What should I do?? :(

[Dana1232 0]

Hello,

Yesterday I had a fight over the phone with my husband (he's currently out of the state for work) because I didn't want to I've him my Facebook password. So I went to sleep, and about half hour ago the police came saying my husband had call them because he was "concerned" I wasn't answering the phone and may hurt our baby (it never crossed my mind) so when police saw everything was ok,and I was just sleeping they left. Then he called me and asked once again for my password which I didn't gave him (why should I?) so he said that he was going to report me as a fraud, and at is return I must sign for divorce or e will call the police saying I'm hurting the baby and taking him away from me and I must return to my country.

I don't want to divorce, I love him and know he's just mad, I came here with a k1 but we didn't get married in the 90 days, we filed the I-130 along with AOS. my son was born here. I he make me go back to my country will I be able to return or my son? Because he doesn't have a passport yet and I'm. Sure as hell he won't let me get a passport for him. I don't work, so I don't have that much on my own. We have been married just 6 months by now

What are my options? I'm desperate right now thinking of what he will do out of rage and without thinking clearly.

To any admin:

By accident I post it twice, please erase one

[jkelly07 120]

hi,sorry your having this problem,if you look on this page the leftside you see immigration latest news, about vawa,click on that you may get some information online signature for petition vawa. good luck,

[Caryh 5,206]

You are not currently a legal resident. You came on a K-1 and failed to marry in 90 days. Filing for the I-130 will get you legal here, but if he pulls the petition, you're not going to be able to stay. What's worse is he can prevent you from taking the child out of the country. You're kind of between a rock and hard place. I'm not sure why you're so worried about him having your password, my wife and I share our passwords and hide nothing from each other. Its a matter of trust between us, that we trust each other to have each other's passwords. I guess its a matter of trust that he doesn't have your facebook password to. But certainly wouldn't want to make a huge fight about each other having or not having those passwords. Why you're making something that should be so trivial become such a huge issue, possibly ending your marriage is not a good sign. Have you two considered marriage counseling? We're not born knowing how to have a good marriage, we need to learn to have a good marriage. And if you didn't learn from your parents or life experience, marriage counseling can be a good step. But it will only work if both are willing to take steps to improve how you relate as a married couple.

[Dana1232 0]

You are not currently a legal resident. You came on a K-1 and failed to marry in 90 days. Filing for the I-130 will get you legal here, but if he pulls the petition, you're not going to be able to stay. What's worse is he can prevent you from taking the child out of the country. You're kind of between a rock and hard place. I'm not sure why you're so worried about him having your password, my wife and I share our passwords and hide nothing from each other. Its a matter of trust between us, that we trust each other to have each other's passwords. I guess its a matter of trust that he doesn't have your facebook password to. But certainly wouldn't want to make a huge fight about each other having or not having those passwords. Why you're making something that should be so trivial become such a huge issue, possibly ending your marriage is not a good sign. Have you two considered marriage counseling? We're not born knowing how to have a good marriage, we need to learn to have a good marriage. And if you didn't learn from your parents or life experience, marriage counseling can be a good step. But it will only work if both are willing to take steps to improve how you relate as a married couple.

You're right having each other's password is a matter of trust. But we agreed long time ago (we're together like 5 years by now) that we should keep some private to us. And I really don't mind giving him my password, but the fair thing is him giving me his as well right? Or am I wrong on this one? I even open my facebook and mail in front of him (which he doesn't). What can I do to prevent him taking away my son? I have do nothing to harm my beautiful baby boy and would never think of something like that. I so much worried about this rather than my immigration status. I have a family to go back to, but don't want to do it without my child.

[Sandra G. 5,009]

I think this bs thing about giving email,facebook password is when you don't trust in your spouse. A matter of trust is when you have his/her bank account password. ####### your husband cheking your email,facebook and vice versa.It's so wrong and disrespectful for me.If he can't trust in your word In my opinion you are wasting your time with a freaking control guy.Do you have his email, facebook and bank account password?. Calling the cops because he didn't get things in his way it shows his caracters.Unfortunetely he can withdraw his I-864 and you will be without status here.I am not sure if you qualify for Vawa because considering what you posted here i believe your husband is just a freaking control person,besides that I don't see any abuse to support a Vawa claim.

[Caryh 5,206]

Its not about being right or wrong in marriage, its about being together. If you're always concerned about who's right or wrong in your relationship, its headed for the rocks. Marriage is about feelings, security, trust, caring, giving, sharing, etc.... Is it fair that you have his as well? In my opinion, sure its fair. But it wouldn't matter to me either. Right now I don't know my wife's facebook password, but I could easily get it, I would just need to ask her what it is now. She might tease me about it, but thats ok, she always teases me about things. But I don't feel I need any privacy from my wife, and I believe she feels the same way.

Trust seems to be lacking between the two of you. Thats what you should be concerned about. Maybe he doesn't trust you, maybe you're speaking in your native language so much and he doesn't know it. Insecurity and fear can make people do bad things and its not good for a relationship. You're afraid he might take away your child and ability to live in the USA. He's afraid of whats going on behind his back while he's working out of state. In my own opinion, you need to be working on building trust so there is no fear for either of you.

Yes, he can prevent you from taking the child out of the USA, he can put a stop order on getting a USA passport for the child. A common move used in divorces to keep a child from being taken out of the country without permission of the USC parent. I'm not sure what country you're from, but some will not recognize a father's rights to the child, so its their only option. He is the father and has as much right to the child as you by USA law. He kind of holds all the cards in this situation until you become a legal resident. Then they balance out a bit more. But you'll never be able to legally leave the country with your child unless he consents to it. There's many cases where children have been illegally taken from the country. Not a good situation, because if the American can manage to get the child back, the foreign spouse may now never see it again.

Seriously you're married and have a child together. You two should be working to make your marriage work, not throwing around threats of divorce, removal from the country, and separation of one parent or the other from the child. And to tell you the truth, it is your best option if you want to stay with your child, because not getting legal residency and divorcing leaves a big chance you will be separated from the child.

You're right having each other's password is a matter of trust. But we agreed long time ago (we're together like 5 years by now) that we should keep some private to us. And I really don't mind giving him my password, but the fair thing is him giving me his as well right? Or am I wrong on this one? I even open my facebook and mail in front of him (which he doesn't). What can I do to prevent him taking away my son? I have do nothing to harm my beautiful baby boy and would never think of something like that. I so much worried about this rather than my immigration status. I have a family to go back to, but don't want to do it without my child.

[Dana1232 0]

Its not about being right or wrong in marriage, its about being together. If you're always concerned about who's right or wrong in your relationship, its headed for the rocks. Marriage is about feelings, security, trust, caring, giving, sharing, etc.... Is it fair that you have his as well? In my opinion, sure its fair. But it wouldn't matter to me either. Right now I don't know my wife's facebook password, but I could easily get it, I would just need to ask her what it is now. She might tease me about it, but thats ok, she always teases me about things. But I don't feel I need any privacy from my wife, and I believe she feels the same way.

Trust seems to be lacking between the two of you. Thats what you should be concerned about. Maybe he doesn't trust you, maybe you're speaking in your native language so much and he doesn't know it. Insecurity and fear can make people do bad things and its not good for a relationship. You're afraid he might take away your child and ability to live in the USA. He's afraid of whats going on behind his back while he's working out of state. In my own opinion, you need to be working on building trust so there is no fear for either of you.

Yes, he can prevent you from taking the child out of the USA, he can put a stop order on getting a USA passport for the child. A common move used in divorces to keep a child from being taken out of the country without permission of the USC parent. I'm not sure what country you're from, but some will not recognize a father's rights to the child, so its their only option. He is the father and has as much right to the child as you by USA law. He kind of holds all the cards in this situation until you become a legal resident. Then they balance out a bit more. But you'll never be able to legally leave the country with your child unless he consents to it. There's many cases where children have been illegally taken from the country. Not a good situation, because if the American can manage to get the child back, the foreign spouse may now never see it again.

Seriously you're married and have a child together. You two should be working to make your marriage work, not throwing around threats of divorce, removal from the country, and separation of one parent or the other from the child. And to tell you the truth, it is your best option if you want to stay with your child, because not getting legal residency and divorcing leaves a big chance you will be separated from the child.

I'm trying to work things out, for real. Because I don't want to get a divorce. I believe marriage is just once in a lifetime and for good. I'm from South America, and no native language that is strange to him, because he understands Spanish as well as I do. He will be out for 6 more weeks, and today when I call him he told me I better be looking for somewhere to live or to leave the country. Idk if he's talking like that because he's still mad, or because he means it. But I am willing to work things out, even closing my Facebook if this gives him a peace of mind. but I don't believe this is the right thing on a marriage just to make the other part happy. Facebook is a way I can connect to my family and friends back in my country (I shouldn't be explaining this to him)

I don't want to illegally take my son away from him. Because my son has the right to be with or around his father. But don't want to stay here as an illegal. So he's leaving me with no choices... don't know if I should be sad, mad, frustrated or whatsoever.

[Caryh 5,206]

I'm trying to work things out, for real. Because I don't want to get a divorce. I believe marriage is just once in a lifetime and for good. I'm from South America, and no native language that is strange to him, because he understands Spanish as well as I do. He will be out for 6 more weeks, and today when I call him he told me I better be looking for somewhere to live or to leave the country. Idk if he's talking like that because he's still mad, or because he means it. But I am willing to work things out, even closing my Facebook if this gives him a peace of mind. but I don't believe this is the right thing on a marriage just to make the other part happy. Facebook is a way I can connect to my family and friends back in my country (I shouldn't be explaining this to him)

I don't want to illegally take my son away from him. Because my son has the right to be with or around his father. But don't want to stay here as an illegal. So he's leaving me with no choices... don't know if I should be sad, mad, frustrated or whatsoever.

I'd say you should be sad, mad and frustrated. You're not in a good position right now, and likely to be defensive and angry. Which is not in your best interest! Yes he's probably still angry. Now you need to get past the anger and work to getting your marriage back on track. Its not helping that you're newly married and separated because of his work. Learning to live with a spouse isn't easy. It takes time and learning and usually a few arguments to. Learning to argue fairly and productively is a art that you can spend your entire life learning. But the first thing I know about it is to put the idea of who's right aside and worry about what each is feeling and accept those feelings in your partner even if you feel you're right. Sometimes it can really help to say, I'm sorry it was wrong of me, even if you felt in the right.

[Sandra G. 5,009]

Caryh really? I would not suggest to someone to take responsability for others wrong doings at all. YOU are responsible to recognize and apologize for your mistakes but not start the danger circle of apologizing for something you didn't cause, it's damn wrong.When you are wrong you are wrong and you should apologize for that,but when you are right you have to stand up for what you think is right and not to say sorry just to please the spouse,take this from someone married almost 10 years and we are damn happy.Unfortunetely she is in a terrible position here.If the guy is serious about her leaving the house OmG she will be out of status,risking to be deported and she won't be able to leave the Country with the child .It's a sad and danger situation tho.

[Dana1232 0]

So, besides waiting for his next move there's nothing I can do to protect me against him taking my child away?

[survivor2012 7]

Gather as much evidence as possible. Especially evidence of you entering the marriage in good faith. Your paper (child's birth certificate, your passports, bank accounts together, bills, anything you could find). Records of him controlling you, phone calls, messages, emails, police reports he made about you. This is for your own good in case he meant what he did. He might as well found some chicks where he is right now, and just want to abandon you. Now, head to the nearest shelter and seek advices. Where do you live? Can you search and call shelters around to see if they can help you?

Controlling is an element of abuse, using his status to threaten you is a form of abuse. I'd prefer if you'd wait and work it out with your husband, but if things turn for the worst, you have a way out. You have time to do all that before he comes back. I didn't. I wish I knew about this website, I wish I knew about VAWA and collected all evidences before I ran away from my husband. I never knew about all that. Knowledge is power. You have to protect your son, and yourself. You have to be prepared, ok? Don't be like me. When I knew that I am qualified for VAWA it took me 4 months to gather the evidences because my husband destroyed pretty much everything.

[Dana1232 0]

Gather as much evidence as possible. Especially evidence of you entering the marriage in good faith. Your paper (child's birth certificate, your passports, bank accounts together, bills, anything you could find). Records of him controlling you, phone calls, messages, emails, police reports he made about you. This is for your own good in case he meant what he did. He might as well found some chicks where he is right now, and just want to abandon you. Now, head to the nearest shelter and seek advices. Where do you live? Can you search and call shelters around to see if they can help you?

Controlling is an element of abuse, using his status to threaten you is a form of abuse. I'd prefer if you'd wait and work it out with your husband, but if things turn for the worst, you have a way out. You have time to do all that before he comes back. I didn't. I wish I knew about this website, I wish I knew about VAWA and collected all evidences before I ran away from my husband. I never knew about all that. Knowledge is power. You have to protect your son, and yourself. You have to be prepared, ok? Don't be like me. When I knew that I am qualified for VAWA it took me 4 months to gather the evidences because my husband destroyed pretty much everything.

I'm in NYC. I do have my passport and birth certificate of my son. What we don't have are bank accounts together, I don't have any on my name also. I really don't have any money besides his.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

So, besides waiting for his next move there's nothing I can do to protect me against him taking my our child away?

No. Unfortunately you're here at the "mercy" of him. If he doesn't want to continue the relationship then he doesn't have to, that includes your immigration documents. He's acting like a moron but it doesn't appear to be abuse (from what little you've posted).

He is entitled to file for custody of his son, he is also entitled to keep the child here in the US.

Given your precarious family situation I would move in with a friend while he's gone and file divorce and custody paperwork (you need to file this BEFORE he does). The child can remain in your custody (typically) while the paperwork is going through. It's unlikely that the courts will let you take the child from the US unless you can prove he is an unfit father, however given you will be illegal when he stops the paperwork you won't be able to stay with the child.

You're in a bit of a spot honestly

[survivor2012 7]

sent you a message.

[Sandra G. 5,009]

I am an advocate for victims of domestic violence almost 15 years and i own a non profit organization who helps victims of domestic violence and considering what you are posting here i don't see you are suffering abuse.To be considered mental abuse it should have a pattern of controling,humiliation,degradation etc...to qualify for vawa you MUST prove the abuse suffered changed who you are,the control imposed against you makes you feel helpless,living in fear,detached from reality,felling ashamed etc.you need to have a psychological evaluation stating due the mental abuse suffered you are suffering from anxiety,depression or pos traumatic disorder. ONE SINGLE ISOLATED act of control wont make Vawa unit consider your husband an abuser.We need to know how the difference between a jealous and/or controlingg person and an abuser. Your husband tells you give me your password and you answered I wont give you and then he says get out of my life it doesn't make him an abuser but a jerk.