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marriedguy

Constant whining about living far effecting my nerves.

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I applied for my wife's CR1, got a check list other wise the interview would have been next month.

She constantly whines about living far away from people. In her country.

She does not understand, I applied for her CR1, why cant she wait about her other plans, till this is finished and then think of her plans to live far away ?.

She thing it is just easy to pack bags and move to a country a survive.

It's taking a toll on me, and we fight every day about this, I do not want to hear about living far away every day.

Today It got on my nerves, I told her " shut her mouth and listen to me, or you will keep on barking all your life.

i know better than you what to do.

sit at home and talk bla bla bla.

EVERY DAY FAR Far , IF YOU ARE SUFFERING THAT MUCH, THEN YOU GO BY YOURSELF, IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO SEE PEOPLE, GO AND HIDE INSIDE A CAVE.

OR SEE A PSYCHIATRIST WHY YOU THINK LIKE THIS."

she logged out.

Question how do you guys manage this long distance relationship, with spouses who are not understandting.

Edited by marriedguy

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Sorry, didn't see your question until now. It is tough being apart during the waiting process. Can be frustrating at times but love and knowing it will be worth the wait prevails.

Edited by ch3john

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I talked to her as a adult, hundreds of times about same thing, how long do you think i will have patience.

If i say yes i agree to going far away, her next answer will be then come now, and if i don't come, and then she will tell me i lied to her after agreeing.

you say act like a team, her visa process is ongoing so what should i do, cancel it and go far away ? she has to understand that everything takes time, constant whining does not help.

Wow. The simplest answer is to do completely the opposite to what you are doing. Try talking to your wife as an adult, insulting her isn't going to help your relationship. Waiting for the visa and living apart is hard but you are married and you should be a team. Act like a team.

Edited by marriedguy

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I applied for my wife's CR1, got a check list other wise the interview would have been next month.

She constantly whines about living far away from people. In her country.

She does not understand, I applied for her CR1, why cant she wait about her other plans, till this is finished and then think of her plans to live far away ?.

She thing it is just easy to pack bags and move to a country a survive.

It's taking a toll on me, and we fight every day about this, I do not want to hear about living far away every day.

Today It got on my nerves, I told her " shut her mouth and listen to me, or you will keep on barking all your life.

i know better than you what to do.

sit at home and talk bla bla bla.

EVERY DAY FAR Far , IF YOU ARE SUFFERING THAT MUCH, THEN YOU GO BY YOURSELF, IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO SEE PEOPLE, GO AND HIDE INSIDE A CAVE.

OR SEE A PSYCHIATRIST WHY YOU THINK LIKE THIS."

she logged out.

Question how do you guys manage this long distance relationship, with spouses who are not understandting.

I would have logged off too... and probably not come back on... ever. You say she's not being understanding, you your response implies that you do not have very good communication skills and you need to get better at that. If either of you can't communicate now and either of you can't learn to be more compassionate with each other's feelings, you will not go very far. The fastest way to shut the door, and bolt lock it, is to tell your spouse to "shut up, I know better." Respect and mutual understanding is a two way street. You might get tired of hearing it, but if you love her and respect her, you will listen compassionately, as she would hopefully do the same for you. How you speak and treat others is a direct indication of who you are as a person and a husband. I an not judging... I am saying this as a wife.. I'm saying this as how I would want my husband to treat me.


“You cannot enter heaven until you believe, and you will not truly believe until you (truly) love one another.” [Muslim, Al-Iman (Faith); 93]

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Your question is a bit hard to understand. Is she complaining about living far away from people where she is now (like, in a rural area far from any city)? Or is she anxious about moving to the US with you because she'll be leaving the people in her country behind?

Either way, and to put it bluntly, your reaction to it stunk! Listen to the other posters, in your own words, they know better.

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you do not know my wife.

we have been having this since two years.

if i tell her, yes I agree to go and live far away, her next answer would be to do it, how can i say yes to something ?. She has to understand things take time.

I told her this

"if you want to go with me, then you listen to what i do, then we will go far, not telling me every day same thing again and again."

her next reply was "To speak with you, like throwing peas against the wall."

and people from that part of the world understand words only harshly. I am the nicest guy. I don't talk harshly with anyone. But there is a limit.

I would have logged off too... and probably not come back on... ever. You say she's not being understanding, you your response implies that you do not have very good communication skills and you need to get better at that. If either of you can't communicate now and either of you can't learn to be more compassionate with each other's feelings, you will not go very far. The fastest way to shut the door, and bolt lock it, is to tell your spouse to "shut up, I know better." Respect and mutual understanding is a two way street. You might get tired of hearing it, but if you love her and respect her, you will listen compassionately, as she would hopefully do the same for you. How you speak and treat others is a direct indication of who you are as a person and a husband. I an not judging... I am saying this as a wife.. I'm saying this as how I would want my husband to treat me.

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I will tell you, she hates people. she want to cut people to pieces, today she said she wants to be a surgeon so she can cut people.

she wants to be away from people far away, she says she does not like to be near people.

she wants to be far away any where there is no people.

you guys do not know her very well. I put up with all this.

Your question is a bit hard to understand. Is she complaining about living far away from people where she is now (like, in a rural area far from any city)? Or is she anxious about moving to the US with you because she'll be leaving the people in her country behind?

Either way, and to put it bluntly, your reaction to it stunk! Listen to the other posters, in your own words, they know better.

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I applied for my wife's CR1, got a check list other wise the interview would have been next month.

She constantly whines about living far away from people. In her country.

She does not understand, I applied for her CR1, why cant she wait about her other plans, till this is finished and then think of her plans to live far away ?.

She thing it is just easy to pack bags and move to a country a survive.

It's taking a toll on me, and we fight every day about this, I do not want to hear about living far away every day.

Today It got on my nerves, I told her " shut her mouth and listen to me, or you will keep on barking all your life.

i know better than you what to do.

sit at home and talk bla bla bla.

EVERY DAY FAR Far , IF YOU ARE SUFFERING THAT MUCH, THEN YOU GO BY YOURSELF, IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO SEE PEOPLE, GO AND HIDE INSIDE A CAVE.

OR SEE A PSYCHIATRIST WHY YOU THINK LIKE THIS."

she logged out.

Question how do you guys manage this long distance relationship, with spouses who are not understandting.

I would have logged out as well

Just the tone and the way you described the convo does not sound like a two-way-street type of the communication

Just so you know, most of the times when person sounds like a nagger or is pushing the issues.. its not to 'bark'

They need assurance, stability and acknowledgement that all will be ok.

This is not the first test. not will be the last but , I am sorry to say , this does not sound like an united front.

What I heard from this post is ' she doesn't understand me' , but I did not hear ' I am here for her, and I understand where is coming from'

Yes, you are working on the visa, we are all doing the same

But she will be moving her whole life just because of you, and just for you.

Her life, its the end of the life as she knows it.. EVERYTHING new. Think about that for a sec.

I am sure you moved at least once in your life.

No imagine that, 10000x different and on steroids.

And, ... saying stuff like :

shut her mouth and listen to me, or you will keep on barking all your life.

i know better than you what to do. Do you really? Have you moved to another country and left EVERYTHING BEHIND?

sit at home and talk bla bla bla." Would you have spoke to your mother this way too?

Good luck!

I really hope for your all sake that you will find the compassion and understanding for each other.

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I will tell you, she hates people. she want to cut people to pieces, today she said she wants to be a surgeon so she can cut people.

she wants to be away from people far away, she says she does not like to be near people.

she wants to be far away any where there is no people.

you guys do not know her very well. I put up with all this.

Do you love her?

It doesn't matter how she appears to others.

DO YOU love her?

There is nothing you can explain to anyone, but yourself

If she is that horrible, then why are you with her?

Personal note:

There are things that I am maybe not a biggest fan that my hubby does. But who cares, I love 100% of him and that 100% includes that 5% too... So I learned and love to love that part of him.

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I will tell you, she hates people. she want to cut people to pieces, today she said she wants to be a surgeon so she can cut people.

she wants to be away from people far away, she says she does not like to be near people.

she wants to be far away any where there is no people.

you guys do not know her very well. I put up with all this.

Well that is a bit alarming.....


“You cannot enter heaven until you believe, and you will not truly believe until you (truly) love one another.” [Muslim, Al-Iman (Faith); 93]

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I will tell you, she hates people. she want to cut people to pieces, today she said she wants to be a surgeon so she can cut people.

she wants to be away from people far away, she says she does not like to be near people.

she wants to be far away any where there is no people.

you guys do not know her very well. I put up with all this.

I think the two of you may have bigger issues than the long process of immigration and the frustrations that go with the journey . Your last post here is a little disturbing. What country is she from and do you have a language barrier too? You say she only understands when you use harsh words? No one from any walk of life wants to be spoken to poorly. Especially by their loved ones. I was going to advise you that for any relationship to work harmoniously there must be a mutual love and respect for one another. Like the other posters have pointed out you're a team and when you're part of a team you both want the other to succeed because you're supposed to both be on the same team. When you fight and you're both trying to "Win" it means the other person has to lose and that defeats the team and you both end up losing. There will be no winners in a such a relationship and you both will form resentment towards the other if you haven't done so already. Respectful communication and setting proper expectations for your future is what is needed now. Perhaps if you haven't done so already point her to this website so she can better understand the process? I believe whole heartedly though that you have larger issues at hand that will continue to stress the relationship even after she arrives in America due to how the two of you communicate with one another.


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i know better than you what to do. Do you really? Have you moved to another country and left EVERYTHING BEHIND?

Have i moved ? yes many countries. and many states.

I left a well paying job because of her constant hysteria and went and lived with her for 6 months.

I told her once she gets her visa , we can go any where, there should be a fall back, once she gets her visa, we can plan to go live some where far, and when the money dries up, and things are not what it seemed like, then i need to come back and work. If she has no visa now. then we will suffer again, i have to start the whole process again.

There is a saying "rolling stones gather no moss", that means a person who moves constantly one job to next does not have anything in life, they will be like a hippie.

She has to understand in order to have a future, one needs job and money, she does not work, she stays in her mom's house so everything is free.

She does not know real life.

sit at home and talk bla bla bla." Would you have spoke to your mother this way too?

My mother is more mature, i do not have to talk to her like that.

All i want her is to understand is have patience, things take time.

I would have logged out as well

Just the tone and the way you described the convo does not sound like a two-way-street type of the communication

Just so you know, most of the times when person sounds like a nagger or is pushing the issues.. its not to 'bark'
They need assurance, stability and acknowledgement that all will be ok.
This is not the first test. not will be the last but , I am sorry to say , this does not sound like an united front.
What I heard from this post is ' she doesn't understand me' , but I did not hear ' I am here for her, and I understand where is coming from'
Yes, you are working on the visa, we are all doing the same
But she will be moving her whole life just because of you, and just for you.
Her life, its the end of the life as she knows it.. EVERYTHING new. Think about that for a sec.
I am sure you moved at least once in your life.
No imagine that, 10000x different and on steroids.

And, ... saying stuff like :
shut her mouth and listen to me, or you will keep on barking all your life.
i know better than you what to do. Do you really? Have you moved to another country and left EVERYTHING BEHIND?
sit at home and talk bla bla bla." Would you have spoke to your mother this way too?

Good luck!

I really hope for your all sake that you will find the compassion and understanding for each other.

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