Greeting each other (split topic)

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

My mother was much more direct, though, and would just straight up embarrass the person into going away, asking things like "Why John, are you getting fresh with me?" or saying "Now John, you know I'm a married woman and I don't do that.")

This is so dependent on tone, though, because both of those things can come across as a certain type of flirtation if said in a certain way.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

It should be obvious, but that's asking an awful lot, unfortunately. Lots of Americans don't give a thought to there being experiences outside their own; either they're ignorant, or purposefully offensive, or just over-eager puppies.

But worrying about being rude is how a LOT of men in America will try to take advantage of you. So after you've said no, to whatever it is you don't want, you are not being rude if they continue to do what you don't want. They are being rude by ignoring what you have said.

Now, re: the man's wife hugging your husband - it is more socially acceptable here for women to hug their male friends, regardless of the region of America. That's got more to do with notions of who should initiate contact than anything else. In that case, it's a conversation you need to have with your husband, not the woman doing the hugging. He probably doesn't see the problem, because that is normal. If it bothers you, see if you can come to an agreement you both like. That said, you can't make him not hug female friends - just like he can't make you hug male friends.

Mom was always very good at playing the straight woman and just going with the most outrageously over-the-top interpretation in order to get people to leave her alone without being able to say she was anything but gracious and friendly.

(My area of research dovetails with notions of consent, so in other areas of the internet, it's not uncommon to see me GRR ARGH FEMINISMing all over the place. I think "Ask an American" is probably a great idea, though... well, except for the fact that Americans can't be bothered to have a single overriding consensus on just about anything, so it might be more confusing than helpful!)

I wish could do like your Mom did!

[kehills 217]

Hell, I wish I could do it like my mother did. I just don't have the innate grace of being born in the South, though.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Yes, it was a third times of meeting. The previous ones I only shook his hands. But the third times, when I gave my hands and then suddenly he said that. I could never guess or have a thought what was his real intention whether just being friendly or something else. What I noticed while was there that his wife also hugged everyone in the party. I guess because she already knew them. And I don't know how to explain this. This guy is not my husband's friend. They were both working in the USCG but different units and only met occasionally. My husband did not even remember his name and neither I.

Oh, that's no no no.

He is definitely overstepping his bounds.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

Oh, that's no no no.

He is definitely overstepping his bounds.

I thought so, too!

[Girl from Celebes 588]

Hell, I wish I could do it like my mother did. I just don't have the innate grace of being born in the South, though.

Hah! That's a business idea. Your Mom can started a class manners and teach people how to do that!.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

OMG, just tell him to #### off.. hey you learnt that F word from American culture

[Girl from Celebes 588]

. My husband won't allowed me to use profanity words!

OMG, just tell him to #### off.. hey you learnt that F word from American culture

[Abby&Mario 100]

Yes, it was a third times of meeting. The previous ones I only shook his hands. But the third times, when I gave my hands and then suddenly he said that. I could never guess or have a thought what was his real intention whether just being friendly or something else. What I noticed while was there that his wife also hugged everyone in the party. I guess because she already knew them. And I don't know how to explain this. This guy is not my husband's friend. They were both working in the USCG but different units and only met occasionally. My husband did not even remember his name and neither I.

Oh, that's no no no.

He is definitely overstepping his bounds.

I agree with Harpa Timsah. This guy is an acquaintance of your husband's, not a close friend. As for his wife, it's possible she knew those people well enough to hug. Hugging is also more common in the U.S. when you haven't seen someone in a while, and it's definitely more common among women (as in women hugging women).

Alternative theory: They're just that weird couple that hugs, and they don't know it's weird because no one has ever had the balls to tell them it's weird. Some people, and this happens everywhere, are just sort of oblivious to social norms. Anyone remember that "Friends" episode where Chandler's boss kept smacking him on the ###, and he didn't know what to do? Maybe they're like that guy, but with hugging.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

I agree with Harpa Timsah. This guy is an acquaintance of your husband's, not a close friend. As for his wife, it's possible she knew those people well enough to hug. Hugging is also more common in the U.S. when you haven't seen someone in a while, and it's definitely more common among women (as in women hugging women).

Alternative theory: They're just that weird couple that hugs, and they don't know it's weird because no one has ever had the balls to tell them it's weird. Some people, and this happens everywhere, are just sort of oblivious to social norms. Anyone remember that "Friends" episode where Chandler's boss kept smacking him on the ####, and he didn't know what to do? Maybe they're like that guy, but with hugging.

I guess just need to learn a new way to avoid such things in the future and not offended others and I am comfortable in any places without being worried that I have to hug some (males).

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

Maybe it's just the alcohol you know?

At University I was part of a group of friends who'd just say hi to greet each other, no hugs or cheek kisses. But at a party there would be all sorts of hugging going on with female friends and the guys would play fight. Once three of us guys ended up in a bush with ripped clothes because we wrestled in the street on the way home

It's entirely possible that him and his wife are a lot less touchy feely when there's no drink involved, not saying that it excuses their behaviour but maybe that's why it happens. Either way they need to respect your boundaries more and understand that not everyone is the same.

Edited June 3, 2014 by Hotter Otter

[Girl from Celebes 588]

Maybe it's just the alcohol you know?

At University I was part of a group of friends who'd just say hi to greet each other, no hugs or cheek kisses. But at a party there would be all sorts of hugging going on with female friends and the guys would play fight. There was one girl who'd start holding my hand in front of her boyfriend, she was as shy as hell when sober. Once three of us guys ended up in a bush with ripped clothes because we wrestled in the street on the way home

It's entirely possible that him and his wife are a lot less touchy feely when there's no drink involved, not saying that it excuses their behaviour but maybe that's why it happens. Either way they need to respect your boundaries more and understand that not everyone is the same.

What? ! I read on Daily Mail long time ago about binge drinking in some places. That's crazy, .

I hope that was actually the reason why he acted in such that manner.

Edited June 3, 2014 by Girl from Celebes

[chiggins82 87]

I deal with this in Canada (and I am sure in the US too). I personally am not comfortable hugging. Some people are and some are not. I find for me the best way to stop it is always approach first. If people try pushing for a hug, I just say "Sorry, not a hugger!" and I step back.

Most of the time this works. I guess no one really would use the excuse that man did with you, but you should be firm and hopefully your partner will back you up.

I have this same issue with the cheek kiss. Some people do it in Canada and some don't. It is always awkward for me. In the end though sometimes people end up forcing the hug greeting and I just awkward and stiffly let it happen... To me it is not the end of the world. Just something that I personally am not into.

Just remember that you have the right to say no and no matter what people say, hugging as a greeting is not the universal 'way' in the US.... just that person's way

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

What? ! I read on Daily Mail long time ago about binge drinking in some places. That's crazy, .

I hope that was actually the reason why he acted in such that manner.

It's kind of a rite of passage at university in the UK, the vast majority of people I know are like me and can't even consider the thought of drinking that much once you reach your late 20's and settle down. But still, a few drinks and I'll lose a lot of my British reserve and possibly hug people. Not strangers though!

[Girl from Celebes 588]

I deal with this in Canada (and I am sure in the US too). I personally am not comfortable hugging. Some people are and some are not. I find for me the best way to stop it is always approach first. If people try pushing for a hug, I just say "Sorry, not a hugger!" and I step back.

Most of the time this works. I guess no one really would use the excuse that man did with you, but you should be firm and hopefully your partner will back you up.

I have this same issue with the cheek kiss. Some people do it in Canada and some don't. It is always awkward for me. In the end though sometimes people end up forcing the hug greeting and I just awkward and stiffly let it happen... To me it is not the end of the world. Just something that I personally am not into.

Just remember that you have the right to say no and no matter what people say, hugging as a greeting is not the universal 'way' in the US.... just that person's way

Yes, my husband told him that I don't hugs people in my country. I remember he said," hey, you are here now!".