One, Two... Many Rants

[kitthekat 1,317]

having a bad day. love my husband, wish i was back home though.

[Ontarkie 13,918]

having a bad day. love my husband, wish i was back home though.

Me too

[Merrytooth 5,748]

Ice-cream will make you feel better.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Ice cream always makes me feel better until it makes my tummy feel bad.

[kitthekat 1,317]

had some espresso flavoured ice cream feeling a bit better.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Dyed my hair back brown, the red was just too unnatural and after a couple of washing the shade variation was immense.

[JTB11 1,079]

made grilled potatoes with all kinds of rubs....was very good I gotta say and bbq chicken and salad with radishes. *pats own back* that was good quick spur of the moment dinner.

Today was not bad Had good talk with hubs....long and somehow feels way better like we reached understanding but that happened before also and next day all went to hell so..we will see

MIL slept most of the day...i think she has been getting more depressed lately...hoping she slept it off and will be all good tomorrow.

Cut my finger nicely.

[SAT 9,609]

Here I is Spanky

[Ontarkie 13,918]

Wow this thread is slow today, did you all get a life and forget about me???? I want a life too gees!

J glad you two got to talk, it will help you in many ways in the long run.

Oh and the potatoes and chicken sound good!

[SAT 9,609]

I didn't forget ya

[Ontarkie 13,918]

Thanks Steve

I just saw that the servers were down, that explains so much

[TBoneTX 43,079]

Just about to miss out on a Saturday of family fun because of work.

Sorry, Pooky. You're welcome here as a regular, see man.

[TBoneTX 43,079]

Man this thread title sucks.....

It shoulda been..... The Pink Ranther. A Shot In The Tark.

Can't use "pink" in the title, or Asia gets shut out, oj tak.

Who chose the title??

It had been bandied about in the past, see ma'am. Past time for it.

Dumass Tarklar, who else, in the middle of the night, when no one was around....

....to avoid what happened last time -- Many extra pages (see that thread, see man) before its closure.

[TBoneTX 43,079]

I LOVE the name!

Good Asia! Good, GOOD Asia!

Why would you want to buy some one ( dead people?) used bath towel? It is very Ewwwww and creepy.

We don't know that, no ma'am. Sometimes, it's a "living" estate sale. Plus, towels warsh (Texas spelling), see ma'am. Plus plus, a good deal is to be taken when the dealing is good, si man; this one wasn't, no man.

Maybe Tarklar bought the towels to wash his cat

Have had to use them on occasion to dry off cat when Mrs. T-B. has left her out in the rain, sigh man.

Maybe Tarklar washes his cat in dishwasher, no drying required

HOW TO CLEAN A CAT

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add a requisite amount of shampoo to the toilet tank.

Many. Obtain the cat and carry him to the bathroom.

Many. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, because his paws will be reaching out for anything he can find.

Many. Flush the toilet two or Many times. This provides a "power wash and rinse," which has been found to be quite effective.

Many. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

Many. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

Many. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside, where he will dry himself.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

CAT-BATHING AS A MARTIAL ART

Some people say that cats never have to be bathed. They say that cats lick themselves clean. They say that cats have a special enzyme of some sort in their saliva that works like new, improved Wisk -- dislodging the dirt where it hides and whisking it away.

The informed among us should discount all the folklore and facts to the contrary, such as the kitty odors that lurk in the corners of the garage and the dirt-smudges that cling to the throw rug by the fireplace. The time comes when one must face reality and announce: "This cat smells like a Port-a-Potty on a hot day in Juarez."

Here is some advice to consider as you place your feline friend under your arm and head for the bathtub: Know that, although the cat has the advantage of quickness and a lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than Many feet square, get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass doors as though you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower-curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a Many-ply rubber shower-curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)

Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. Wear canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey facemask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.

Prepare everything in advance. There is no time to go out for a towel when you have a cat digging a hole in your flak jacket. Draw the water. Make sure that the bottle of kitty shampoo is inside the glass enclosure. Make sure that the towel can be reached, even if you are lying on your back in the water.

Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion, as a rule. If he does notice your garb, calmly explain that you are taking part in a product-testing experiment for JCPenney.)

Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to your survival. In one fluid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water, and squirt him with shampoo. You have now begun the wildest Many seconds of your life.

Cats have no handles. Add that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or Many seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record for cats is two latherings, so don't expect too much.)

Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat-bathers always assume that this part will be the most difficult, for human beings generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just starting to become determined. In fact, the drying is simple compared to what you have just been through. That's because by now the cat is semi-permanently affixed to your right leg.

Simply pop the drain-plug with your foot, reach for your towel, and wait. (Occasionally, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat.

In a few days, the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about two weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine. You will be tempted to assume that he is angry. This isn't usually the case. As a rule, he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath. But at least now he smells a lot better, si man.

Edited June 29, 2014 by TBoneTX

[TBoneTX 43,079]

having a bad day

Sorry, si ma'am.

Me too

Sorry, D ma'am.

Rant: Mrs. T-B. outdid herself in regard to the condition in which she left the kitchen sink, sigh man. It took me fully Many minutes -- nearly an hour -- to detangle the sink and the disasters within. Will spare the details, si and sigh man. Must de-dish the warsher (Texas spelling) anytime now.

Ice-cream will make you feel better.

Or, a Many'rd of a pallet of Dollar General oreo cookies, gulp man.

Dyed my hair back brown, the red was just too unnatural and after a couple of washing the shade variation was immense.

Sorry to hear that you dyed, ma'am. When's the funeral?