Lies and deception. Be aware, please!

[mrettercap 24]

yea you are right USA is getting alot more difficult. I would much prefer to go live in Denmark. Not sure why you would leave such a beautiful place to come to USA

For his/her fiancee/spouse, obviously.

[rade2rising 205]

well that person probably would be better off moving to Denamrk. I certainly would if my wife was from there... Denmark looks a great place.

[memlaura 60]

I agree with most of what you said but someone can show only “the part they want you to see” whether that relationship started online or offline. It's not true that “of course” you only know part of a person that you meet online. There are often relationships that were founded offline where the couple didn’t really know each other but thought they did and entered into a marriage. Just like a relationship with a foreigner needs more effort and work than a domestic relationship, so does an online relationship needs more work and attention [i'm talking specifically about the ones started online] than an offline one. But it doesn't mean you can't know the person you are spending time with. Skype, wireless internet, mobile phone internet, computer screen sharing and all this new technology allow people to "practically" be with a person met online. It does require a lot of time with a computer to make this kind of relationship work and be successful, so it is not for everyone.

My husband and I dated online for an entire year before we met in real life and later we got married and we are now living together. I didn't find out any "surprises" about him once we could ditch the computers, nor did I find out any surprises since I've been living with him fulltime. He's the same man, through and through, because I gave lotsssssss of time to our online relationship and so did he. We used to sleep on Skype at night, cook/study/watch tv (everything!) in front of Skype in the daytime, and shared all computer/internet info with each other. We made videos of our life when we couldn't spend it on the computer so we could see how the other lived daily. People think it's weird but that's what we needed to do to make it work. This all was despite random/sometimes scheduled rolling blackouts. I can only imagine the time you can spend with someone online if you have no rolling blackouts to deal with and/or live closer in time zones. Relationships all need different strategies based on the type (domestic, international, online, offline, etc). International relationships have their differences from domestic ones, just like online relationships have their differences from offline ones. Family and friends have been teaching, sharing, and warning about "normal" domestic relationships, so when any of us are entering into a international relationship we are experiencing something we may never have been told or warned about. The same is true for online relationships and more so for online AND international ones. The bottom line is that all relationships need time, attention, and care in order to be successful (and sometimes still don't work out!) but the things you need to pay attention to are different depending on the type of relationship you have. Starting a relationship online doesn't mean you are automatically limited in knowing the other person and that success is more difficult for you to obtain. In ANY relationship, if you don't give it the quality time and attention it requires, success is going to be more difficult for you. A successful relationship is not about where that person is from or where you developed your relationship or how MUCH time you spent together, but about how WELL you got to know that other person.

The number of weeks, months, years you spend with someone (whether offline or online) doesn’t matter if both of you were not working on and developing your relationship in that time.

I so agree with you... My husband is the same online as he is in person... I laugh at the "all romanace" comments we have our tiffs just like any other married couple it is definetly not all romance but at the end of the day we love each other and want to be together. I was married to a USC and he was well never mind I wont go into what he was but that was a long painful relationship and the best thing that happened other than my kids was it ended.. so it is not just international relationships that end... I know the courts are not always favorable to men in a divorce with kids but dont give up on your child... You should fight for equal visits and dont feel like you lost her you will always be her dad just make sure you are always available for her... my ex doesnt even talk to his kids when he met his new love he forgot his old family all together...

[Wayne and Claudia 40]

yea very true. majority of foreign marriages are fraud. doesnt mean you cant have a real marriage but you have to be aware of situations. too many ppl fall in love in 2 days time and get married. then are shocked to find out they have been scammed.....

It is very true. Sad, but true.

[Xanax 349]

all foreigners do want the green card its just that some of them do really love you and try hard to make relationship work while others just bail. at the end of the day no one should complain because going overseas for spouse is big gamble to start with. understand the risks and you will be better prepared to deal with the outcomes...

I had/ have no desire for a green card or to live in the US permanently. I would have loved it if my husband could have come to Australia from the get go.

I also don't agree that most foreign marriages are fraud. Maybe some but you get that with foreign or domestic marriages!

Edited October 20, 2012 by Xanax

[Ron and Rhea 42]

As many others have said, it very well can be a USC to USC marriage that has fraud and agendas.....Good post brother. over 50% of marriages in the US end in divorce, so odds are not good in any case. Throw in the different cultures and so forth, it can be a difficult initial situation at best.

My American EX was a complete fraud, my foreign wife is wonderful. Their are scammers everywhere, just pay attention to your gut.

[Wakey86 12]

Not exactly reading stories about fraud. I think it would help more to be informed about red flags rather than being forced to read about fraudelent marriages or what've happened to some after entering the US. Some of the factors you mentioned couldn't have been seen before even moving to the US. OP, I'm sorry that you ended up in such a situation but even if you would've been warned however it'll take more than 10 wild horses to destroy what you at that point thought was mutual.

'They all'? USCIS can't see if the US citizen has an agenda by keeping a girl as a slave either when it doesn't show up it a background check. There are 2 sides to immigration, don't forget that.

WORD!!!!!!!

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Seems to be more common when the foreign spouse comes from a country with less economic opportunity.

Not all foreigners want that GC lol

The USA is not that dream land you saw on TV, if it was up to me I would live somewhere else than in the USA

That is true. My spouse will have to take a big downgrade in terms of salary and employment in America. He would have much preferred we stayed abroad!

[rlogan 2,036]

a. Your spouse hides his/her internet use from you, or won't use the computer with you around.

b. Your spouse is visiting dating sites.

c. Your spouse keep secrets about who phone conversations are with.

d. Your spouse avoids physical contact with you. Your spouse frequently "has a headache" when it comes to intimacy. Your spouse makes excuses for this. You feel more like roommates than you do a married couple.

e. Your spouse is trying to gain control of your finances and your assests, but surprisingly has a separate bank account. Your spouse wants access to your assests, but does not want the responsibilities for your liabilities.

f. Your spouse tries to provoke confrontations with you, over seemingly trivial things.

g. You have an unexplained feeling that your spouse wants you to become physical.

h. Your spouse calls 911 after a verbal argument, and complains of physical abuse.

i. Your spouse tells family, friends, and neighbors stories of physical abuse.

j. Your spouse begins talking to a women's shelter.

Again. I just wanted to help those, who could be in trouble. For all the other happy couples, I wish the best and I am happy that you found the right ONE. I did not and I made lot of mistakes. You should avoid them. I just wanted to help.

Laci

Thank you Laci. What a great list of things to watch for. I caught immediatly the danger in only going for two days on the first visit, then the fiance having no scruples about having you spend big money on a short vacation that wasn't even necessary. She had property because she was a scammer before you met her.

It has already been mentioned to listen to your "gut instincts". One rationalization you often see here is minimizing arguments over "cultural differences". If fiances are arguing over cultural differences then they don't belong together. If the fiance's culture has to be explained by anonymous people on the internet then the person is an idiot.

If you have ignored red flags during courtship and then when they get here you are already fighting - a person will feel exactly like you did. You will be confused. You feel like something is wrong. If anyone here feels that way - head for the hills. Because it is going to get a lot worse before it gets better.