas his nasty treachery was totally unbeknownst to me back then).

So forward to May 2015; when I found out about everything he just came online for 10 minutes that night after I had to resort to call him at work, because otherwise he would not muster the courage to face me, his lawfully wedded wife for over 10 years. After that he never talked to me anymore, I continue to receive his silent treatment until this day.

I have reasons to be afraid of him at this point. If I file for divorce (which God knows is the last thing I want to do, since there's nothing I want more than the possibility to talk to him face to face and give our marriage another chance), I'd do so on the grounds of adultery and abandonment (he moved into his side dish's house, is supporting her and her offspring and just bought her a brand new car). Of course, in normal conditions he'd be screwed. So his only defense would be trying to get me kicked out of the country.

That's why I'm so afraid of him. He turned out to be a narcissistic sociopath who would look only for himself. For all he knows my GC was revoked and I'm still in my country wallowing in my pain and humiliation.

Thus why I want to make sure I get well settled here and right any possible wrong before taking any steps or confront him. But I also need to find a way of not being held liable for anything he do on his own. I KNOW for a fact that this homewrecker he's got will bleed him dry and probably make him do something illegal (yes, he's that much of an imbecile as to allow that to happen). I on the other hand, have a bright future ahead of me, U have been blessed with a second chance, I have seen God right in front of me guiding me through bthe right path and surely I'm not going to allow some ####### #####-starved shithead destroy my future, no matter how much I still love the false version of him he once painted to me.

[Villanelle 4,121]

For your greencard all you need to do is send in the renewal form. Its really quite basic. You shouldnt have any issues in renewing it for another 10 years.

As for taxes- you need to first obtain transcripts of what if anything was filed. You can do so by calling, going in person, or online. There are many posts in the forums about the specifics of how to obtain transcripts. Depending on what they say (if there is money owed or refunds) you may have to consult a tax professional for assistance. If there is money owed there are forms for injured spouses that may apply to you. It will basically sever your liability.

For the divorce you need to first check the county where your spouse lives. They will be able to tell you if a divorce was granted with out your knowledge. If it hasnt been then you need to begin one. You do this in the county where you live. The grounds of the divorce dont really matter that much at this point. Sometimes adultery can cause one side to have to compensate the other but you dont seem to want anything from him. If there were refunds from the taxes then it can be brought up in the divorce.

Again it all depends on if you are interested in fighting him or just want it over with. In my opinion because you all have been separated for so so long- you will have an uphill battle trying to get anything in the divorce. But a lot depends on what state you live in. You dont have a location posted.

[Darnell 8,478]

I would suggest going in person to your local IRS office, asking for transcripts. It's just faster... They print them there and give them to you.

As to the divorce part - at least you two will be unbound, his debts become his debts via court order, and not shared or shareable (if a company tries to come after you for his debt) so that's a good thing.

But you have some time to plan and study - I suggest studying divorce petitions online at your county courthouse website - see what kind of silliness was filed by other people.

Edited February 1, 2016 by Darnell

[Rebuilt 9]

Thank you for your reply Damara, very enlightening! I just want to make sure that in case if having to face him in court he won't be able to retaliate as far as accussing me of abandonment of residence. Like I said earlier, I am currently working full time, got my driving permit, eventually I'll get my DL and a little vehicle and fully intend to mend my previous wrongs and become a citizen of this wonderful country that has given me so much and whose people have literally saved my life.

The matter about my divorce, so you can understand my situation better: my husband is an ex soldier who after coming back from his second deployment (shortly after we got married) might have worked a total of 9 or 10 months out of over 10 years that we've been together. I basically have always been the one supporting him and our household the whole time. He always pulled his convenient "way wah wah I have PTSD wah wah wah" excuse and I felt for it. Stupid, I know, but I always honored my marriage vows and tried my best to support the man I married in good and bad, as I swore before God and men back in 2004.

As far as our separation goes, yes, we have been PHYSICALLY separated for a long time, but I also was lied to for over a year. Until May 2015 the last thing I could have ever imagined is that my husband wanted a divorce, so I would assume that whole year doesn't count (I also have all our FB chats saved to prove this to a judge). So basically, the separation time would count from May 2015 until the present, and it has by no means been agreed upon. Also, he has commited adultery, abandoned his marital obligations and behaved like a complete piece of trash, aiming to cause as much emotional damage as he possibly could with the sole purpose of kicking me while I was down so that I wouldn't have the strength to fight back. He set out to destroy me completely, and I won't allow him to do so, so help me God.

You have no idea how many times I asked him to solve his paperwork at the VA, to make use of his GI Bill and better himself while I was working. He did nothing but mooching off me and my parents (two beautiful octogenary folks who did their best to make him loved and part of a REAL family when his own blood couldn't care less if he lived or died. Then he finally gets to solve his situation (again, thanks to trickery and fooling the psychiatrists into believing his PTSD allegations) and the very moment he gets settled he decides that my family isn't good anymore, lies to me for an entire year and hides under his side dish's skirt, enabling her to fight his own battles and having her sending me derogatory messages with the purpose of adding insult to the injury and ultimately traumatizing me. No, I will not allow that to happen. I'm ready to fight him till my last drop of blood and pride have been restored. I owe it to myself and my old folks.

I live in a state that contemplates fault divorce, and I fully intend to confront him. I couldn't care less about his money, for I never needed it. I was always the one taking care of that useless leech. But this is about personal courage, pride and most of all, integrity. He never had any of those.

[Rebuilt 9]

Thanks for replying Darnell, I fully intend to do so at the IRS office and make peace with those guys as fast as I possibly can.

And yes, I also need a LEGAL separation agreement in order to gain peace of mind. I will definitely get into your suggestions as well

[RobertM54 36]

You should also pull your free credit report and look for anything funny.

https://www.annualcreditreport.com/index.action

And you want to continue to review his local paper for announcements and police reports.

Edited February 1, 2016 by RobertM54

[Villanelle 4,121]

The 'abandon residence' ship has long sailed. You were admitted by CBP- you werent refereed to immigration court so its over. I do wonder if you would be willing to share your POE experience. Often people come on in a similiar situation where theyve been outside of the country for far too long with out a permit and the advice given is the same you got- its up to CBP/could get admitted and refereed to court, could get denied, could get waived through. Did they ask you questions and were sympathetic? Did you show proof of the situation? etc. While everyones situation is going to be different- it can help others to know what happened for you.

Going back to the taxes- VA benefits are not taxable. Any other income he had from working would be. Generally if you dont have earned income you do not get credits leading to a potential refund. You also dont have a tax liability. For earned income typically taxes are withheld and you break pretty even as long as you withhold enough. I really dont think there is going to be anything with the taxes that you have to be concerned about but you wont know until you get the transcripts. Again I believe a tax professional would be the best way to go if there is money owed, however if you can not afford to hire one you can post back for assistance in filing forms.

For the divorce- since you dont have a location anything further said will just be general info. Laws vary greatly state to state. I do want to bring up a point about validation. You are screaming for it in your postings. I dont know how much you know or remember about ROC (removing conditions on the greencard) but there is an option for filing when you are divorced. Often times people come on here and talk about how they had a bad marriage that ended and really really really want to file under the cruelty waiver option.

They are advised to file under the divorce option because either the cruelty they describe doesnt meet the burden of proof for USCIS or if it does but filing under divorce only is easier and safer as all you have to prove is the divorce and not get into evaluating the cruelty. Some people get upset by this advice. Those posters are looking for validation. They want USCIS to justify what theyve been through. Almost as if if they dont then it didnt really happen.

I see a lot of the same coming from you. You are a victim. Maybe it wasnt a criminal offense or a domestic offense but you were still hurt and traumatized and you are pushing hard for it to be acknowledged. I just want to point out that even if its not acknowledged it still happened. You should focus on healing. Perhaps a therapist can help you. Im just a bit concerned as you wrote you are willing to fight to restore your pride. Your pride shouldnt be impacted by whether or not you win or get what happened acknowledged. Your pride should come from with in. From your resilience and perseverance.

With all that said divorce is about compromise. You and only you know what you want. You dont want money or assets. You would probably be happy with an equitable (fair) split where you each keep what you have or brought to the marriage. Your sticking point seems to be getting acknowledged what happened in the grounds for divorce.

Ive seen a lot of divorce. Typically one side will fight against whats considered negative grounds like adultery or cruelty. Its rare they will just accept it. In a case like that if the two parties can not agree the judge will rule on it. To get to that point though can be costly if there are attnys involved. There will be a lot of going back and forth between the attnys perhaps even a hearing for mediation and then one with a magistrate before it gets to the judge.

Most people fight this because as stated before something negative like that can cause the split to go more in the injured parties favor. But if you have a fair agreement and the only issue is the grounds it will be up to you to decide how important it is to you to fight to win. For me personally in my divorce I filed under a few grounds. My marriage ended very badly (criminal charges). Of course my ex fought about what grounds it would ultimately be. For me it wasnt important what it ended up being as long as it happened. I couldve pushed and fought and had the judge rule on it and I wouldve won because as I said there was proof of cruelty but it just wasnt worth it for me.

It would involve ultimately going in front of the judge and testifying. Laying everything out there. Being questioned by the judge, my attny and his attny. And for what? the acknowledgement? Eh for me it wasnt worth it. For you it may be, I dont know. You are at what can be a cross roads in your life. You describe being scared and intimidated still but driven to go forward for some kind of justice.

Justice isnt always what its cracked up to be. You can move forward even with out justice being served. You may have to if you cant afford the fight.

Moving on- Im not sure what you mean by the separation has not been agreed upon? Are you talking you just dont have an official separation agreement? Because that doesnt matter. If depending on where you live you need to be separated for X amount of time before divorcing then I suppose it would start May '15. The date you choose will be important. Debts and obligations after that point can be disputed- ones before that need to be divided. Also like I stated before being separated for long period time makes it easier for the court to say whats yours is yours and his is his. Plenty of time has passed so you should have whatever possessions are important to you.

I sincerely wish you all the best for the future. And I know therapy isnt for everyone but I do believe strongly in it. Youve been through a lot. You need to heal and move forward- it can help. You most likely have medical insurance and therapy is covered on all plans so it would probably only cost you a small co-pay.

[Jawaree 717]

Hello there, and welcome back, I hope things sort itself out & you move forward

[Rebuilt 9]

Hello everybody again, and again, thanks to everybody who participated on this thread and gave me advice. I cannot tell you guys how much that meant to me <3 <3 <3

 

I do not have much time right now to address all the questions one by one, but I promise to do so eventually. Meanwhile I've been reading more and more about laws in hopes of educating myself as much as I can.

 

As I've stated several time, it is my fondest intention to become a citizen of this country, embrace its values and abide by its laws, as well as to be able to repay all the kindness and good I've received from its citizens. I have a lot of people to make proud and I cannot let them down.

 

I have been in touch with the IRS and turns out I don't owe them a penny. I just filed my 2016 tax return on my own for the first time!!!!

 

That said, there are several things that have me seriously concerned. Mainly the abandonment of residence part. Here's something I found during the past days: https://cliniclegal.org/sites/default/files/Abandonment of LPR Status.pdf

 

"When Abandonment May Arise as an Issue

 

There are two situations in which abandonment of residence is most likely to be an issue: applying for naturalization, and re-entering the US after a long trip abroad. Naturalization applicants must provide USCIS with detailed information, including dates for all their trips outside the United States since becoming permanent residents. This information may lead USCIS to believe that the naturalization applicant has abandoned her or his LPR status. Permanent residents who attempt to reenter the United States with their permanent resident cards after prolonged absences may find that CBP believes they have abandoned their residence.

 

Naturalization

 

The N-400, the application for naturalization, requires that LPRs provide a fair amount of information about their lives. This information includes:

1. All addresses in the past five years

2. Employers and schools in past five years, including their locations

3. Total days outside US in past five years

4. All trips outside US of more than 24 hours since becoming an LPR

5. Name and address of current spouse

6. Name and address of children

7. Whether the LPR has ever filed any Federal, state or local taxes as a “nonresident” or failed to file tax returns because he or she considered him or herself to be a “nonresident.”

 

All of these provide information about where the LPR has been living and working. Information provided on an N-400 may lead USCIS to conclude that a naturalization applicant has abandoned her or his LPR status. In such a case, USCIS could deny the naturalization application and ICE would put the LPR into removal proceedings.

 

An LPR may have spent significant time outside the US years ago, then re-entered on her or his LPR card and have lived here ever since without any absences. Even though the long absence may have occurred years ago, the LPR may still be vulnerable to a finding of abandonment. In one case decided by the Second Circuit, Ahmed, a native of Yemen, was an LPR. After losing his job in the US, he accepted a job in Bahrain, applying for a re-entry permit before he left the US. He left the US in 1982 and worked in Bahrain for the next nine years, returning to the US in 1991. While in Bahrain he made numerous visits to Yemen. Meanwhile he did not maintain property in the US, nor did he keep in touch with relatives in the US. Even though he returned to the US in 1991 and stayed for many years after that, the Second Circuit found in 2002 that he had abandoned his LPR status during his nine-year absence from the US. Being back in the US for more than a decade following that absence did not protect him from the finding of abandonment. Ahmed v. Ashcroft, 286 F.3d 611 (2d. Cir. 2002)."

 

So, for what I gathered, I'm on an EXTREMELY delicate situation, and at this point I find myself even questioning the legality of my presence here. I really would not want to find out that I've been doing anything illegal, let alone having any shocking surprise once I'm able to apply for Naturalization. I just want some peace and the possibility of being finally happy after my ordeal.

 

Can I bother you people once more for advice?

 

[Rebuilt 9]

My current situation:

 

- I've been working for the whole time, got my DL, a wonderful support group and a bunch of lovely seniors whom I adore (and I can be pretty safe in saying that they adore me back too). Several work-related background checks done upon my person that have come out clean as a whistle by USCIS standards.

- I need to renew my GC by next year, and I'll start the proceedings to do so moths before its expiration date.

- With a lot of sacrifices, I managed to get divorced from my lovely husband. Never once did he show up, never once apologized for what he did to me and my folks, and never once did I have the chance of seeing him face to face. This lack of closure is still haunting me and it probably always will.

- As if all this ordeal wasn't painful enough, my dear mother got killed by a stupid driver who could not bother to pay attention to his surroundings. My sweet old lady was walking on the sidewalk and this SOB invaded it and killed her. She was on her way to celebrate my niece's birthday and everything happened at about 200 m from my brother's house. He lives in a penthouse, was smoking a cigarette on the balcony and saw the aftermath of it, without knowing our mom was the victim. Went to work and found out about two hours later when the police called him. I don't think I or him will ever recover from this.

- I went back to my country to bury the best mother in the whole world, the person who's loved me with the most pure and unconditional love; she had to die with the sorrow of knowing all the evil my husband did to all of us and I honestly don't know how to cope with it, or how will I ever be able to forgive him.

- Let's remember that I applied for a SB1 that got denied at the Embassy. I do not know what they did with those records.

 

My questions:

 

- Will my GC be renewed? I assume that if it does, everything should be fine on USCIS part. Am I right?

- If it gets indeed renewed, would I still be facing any trouble when applying for citizenship?

- If it doesn't, I fully intend to self-apply under the WAVA provisions. It is important to notice that I fought tooth and nail to have the grounds of adultery and abandonment recognized on my divorce, and that I have taken every possible step to inform the VA about what my husband did and the fraudulent scheme he connived, which is basically fraud. He left me for dead completely CONVINCED that I would never be able to come back. Alas, I did. Had it not been because by a God's miracle I managed to reenter the US and inform the VA about the whole ordeal, he'd still be scamming the Government. And if what he did doesn't qualify as emotional, psychological and financial abuse, I honestly don't know what it would.

 

Any thoughts and advice (legal and otherwise) are welcome. And thank you guys from the bottom of my heart.

[Sandra G. 5,016]

What you described here is not abuse. Abandonment and adultery are not grounds for VAWA. VAWA is for people fleeing from domestic violence or extreme cruelty. What you had U.S immigration calls "an unpleasant marriage", not abuse.

 Vawa petitioners have a police report or a psychological evaluation stating they suffered extreme cruelty and they are suffering pos traumatic disorder and/or major depression due to the abuse suffered.

[Rebuilt 9]

On 4/11/2017 at 5:23 AM, sandranj said:

What you described here is not abuse. Abandonment and adultery are not grounds for VAWA. VAWA is for people fleeing from domestic violence or extreme cruelty. What you had U.S immigration calls "an unpleasant marriage", not abuse.

 Vawa petitioners have a police report or a psychological evaluation stating they suffered extreme cruelty and they are suffering pos traumatic disorder and/or major depression due to the abuse suffered.

Sandra, when the magistrate who acted as mediator (supposed to be an impartial person) during my divorce negotiations personally handed me a phone number to call and asked for help and counseling after what my husband did to me, I GUARANTEE you there was abuse. When than gentleman told me that he's seen many cases in his professional life (as a Judge and as a mediator), and that he was appalled at my particular case and at my husband's lack of integrity, I guarantee you there was abuse. When a well seasoned Judge has been able to see the abuse, I guarantee you there was abuse.

 

I will not go through the particulars of my private life with my husband out of respect for this forum, since it is a family friendly one. Suffice to say that my husband's own sister has publicly accused him of some horrible things that go back to their childhood years; I found about this fairly recently and just couldn't believe it, but everything is consistent. I was at the other end of his perversions for years, and I'm finally seeing the light.

 

I am lucky and blessed that he's finally out of my life for good. He's somebody's else problem now.

 

Aside from that, is there anybody who can have some information upon my status right now? I feel like I am in a legal limbo right now, and this is pure desperation. Am I doing anything illegal or breaking any laws without even know it?

 

If such was the case, it is safe to assume that USCIS would not renew my GC?

 

If they do renew it, is it safe to assume that all this ordeal is over?

 

Thanks again everybody.

Edited April 12, 2017 by Rebuilt

[Transborderwife 4,666]

3 minutes ago, Rebuilt said:

Sandra, when the magistrate who acted as mediator (supposed to be an impartial person) during my divorce negotiations personally handed me a phone number to call and asked for help and counseling after what my husband did to me, I GUARANTEE you there was abuse. When than gentleman told me that he's seen many cases in his professional life (as a Judge and as a mediator), and that he was appalled at my particular case and at my husband's lack of integrity, I guarantee you there was abuse. When a well seasoned Judge has been able to see the abuse, I guarantee you there was abuse.

 

I will not go through the particulars of my private life with my husband out of respect for this forum, since it is a family friendly one. Suffice to say that my husband's own sister has publicly accused him of some horrible things that go back to their childhood years; I found that about this fairly recently and just couldn't believe it, but everything is consistent. I was at the other end of his perversions for years, and I'm finally seeing the light.

 

I am lucky and blessed that he's finally out of my life for good. He's somebody's else problem now.

 

Aside from that, is there anybody who can have some information upon my status right now? I feel like I am in a legal limbo right now, and this is pure desperation. Am I doing anything illegal or breaking any laws without even know it?

 

If such was the case, it is safe to assume that USCIS would not renew my GC?

 

If they do renew it, is it safe to assume that all this ordeal is over?

 

Thanks again everybody.

Just an FYI, @sandranj is kind of the resident VAWA guru.  She is the one who will give you the best advice as I believe she's a lawyer for these situations 

[Rebuilt 9]

Just now, Transborderwife said:

Just an FYI, @sandranj is kind of the resident VAWA guru.  She is the one who will give you the best advice as I believe she's a lawyer for these situations 

Thank you very much M'am. And of course, thanks to Ms Sandra as well.

 

As I'm sure we all know, not all abuse is physical. All I know is, I'm still trying to cope with all the problems I'm having over my husband's treachery. Continuous nightmares, flashbacks, depression, you name it. Alas, like I said earlier, I have no other choice but suck it up and deal with it on my own.