Planning Ahead to Marry Algerian Man

[American Woman 75 21]

I'm from the US, and have been talking to an Algerian man for only two months online, but I already feel head over heels in love, and plan on flying to Algeria to meet him at the end of the year. I can strongly predict I will want to marry this man, so I'd like to know what early steps I can take to make his eventual immigration as smooth and as quick as possible. There is also what I'm afraid will be a very significant 'red-flag' - I am much older than he is. We are 27 and 44. That appears shocking on paper, but I look no older than my early-thirties, and this man is an old soul. What advice does everyone have on this topic?

[Mariana2012 89]

Go and meet him first, learn about the culture, make sure he doesn't just marry you for a greencard. Make sure he doesn't already have a wife.

A red flag would be " we have to stay at a hotel because in my culture you can't meet my family if we are not married etc"

Don't rush . If he is an " old soul " then he'll be patient.

[Cathi 5,613]

you should have this moved to the MENA forum and you will get more replies from people who have been through Algeria

[American Woman 75 21]

Go and meet him first, learn about the culture, make sure he doesn't just marry you for a greencard. Make sure he doesn't already have a wife.

A red flag would be " we have to stay at a hotel because in my culture you can't meet my family if we are not married etc"

Don't rush . If he is an " old soul " then he'll be patient.

Hi, and thanks for the reply. I think I'm the more impatient one, not him! Hahaa! He told me when I come, he will introduce me to his family (who already know about me) and all his friends. He said that he previously had a 'relationship' (for all that could be in that culture) with a woman who was 16 years older than him, and which lasted for three years. She is Algerian and lives there. And as for me, I once had a four-year long relationship with a man 10 years younger. So this may sound like an odd relationship to most, but it's within the realm of both our life experiences. He's drawn to older women, I'm drawn to younger men. But this was not a factor in developing an 'online relationship' - that came about unexpectedly, as we were both members of interpals, and joined only for the purpose of learning about other cultures and ways of life.

I know a 'green card' is the first thing everybody will think of, because of this huge age difference, but in fact, we've talked a great length about 'how' this can work between us, and he's given me many reasons why he would prefer to NOT come here, and have me move over there, instead. Our conversations are mostly about life, culture, family, religion, work...and whatever talk there is about 'romance' is minimal, and is always accompanied by talking about love, and what it would be like to be together. Our conversations are usually deep, serious...with a lot of laughing in between.

I would, in fact, stay at a hotel...but this is MY choice, because I prefer that over being in a house full of people with no bathroom privacy! Haha!

you should have this moved to the MENA forum and you will get more replies from people who have been through Algeria

How do I get there? I'm new - today is first day.

[LaVegano 12]

I agree with Mariana. Be very careful with this man. Things will be and are different in person. Marrying for green cards (fraud) has given couples who are seriously in love a lot of frustration. Telling us that you know that you want to marry him is far fetched. You are setting yourself up for a broken heart and a huge financial loss. Ask anyone hear how much they have spent on an international relationship. Phone calls,airline tickets, hotels, taxis, translation fees, immigration fees, airport departure fees, parking autos at airport fees and please help me guys if I have forgot anything. But I and we do wish you good luck if you proceed with this.

Edited March 24, 2013 by LaVegano

[Sarah Elle-Même 660]

I agree with everyone's advice. Take things slow. Not only for yourself to be sure you want a life with this guy, but also because the US Embassy in Algiers is one of the most difficult to get a visa from. Consular officers and investigators in many MENA countries consider many of their K-1 and CR-1/IR-1 cases to be fraudulent until proven otherwise.

In the Regional Discussion section here you will find the Middle East North Africa forum. I suggest you go back through older threads and also the Embassy reviews of Algiers to get a sense of what to look out for.

I agree with Mariana. Be very careful with this man. Things will be and are different in person. Marrying for green cards (fraud) has given couples who are seriously in love a lot of frustration. Telling us that you know that you want to marry him is far fetched. You are setting yourself up for a broken heart and a huge financial loss. Ask anyone hear how much they have spent on an international relationship. Phone calls,airline tickets, hotels, taxis, translation fees, immigration fees, airport departure fees, parking autos at airport fees and please help me guys if I have forgot anything. But I and we do wish you good luck if you proceed with this.

Indeed. I spent a small fortune on my long distance relationship and so has my fiance. But we're worth it to each other

[Shoot Em Straight 385]

I'm from the US, and have been talking to an Algerian man for only two months online, but I already feel head over heels in love, and plan on flying to Algeria to meet him at the end of the year. I can strongly predict I will want to marry this man, so I'd like to know what early steps I can take to make his eventual immigration as smooth and as quick as possible. There is also what I'm afraid will be a very significant 'red-flag' - I am much older than he is. We are 27 and 44. That appears shocking on paper, but I look no older than my early-thirties, and this man is an old soul. What advice does everyone have on this topic?

Welcome to VJ

Two Months talking online and you already feel head over heels? Congratulations.

Take it slow. Get to know this person from across the world. From another culture. Another generation.

Do you know much about MENA men?

You write the term "red flag" so you must have already read at least a little on VJ and figured out

IF you finally meet and

IF u chose to marry you will have work ahead of you to prove your relationship is real.

Your age difference will be questioned. His intention with an older woman that is an USC will be in question. Difference in Religion? U said his family knows about you (which is neither here or there)...how does your family feel about you meeting a foreigner online? Your old enough to have had children... are any involved? These are some of your realities you will need to deal with for your planning ahead for his eventual immigration. Smooth and Quick?

Cool that you feel this but...You looking younger and he with an old soul will not suffice in the U.S. granting a visa.

READ our MENA past posts. Read the Guides for the visa and spend more time on here in the MENA forum.

OH and if you do go meet him have a nice time Dont forget to take pics!

[Penguin_ie 5,986]

**** Moving from CR-2 to MENA forum for country specific advice ****

The age IS a huge red flag. It may not matter to you, but it is very unusual in his culture, and that is considered a big issue for visa approval- especially as, sorry to bring it up, you are likely past child bearing age and he presumably has no kids at this time?

Are you of the same religion?

Does his family approve?

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

I'm from the US, and have been talking to an Algerian man for only two months online, but I already feel head over heels in love, and plan on flying to Algeria to meet him at the end of the year. I can strongly predict I will want to marry this man, so I'd like to know what early steps I can take to make his eventual immigration as smooth and as quick as possible. There is also what I'm afraid will be a very significant 'red-flag' - I am much older than he is. We are 27 and 44. That appears shocking on paper, but I look no older than my early-thirties, and this man is an old soul. What advice does everyone have on this topic?

Hi, and thanks for the reply. I think I'm the more impatient one, not him! Hahaa! He told me when I come, he will introduce me to his family (who already know about me) and all his friends. He said that he previously had a 'relationship' (for all that could be in that culture) with a woman who was 16 years older than him, and which lasted for three years. She is Algerian and lives there. And as for me, I once had a four-year long relationship with a man 10 years younger. So this may sound like an odd relationship to most, but it's within the realm of both our life experiences. He's drawn to older women, I'm drawn to younger men. But this was not a factor in developing an 'online relationship' - that came about unexpectedly, as we were both members of interpals, and joined only for the purpose of learning about other cultures and ways of life.

I know a 'green card' is the first thing everybody will think of, because of this huge age difference, but in fact, we've talked a great length about 'how' this can work between us, and he's given me many reasons why he would prefer to NOT come here, and have me move over there, instead. Our conversations are mostly about life, culture, family, religion, work...and whatever talk there is about 'romance' is minimal, and is always accompanied by talking about love, and what it would be like to be together. Our conversations are usually deep, serious...with a lot of laughing in between.

I would, in fact, stay at a hotel...but this is MY choice, because I prefer that over being in a house full of people with no bathroom privacy! Haha!

Welcome to the MENA forum - we are glad to have you join us !

My observations & advice:

The age difference is indeed a red flag. The part about him being "drawn to older women" is a red flag, too. I will be blunt: He likely had the 3-year relationship with the older Algerian woman because she was available for sex (probably had been married and possibly divorced or widowed; i.e. no longer a virgin.) It's very difficult (and dangerous !) for a young man to have this type of relationship in Algeria with a younger, never-married girl. An affair with an older woman is often the safest available route for a heterosexual relationship, other than using prostitutes. You should ask him (and ask yourself) why he didn't marry that older Algerian woman.

If you've already been talking about getting married and his immigration to the US after just 2 months of talking online, I would consider that to be another red flag.

Take your time. MENA men can be very charming - it's part of their culture. The things they may say about their views of love and marriage and commitment may sound very enticing to a Western woman, especially an over-40 woman who may have long experience with Western men who are often less in a hurry to commit to love and marriage (especially before even entering into a sexual relationship) and who has little experience with MENA culture and how things may mean different things, or mean little to nothing at all.

We have seen a LOT of significantly older American women with much younger MENA men couples go through this forum - by "significant," I mean more than 15 years age difference. Literally dozens and dozens of couples. Frankly, not many of them have survived the first 5 years after immigration - I could probably count them on one hand. The few among these couples who have been successful tend to be extraordinary in some way.

Of course there are exceptions to every rule. Unfortunately, everybody thinks they're it.

So learn all you can about the culture; and read lots of the stories here in this forum (just search "older woman younger man" or "red flags.") You can get stories about couples involving Algerians by searching "Algerian." Then, when you go to Algeria later this year, you'll have at least a little bit of knowledge under your belt, to help you better evaluate the situation. I would not advise getting married on that first trip - I would advise at least several trips before you decide to take that step. (This will also help you down the line if you decide to file for immigration.)

I know it's hard when the heart says it's in love - it wants to rush right in. But let your brain take the upper hand.

Edited March 25, 2013 by wife_of_mahmoud

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Welcome to the MENA forum - we are glad to have you join us !

My observations & advice:

The age difference is indeed a red flag. The part about him being "drawn to older women" is a red flag, too. I will be blunt: He likely had the 3-year relationship with the older Algerian woman because she was available for sex (probably had been married and possibly divorced or widowed; i.e. no longer a virgin.) It's very difficult (and dangerous !) for a young man to have this type of relationship in Algeria with a younger, never-married girl. An affair with an older woman is often the safest available route for a heterosexual relationship, other than using prostitutes. You should ask him (and ask yourself) why he didn't marry that older Algerian woman.

If you've already been talking about getting married and his immigration to the US after just 2 months of talking online, I would consider that to be another red flag.

Take your time. MENA men can be very charming - it's part of their culture. The things they may say about their views of love and marriage and commitment may sound very enticing to a Western woman, especially an over-40 woman who may have long experience with Western men who are often less in a hurry to commit to love and marriage (especially before even entering into a sexual relationship) and who has little experience with MENA culture and how things may mean different things, or mean little to nothing at all.

We have seen a LOT of significantly older American women with much younger MENA men couples go through this forum - by "significant," I mean more than 15 years age difference. Literally dozens and dozens of couples. Frankly, not many of them have survived the first 5 years after immigration - I could probably count them on one hand. The few among these couples who have been successful tend to be extraordinary in some way.

Of course there are exceptions to every rule. Unfortunately, everybody thinks they're it.

So learn all you can about the culture; and read lots of the stories here in this forum (just search "older woman younger man" or "red flags.") You can get stories about couples involving Algerians by searching "Algerian." Then, when you go to Algeria later this year, you'll have at least a little bit of knowledge under your belt, to help you better evaluate the situation. I would not advise getting married on that first trip - I would advise at least several trips before you decide to take that step. (This will also help you down the line if you decide to file for immigration.)

I know it's hard when the heart says it's in love - it wants to rush right in. But let your brain take the upper hand.

I concur.

[Mithra 1,185]

Agreed. Great post.

Welcome to the MENA forum - we are glad to have you join us !

My observations & advice:

The age difference is indeed a red flag. The part about him being "drawn to older women" is a red flag, too. I will be blunt: He likely had the 3-year relationship with the older Algerian woman because she was available for sex (probably had been married and possibly divorced or widowed; i.e. no longer a virgin.) It's very difficult (and dangerous !) for a young man to have this type of relationship in Algeria with a younger, never-married girl. An affair with an older woman is often the safest available route for a heterosexual relationship, other than using prostitutes. You should ask him (and ask yourself) why he didn't marry that older Algerian woman.

If you've already been talking about getting married and his immigration to the US after just 2 months of talking online, I would consider that to be another red flag.

Take your time. MENA men can be very charming - it's part of their culture. The things they may say about their views of love and marriage and commitment may sound very enticing to a Western woman, especially an over-40 woman who may have long experience with Western men who are often less in a hurry to commit to love and marriage (especially before even entering into a sexual relationship) and who has little experience with MENA culture and how things may mean different things, or mean little to nothing at all.

We have seen a LOT of significantly older American women with much younger MENA men couples go through this forum - by "significant," I mean more than 15 years age difference. Literally dozens and dozens of couples. Frankly, not many of them have survived the first 5 years after immigration - I could probably count them on one hand. The few among these couples who have been successful tend to be extraordinary in some way.

Of course there are exceptions to every rule. Unfortunately, everybody thinks they're it.

So learn all you can about the culture; and read lots of the stories here in this forum (just search "older woman younger man" or "red flags.") You can get stories about couples involving Algerians by searching "Algerian." Then, when you go to Algeria later this year, you'll have at least a little bit of knowledge under your belt, to help you better evaluate the situation. I would not advise getting married on that first trip - I would advise at least several trips before you decide to take that step. (This will also help you down the line if you decide to file for immigration.)

I know it's hard when the heart says it's in love - it wants to rush right in. But let your brain take the upper hand.

[berber_wife 90]

So learn all you can about the culture; and read lots of the stories here in this forum (just search "older woman younger man" or "red flags.") You can get stories about couples involving Algerians by searching "Algerian." Then, when you go to Algeria later this year, you'll have at least a little bit of knowledge under your belt, to help you better evaluate the situation. I would not advise getting married on that first trip - I would advise at least several trips before you decide to take that step. (This will also help you down the line if you decide to file for immigration.)

I know it's hard when the heart says it's in love - it wants to rush right in. But let your brain take the upper hand.

What WOM said.

I've been dating my Moroccan man for 18 months, seriously for 15 and we're still not officially engaged. We'll probably get married after 2 or 3 years together. I was tempted to marry during his last visit but chose to put it off. Marriage is hard enough between two people of the same country and culture. It's even harder when you are dealing with an intercultural marriage. Take it slow, get to know him, do your research, arm yourself with knowledge and prepare thoroughly, both for the challenges of marriage and merge two very different cultures. Focus on the relationship and not so much on immigration at this point. Good luck.

[Mithra 1,185]

I married my husband on the first visit to Egypt after knowing him for almost 1.5 yrs. I was the one pushing to get married (not even sure why now that I think about it). I have to admit I regret that decision and wish that I had taken more time to really know what I was getting myself into. I mean as far as getting to know him better and having a better grasp on his personality and how he would handle the adjustment once he got here and such. Of course, no one could have told me to take my time because I knew it all and was bullheaded (still am). That being said, I would advise that you take more time and visit a few times before getting married. It will help both your relationship and your chances at a smoother visa journey.

[American Woman 75 21]

What WOM said.

I've been dating my Moroccan man for 18 months, seriously for 15 and we're still not officially engaged. We'll probably get married after 2 or 3 years together. I was tempted to marry during his last visit but chose to put it off. Marriage is hard enough between two people of the same country and culture. It's even harder when you are dealing with an intercultural marriage. Take it slow, get to know him, do your research, arm yourself with knowledge and prepare thoroughly, both for the challenges of marriage and merge two very different cultures. Focus on the relationship and not so much on immigration at this point. Good luck.

At 44, with a life full of experience, I can tell you that the amount of time you spend trying to know someone before marriage doesn't mean diddley-squat. I dated someone for 8.5 years before we set our wedding date, and caught him cheating on me for the first time (that I know of!) only three weeks before the wedding!! The sad reality is...you NEVER really know what someone is capable of, no matter HOW long you take trying to figure them out.

[American Woman 75 21]

I married my husband on the first visit to Egypt after knowing him for almost 1.5 yrs. I was the one pushing to get married (not even sure why now that I think about it). I have to admit I regret that decision and wish that I had taken more time to really know what I was getting myself into. I mean as far as getting to know him better and having a better grasp on his personality and how he would handle the adjustment once he got here and such. Of course, no one could have told me to take my time because I knew it all and was bullheaded (still am). That being said, I would advise that you take more time and visit a few times before getting married. It will help both your relationship and your chances at a smoother visa journey.

Are you both still together now, living here in the US? Can I ask you...what were the biggest things for him to adjust to? And what type of work was he able to get?