Create a Sub-Forum to Discuss the Emotional/Psychological Impact of this Process

[PD0729 12]

Agreed... this process is taking a huge toll on my sanity.

We could use a mental health counselor here...

*HUGS*

Indeed.

Any volunteers here?

Or we should hire at least one? Lawyers couldnt help and now we call mental health conselors. But I think this team "lawyers and conselors" wont help. Lawyers did prove, they are useless for that area.

We should believe in ourselves and stay strong, good things happen, Im pretty sure.

[thinkerbell 0]

wow! i feel ur pain. sometimes i feel like we r being punished for being in love and married to a foreign citizen, but don't loose hope now. We r all on the same journey..maybe different experiences but same treatment. I joined this community for the support and because i don't want to feel alone. Because at times i feel restless and believed that my husband and i r punished. we went thru a lot as well. my husband got a lawyer initially to help with our i-130 filing( because we wanted less mistakes), she took our $1000 us dollars for nothing, she never wanted us to asked her questions, couldn't tell us where our file was @ and didn't informed us properly on what was to b done. Need more???? when our case reached NVC she got the invoice identification number and stuff and never informed us, we had to call NVC, and they gave us the #. We forgave her and acted oblivious to the issues and proceeded to paying our bills on line and filled out our DS260, because when we were ready to do this she was unavailable (no response to phone call). when we finally got thru to her she met with my hubby and sat with him, filled out AOS form, then put it a side and said she will send it to NVC on her time. a few days pasted and she told hubby she will send me via email what she needed from me... never got that email.

When my husband called her and asked her if she had sent me the email she got so emotional and told him she will b off our case ( we don't have any police problems, no immigration problems) so i was like,..let her get the off if she want. we can do this together...and now everything submitted by us to the NVC and we are waiting for case complete/ interview date. ....moral : don't lose hope stay strong and stay connected to VJ just to keep u abit stable..get involved more, comment on our posts join in the fun and things will start to appear less stressing.

[thinkerbell 0]

Indeed.

Any volunteers here?

Or we should hire at least one? Lawyers couldnt help and now we call mental health conselors. But I think this team "lawyers and conselors" wont help. Lawyers did prove, they are useless for that area.

We should believe in ourselves and stay strong, good things happen, Im pretty sure.

so true

[Kat&Abhi 42]

@thedude6752000 would you consider moving to india if you could get a good job there or is that not a possibility due to circumstances here in the US?

I only ask because I moved to India on an employment visa (and coincidentaly met my husband while on a project). I was lucky to continue my employment for 4.5 years while we lived together and developed our relationship. then we finally married in May 2013 and I left shortly after that because I had an amazing job opportunity back here in the US.

I would absolutely be willing to reach out to my network over there to see if I could help you find employement if that is something you might want to consider. But I absolutely agree that this sucks....after living with my hubby for 4 years we joke that we spent more time together BEFORE marriage than AFTER!

[Peace500 28]

I agree with you on this one about the emotional/psychological impact. Even though my wife file has been complete with the visa and everything. One thing I don't understand why would K Visa have shorter period of time vs CR1 visa. I just think it should be other way around vs CR 1 waiting for long time.

Have you looked into the money aspect? Do you think USCIS makes more money on K visa than CR1? Just a thought.

[iali1 4]

Have you looked into the money aspect? Do you think USCIS makes more money on K visa than CR1? Just a thought.

I think that USCIS in general have more money. I don't think they people specific working with K visa or CR1 Visa. One person can do 4 to 5 categories of visa which would make that person either overload or them taking their sweet time. Unless if some person high up in the food chain tells them to work on CR 1 make that prioty 1 and other files work on it as require then it make a difference on a wait time.

[Tosh Love 77]

Wow, this breaks my heart and I am short of words for the OP. I am a mental health counselor by trade but to be honest with you, no one will be able to relate to what you are going through no matter how hard they try because you are hurting on so many levels--relationship, financial, politics, distance, etc. etc. The only thing I can suggest is to continue talking and sharing with people who are going through this process and remember that you are NOT ALONE. I do not want to inject myself into this situation because that would imply "I know what you are going through," which is BS. No one knows what you are going through, only you do. I admire your courage and gumption to be able to share this on this site and I wish you nothing but the best. Feel free to let me know if you want me to participate in any forum and share. God's Speed and Blessing!!

To speak to someone professionally please call 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Have you looked into the money aspect? Do you think USCIS makes more money on K visa than CR1? Just a thought.

Over the ten years I've observed immigration to the US, it is my opinion that the two processes "flip" from time to time. Sometimes K1's process quicker; sometimes CR1's process quicker. It's all just a ####### shoot.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

I completely agree. CR-1/IR-1 filers are already in a binding legal union, according to our own government. So I'll never understand why we don't get put ahead of the line for actually being their definition of "immediate relative", which a fiance is not. Makes no sense to me and is so completely unfair and wrong for us to be pushed back so much in terms of processing times than K-1s, who are getting processed so quickly right now (no offense to anyone who is a K-1).

That's on "old argument" that's been bandied around in the past. It usually gets uguly really fast. IMO, a relationship is a relationship. A piece of paper doesn't make one more valid than another. Besides, there are countries in the world where USC's aren't allowed to marry their foreign partner. The laws of that country don't permit marriage to non-citizens.

Keep in mind what I said above. The process is a ####### shoot. You are unlucky right now in the fact that CR1's are taking longer. Some other part of your process will go more quickly. It really does tend to work out that way. Try not to apply any doctrine of "fairness" to immigration. You'll just make yourself nuts.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Wow lots of responses. Little back story, we've been dealing with this for 3 years. We tried to get her a student visa back in 2011 so she could visit me (if anyone here feels the need to insinuate that we wanted to commit visa fraud and not just to visit please feel free to go ###### yourself) but she was denied. Despite the fact that I was a broke student just out of college I scrapped up enough money to go back to India and we got engaged in 2012. We had intended to do the K-1, but when I saw what the wait times were at that point (thanks to DACA) for the K-1 we both decided to get married instead. So we waited more than a year for me to find a good job so I could afford to fly back and get married proper Indian style. Then I came back and filed 1 month after landing in the US, only to find upon arrival that the insanse situation had flipped and now CR-1's are suffering like K-1's used to. So we have been dealing with this insanity since 2011.

Yesterday after seeing the Vermont stats I lost it. The prospect of even more suffering seems unfathomable. I know it's not true but we seem as far away today as we were back in 2011. Because she is a Muslim (and I am a white guy who faked converting to Islam) and her last name is Khan, even after all the normal waiting is over we're staring down the gun barrel of 221-G admin processing for months or even years. I just could not take it. I guess everyone will hate me for saying this but I started thinking about leaving her yesterday. I know you will hate me because I know hate me now. How could I think such a terrible thing? I must be a terrible person. The only way out looks to be suicide. I started researching online about it. I am not sure what to do now. I do not want to tell my wife because her emotional state is also fragile. I feel like I am in prison There's no escape and no hope.

dude - *hugs*

You're looking for some release from your torment. And you're so on the edge right now that any release feels better than nothing. Hang on. Tight. Get some real life, close up, in person help. Google "crisis line" and I'm gonna bet it will cough up your nearest local crisis center. There are people there to help. I think people here have written enough words to encourage you to understand - that they care.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Great idea, I'm an emotional wreck right now. I haven't slept properly in months! This is not good for someone my age, I'm a constant state if anxiousness. I've already been with my doctor several times over the past couple of months with related problems. I'm so tired of the whole process but I need to keep strong for my husband. I know he feels the same. <3

I think a forum about the emotional aspect of this process would be a good idea. For a lot of reasons.

Support while going through it - yes, definitely.

But there are other immigration truths. Like starry-eyed nonsense that occurs sometimes in LDR's. And delusions about what life will be like after reunion. I'm not trying to sound negative - I'm just that bottom line kind of gal. Real relationship/married life is HARD. Add distance into it and all kinds of things get jumbled. A positive support network would be really beneficial. I think it would have to be heavily moderated in order to keep it healthy. People like me would have to watch their mouth with "bottom line" generalizations.

[Advanced Aardvark 82]

How about a sub-sub-forum for the 'Hurt Feelings' resulting from denials?

[r060106 109]

Over the ten years I've observed immigration to the US, it is my opinion that the two processes "flip" from time to time. Sometimes K1's process quicker; sometimes CR1's process quicker. It's all just a ####### shoot.

Yes, but lately that has not held true. People keep saying this, that the K-1s and CR/IR-1s trade off and go in swings, being processed fast while the other is slow. But since the backlog in I-130s started this has not proven true this time, as the backlog seems to keep slogging on with no resolution from USCIS in sight. They have continued to blaze through K-1s while letting CR/IR-1s languish and wait 9 months to 1 year to be processed.

[TBoneTX 43,417]

How about a sub-sub-forum for the 'Hurt Feelings' resulting from denials?

This is not a laughing matter. More than a few hosed petitioners have had active fantasies about a second interview with "no Plexiglass" between their in-attendance selves and the COs.

In regard to the original post and the subforum idea, the variables of people's situations are many and already fit into existing forums -- case progress for K-1 and CR-1, Waivers/AP, the regional subforums, and Effects of Major Changes, to name several. If an "Emotional/Psychological" subforum were created, posters' feelings might be disrespected or disregarded if someone's situation seemed more trivial than someone else's, in immediate comparison: "What are YOU upset for? Look what happened to _____." As things are, people's situations can stand on their own merits and be placed in the most applicable forum in which to receive the most pertinent advice.

[TBoneTX 43,417]

[...] what the wait times were at that point (thanks to DACA)

Few here probably realize what turmoil this imparted to the processing of other visas...