Create a Sub-Forum to Discuss the Emotional/Psychological Impact of this Process

[Advanced Aardvark 82]

This is not a laughing matter. More than a few hosed petitioners have had active fantasies about a second interview with "no Plexiglass" between their in-attendance selves and the COs.

In regard to the original post and the subforum idea, the variables of people's situations are many and already fit into existing forums -- case progress for K-1 and CR-1, Waivers/AP, the regional subforums, and Effects of Major Changes, to name several. If an "Emotional/Psychological" subforum were created, posters' feelings might be disrespected or disregarded if someone's situation seemed more trivial than someone else's, in immediate comparison: "What are YOU upset for? Look what happened to _____." As things are, people's situations can stand on their own merits and be placed in the most applicable forum in which to receive the most pertinent advice.

VJ is a great technical, and community, resource to assist genuine petitioners as they wade through the process. My point, granted presented in a glib fashion, was that 'feelings' are not relevant to the process. Anyone who utilizes the excellent resources on VJ, follows the immigration rules and is a genuine petitioner, will likely be successful.

Feelings are best saved for loved ones.

Edited January 25, 2014 by Tim & Olga

[sara..... 371]

My first experience with any kind of visa journey was with someone from india the process was long and awful.......took two years just to get a noa2 then when he had his interview they waited until the petition expired and send it back to the states as expired petition,..........i have a heart condition the process increased my medical problem to critical at one point just from the stress countless misinformation from the wonderful 1-800 number and an attorney that ended up messing our case up more than helping.....while waiting for the process i asked for expedite showed my medical condition from the doctor and the doctor stating in the letter to csc that the stress was contributing greatly to the decline of my health...it had absolutely no impact.......people on visa journey were wonderful and supportive to me i made a few lasting friendships ..........i am now starting the visa journey again years later with for my now husband (not the same person my then fiance married someone else he couldnt handle the stress to try again)......i learned patience from the first round and acceptance that we might be suffering emotionally but the service centers are much like a machine they just dont take anything into account about the case other than what is sitting in front of them or in a pile they are working on......to stay sane you will need to find things to keep you busy and make as many visits to your wife as you can afford........

my prayers are will you and your family

sara

[Pooky 3,367]

VJ is a great technical, and community, resource to assist genuine petitioners as they wade through the process. My point, granted presented in a glib fashion, was that 'feelings' are not relevant to the process. Anyone who utilizes the excellent resources on VJ, follows the immigration rules and is a genuine petitioner, will likely be successful.

Feelings are best saved for loved ones.

I agree that VJ is an invaluable resource for the technical aspects of the legal immigration process.

But there are people within the VJ community who have experienced the extended-time LDR and may have some good advice on how to cope with the stress and strain of this process. Sometimes just talking to someone who is going through, or has already completed, the process can provide enough reassurance that there is an end to the wait.

The people here on VJ are this community's greatest resource. Why not let them help if they want to?

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Few here probably realize what turmoil this imparted to the processing of other visas...

There's that old chestnut again.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

This is not a laughing matter. More than a few hosed petitioners have had active fantasies about a second interview with "no Plexiglass" between their in-attendance selves and the COs.

In regard to the original post and the subforum idea, the variables of people's situations are many and already fit into existing forums -- case progress for K-1 and CR-1, Waivers/AP, the regional subforums, and Effects of Major Changes, to name several. If an "Emotional/Psychological" subforum were created, posters' feelings might be disrespected or disregarded if someone's situation seemed more trivial than someone else's, in immediate comparison: "What are YOU upset for? Look what happened to _____." As things are, people's situations can stand on their own merits and be placed in the most applicable forum in which to receive the most pertinent advice.

Case progress subforums are generally used by people for time tracking.

Effects of Major Changes is for relationships already in the dumper. Not the same thing as people looking for a way to keep theirs from ending up in the same state. Or for those people just generally looking for personal support.

I agree that VJ is an invaluable resource for the technical aspects of the legal immigration process.

But there are people within the VJ community who have experienced the extended-time LDR and may have some good advice on how to cope with the stress and strain of this process. Sometimes just talking to someone who is going through, or has already completed, the process can provide enough reassurance that there is an end to the wait.

The people here on VJ are this community's greatest resource. Why not let them help if they want to?

Yup.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Yes, but lately that has not held true. People keep saying this, that the K-1s and CR/IR-1s trade off and go in swings, being processed fast while the other is slow. But since the backlog in I-130s started this has not proven true this time, as the backlog seems to keep slogging on with no resolution from USCIS in sight. They have continued to blaze through K-1s while letting CR/IR-1s languish and wait 9 months to 1 year to be processed.

I don't want to minimize your concern. But an observation of how things have gone over the last year is only part of the big picture.

When I joined this community nearly 10 years ago, there were 4 service centers processing K1's. One was exceedingly fast (approvals in less than a month); one was exceedinly slow (9 months was typical); the other two were somewhere in between. All CR1's typically took a year. People would use the K3 to get around that. Some people would file a K3 and convert it to a CR1 when they got to the consular stage.

It's all swings and roundabouts. Government red tape. People like me - telling you these things - we are hoping you will see that what you are going through isn't "personal". That it is all just part of bureacracy. We are hoping it can help alleviate some of your stress.

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

VJ is a great technical, and community, resource to assist genuine petitioners as they wade through the process. My point, granted presented in a glib fashion, was that 'feelings' are not relevant to the process. Anyone who utilizes the excellent resources on VJ, follows the immigration rules and is a genuine petitioner, will likely be successful.

Feelings are best saved for loved ones.

With all due respect I disagree with you.

Feelings and emotions are very relevant to the process. Loved ones, friends and family will probably not have been through this process, other people on VJ have. None of my friends and family have been through this and my wife (while amazing and supportive) hasn't been through the process of leaving her country either. Sometimes it's helpful to have empathy and supportive advice from someone who understands. I've seen some great examples on VJ. So VJ is a great place to get advice and support from people who understand and are likely to be sympathetic. People who don't feel that this is what VJ is for just don't need to read these threads. :-)

To the OP... great idea!

[TBoneTX 43,487]

There's that old chestnut again.

Look at the eye-opening statistical analysis of DACA, performed by a VJ member:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/421247-i-129f-delay-at-the-csc-a-comprehensive-analysis-of-the-data/

Edited January 26, 2014 by TBoneTX

[r060106 109]

Look at the eye-opening statistical analysis of DACA, performed by a VJ member:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/421247-i-129f-delay-at-the-csc-a-comprehensive-analysis-of-the-data/

Amen to that.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Look at the eye-opening statistical analysis of DACA, performed by a VJ member:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/421247-i-129f-delay-at-the-csc-a-comprehensive-analysis-of-the-data/

You know what?

I think it would be really helpful to the OP if you (and others) stick to the subject at hand.

Even if DACA affected case processing, you have been around here long enough to know that nearly any bureaucratic change can affect case processing. And you know that different types of petitions have their day - only later on to find the situation reversed.

Scapegoating - blaming - finger pointing - that isn't what the OP asked about. He asked about support. For support. What he typed out - it was very heartfelt. That wasn't your normal whinge about things. He was in a very low dark place and was reaching out.

The thing that most caught me offguard - when I met my husband through the miracle of the internet - was the full-on brutal realization that there are people behind those words on a screen. Real people. I haven't stayed in these communities for nearly 10 years because this is some playground or source of amusement. My US immigration knowledge is less than what it once was - I have my eye on other shores now. I have been unable to successfully disconnect myself from VisaJourney because this was once a place where I could find support during my husband's immigration journey. The place was smaller. It was easier to find the people behind the words on a screen. Now - when I find someone like the OP - I am taken back to that time and place. I kind of see that real person - looking for an answer.

*sigh*

I am an old fool who believes in the power of love, the power of knowledge - the power of life. If there is another way to affect one another positively, why should we not take that that way?

[TBoneTX 43,487]

The OP brought it up himself, in post #11:

We had intended to do the K-1, but when I saw what the wait times were at that point (thanks to DACA)

But you're right that scapegoating isn't ultimately productive, and one of your earlier posts was very likely the best in the thread.

In organizing threads and becoming familiar with the forums, I've concluded that plenty of support is available in whichever forum a despairing poster posts (including the dreaded regional subfora that someone of mutual acquaintance has disapproved of). Depending on the reason for the despair (which is crucial), everyone's situation is different, and plenty of forum venues already exist when someone wishes to reach out for support. All of us here can resolve to seek out these threads where they're posted and offer the necessary support, as you have done.

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

Wow lots of responses. Little back story, we've been dealing with this for 3 years. We tried to get her a student visa back in 2011 so she could visit me (if anyone here feels the need to insinuate that we wanted to commit visa fraud and not just to visit please feel free to go ###### yourself) but she was denied. Despite the fact that I was a broke student just out of college I scrapped up enough money to go back to India and we got engaged in 2012. We had intended to do the K-1, but when I saw what the wait times were at that point (thanks to DACA) for the K-1 we both decided to get married instead. So we waited more than a year for me to find a good job so I could afford to fly back and get married proper Indian style. Then I came back and filed 1 month after landing in the US, only to find upon arrival that the insanse situation had flipped and now CR-1's are suffering like K-1's used to. So we have been dealing with this insanity since 2011.

Yesterday after seeing the Vermont stats I lost it. The prospect of even more suffering seems unfathomable. I know it's not true but we seem as far away today as we were back in 2011. Because she is a Muslim (and I am a white guy who faked converting to Islam) and her last name is Khan, even after all the normal waiting is over we're staring down the gun barrel of 221-G admin processing for months or even years. I just could not take it. I guess everyone will hate me for saying this but I started thinking about leaving her yesterday. I know you will hate me because I know hate me now. How could I think such a terrible thing? I must be a terrible person. The only way out looks to be suicide. I started researching online about it. I am not sure what to do now. I do not want to tell my wife because her emotional state is also fragile. I feel like I am in prison There's no escape and no hope.

You are not a terrible person, you are just suffering emotionally and mentally because of all the steps you have taken so far and the other side of the road seems so far away. I've seen you get frustrated, but I've also seen your willingness to get involved in the I-130 campaigns to raise awareness of the current wait and that's the best thing to do as it makes you feel less helpless. I think that from your story you've come so far and you can't give up now. My wife and I were despairing after 7 months of waiting for the NOA2, then suddenly we got it and it made us both so much happier like you wouldn't believe. It lifted a huge weight off our shoulders.

Your time will come dude, don't do something that you can't take back, just think, there will come a time when you will wake up beside your wife everyday. Isn't that something to hold onto? Remember the old saying...The darkest hour is just before the dawn.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

The OP brought it up himself, in post #11:

But you're right that scapegoating isn't ultimately productive, and one of your earlier posts was very likely the best in the thread.

In organizing threads and becoming familiar with the forums, I've concluded that plenty of support is available in whichever forum a despairing poster posts (including the dreaded regional subfora that someone of mutual acquaintance has disapproved of). Depending on the reason for the despair (which is crucial), everyone's situation is different, and plenty of forum venues already exist when someone wishes to reach out for support. All of us here can resolve to seek out these threads where they're posted and offer the necessary support, as you have done.

Hard to find anything around here anymore. The place is huge. And some of us don't have time to search like we use too.

[thedude6752000 360]

This is not a laughing matter. More than a few hosed petitioners have had active fantasies about a second interview with "no Plexiglass" between their in-attendance selves and the COs.

In regard to the original post and the subforum idea, the variables of people's situations are many and already fit into existing forums -- case progress for K-1 and CR-1, Waivers/AP, the regional subforums, and Effects of Major Changes, to name several. If an "Emotional/Psychological" subforum were created, posters' feelings might be disrespected or disregarded if someone's situation seemed more trivial than someone else's, in immediate comparison: "What are YOU upset for? Look what happened to _____." As things are, people's situations can stand on their own merits and be placed in the most applicable forum in which to receive the most pertinent advice.

WOuld it be possible to create an emotional subforum for each visa type? id est CR-1/IR-1 emotional, K-1 emotional, F2A emotional, etc?

[Pooky 3,367]

Hard to find anything around here anymore. The place is huge. And some of us don't have time to search like we use too.

WOuld it be possible to create an emotional subforum for each visa type? id est CR-1/IR-1 emotional, K-1 emotional, F2A emotional, etc?

One forum would be sufficient. That way, people can see that different visa types can bring about the same kinds of problems, and can often last equally as long.