Has my marriage been ruined by PMS (or rather by my inability to deal with it?)

[Avery Cates 1,141]

Frankly, I can see one of the big problems here is that you are out of work and expect your wife to work, perhaps even support you, despite moving half way around the world. I also don't grasp this DIHH nonsense despite living in one of the most liberal and expensive states in the country, Connecticut, not a single household on my street has both members of a married couple working (with an exception of maybe one who works from home).

That's because depending on where in Connecticut, it's expensive for a reason and they're rich households which don't have a need for a second income. However, that's not reflective of the rest of the country. At all.

[fantonledzepp 159]

Frankly, I can see one of the big problems here is that you are out of work and expect your wife to work, perhaps even support you, despite moving half way around the world. I also don't grasp this DIHH nonsense despite living in one of the most liberal and expensive states in the country, Connecticut, not a single household on my street has both members of a married couple working (with an exception of maybe one who works from home).

I moved to my husband's country last year and had he been unemployed and expected me to support him in a country I was unfamiliar with and not fluent in the language of, I would have asked him to drop me back off at the airport too!

I hope "life" doesn't happen to you then. I petitioned my fiancee, she came to the US, got married, and 4 months afterwards i suffered a stroke. And all of a sudden my "stability" is being threatened. My wife stuck by me all that time during my recovery and we're still struggling. Oh, and I'm 32.

But go ahead and leave your husband should "life" happen to you.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Your case is very interesting but I think if I go through my texts you could find my PMS every month documented as well , but no yelling happens. Everyone is different and obviously long distance relationship just adds to the fuel. But I do believe that PMS can be extreme and ruin a relationship. Birth control can help with mood swings, cramps ,headaches ..etc. In case she changes her mind, if she isn't on birth control or oppose to it you should look into it .

Wish you the best!

I'm going to apologize to my husband for my PMS.

This is why I primarily hang out in effects. It gives another point of view.

Frankly, I can see one of the big problems here is that you are out of work and expect your wife to work, perhaps even support you, despite moving half way around the world. I also don't grasp this DIHH nonsense despite living in one of the most liberal and expensive states in the country, Connecticut, not a single household on my street has both members of a married couple working (with an exception of maybe one who works from home).

I moved to my husband's country last year and had he been unemployed and expected me to support him in a country I was unfamiliar with and not fluent in the language of, I would have asked him to drop me back off at the airport too!

Does he know the level of your commitment to, oh nothing, just the marriage vows?

[rhein 451]

Frankly, I can see one of the big problems here is that you are out of work and expect your wife to work, perhaps even support you, despite moving half way around the world. I also don't grasp this DIHH nonsense despite living in one of the most liberal and expensive states in the country, Connecticut, not a single household on my street has both members of a married couple working (with an exception of maybe one who works from home).

I moved to my husband's country last year and had he been unemployed and expected me to support him in a country I was unfamiliar with and not fluent in the language of, I would have asked him to drop me back off at the airport too!

Let me guess, you live in Greenwich, Darien, or New Canaan. Not exactly representative of 99% of the U.S.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Does he know the level of your commitment to, oh nothing, just the marriage vows?

Our marriage vows included me being a SAHW/SAHM. If he didn't want that he would have married a Danish woman. We have a very traditional marriage and we like it that way.

And frankly--you haven't a clue. I have no expection of my wife supporting me. Doesn't it seem odd to you that an unemployed man successfully, with no income managed to have a USCIS K1 granted?

I'm sorry that you ran into such a problem but it does not relate to me. If I wanted to I could go the rest of my life and not work--we call that retirement. I don't collect social security--but I could. I'm not loaded but I own a house with zero mortgage and an apartment house that has positive income and I won't even start to get into other investments, stocks/bonds or cash.

You are very blunt along with a hint of meanness. I hope that he enjoys that.

And you are way, way off base....

No it doesn't seem odd you got a K1. I got a CR1 and I haven't worked in 7 years.

I also own a house with no mortgage here in CT, a fairly large/nice one at that. I'm 26. So, its nothing to brag about. We are hopefully selling it next week and we could buy many houses elsewhere with that money. In fact we are looking at one right now that is 10% of the cost.

For the record about your earlier "OMG 12K spent", I've spend way more than that on our relationship/immigration/moving. I don't understand the complaint.

I am blunt and my husband would be offended if I wasn't. Compared to the women in his country that could drink an American man under the table and probably when an arm wrestling contest with them as well...

I don't think I'm off base, I think I've touched a nerve with the men who think their wives should work crowd. Whatever, that's your choice and your life, but a lot of women the world over like traditional.

Edited January 10, 2014 by N-o-l-a

[unsmiley 111]

As I said before, pull the affidavit of support NOW, TODAY, DON'T WAIT. If things work out between the two of you there is always a refiling of the AOS. Sounds like sis is trying, in ignorance, to get a green card for your wife (her sister) and then use that route to get green cards for all the family. Since your wife came on a K-1 Visa she has NO WAY to adjust except with you or VAWA. Doesn't sound like she has anything for a VAWA claim and since she is far away she can't get any evidence to support a VAWA.

Again.....pull the affidavit of support now. You can always refile.

I totally agree. Run, don't walk, and pull that AOS.

[SteveXXJuliet 27]

I'm impressed. I really am--to be 26 and to be mortgage free is quite a feat--bravo. Percentage-wise you are quite ahead of the pack, and I believe it's something to be proud of.

The bottom line is: I don't need to work, but I enjoy working and expect to do so for many years. Juliet did not care if I worked or not--plain and simple. And if she chose not to work that would have been fine with me also, though if she chose not to spend a few years in college, I would have been disappointed because that's what she told me she wanted to do.

And I agree--though traditional stay at home house-makers are rare in today's society and if one can afford it I think that affords the best life for the family especially if you have children.

To each her own. Thank you for sharing.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Our marriage vows included me being a SAHW/SAHM. If he didn't want that he would have married a Danish woman. We have a very traditional marriage and we like it that way.

No it doesn't seem odd you got a K1. I got a CR1 and I haven't worked in 7 years.

I also own a house with no mortgage here in CT, a fairly large/nice one at that. I'm 26. So, its nothing to brag about. We are hopefully selling it next week and we could buy many houses elsewhere with that money. In fact we are looking at one right now that is 10% of the cost.

For the record about your earlier "OMG 12K spent", I've spend way more than that on our relationship/immigration/moving. I don't understand the complaint.

I am blunt and my husband would be offended if I wasn't. Compared to the women in his country that could drink an American man under the table and probably when an arm wrestling contest with them as well...

I don't think I'm off base, I think I've touched a nerve with the men who think their wives should work crowd. Whatever, that's your choice and your life, but a lot of women the world over like traditional.

It is not about touching a nerve, it is about standing by your man when he needs you instead of falling on the couch eating potato

chips and complaining about being bored. Working or not is the choice of each couple and the point here is that the OP has a very rough time finding a job but is well equipped to care for his wife. What part of not finding work but actively searching do you not understand ?

What happens if your spouse gets ill or loses his job ? A marriage is a team effort and not a solo performance and to keep it operating

smoothly you just may have to help out and work too instead of getting on the next flight to Utopia.

Edited January 10, 2014 by Ebunoluwa

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

I'm impressed. I really am--to be 26 and to be mortgage free is quite a feat--bravo. Percentage-wise you are quite ahead of the pack, and I believe it's something to be proud of.

The bottom line is: I don't need to work, but I enjoy working and expect to do so for many years. Juliet did not care if I worked or not--plain and simple. And if she chose not to work that would have been fine with me also, though if she chose not to spend a few years in college, I would have been disappointed because that's what she told me she wanted to do.

And I agree--though traditional stay at home house-makers are rare in today's society and if one can afford it I think that affords the best life for the family especially if you have children.

To each her own. Thank you for sharing.

One of the worst mistakes a man can make is to be suckered into a sahm situation.

That's all I'm going to say about that.

[Nonofurbusiness 13]

omg!..i can relate to this topic..i have PMS..every month. but, thanks to my loving and understanding husband. he doesn't leave me. ok..during my PMS time..i really become so jealous,easily get irritated. but i try to control myself always. so, my husband already know that i'm about to have my period since i am acting differently. my husband is so supportive. he makes me laugh, he comforts me. telling me he loves me so much everyday.

[Avery Cates 1,141]

Our marriage vows included me being a SAHW/SAHM. If he didn't want that he would have married a Danish woman. We have a very traditional marriage and we like it that way.

No it doesn't seem odd you got a K1. I got a CR1 and I haven't worked in 7 years.

I also own a house with no mortgage here in CT, a fairly large/nice one at that. I'm 26. So, its nothing to brag about. We are hopefully selling it next week and we could buy many houses elsewhere with that money. In fact we are looking at one right now that is 10% of the cost.

For the record about your earlier "OMG 12K spent", I've spend way more than that on our relationship/immigration/moving. I don't understand the complaint.

I am blunt and my husband would be offended if I wasn't. Compared to the women in his country that could drink an American man under the table and probably when an arm wrestling contest with them as well...

I don't think I'm off base, I think I've touched a nerve with the men who think their wives should work crowd. Whatever, that's your choice and your life, but a lot of women the world over like traditional.

So you married someone with money. Congratulations. Although you've surely impressed everyone here with your no doubt well earned tidbits, your bragging-but-not-bragging is pretty unbecoming.

Of course at 26 you're rapidly approaching 30 when the whole trophy wife thing starts to fade. I'm sure the next 4 years of the Danger Zone will be a whirlwind of blissful lounging around for you though, and kudos on that, really.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7HkG6OSo3E

However the line of thinking that because a wife works means it's some fault of the husband is erroneous at best. My wife for instance wants to work, and is not the useless layabout type and is quickly becoming restless not having something to do.

I await the day reality catches up to you.

Edited January 10, 2014 by Avery Cates

[rhein 451]

So you married someone with money. Congratulations. Although you've surely impressed everyone here with your no doubt well earned tidbits, your bragging-but-not-bragging is pretty unbecoming.

Of course at 26 you're rapidly approaching 30 when the whole trophy wife thing starts to fade. I'm sure the next 4 years of the Danger Zone will be a whirlwind of blissful lounging around for you though, and kudos on that, really.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7HkG6OSo3E

However the line of thinking that because a wife works means it's some fault of the husband is erroneous at best. My wife for instant wants to work, and is not the useless layabout time and is quickly becoming restless not having something to do.

I await the day reality catches up to you.

Quoted for truth. OP is incredibly arrogant. 26? Sounds more like 16.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

omg!..i can relate to this topic..i have PMS..every month. but, thanks to my loving and understanding husband. he doesn't leave me. ok..during my PMS time..i really become so jealous,easily get irritated. but i try to control myself always. so, my husband already know that i'm about to have my period since i am acting differently. my husband is so supportive. he makes me laugh, he comforts me. telling me he loves me so much everyday.

Are you the usc?

The husband here didn't leave by the way.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

I'm sorry, Rinoa, I'm a woman too, but honestly, I think PMS effects is simply an incapacity to deal with natural physiological processes. Let me clear this out, PMS is real but there are a million other ways to vent it out and it's not fair for another person to receive it, worse to our other half. To put it bluntly, I don't think it's proper to use it as an excuse why women easily get irritated over something that could have happened any day of the month. Seriously. We didn't know what happened with the OP and his wife, on the daily basis. For all we know, he had been asking her not to leave and like yours, have been loving in every way. Remember the point that he had applied and paid for the wife's AOS and got this far even if they are having arguments even before coming here.

Yep.

I work with a lot of Women, maybe 75% of my workforce, In my 30 years of corporate working life I've never suspected when anyone is on PMS. You know why? I suspect that they know to get a grip at work. So if you can get a grip at work why not at home?

I pity Men that allow PMS to become an elephant in their relationship. There is medical help available now to deal with this and many other ailments.

So you married someone with money. Congratulations. Although you've surely impressed everyone here with your no doubt well earned tidbits, your bragging-but-not-bragging is pretty unbecoming.

Of course at 26 you're rapidly approaching 30 when the whole trophy wife thing starts to fade. I'm sure the next 4 years of the Danger Zone will be a whirlwind of blissful lounging around for you though, and kudos on that, really.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7HkG6OSo3E

However the line of thinking that because a wife works means it's some fault of the husband is erroneous at best. My wife for instance wants to work, and is not the useless layabout type and is quickly becoming restless not having something to do.

I await the day reality catches up to you.

I wasn't impressed.

The poster is young still and hasn't earned life lessons yet.

Edited January 10, 2014 by Gowon

[rhein 451]

I also own a house with no mortgage here in CT, a fairly large/nice one at that. I'm 26. So, its nothing to brag about. We are hopefully selling it next week and we could buy many houses elsewhere with that money. In fact we are looking at one right now that is 10% of the cost.

Which, according to your blog (shudder) you inherited. So yeah, in your case, it is nothing to brag about.