Odd Situation

[betteralone 0]

I have been a member of this forum since we started the process but can't seem to log in using my old account that is why I made a new one. Anyways, my story is kinda long so please bear with me.

I am here in the US for more than a month now under cr1 category. Me and my husband got married 2013. After we got married a couple of weeks after, he went back to USA. After two or three months since he came back, I found out that he was having an affair with a filipina also. I was doomed. I was helpless. He doesn't want to answer my calls, always mad at me for calling him or asking about him and his whereabouts. He never admitted his relationship with that girl but even his relatives saw him with that girl many times and his mom was so mad at him because of what he was doing. I was left in the Philippines, feeling helpless, I felt weak, it affected my health, my job, my life. He knew that his wrongdoings affected me, but he didn't stop. He said he will change but he didn't. I always pray to God that my husband should realize what he was doing is wrong. I felt like I was like a trash that was dumped and was useless. I asked God to let my husband realize that what he is doing is wrong and if he really wants me in his life still or not. I don't hate him because I love him. So God answered my prayer and my husband filed his petition for me and later on he and his gf broke up. A year after, my visa was granted. I was the happiest woman that time. I felt like my marriage is worth fighting for. Little by little, I am confident again that I am the one who he wants to be with forever.

February, my visa was approved. March 16 he bought a ticket for me to come to USA. Then, two days after he bought my ticket, he deleted my pics in his facebook and saw him posting iloveyou's to a new girl from facebook. She is also a filipina but from the Philippines. The girl knew that my husband is married but she didn't mind. I can see how sweet they are because the girl's profile in facebook is public. I was humiliated. I felt disrespectful. I asked him why he's doing that, but he didn't give me clear answers. I cried every night. I don't know what to do. My flight is in three weeks. I talked to my mom in law and she said that I should still come, that I should not give up, that my husband will change once I get there. I don't know what to do anymore.

After three weeks of thinking what to do, with the help of my in laws, I finally decided to just go and see the sitaution with my own eyes. I wanted to talk to him personally. So, after a couple of times him saying sorry to me because he said he can't leave that girl for me, take note he hasn't meet that girl yet, only in pictures and all of us even his siblings thinks that its a catfish. He said he doesn't want to work out the marriage anymore. I cried a lot, I was angry, I was mad, I pitied myself, I want to sue him, I don't know what to do. He still paid for my greencard, I am still living with them. Him sleeping in the living room, me in the bedroom. He said that the girl will go to Denver this June because he said she's a US citizen and he will meet her there for a couple of days. I want to stop him but I can't do anything. I want a divorce, I told him to just divorce me, I did not come to US to have this kind of life. I better go back to the Philippines, at least I am happy there.

What should I do

[NikLR 13,220]

I think you should go where you are happy. I'm not surprised he started cheating again and he will likely cheat on this new girlfriend too. I know it hurts and it's hard. It's okay to feel bad and sad. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with who he is. Stand up for yourself. Believe in yourself. Like yourself. Be happy again.

***hugs***

[Boiler 43,425]

Agree

Divorce and go home.

[rhein 451]

It's an unfair situation, and the guy sounds like a real piece of.....work.

The thing is, you knew all this was going on, and still came. How did you get the plane ticket? Did he get it for you, or did you buy it yourself?

I don't think you have a ton of options. If your life is decent back home, why not go back? You've been here a very short time. Are you working here in a career-oriented job, or are you completely dependent on him financially?

Certainly, you entered the marriage in good faith, so you could conceivably stay. When in 2013 did you marry? Is you greencard CR-1 (conditional) or IR-1 (10 year?)

The question really is, if you stay, how can you support yourself/survive in the medium-term? Assuming your husband makes decent, reportable income, you could probably get spousal support for a very limited amount of time - measure in months.

More info as outlined above would allow us to help more.

I have been a member of this forum since we started the process but can't seem to log in using my old account that is why I made a new one. Anyways, my story is kinda long so please bear with me.

I am here in the US for more than a month now under cr1 category. Me and my husband got married 2013. After we got married a couple of weeks after, he went back to USA. After two or three months since he came back, I found out that he was having an affair with a filipina also. I was doomed. I was helpless. He doesn't want to answer my calls, always mad at me for calling him or asking about him and his whereabouts. He never admitted his relationship with that girl but even his relatives saw him with that girl many times and his mom was so mad at him because of what he was doing. I was left in the Philippines, feeling helpless, I felt weak, it affected my health, my job, my life. He knew that his wrongdoings affected me, but he didn't stop. He said he will change but he didn't. I always pray to God that my husband should realize what he was doing is wrong. I felt like I was like a trash that was dumped and was useless. I asked God to let my husband realize that what he is doing is wrong and if he really wants me in his life still or not. I don't hate him because I love him. So God answered my prayer and my husband filed his petition for me and later on he and his gf broke up. A year after, my visa was granted. I was the happiest woman that time. I felt like my marriage is worth fighting for. Little by little, I am confident again that I am the one who he wants to be with forever.

February, my visa was approved. March 16 he bought a ticket for me to come to USA. Then, two days after he bought my ticket, he deleted my pics in his facebook and saw him posting iloveyou's to a new girl from facebook. She is also a filipina but from the Philippines. The girl knew that my husband is married but she didn't mind. I can see how sweet they are because the girl's profile in facebook is public. I was humiliated. I felt disrespectful. I asked him why he's doing that, but he didn't give me clear answers. I cried every night. I don't know what to do. My flight is in three weeks. I talked to my mom in law and she said that I should still come, that I should not give up, that my husband will change once I get there. I don't know what to do anymore.

After three weeks of thinking what to do, with the help of my in laws, I finally decided to just go and see the sitaution with my own eyes. I wanted to talk to him personally. So, after a couple of times him saying sorry to me because he said he can't leave that girl for me, take note he hasn't meet that girl yet, only in pictures and all of us even his siblings thinks that its a catfish. He said he doesn't want to work out the marriage anymore. I cried a lot, I was angry, I was mad, I pitied myself, I want to sue him, I don't know what to do. He still paid for my greencard, I am still living with them. Him sleeping in the living room, me in the bedroom. He said that the girl will go to Denver this June because he said she's a US citizen and he will meet her there for a couple of days. I want to stop him but I can't do anything. I want a divorce, I told him to just divorce me, I did not come to US to have this kind of life. I better go back to the Philippines, at least I am happy there.

What should I do

[betteralone 0]

He bought the ticket for me last March 16 for Apr 11 flight. Our second year anniversary was April 12. I don't know what kind of greencard yet since I don't have it yet but he paid for it a month ago.

Once I get my greencard, I want to work right away for me to divert my attention and for me not to pity myself anymore. Its hard for me everyday to see him or even hear his voice hurts me. We are living with my in laws, I don't want to make a lot of tension in their house. My in laws has been there for me all through out. They took care of me, they are against what their son is doing but there's nothing they can do about it. Even his other relatives (aunties, cousins, siblings) are not talking to him because of whats happening.

I know I need to move on. Even his mom said that her son will not change that I will not be happy with him and that I should just move on and he doesn't deserve me at all. I just wish he realized that. But I can't do anything.

[Boiler 43,425]

Timing sucks, wonder if it was deliberate.

[betteralone 0]

I was the one who chose the date, because I want to be with him on our anniversary. I was the one who booked my flight and he just paid for it.

[Boiler 43,425]

Too late now, have you filed to remove conditions?

[InHisTime 110]

Sorry that you are in this odd situation.

It's Ok, you are not alone to experience this kind of heartbreaking scenario.

Head up girl ! nothing is wrong with you. At least you have given him chances and you tried your best to work on the marriage. No regrets!

Yeah going back home is a good option, what's the use of green card anyway if you are not happy, no job I guess since you just got there.

Since you haven't started working or having life in the US yet and if you think you can have your life back home then it is best decision to go back home, get divorce and move on with your life.

Life is too short. Spend it with someone who appreciates and value you, not hurting you.

Be strong and take care of yourself, am sure you will find a good loving man in the near future. Keep the faith. God bless !

[betteralone 0]

I am thinking of going back home or staying here and stand up for my self.

I want to go home, but I already left my job. I have my loving family waiting for me there, and with them I am truly happy. I want to stay too, and able to let him realize that I can be successful without him in my life. I do not know, I am torn between the two. His siblings said I should stay, and just don't mind their brother. I should not let him see that I am hurting. That I should show him I am a strong woman.

[clairegie 265]

I am thinking of going back home or staying here and stand up for my self.

I want to go home, but I already left my job. I have my loving family waiting for me there, and with them I am truly happy. I want to stay too, and able to let him realize that I can be successful without him in my life. I do not know, I am torn between the two. His siblings said I should stay, and just don't mind their brother. I should not let him see that I am hurting. That I should show him I am a strong woman.

I'm truly sorry about what you're going through. It takes a really strong woman to be able to deal with all this. Try it out here for a bit. Find a job, move out, and make a life for yourself. If you still feel unhappy, time to come home. Do what it takes to find your peace and happiness. Like they say, the best revenge is to be happy.

[onye uwaoma 131]

Going back home where you find true happiness trumps everything. A life of misery is not worth you will accept. Time shall heal your hurt

[VOL 425]

I would go back to the Philippines. Year round warm weather, You don't need much money to survive there, cost of living is cheaper.

It's tough to make it here in the USA unless you plan on spending a lot of your time working just to pay bills.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

You are married to a selfish child not a man. He wants everything with no responsibility. He will probably stay that way for the rest of his life, pleasing his sex drive without a thought to what he does to others. Your last choice should be to stay with him. IF you want to stay in the US ask his parents to give you notarized statements about the relationship being for real on your side for ROC later, if you want to return home then you can do that also. Do NOT be drawn back in by this creep, especially if this new wonder woman turns out to be a fake and he turns back to you.

[nane1104 146]

What's the point in proving him you are strong and can make it here without him? You just arrived here, besides his family, do you know anyone?

His mom already changed her tune, first she said come here, he will change, now she says he won't change. God knows how things will go in the future with them? My point is, you are pretty much on your own here.

Your husband sounds like a true piece of work and I wouldn't stay with him even if he came crawling to me begging to take him back.

I can only say if it was me, I'd go back home to my family. Start divorce while still here in case he won't file after you leave.