fiance down

[Ketsuban 1,034]

Maybe if he would do a little more around the house while you're earning money, he won't have time to sit around moping or evading doing anything since God will just fix it all for him. It takes more than God, it needs his own action too. I don't imagine I will settle in right away either, but I'm not intending to sit around doing nothing either.

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

I thought a man would be more stronger than a woman to face difficulty in any situation. I guess am wrong. I have been here almost 90 days. I had no hard time to adjust except dealt with my jet lag that almost a month. He should known that when move to different places, there are a lot things need to adjust. Rather than complain why this or that, he should make himself busy to do useful things. I understand your frustration. After tired from work and you came back home just to hear many complaints. He should stand up as a man and act like a man. No time for cry baby, period.

I don't think this is really that helpful, men have emotions and feelings just like women do only it is less socially acceptable for men to air them. If her man was keeping everything bottled up inside it would harm him far more mentally in the long run.

To the OP- your man has given up his life in his home country to be with you and he deserves a little more time to adjust so try and imagine how you would be had you moved to his country and cut him a little slack. On the other hand, you sound like you are doing all the right things like cutting down on your hours at work to spend more time with him and taking him places. Why not have a talk with him and explain that his constant negativity is having an effect on you and that he could focus on the positives of being with you.

Good luck, it's a hard time to adjust for a lot of people.

[inlovebutlonely 6]

Well, I must ask are you also Spanish? the reason i ask is about the cooking. I am sure there are Spanish restaurants in Chicago, i wonder will he complain about the food then? In regards to everything else I think he wouldnt b bored if he contributed to the house work you are the one earning he should help with everything else cleaning, laundry, and of course taking care of the kids. I find it disheartening reading the things you post cuz he knew he would b coming to another country and he was ok with it. and i dont know why he talks so much bad about the us when dr is not the greatest countries. I know for a fact. I would tell him if he hates it so much and he only cares about his other child in dr then he should leave. I cant believe you had to hire a babysitter when he is at home doing nothing. I am disgusted at this man and his behavior. I am ashamed that he is Hispanic and is behaving like this. tell him to man up and actually try to be open this change and allow God to bring him and your family happiness. If he so much believes in God he should know that he needs to do his part.

[MRS.MONTILLA 4]

He has access to the net what does he do?

He listens to this Pentecostal preacher preach and reads up on negative things about the states.

I understand his connection isnt as strong with our children as with his son in the DR but one would think he would try to build a bond withbthem and care for dem. But I dunno.

I have been looking for flights to send him back. I know it sounds terrible. I have tried talking to him but he always says only god can help me.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

Get back in the kitchen!

Who gets jet lag for a month??

. That's me. I never knew it was a jet lag until I read the symptoms and those are lasted almost a month. It was first time I travelled a cross the globe, many different time zones, for many hours.

[NoeliayRonny 9]

Momma I remember how excited and Proactive you were to have that man here. I am sorry to hear that its turning sour so quickly. My piece of advice is put that man to work and taking English classes. His mind needs to be busy. Stop touring America and babying him, Time for reality. I don't know if this is an option in Chicago but in NYC they can do day laborer work and take free English classes. If you keep enabling his negative behavior he will think it okay. PM me so that we can chat mama. My heart is with you I have seen how hard you worked and prayed to have that man by your side.

Edited April 29, 2014 by Noelia

[Abby&Mario 100]

I thought a man would be more stronger than a woman to face difficulty in any situation. I guess am wrong.

You learn something new everyday.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

You learn something new everyday.

Indeed! That's humans are supposed to be, aren't they? .

[jcruzazucar 131]

Hello,

I'm Christian as well and I can tell you from experience that being overly "religious" is not healthy (which sounds like what your husband is doing). Sin is everywhere (not only the states) so I don't really understand his point there. Also, didn't he research any of this before he moved to the U.S.?

It sounds like he may be having a difficult time adjusting of course, but he is being unfair to you too and using this as a crutch.

Being christian is not about the "traditions"; it's about the relationship each individual has with Christ. His relationship with the Lord should be strong enough that he rejoices in the awesome opportunity that the Lord has given him by entering the U.S.and trusts that God will guide him regardless of what country he is living in.

If he is so unhappy, he is not trusting in God.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18: Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

One more thing, when a believer does not provide for his family, he is failing God.

1 Timothy 5:8: But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

"Providing" does not mean economically, it means in general. If he doesn't provide by being kind, feeding them, taking care of their needs and yours....just so this does not get misinterpreted =)

I hope for the sake of your twins that he realizes that he is missing out on enjoying his time with you and the twins and that God didn't make him choose to live in the U.S.; he decided that on his own and now needs to enjoy the decision he made, not be miserable about it.

Best of luck to you and your husband!

Edited April 29, 2014 by jcruzazucar

[Papetica09 16]

Let me ask you something, are you dominican also? Instead of complaining what he needs to do is help you, if he is soooo concerned about his kid in the Dominican eating than she should be doing something other than complaining to make sure that happens. I get the part of adjusting, but one thing is adjusting another thing is being selfish and Inconsiderate!!... U having to pay a babysitter while he is at home doing nothing!! That money you are paying to the babysitter you guys can send it to his kid " to make sure he eats"!!! Listen Im dominican my self, and I have 2 girls 5 and 9... and all I can tell you is, if im with someone thats becomes a load for me... something gotta give!!

Im sorry but Im %150 with you, if it was me, I would of got him a ticket back to DR!!! He can addressed his depression over there!!

Edited April 29, 2014 by Idelarosa

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

This is one of the big problems with a K1 visa - the sitting at home (not to mention the people who don't save up for AOS).

You married a man, yes? Do you know anything about the majority of men? I'd say his behavior right now is just about what I'd expect from any man. My husband was out of work for 2 months this winter and this is how he was - depressed and did nothing around the house. He was driving me nuts!

I think you'll have more to worry about if he had an EAD and still wasn't working or doing anything.

Stop expecting your husband to behave like a wife and be strong through this.

[rlogan 2,036]

Rubbish.

Drama queens abound in both genders. What baffles us about the defense of drama queens is that this exact adjustment issue is well-known to ANYONE thinking about immigration. So therefore it is a thing you prepare for and act to minimize. In the case of the OP she has been knocking herself out entertaining the guy with travel. We didn't see a single thing he was doing to seriously improve the situation, and millions of people do so every year just fine.

It is one thing to acknowledge adjustment issues, but another thing to coddle and kiss the rear end of someone who is displaying bad character.

[sweet cakes 326]

Everyone handles adjustments differently. If your husband was also used to working long hours, this phase must be very boring for him then. But then, if he's used to being pre-occupied, watching religious videos and not looking after the kids, is totally unacceptable. In my case, I had been looking up for volunteer groups here in our city even prior to my visa approval. More or less, I know what to expect and the potential timelines I'm looking at, including the down time. Personally, I would think your man is lacking a responsible nature. Just giving in to his wishes and accepting his complaints won't be helpful in the long run. You absolutely need to have a heart-to-heart discussion with him, if you want this relationship to work out. He has to understand that marriage (as in any other relationship) is 2-way. Especially that you have kids, he should be man enough to recognize his responsibilities without you reminding him. Always remember that he is not the only one who has expectations.

Edited April 29, 2014 by sweet cakes

[butterflies0124 8]

Momma I remember how excited and Proactive you were to have that man here. I am sorry to hear that its turning sour so quickly. My piece of advice is put that man to work and taking English classes. His mind needs to be busy. Stop touring America and babying him, Time for reality. I don't know if this is an option in Chicago but in NYC they can do day laborer work and take free English classes. If you keep enabling his negative behavior he will think it okay. PM me so that we can chat mama. My heart is with you I have seen how hard you worked and prayed to have that man by your side.

I have to agree with her a bit here. Being home all day probably makes him feel useless, taking care of the kids probably makes him feel like less of a man. Not knowing how the world works here, not knowing where to go to do anything, not having his own life here, not having any friends, all of that probably makes him feel stuck, trapped, and probably wants to go back home, while feeling like he is failing his son back in DR. It's time to stop enabling him, he needs to build his life here, with you and your family and snap out of all the negativity he has going on in his head. I think it would also be great for him to connect with people that have been in his shoes and they can share experiences. He'll feel he's not alone and that there is hope. Best of luck to you! I am sooo dreading the adjustment, and how it will affect our relationship!

[Papetica09 16]

This is one of the big problems with a K1 visa - the sitting at home (not to mention the people who don't save up for AOS).

You married a man, yes? Do you know anything about the majority of men? I'd say his behavior right now is just about what I'd expect from any man. My husband was out of work for 2 months this winter and this is how he was - depressed and did nothing around the house. He was driving me nuts!

I think you'll have more to worry about if he had an EAD and still wasn't working or doing anything.

Stop expecting your husband to behave like a wife and be strong through this.

You think that he helping with his twins, while she is working and he is doing nothing is" behaving like a wife"??? Really??? I thought we were in 2014!! He needs to either work at home or work out of the home!! But he needs to work!!!