Married yesterday on K1, now my new wife wants to leave to go back home.

precious11 · February 24, 2014

Would you mind if i comment and give you an idea about this? Actually this kind of problem is not suppose to be posted on here, but what your suppose to do is talk to her privately both of you heart to heart... Tell her what u feel about her, about that all what your relationship went thru. And now your together at last and this is it. Tell her you love her, we love being told over and over again that we are loved. We need that coz we miss our families we need love and your care. So try and do that, and tell her you gonna everything u can to help her. Give her pc to do something all day or maybe nail polishes to enjoy paint her nails or anything that she likes to do, ask her what she wants to do and ur willingto help her get busy. And that again u love her.

If all of this doesnt work? Better get ready to be heartbroken. Coz she clearly doesnt know yet what she wants to do. Send her home.

TBoneTX · February 24, 2014

The OP hasn't logged on to VJ for a week now.

tuck4x4 · February 27, 2014

Im still here, just very busy at work and trying to make everything happen.

Precious11, she has a laptop, Ipad and cell phone. She even knows people here, she just refuses to do anything. Id say that we are on a cycle of about 2 good weeks, 2 bad days. Right now is another bad day.

Yesterday morning she was telling me that we needed to get tattoos for each other. I came home that evening to find her furious and saying that I control her because I no longer share my bank account information with her. I stopped that after the first or second "Im leaving" fight.

She is either 100% happy, or 100% angry, there is no ground in between. If I try and talk to her about these issues on a good day, then she says do what you want, I dont care. I love you because of how you take care of me. If we talk about it on a bad day, its all "you dont do anything for me, I am stuck here with nothing to do, I dont even know how much money we have".

Until Im certain she is committed to making our marriage work, I dont think its a good idea to share 100% of everything.

EDIT: let me reiterate. Most days of the month she is very loving. Im starting to look up personality disorders in wikipedia now....

Edited February 27, 2014 by tuck4x4

rlogan · February 27, 2014

EDIT: let me reiterate. Most days of the month she is very loving. Im starting to look up personality disorders in wikipedia now....

Type B cluster.

The problem is separating what is going on with the relocation vs. what has always been there. You really need 100% honesty and cooperation in order to get to the bottom of it. There are self-administered tests you can do.

Avery Cates · February 27, 2014

Im still here, just very busy at work and trying to make everything happen.

Precious11, she has a laptop, Ipad and cell phone. She even knows people here, she just refuses to do anything. Id say that we are on a cycle of about 2 good weeks, 2 bad days. Right now is another bad day.

Yesterday morning she was telling me that we needed to get tattoos for each other. I came home that evening to find her furious and saying that I control her because I no longer share my bank account information with her. I stopped that after the first or second "Im leaving" fight.

She is either 100% happy, or 100% angry, there is no ground in between. If I try and talk to her about these issues on a good day, then she says do what you want, I dont care. I love you because of how you take care of me. If we talk about it on a bad day, its all "you dont do anything for me, I am stuck here with nothing to do, I dont even know how much money we have".

Until Im certain she is committed to making our marriage work, I dont think its a good idea to share 100% of everything.

EDIT: let me reiterate. Most days of the month she is very loving. Im starting to look up personality disorders in wikipedia now....

I'd keep a tight hold on that money, lest it find itself Western Unioned back to the Philippines.

doug/sherry · February 27, 2014

Sounds to me that this has been her decision long before you got married, and

after she got married she wants to move back and not get divorced. I believe

that she only wants to stay married because she would require you to support

her while she is living in the philippines. This is a bad situation, what every you

do dont send in the AOS thinking things will change. Personally I would let

her move back and then file for a divorce while she is in the phils not in the

states. If she dont want to live here in the states or with you, its obvious you

and you will never get her back her again. And really who would want to

go through the I-130 Process thinking thinking things will change the next

time around. I for one have older childeren and I gave up lots of relationships

and job promotions to be with my kids when they were growing up. I don't

regret any of it. They come first, I come second. Also, if you send in an

affidavit of support you will be bound for it for 10 years...possibly.

Good luck..

verysadguy · February 27, 2014

Im still here, just very busy at work and trying to make everything happen.

Precious11, she has a laptop, Ipad and cell phone. She even knows people here, she just refuses to do anything. Id say that we are on a cycle of about 2 good weeks, 2 bad days. Right now is another bad day.

Yesterday morning she was telling me that we needed to get tattoos for each other. I came home that evening to find her furious and saying that I control her because I no longer share my bank account information with her. I stopped that after the first or second "Im leaving" fight.

She is either 100% happy, or 100% angry, there is no ground in between. If I try and talk to her about these issues on a good day, then she says do what you want, I dont care. I love you because of how you take care of me. If we talk about it on a bad day, its all "you dont do anything for me, I am stuck here with nothing to do, I dont even know how much money we have".

Until Im certain she is committed to making our marriage work, I dont think its a good idea to share 100% of everything.

EDIT: let me reiterate. Most days of the month she is very loving. Im starting to look up personality disorders in wikipedia now....

Maybe some characteristics of personality disorder, but I'm leaning towards Bipolar Disorder at this point.

mike56427 · February 27, 2014

... dude ... textbook bipolar ... get her to see a doctor ... the condition can be treated

She is either 100% happy, or 100% angry, there is no ground in between. If I try and talk to her about these issues on a good day, then she says do what you want, I dont care. I love you because of how you take care of me. If we talk about it on a bad day, its all "you dont do anything for me, I am stuck here with nothing to do, I dont even know how much money we have".

tuck4x4 · March 21, 2014

Now 3 months after our wedding and shes been here 6 months.

Im finally done trying. for every 2 great days, there are 2 days of hell. She goes from dancing, talking, singing, hugging, kissing, to not talking to me in minutes. And the silent treatment lasts days.

At this point, we're not consummating much of anything. She uses this against me, but I am just too stressed out to ever be in the mood.

I don't see this changing.

I told her today that I'd give her two days to consider everything. The two of us divorcing and never speaking again, her moving back home, etc. I asked her if she loves me, and her answer is, "If it gets me home".

I'm so done. I'm cooked, turn me over. This has been a hellacious 5 year journey that I would never reccomend anyone ever going through.

Ontarkie · March 21, 2014

I'm so sorry, it does sound like it is time to give up.

Caryh · March 24, 2014

Now 3 months after our wedding and shes been here 6 months.

Im finally done trying. for every 2 great days, there are 2 days of hell. She goes from dancing, talking, singing, hugging, kissing, to not talking to me in minutes. And the silent treatment lasts days.

At this point, we're not consummating much of anything. She uses this against me, but I am just too stressed out to ever be in the mood.

I don't see this changing.

I told her today that I'd give her two days to consider everything. The two of us divorcing and never speaking again, her moving back home, etc. I asked her if she loves me, and her answer is, "If it gets me home".

I'm so done. I'm cooked, turn me over. This has been a hellacious 5 year journey that I would never reccomend anyone ever going through.

I'm so sorry its gone this way for you. I understand though, my wife had a heck of a time adjusting and being away from home. Sounds like its not possible for your wife. She wants to be home too badly it seems. Some people are not made for this stuff, unfortunately in this case you didn't find out until she was already here.

JANETandLYLE · January 8, 2017

doug/sherry, just curious why you say its best to let them go back to the philippines, then get divorced.

"Sounds to me that this has been her decision long before you got married, and