She wants to go back Home (Philippines)

[djricky4 67]

only question i wanna ask is didnt she know you had these kids before. People need to understand that this process of moving to a 1st world county from a developing or 3rd world country isnt an easy task. They can only suppress their true intentions for x time. How the hell you meet a man with his kids, date him for so long..get married, move to the us with him, then pulling that bull #### stunt. put her on the dam plane back home and divorce her. I feel bad as a man, dont even think about giving up your kids bro for no chick,its not worth it......chicks come and go, family is here to stay.

[Caryh 5,206]

She's been here a bit over a year and she's having this reaction. Make's me wonder what her underlying reasons for feeling this way are. Homesickness, no work, not fitting in, feeling like a nanny and not a wife, she is responsible for the home and kids but not in control of the kids, etc... Could be lots of reasons this is coming up, I'd assume you've seen the warning signs before now. I'm guessing this lashing out and demanding is because she does not feel she has a life here. Its not her kids and a big fear she'll not have her own children. No work, so she has no pride in what she can bring home economically, something that bothered my wife a lot, your wife may fear she'll never have work here. Even now that's she's working, she fears her work isn't stable and she may be out of a job again. Fear is a big driver that can bring out this type of reaction and make her want to change everything or run away back home.

I'll assume, there I got again assuming but you haven't given us a lot to work with, that you love your wife and want to build your life with her. Start trying to find out what her fears are. Try to reassure her about them and help her to find the solution to them. Try to find out what she's really missing in life here, its not easy to build a life in America, and it could be she feels she's getting swallowed up by someone else's life. I know some women are not the best at explaining where their fears are coming from, they just react and lash out when they feel them. But if you work at it, you can find most of them. I have to deal with my wife's fears to, she'll say things she doesn't really mean also. Not really the best way to deal with it, but hey some people react that way. She's learning better ways as we work on her fears and the things that brings up her homesickness bouts. Your wife might say she wants to return home, she may say to send the kids to their mother so you two can start your own family, but I think they are only surface reactions to things going on underneath that you'll need to find and work on.

Good luck, I hope you and your wife can find what's truly bothering her, find solutions and keep your marriage and love alive.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

A couple came to me seeking advice. They were considering divorce. The reason...'cause her (still living at home) son became a drug addict and was destroying their lives. They had exhausted all reasonable solutions (except imprisonment).

What would you do? Divorce or imprison the kid? I suggested prison as a possible way to save the marriage and the boys life.

I suppose he (at 47 years old) is not a "real" man. He is just a ...what? What is the male word for "chick"?

Edited June 26, 2012 by Crashed~N2~Me

[Krikit 1,163]

Posts derailing the topic have been removed and one member thread-banned.

[BethandBilly 86]

Just wondering, if you're going to play devils advocate, what would you do if your husband demanded you give up your kids, so he could have a family with you, would you give up your kids, would you just hand them over to someone else? Oh and not all Moms are good, as we are seeing more and more in the news every day. You're right, we do not know all the dynamics of the situation, we don't know if the kids mother is abusive, incapable of caring for the children etc etc, but yet you want him to think about handing the kids over to her, are you serious?! May be it is your needs to rethink your thoughts on this, because trust me I would not give my child up for anything or anyone, I brought him into the world, he's mine to care for and protect, nothing could make me hand him over!

[DouglasFiel 53]

We all have issues... And hopefully, your wife is just saying things she does not mean... It is tough

taking on someone elses reality and sometimes people have a fairy-tale idea of things to come. Kinda

like our teenagers having children.

I too had custody of a small child in a previous divorce (Now grown up and on her own). Not too many

Dads get custody (that makes you a rarity and speaks volumes).

I had a friend in front of a Divorce Court Judge here in Texas. He was told "Sorry son, we don't let big boys

raise little boys here in Texas". And that was it, he lost his custody battle.

Being optimistic,,, maybe, your wife just needs some Filipina friends that can help her understand life here

in the good old USA is not the land of milk and honey for everyone. Most of us have to milk the cows (getting

kicked in the process) and harvest our own honey (getting stung in the process).

We live a bit north of Austin, Texas. It has not been easy on my wife either. Took her a mountain of studying

and test taking to get RN license and her first job (21 months after her arrival here).

I am sure my wife would be more then willing to lend a ear. Send us a PM if you wish to exchange contact info.

Regards,

dc

[JessandPreston 0]

Alex, moving to another country and depending totally on you is sometimes hard, no having a job and being far home can change your attitude toward things they never bother you, talk to her and tell her you wanna know what's going on with her? you can arrange her to visit her family, im pretty sure she is just deeply depressed for all the new things and challenges she is having to face, if you marry her it was bc you were completly sure, also tell her you also want to have kids with her but your young little boys came first and she needs to love them bc they r you. try to get the best advisor in your marriage GOD and things will go more smooth

[goodgurl 3]

tell her bye bye

[AmyWrites 593]

I'd try to make sure she's just not going crazy out of homesickness, BUT, kids come first. Always. If she's just being manipulative... please don't send your kids back. They will hate you forever.

[RobbyUSA 26]

tell her bye bye

maybe she should tell him, bye bye??

with out all the facts! none of us should jump to conclusions.

[LSnBigBear 61]

Hey Alex sorry to hear about you situation. Just some suggestions and observations from my years of experience with Filipinos in general.. First of all IMO she needs attention from you as her spouse. Not sure of her background but a larger % of women I dated and was married to from Philippines needs attention.. Some due to maybe not having attention while growing up; some maybe from having a life behind the idiot box (computer) chatting with men telling them everything they want to hear. And from what I could not figure out which my divorce Attorney had the same issue with his Latina Wife, they can be jealous of our families. My ex wife was a Filipina that lived in USA 20 years before we met. She would treat me terrible and make all sorts of accusations when I would spend time with my Adult sons. She made my life hell. After a short time being married I realized a counseler was not going to fix her issues and filed for a divorce. Not sure where you fall in the above but I will not allow anyone on this earth to step in between my son's and me. No Way. And one is in Kuwait living and one is 1200 miles north of me. Nor would I interfere with my fiancee conversing or having relationships with her family. I actually encourage her as she does me. This was a majot factor in me delaying my Journey here as I wanted to make sure my fiancee understands my family is blood and will always be in our lives.. She knows and so far has accepted...

Suggestions: Allow her to interact with your children and become their step mom? I don't care the ages or anything.. I plan on making it a joke that my son's step mother is a few years younger than her.. She loves to joke as well so I know just having fun with this will help us all.

Is she involved in a Phil-Am network??? This is good and bad. Good as it is important to have her own kind around. Bad if having her around them causes bad ideas or karma from them. Sometimes those groups can get competitve.

Finally and this comes from a man with zero patience but made a lot of past mistakes... Understand her situation. Try the above as well as other suggestions. Assure her sharing your love with your kids does not change the love for her.

If she is bent on going back to RP after all you have tried then either counseling or wish her the best...

Good luck!

Shawn

[rade2rising 205]

if she wants to go back home then SEND her BACK plain and simple

[chetesdi02 2]

Sorry to tell you this but she is not worth it,your kids come first. You should move on,there will be someone special for you and your little ones. Your kids count on you.

GOOD LUCK

[itsy_bitsy 8]

I'm Filipina, and this is not the first time I've read something like this in Fil-Am forums. The "pouty" wife problem is very common among Pinays. The "I wanna go home" line always seems to be the solution for those Pinays and believe me, a lot of them just use it as a threat because they know it will make the husband afraid and panic. If I were you, I'd let her fly back home but she has to buy her own ticket. Like what the others here are saying, if she can make you give up 2 of the most important people in your life (your boys), it will be so much easier for her to demand other things in the future. To keep her or not should be a no-brainer.

[John&Juvy 36]

Ask her if she is serious, and if she really does.. tell her she's losing her mind and that she can go LOL. So immature and stupid.