Stepson on K-3 visa; his mother's family wants him to live elsewhere

[Jeanna 21]

Salaam and peace ya'll! My husband has been here for a bit over a month now and we are so happy! He came as my fiance and his 10 yr old son came on a K-3 visa with him. When it was time for the winter break at school, his auntie (on the mother's side) wanted to take him to Baltimore, MD to visit for the holidays. Now they want him to live there.

Apparently, in Jamaica, it's very common for aunt and uncles to be included in the child's upbringing. He has many relatives who live in the states (again on his mother's side) and they all love him very much. Now they want him to stay with them. Their "argument" is that since my husband just arrived in the US (and cannot work yet) they don't want H to be a burden on me since I am the only one with income at the moment.

My concern is that if we allow him to live with his relatives, will it negatively impact his AOS? We won't be filing for a couple of more months and I want to be sure it won't be a problem. Any help is appreciated.

[Jawaree 717]

I don't know about AOS Pinkriton will come thru,

congrats on the wedding....How do you and your

husband feel about their reasons to have the child?

If you both R kool with this that's alright, but don't be

talked into lying to uscis if the child is suppose to live

with dad school records R 4ever.....Enjoy your son &

husband stay blessed sis.

[Extreme happiness 9]

Salaam and peace ya'll! My husband has been here for a bit over a month now and we are so happy! He came as my fiance and his 10 yr old son came on a K-3 visa with him. When it was time for the winter break at school, his auntie (on the mother's side) wanted to take him to Baltimore, MD to visit for the holidays. Now they want him to live there.

Apparently, in Jamaica, it's very common for aunt and uncles to be included in the child's upbringing. He has many relatives who live in the states (again on his mother's side) and they all love him very much. Now they want him to stay with them. Their "argument" is that since my husband just arrived in the US (and cannot work yet) they don't want H to be a burden on me since I am the only one with income at the moment.

My concern is that if we allow him to live with his relatives, will it negatively impact his AOS? We won't be filing for a couple of more months and I want to be sure it won't be a problem. Any help is appreciated.

I could understand where the childs family member is coming from but i don't think you should give him to them before you file the AOS....immigration might not understand why you guys as the parents gave the child to other relatives....i hope someone on here has been through a simular situation and will be able to give you a better answer....good luck

[Jeanna 21]

I don't know about AOS Pinkriton will come thru,

congrats on the wedding....How do you and your

husband feel about their reasons to have the child?

If you both R kool with this that's alright, but don't be

talked into lying to uscis if the child is suppose to live

with dad school records R 4ever.....Enjoy your son &

husband stay blessed sis.

Jawaree, you are totally correct, we would NEVER lie to the USCIS because NOTHING good can come of it! I understand his family's viewpoint; for much of his life he has lived with aunties (and his mother or father) depending on what situation was best at the time for H. It is foreign to me but I appreciate an entire family helping raise children. Glad it doesn't happen in mine though, it would wear my nerves out! lol

Also the mother is being problematic; she is complaining he has chores to do (vacuuming on weekends, cleaning off the table, etc) Even my 5 year old has chores and his are MUCH less than mine were at that age. We currently just have a 2 bedroom so before he came I had my 5 year old sleep on the sofa so H would have a private room (since he's 10) but he did not want to stay in there alone. So he slept on the couch and then complained to his mother that he was sleeping on a couch! lol

H is not a bad kid but he is verrrry quiet and reserved. I love to be happy and chatting and interact but he prefers to keep to himself and play video games. I am also the first white person he has ever had any contact with and I think I'm just very foreign to him in many ways. I try to get him interested and I've given him attention; I have older sons so I know how to interact with boys too. He's just a very different type of child.

When he went to see his family, of course they are going to baby him, spoil him, and shower him with love and affection. While I love H for his father's sake, I don't know him well enough yet to love him for him. I do think it's imperative children be surrounded with by affection and people who love them and from that standpoint yes, I think being with his other family is good for him. He really misses Jamaica and the transition has been harder than I anticipated.

They are good people and love him so I think it would be positive for H but I will NOT lie to USCIS so if it is mandatory he is living with us then he will have to come back. If his mother and her family do not agree then he will have to return to Jamaica which will forfeit his right to a green card. It would be a huge mistake for them insist on that as it would have repercussions for the rest of his life.

My husband and I have a great relationship and I love my children and he is very close to my daughter as well. I have care and concern for H but as I said, he is a difficult child to get close to and he has been a bit resistant although always very polite. I think just the differences between Jamaica and the US have been hard on him.

[aleful 1,905]

hi

yes, it's mandatory, that's why you filed for him, to live with you, he has to return and also to adjust status in the us. He came to the US on a non immigrant visa that you sponsored to live with you and his father. now comes the adjustment of status and he should be coming back to school anyway. vacation is over.

you will file the adjustment of status for both of them. he cannot live wherever he wants to. his mother authorized him to come to the US to live with you have custody of him

now if all of you decide that it is in his best interest to return and live with his mom in Jamaica, then he must return. how did he travel anyway? if his i94 is expired?

or when does his i94 expire?

[aleful 1,905]

by what you posted, I don't think they realized what bringing the child entailed and didn't think it through. I apologize if I seemed harsh, but that's what the immigration rules are. You and his father will be responsible now for his upbringing. Yes he will be able to visit his aunties, but just to visit, he lives and goes to school were you live. you are his parents from now on

if not, then he must return immediately before you even apply for adjustment of status, and maybe someday when he is ready, his father can file for him.

make the decision as soon as possible.

[Jawaree 717]

Jeanna the young man is suffering culture shock right now

missing what he's known, skeptic to the unknown...dad needs

to step in & bond, do what's right, it will get a little getting use to

with a little love, kindness & patience will go a long way, dad has

to be a decision-maker, not just u and extended family members,

I know U must feel like U cant beef with this childs family, but that's

where dad should come in...children will play 2 ends against the

middle if they think they can succeed, my younger kids have chores

its called "getting them ready for the world"...as a stepmom don't feel

rejected its easy to happen ...at times say son lets roll someplace

ride with him, draw him out stop at mickyDs ...just the 2 of U, make

him feel special, don't fall into the BS the family wants to start about

chores...dad needs to order him back, if its a son U got let them share

room with two small beds, who said he had his own room anyways.

The immigration process is not over until citizenship so dad must

wake up...Aleful is correct he came to U & dad.

[Cathi 5,630]

Just because his moms family wants him to live elsewhere, doesn't mean he can or should.Have you even asked your husband his thoughts? It will look suspicious if you brought him here then all of a sudden he is living with your husbands Ex's family, don't you think? He just got here and I'm having a difficult time understanding why his father, or you would consider giving him up because he won't do chores or because you haven't bonded with him yet. Sounds a bit selfish on your part. This poor child just left his home and moved here, give him time to adjust. 2 weeks is not enough time to bond with him...seriously.

[Ontarkie 13,995]

You also need to think about non immigration related stuff. He would need to hand custody over to the Aunts, they can't get medical treatments, schooling and health insurance without custody. If he gives them custody he may never see his son again.

2 weeks is far from enough time, did the mother plan this all along to have you on the hook for the boy but the Aunts keep him?

[nadi2444 2]

If they wanted him to live with them they should of filled for him themselves! And if he or his mother (in jamaica who cant help him) has an issue doing chores no matter what they be send his ### back home to his momma . If he was in Jamaica he wouldn't have the luxury of playing video games all day, there would be chores to be done some of which are much worst than what you have expressed. If he complaining about sleeping alone and sleeping in the couch then try putting him on the floor.

Your soon to be husband needs to step up as a father and have his son realize how grateful he should be and how much not only he as the sobe has given up but also what you and your child as the fiancé has given up as well everyone is adjusting so the son is not the only victim!

Those are my thoughts done will like it others won't.

Good luck to you and the fam.

[Pinkrlion 2,617]

I would question why they want him. That has nothing to do with Jamaican culture, I believe that was the mother's plan from the beginning. Anyway, it is considered immigration fraud for him to adjust with you and live elsewhere. Your K-2 was approved for him to live with you. Look at it in this context, if the IO looks at your case, would he not question the reason why he is not with you. The reason why is you can only immigrate immediate relatives, so they will view it as immigration fraud, so that the relatives could get the child up to the US.

[Shiobhan 235]

I am going to speak from both sides of my mouth, OP

in your defence to a degree, your being of a different

race may have caused you to make comments and or

statements that seem you gave up on the kid in a NY

minute, you do not intend to bond with him, and so you

seem welcoming of the feud about to begin with the

mothers family, clearly their intention was to get the

child enter then take custody, if he does not talk much 2

weeks is too quick to complain.

Please understand whenever a

person gets involved with

another who has kids ,its a package deal, love dad love the

child you met him with. Your statement about the child

returning to Jamaica was not good, you also seem to resent

the time he spent in your childs room, I know you want your

husband to love your kid, this cant be faked it must be real,

and your husband should never play stand down in this, his

mother cannot stay in Jamaica and dictate things, If that

child gets a burn, break a limb gets ill you my dear and the

father will be big trouble with CPS and USCIS. I think chores

are Ok but vacuuming carpet is not what 10 yr old Jamaican

boys knows how to do , my husband is Jamaican and I have

been there any times, he has a home there, their floors are

ceramic, after 2 weeks the vacuum thing bad idea, help with

dishes, dust or make his bed is fine.

I am not saying you are not a good person, his father should

never even send him elsewhere so soon, who auntie, cousin

friend may be in that house who is a molester, who know?' that

was irresponsible of the father, the child belongs with a natural

parent or there will be an eventual custody battle, with uscis

involved and you in the middle, you say you cant love him in

2 weeks but since his father is your lover-man give the child a

chance, encourage your child to treat him well, his accent may

be different , eating patterns etc in 90 days, all that's out the window

let his father take care of it with you helping, you say he has lived

with many family members now help a child by giving his father

the emotional support so his kid now enjoys stability with one parent.

The kid have to be in your home, and that's factual. You are responsible

for that man and child you brought here. I wish you gods guidance

[JSC n GOM 5]

I am going to speak from both sides of my mouth, OP

in your defence to a degree, your being of a different

race may have caused you to make comments and or

statements that seem you gave up on the kid in a NY

minute, you do not intend to bond with him, and so you

seem welcoming of the feud about to begin with the

mothers family, clearly their intention was to get the

child enter then take custody, if he does not talk much 2

weeks is too quick to complain.

Please understand whenever a

person gets involved with

another who has kids ,its a package deal, love dad love the

child you met him with. Your statement about the child

returning to Jamaica was not good, you also seem to resent

the time he spent in your childs room, I know you want your

husband to love your kid, this cant be faked it must be real,

and your husband should never play stand down in this, his

mother cannot stay in Jamaica and dictate things, If that

child gets a burn, break a limb gets ill you my dear and the

father will be big trouble with CPS and USCIS. I think chores

are Ok but vacuuming carpet is not what 10 yr old Jamaican

boys knows how to do , my husband is Jamaican and I have

been there any times, he has a home there, their floors are

ceramic, after 2 weeks the vacuum thing bad idea, help with

dishes, dust or make his bed is fine.

I am not saying you are not a good person, his father should

never even send him elsewhere so soon, who auntie, cousin

friend may be in that house who is a molester, who know?' that

was irresponsible of the father, the child belongs with a natural

parent or there will be an eventual custody battle, with uscis

involved and you in the middle, you say you cant love him in

2 weeks but since his father is your lover-man give the child a

chance, encourage your child to treat him well, his accent may

be different , eating patterns etc in 90 days, all that's out the window

let his father take care of it with you helping, you say he has lived

with many family members now help a child by giving his father

the emotional support so his kid now enjoys stability with one parent.

The kid have to be in your home, and that's factual. You are responsible

for that man and child you brought here. I wish you gods guidance

#lovethis!

[Jeanna 21]

Just because his moms family wants him to live elsewhere, doesn't mean he can or should.Have you even asked your husband his thoughts? It will look suspicious if you brought him here then all of a sudden he is living with your husbands Ex's family, don't you think? He just got here and I'm having a difficult time understanding why his father, or you would consider giving him up because he won't do chores or because you haven't bonded with him yet. Sounds a bit selfish on your part. This poor child just left his home and moved here, give him time to adjust. 2 weeks is not enough time to bond with him...seriously.

Mimolicious, you totally misunderstood what I was saying. I didn't say that was WHY, I was giving the backstory. His mother's family are the ones who brought this up and wanted it; I obviously wanted him here or I would have refused to sponsor him. Geeze. I also don't like being called selfish by someone who does not know a thing about me; talk about jumping the gun! I was merely telling a friend about the situation.

People come on VJ for advice not to be belittled. I am simply trying to do what is right and legal.

[Jeanna 21]

So for the last time I am saying I never said I could not bond with him I said we had not yet. I never said I was annoyed by time he spent in my daughter's room; on the contrary, we cleaned out her room for him and he did not want to stay in it. Please, read the post before responding.

So thanks to all of the sincere responses and concern but I think I'll just stop here. I am amazed at how many people read between the lines and took everything the wrong way.